


Take Care of Her

by Rambo_Jewsters



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Feels!, Flashbacks, Lemon, Mild Smut, Multi, Slightly OOC Levi, Temporarily Unrequited Love, confused reader, grieving reader, long ass story!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 51
Words: 126,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6800791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rambo_Jewsters/pseuds/Rambo_Jewsters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader is in a relationship with Mike.<br/>Fearing he may not return alive, Mike makes Levi promise to take care of reader for him.<br/>However she is less than impressed by this turn of events...especially when she tries to move<br/>forward with her life after the loss of her lover and starts to grow closer to Levi.<br/>(This is also on my Deviantart account Rambo-Jewsters if you can't wait to read here)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Promise

“Good morning Beautiful.”  
You slowly opened your e/c eyes and squinted in the bright sunlight that streamed into the room.  
Turning your head to the left you smiled sleepily at the figure laid next to you.  
“Well good morning yourself.” You yawned as a hand gently brushed some stray h/c hair from your eyes.  
Section Commander Mike Zacharius had been your boyfriend for nearly a year, after months of giving him the run around and denying your feelings for him he had finally gotten a confession out of you...well he had to literally pin you down and sniff it out of you but he had gotten it!  
You stared up into his bright blue eyes and smiled, reaching out you gently tangled your fingers in his soft blonde hair. The stubble on his top lip tickled your neck as he nuzzled you and trailed delicate kisses over the soft skin of your neck.  
“How are you feeling?” He asked as he wrapped an arm around your naked form.  
“Well considering it’s my first expedition as a Squad Leader, I’m terrified.”  
Mike smiled softly and sniffed your hair.  
“You’ll be fine, your squad trusts you.”  
You giggled. “You can tell that just by sniffing me?”  
Mike chuckled and shook his head.  
“Not just that, I’ve seen how confident and commanding you are with them, you’ll be fine.”  
You gave him a soft smile and caressed his cheek.  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.” He replied as he pressed his lips to yours, moving over you and straddling you.  
You sighed into the kiss and wrapped your arms around his neck as he pushed your thighs apart and gently parted your lips with his ring and index fingers, teasingly rubbing your clit with his middle finger and earning a hushed moan from you.  
"Mike, we don't have enough time for round three!" You laughed, making a very poor attempt to push him off you.  
"We do if we're quick!" He growled lustfully, thrusting his finger into you and making you jerk beneath him.  
"I swear you're always hornier before an expedition than any other time of the month!"  
"You think I'm horny now? Wait until tonight!"  
"Mike!"  
You shrieked when he hit that sweet spot deep inside you, grinning evilly at the furious blush now dusting your cheeks.  
"You sadistic bastard!" You moaned.  
He started moving his digit quicker inside you, bringing forth more moans as you squirmed beneath him.  
Grinning evilly Mike pulled out and quickly flipped you onto your stomach in one swift movement, gripping your hips he pulled them up so your rear end was in the air.  
Before you had a chance to react he swiftly pushed his hard member into your wet womanhood and started a steady teasing rhythm.  
"Ah fuck, Mike!" You moaned, gripping the bed sheets and pushing your hips back onto him. No matter how slowly or gently he entered you, it always stung slightly just because of the sheer size of him.  
Mike was nearly two meters tall and built like a house, ripped muscles, strong arms and legs and he sure as hell wasn't lacking in other areas either.  
"Mmmm...f/n." He groaned, increasing the pace of his thrusts and leaning over you. He reached underneath you and cupped your breasts in his large hands, rolling your sensitive nipples between his thumbs and forefingers.  
You threw your head back and cried out when he rammed into your sweet spot, hitting it over and over and driving you ever closer to your much desired release.  
"Argh...Mike...harder, ooh please!" You begged.  
"Now who's the sadist?" He chuckled, willingly obliging you by putting one hand around your throat and pulling you upright against him. He pulled back and plunged deep into you again, peppering kisses along your nape and shoulders as he continued his harsh ministrations.  
"You mean a masochist...oh my god...right there!" You moaned harshly as he forced you forward again so he was resting his free arm on the headboard to keep himself steady.  
"Come for me, my little masochist!" He growled into your ear, giving it a harsh nip after he finished speaking.  
You bit your lip to stop yourself from crying out too loudly and alerting the rest of the regiment to what you and your lover were doing, everyone already knew of your relationship of course but that didn't mean you wanted them hearing you enjoying rough morning sex!  
"Mmm M-Mike!" You shrieked as your orgasm finally crashed down over you and threatened to drown you in a wave of ecstasy.  
"Oh shit...f-f/n!" Mike growled into your shoulder and thrust roughly into you one last time, filling you to the brim with his hot seed, his now softening member still twitching inside you as the pair of you fell forward onto the bed in a hot and sweaty panting mess.  
"We...we should probably get dressed and head to the mess hall." You muttered, struggling to calm your labored breathing.  
"Yeah...sure." Agreed Mike, kissing your nape and pulling out of you with a groan.  
"We should probably shower first though."  
"Yeah, good idea." You smiled, pushing your shaking body up from the bed and following him into his en suite bathroom, one the perks of being a senior officer and of course a treat for you as it meant you could shower in private...and even indulge in round four!

After breakfast Mike left you outside the mess hall.  
"I gotta go prepare to leave, you be careful out there."  
"Same goes for you." You smiled as he held you close and gently stroked your hair.  
"I'll see you at the rendezvous point."  
Mike smiled and gently titled your head up towards him.  
"I love you, Squad Leader l/n."  
You giggled and stared into his eyes.  
"I love you too, Section Commander Zacharius."  
He leaned down and the pair of you shared a tender kiss, his hands resting on the small of your back.  
You slid your arms up around his neck and gently tangled your fingers through his soft blonde hair, relishing the feel of his lips on yours.  
He pulled back after a few moments and let go of you, making his way down the corridor to the main courtyard.  
You sighed deeply and headed in the opposite direction, expeditions were the worst time of the month but Mike was a seasoned veteran when it came to titan slaying an you felt confident you would see him again later on that evening.

You made your way to the stables and started to prepare your horse for the off.  
A shudder seemed to run through you, you could’ve sworn you felt someone behind you.  
Turning around you were met with the cold steel eyed glare of Captain Levi.  
“Squad Leader l/n.” He said bluntly.  
“Captain Levi.” You replied, busying yourself with your horse.  
You swallowed hard, Captain Levi always unnerved you with how intense his stare was. Added to that the man was completely emotionless, you had no idea what to make of him.  
You’d been in his squad for a few expeditions in the past, he was a strong and capable soldier in your opinion. Despite appearing and acting cold and emotionally detached you knew deep down he cared about his comrades, even if he never showed it.  
“Ready for your first expedition as a Squad Leader?”  
Your eyes widened a fraction, was he actually trying to have a conversation with you?  
“As I’ll ever be.” You answered as you put the leather bridle on your horse.  
You stopped and looked to your right, the stoic captain was still staring at you...well more like through you.  
“I’m sure you’ll be fine, this isn’t your first expedition.”  
You raised your eyebrows. “Any advice?”  
Levi continued to stare at you.  
“Trust your instincts and do as your conscience dictates.”  
“Good advice, thanks.” You muttered as you patted your horse’s neck and led it out of the stables, still feeling Levi’s intense steel eyed stare burning into the back of your skull. 

After departing from the Karanese District in the east, the plan to head for the Shiganshina District in the north. However this never came to pass, an early titan ambush had thrown the formation into chaos and casualties were mounting up quickly.  
By the time the scouts had managed to escape and redeploy the formation, many lives had already been lost and other members of the regiment were missing...

“Shit!”  
Section Commander Mike Zacharius found himself stuck up a tree with only one set of blades left.  
He'd broken away from the command squad to try and find some of the missing right wing spotters and ended up coming across nothing but a pile of dismembered bloody corpses.  
He sighed and closed his eyes as f/n’s face flashed before his eyes.  
Her soft smile, the dreamers look in her beautiful e/c eyes...would he ever see her again? Would he ever hold her in his arms and tell her he loved her one last time?  
“Mike!”  
Mike snapped out of his thoughts and spun towards the source of the voice.  
“Levi!” He gasped as the short captain landed in the tree beside him.  
“What the hell happened?”Asked the shorter man.  
“The right wing spotters were ambushed.” Explained Mike. “I came to try and help but everyone’s dead, I only have one set of blades left.”  
Levi narrowed his cold grey eyes.  
“Have you seen f/n?” Asked Mike, concern creeping into his voice. “Is she okay?”  
Levi nodded.  
“Last I saw her squad it was still trailing behind the wagon defence squad, she’s safe...for now.”  
Mike smiled and nodded.  
“Listen Levi...If something should happen to me while we’re out here. Promise me…” His breath caught in his throat.  
“Promise me you’ll be the one to tell f/n that I’m not coming back. Just tell her I love her and I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it back alive and...well...take care of her for me. Make sure she moves on and finds someone else to make her happy.”  
Levi’s eyebrows raised a fraction.  
“Please Levi.” Said Mike sternly.  
“Alright, I promise.” Said Levi bluntly.  
“Thank you.” Smiled Mike.  
“You’re not dead yet so pull yourself together!” Snapped Levi as he turned his back on Mike and got ready to try and get back to the formation.  
Mike laughed and shook his head.  
They took off into the trees and made their way back towards the expedition.  
Out of nowhere a titan appeared and blocked Mike’s way, not giving him enough time to react he was instantly caught in its mouth.  
“Levi!” Yelled Mike as he struggled to hold the titan’s mouth open and avoid being swallowed.  
Levi turned sharply back and sped towards Mike. His eyes narrowed as he came up on the titan’s nape.  
Drawing his blades he forced his body to spin through the air and sliced through the titan’s neck just as it bit down on his comrade.  
Levi hung over the titan’s corpse for a moment, scanning the area for any sign of Mike.  
His eyes soon came upon a blood covered torso, Mike’s face was fixed with a pained expression, his lifeless blue eyes staring up into the canopy of trees above.  
Outwardly Levi showed no emotion, no remorse...nothing.  
On the inside, he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach, another one of his comrades was dead at the hands of the titans.  
Now he was faced with making sure that he was the one to tell his former comrades lover that he would never be coming back...


	2. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike is dead, his body never recovered.  
> Grief and denial hits Reader like a tonne of bricks.  
> Levi starts trying to make good on his promise but   
> doesn't get off to the best of starts...

You dismounted your horse and walked back through the crowded streets with your head hung low.  
You couldn’t bring yourself to look at the faces of all the citizens who had turned out to see the Survey Corps return home.  
All you wanted right now was to get out of your blood stained uniform, throw on a fresh one and see Mike.  
You’d not seen him at the rendezvous point or on the return journey, a feeling of desperation clutched at your heart as you continued walking through the streets back to the main HQ.

Arriving back at HQ you returned your horse to the stable and made your way back to your office.  
“Squad Leader l/n.”   
You spun round and came face to face with Levi.  
“I need a word.” He said bluntly as he stopped a few feet from you.  
“Okay.” You replied as you opened the door to your office, he followed you inside and closed the door behind him.  
“What is it Captain?” You asked quizzically, folding your arms and waiting.  
Levi clenched his teeth and averted his gaze from yours for a moment, trying to find the right words. However you were quick off the mark and you took a step towards him, your voice shaking as you spoke.  
“It’s about Mike isn’t it?” You asked, you could feel your heart beating out of control in your chest.  
Levi turned back to face you, those intense steel eyes fixed on yours and you could feel yourself begin to shake.  
“He’s dead.” Said Levi evenly. “We were ambushed by a titan, he didn’t have enough time to react. I tried to save him but I was too late.”  
You froze to the spot, tears stung your e/c eyes and you clenched your fists.  
“No!” You gasped, stumbling backwards against your desk, your breath hitched in your throat.  
“He told me to tell you he loved you and he’s sorry he never made it back.”  
Levi continued, his cold stare fixed on you.  
“NO!” You screamed out as you felt your heart breaking, you sank to your knees. Burying your head in your hands as the tears that stung your eyes now streamed down your cheeks.  
Levi was frozen to the spot, he knew you would react badly to this news but he didn’t know what the hell to do in this situation. He was always so indifferent towards other people’s emotions, always keeping his own feelings hidden. He never let anyone see the man behind the stoic mask he always wore.  
He sighed deeply remembering his promise to Mike, slowly walking up to you he squatted in front of you.  
“I’m sorry.” He said softly as he cautiously reached out and put a hand on your shoulder, not caring that he was touching your blood stained cloak.  
Your head jerked up in shock and you found yourself staring into Levi’s cold grey eyes, you swore you could see a hint of sympathy.  
Choking back a sob you looked away from him.  
“Please just leave.” You muttered as fresh tears ran down your face.  
Levi narrowed his eyes but didn’t move.  
Anger started to build inside you.  
“Are you fucking deaf?” You bellowed, making Levi jump back and land flat on his backside.  
“I said get out!”  
Levi pulled himself to his feet and dusted himself down.  
“Tch, ungrateful bitch!” He snorted as he walked away.  
You clenched your teeth and stood up, picking up the glass paperweight from your table. You launched it across the room, it narrowly missed Levi’s head, shattering as it hit the stone wall near the door.  
Levi spun round, his eyebrows raised at you.  
“Feel better now?”   
“Are you still here?” You snarled as you picked up the metal candle stick holder.  
“Tch, you going to launch that at me now?” He sneered.  
You gripped the object tighter in your hand, feeling yourself shaking.  
“Go on then!” He said challengingly.  
Tears continued to stream down your blood stained face, you desperately wanted to throw it at the short captain, anything to get him to leave.  
Levi was stubborn though, he was pretty pissed off with you but he figured that all this was just your way of grieving. He could let it go, just this once.  
“Well, are you going to try and throw that thing at me or what?” He asked.  
Your eyes narrowed and your teeth clenched.  
You launched it at him, causing him to duck when it hit the wall.  
“Tch your aim is terrible!” He remarked.  
“Piss off you short bastard!” You snapped as you turned your back on him.  
“I would but I promised Mike I’d look after you.” He retorted.  
“Well I don’t want you here, so either do one or I’ll personally pick your ass up and throw you out the door!”   
Levi folded his arms and narrowed his eyes, if anyone else had spoken to him like that he would’ve hauled their ass outside and beaten the crap out of them.  
You leaned on the desk, your shoulders shaking as another sob wracked through your body.  
You heard footsteps on the stone floor as Levi approached you, your lip quivered in anger. What part of get out didn’t he understand?  
“What part of piss off didn’t you understand?” You sneered, refusing to look at him.  
“The part where I keep my promises.” He said bluntly.  
“Yeah well so do I!” You snapped as you spun round and grabbed him by his cloak, preparing to literally pick him up and throw him out of your office.  
Levi grabbed your wrist and spun you round so you were pinned against him, he then twisted your arm up your back.  
“Get your fucking hands off me!” You spat angrily.  
“Calm down and maybe I will!”  
You struggled in his grip, despite being a short ass he was bloody strong!  
He bent you over and pinned you to the desk, pressing his weight onto your spine.  
“Now, are you going to calm down?” Asked Levi.  
You struggled against him.  
“If you piss off and leave me alone so I can get showered and put a fresh uniform on yes!” You grunted.  
Levi released his grip on you and you stood up straight, narrowing your eyes at him. He glared back at you and raised an eyebrow, half expecting you to throw something else at him.  
You rolled your eyes and stormed off towards your bedroom, slamming the door behind you.  
“Tch. I’ll check on her later when she’s calmed down.” Muttered Levi to himself as he left your office.

You slumped against the bedroom door and slid down to the floor, burying your head in your hands as you started to cry again.  
How could this have happened? Mike was one of the best soldiers in the Survey Corps, he’d survived more expeditions than you’d had hot meals. Now he was gone...the one man you’d ever truly loved had been cruelly snatched from you, after you made him work so hard to gain your affection as well.  
You screamed and punched the hard stone floor, wincing as the impact scraped the skin off your knuckles and blood dripped from your hand.  
You didn’t care, you were more bothered by the fact that Mike was gone. You never even got to say goodbye or tell him how much you loved him one last time and now you would never see him again.  
“Why?” You screamed to the air. “Why did you have to take him from me you bastards?”  
You pulled yourself upright and shrugged your cloak off, dumping it on the floor. You roughly wiped your tears on your jacket before removing it and throwing it down with your cloak.  
You grabbed a towel and fresh uniform from your wardrobe and headed down to the shower room, the sooner you got cleaned up the sooner you could sneak off and mourn your loss in peace.


	3. The Pain of Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Trigger warning for elements of what some may consider self harm.
> 
> Reader struggles to accept Mike's death and a run in with Levi makes her even more determined to distance herself from him.

After dumping your clean uniform in a locker and heading into the shower area, you ran the water scalding hot and let it burn you. You winced as the heat hit your skin and the blood ran from your hair, but you couldn’t have cared less.   
The physical pain was much easier to deal with than the feeling of your heart breaking, you cried again, your tears mingling with the scalding shower water that was reddening your skin.  
A scream ripped through your throat and you leaned against the cold stone wall, the hot water burning down your back as another sob shook your entire body.  
You watched the blood from your hair run down into the drain...the blood of your comrades who had been killed only mere hours ago. You wanted to mourn them but you could only cry for the loss of your beloved Mike.

Exiting the shower you roughly dried yourself and put your fresh uniform on.   
You stared at your reflection in the mirror near the sink as you dried your hair, your face was red and your eyes were bloodshot.   
“Why did you have to die?” You sobbed, another wave of anger washed over you.   
You raised your fist, slamming it into the mirror.  
“Fuck!” You snapped, looking at the glass sticking out of your hand.  
You ran the cold water and pulled the shards from your hand, wincing as it stung the cuts.  
“Damnit, too bad it wasn’t Levi’s face, it may have been less painful.” You muttered, pulling the last shard free and shaking the feeling back into your hand.

You walked out of the communal shower area and checked your bloodied hand, hopefully you could make it back to the safety of your office before anyone saw you and noticed the damage you had inflicted on yourself.  
“Oh shit!” You muttered in horror, seeing Levi walking towards you.  
“Calmed down yet have you?” He asked, purposefully blocking your way.  
“Well I had until I bumped into you!” You retorted, you folded your arms.  
Levi’s eyebrows raised when he noticed the cuts on your right hand.  
“Tch you’re a terrible liar. Want to explain what happened to your hand?”  
“Not particularly.” You replied bluntly.  
He reached out to try and grab your hand to have a look but you pulled away.  
“Stop being such a stubborn bitch!” He snapped, managing to grab your hand and pulled it towards him, examining your bloodied knuckles.  
“Ouch damnit, let go!” You shrieked as he pressed on them a little too hard.  
You tried to recoil your hand, but his grip was firm enough to prevent you from doing so.  
“Hurting yourself won’t bring him back you know.” He said softly, causing you to narrow your eyes suspiciously.  
“Like you care what I do?” You snarled, you could feel another wave of emotion threatening to drown you.  
“Believe it or not f/n, I actually care a lot about all of my comrades.”  
You blinked in surprise at the fact he used your first name, but you knew that what he was saying was true.  
“Now come on, I’ll sort your hand out properly. Whatever you punched dislocated your knuckles.”  
You sighed and rolled your eyes.  
“Whatever.” You grunted as he led you back to his office.

You walked back to Levi’s office in silence, you didn’t really appreciate him intruding on your grief. So what if Mike had made him promise to look after you, that didn’t mean you needed round the clock supervision.  
Levi placed a bowl of warm salt water on his desk, removed his jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeves.   
“Hold still this will hurt a bit.” He said evenly as you reluctantly sat in his chair.   
He took your injured hand in his, you raised your eyebrows at him as he ran his fingers over your knuckles, checking which ones needed to be popped back into place.  
“Okay are you ready?” He asked, his grey eyes met your e/c eyes.  
You averted your gaze after a moment, feeling tears once again sting your eyes.  
“Tch, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”   
You winced and clenched your teeth as he cracked the first knuckle back into place. He looked up at you momentarily before carrying on, cracking the next one back into place. You sucked air in through your teeth, that one hurt like a bitch.  
“Last one.” He said as he ran his fingers over it and prepared to pop it back into it’s normal place. You furrowed your brows, that one didn’t hurt as much.  
He let go for a moment and allowed you to flex your fist, he then took your hand and dipped it into the salt water and started to rub the dried blood from it.  
“Argh son of a bitch!” You snapped feeling the water sting the wounds.  
“Maybe next time you won’t go around punching things.” He retorted, concentrating on his task and not meeting your gaze.  
You glared at him and flexed your left fist.  
“You’re not the first person to lose someone you care about f/n.” Continued Levi, his tone softened a little as he ran his thumb over one of the gashes on your right hand. “You sure as hell won’t be the last. I know it hurts but inflicting harm on yourself won’t help you.”  
You raised an eyebrow at him as he opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a bandage. He gently took your right hand and wrapped it around your knuckles.  
“That should heal in a couple of days, you’re lucky those gashes aren’t deep enough to need Shitty Glasses poking and prodding you.”  
A hint of a sarcastic smirk pulled at the corner of your mouth.  
“Right well thanks, but do you mind leaving me alone now? I don’t particularly want to be around anyone.”  
Levi nodded and stepped back.  
“Just don’t go inflicting any more injuries on yourself. Mike was a much respected scout, we’re all feeling the effects of his death.”  
You looked back for a moment before leaving the office, quietly closing the door behind you.


	4. Confirmation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Consumed by her grief, Reader finds herself making her way to Mike's office where she meets Erwin, who  
> has some painful news regarding her lover...

You left Levi’s office and looked at your now bandaged right hand.  
You shrugged and walked away, you knew where you wanted to be and it was as far away from everyone else as possible at that moment in time.  
You found yourself making your way towards Mike’s office, swallowing down a lump in your throat as you approached the door, you found it ajar.  
Had Levi got it wrong? Was Mike still alive?  
Feeling your heart leap into your mouth, you entered the office and looked around.  
“Mike?” You called hopefully, secretly praying that he was actually here.  
Commander Erwin came out of the bedroom carrying Mike’s uniform.  
Your face fell and yet more tears stung your eyes.   
‘Damn how much can a person cry in one day?’ You thought to yourself.  
“Squad Leader l/n.” Said Erwin, he put the uniform down on the desk and looked at you.  
“So Captain Levi hasn’t got it wrong then?” You muttered. “Mike really is...gone.”  
Erwin looked at you sympathetically.   
“I’m sorry f/n, but yes...he was killed in action.”  
You lowered your head and gritted your teeth, a shaky sob escaped your lips.  
“I’m truly sorry for your loss.” Said Erwin. He picked up one of Mike’s jackets, approached you and held it out to you.  
You raised your head, tears shining in your e/c eyes and running down your face as you looked at the jacket.  
“Go on take it.” Said Erwin softly. “Just until you’re ready to let go.”  
“Thank you Sir.” You choked as you took the jacket from him and hugged it to your chest, burying your face in it.  
Erwin nodded and picked up the rest of Mike’s uniform, he looked down at you.  
“Go easy on Captain Levi, he’s only doing what he thinks is right. He made Mike a promise to look after you.” A hint of amusement crept into his voice.  
“We all want to give him a good slap at times but try not to threaten to pick him up and throw him out of the room in future.”  
You raised your head and choked out a laugh.  
“I guess you heard that huh?”   
Erwin raised his overly bushy eyebrows at you, secretly admiring your bravery. “I think the whole HQ heard it.”  
“Yeah well the stubborn bastard wouldn’t get out of my office, I asked him nicely before I threatened to kick him out.” You said, gripping Mike’s jacket tighter, afraid to let go.  
Erwin smiled. “He does care deep down, he just doesn’t show it. Besides, if Mike’s made him promise to look after you...that’s what he’ll do.”  
You swallowed hard and nodded.  
“I guess I should apologize then.” You looked down at Mike’s jacket.  
"Maybe wait until you're a little calmer first." Advised Erwin. “That temper of yours is pretty intimidating.”  
You giggled through your sobs, burying your face in Mike’s jacket and breathing in his scent.  
“The pain will fade in time f/n, believe me I speak from experience. You know you can talk to myself or Hanji if you ever need to.”  
You nodded, another sob escaping you.  
“Thank you Sir.”   
Erwin nodded and rested a hand on your shoulder as he passed by you, leaving you stood alone clutching your dead lovers jacket.  
You looked around the office, more tears fell and the ghosts of the past swirled around you.

“Give it back!”  
“Make me!”  
“F/n!”  
You giggled like a schoolgirl as Mike chased you around the office, you had stolen his quill so he couldn’t finish his paperwork.  
“You want it come and get it!” You teased waving the feathered end at him.  
Mike held back a laugh and lunged at you.  
“I mean it f/n, hand it over!”   
“I told you to make me, you’ve been doing paperwork all afternoon. It’s my turn to have your attention!”  
Mike shook his head and allowed himself to laugh, he lunged at you again and caught you off guard.  
You yelped when he grabbed your hand and pulled your body against his.  
“Now hand it over...don’t make me punish you.”  
“You wouldn’t dare!” You giggled.  
Mike raised an eyebrow at you, there was a mischievous twinkle in his soft blue eyes.  
“Fine.” He smiled letting you go and walking back towards the door, turning the key in the lock and then putting the key on top of the bookcase where you couldn’t reach it.  
“Are you ready for your punishment now f/n?”  
You giggled and leaned back on the desk, twirling the quill in your fingers.  
“Would it help if I told you I love you?” You asked innocently.  
“I love you too.” Grinned Mike as he towered over you, placing his hands on your hips. He lowered his head to yours and gave your hair a sniff.  
“You’ve been a very naughty girl f/n.”  
You giggled again and wrapped your arms round his neck.  
“Well Sir, what you like me to do to make it up to you? Clean the stables? Run laps?”  
Mike’s grin melted into a lustful smile.  
“You’re going to let me teach you a very...” He kissed your neck. “Personal.” Another kiss landed on your cheek. “Lesson in manners.”  
He pressed his lips to yours and pulled your thighs either side of his hips, pushing you further back onto the desk...

“F/n?”  
You were snapped out of your thoughts by the sound of someone calling your name.  
You spun round and saw Hanji stood in the doorway, her usually cheerful face was set in a concerned motherly type of expression.  
“Are you okay?” She asked softly.  
You shook your head, fresh tears streaming down your cheeks.  
“Oh sweetheart, come here.”   
Hanji pulled you into her arms and hugged you tightly, gently stroking your hair as a scream of anguish escaped you.  
“It’s okay f/n, let it all out.”  
“I can’t believe he’s really gone!” You cried into her shoulder.  
“I know, I know.” Said Hanji soothingly, she held you at arm’s length and wiped away your tears.  
“Come on, you and me are going to go to my lab and have a little girly chat.”  
You nodded and sniffed, Hanji may have been a crazy ass titan lover, but being a woman she knew how to handle a situation like this with subtlety. You would rather she be the one to look after you in your time of grief instead of Levi any day.   
You glanced back at Mike’s office one last time, knowing the next time you set foot in it, it would belong to someone else...


	5. A Shoulder To Cry On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji tries to comfort Reader with little success, while Levi reflects on the days events and resolves to make sure he keeps his promise to Mike...whether Reader likes it or not.

Hanji sat you down at her desk and headed over to her work station to make some coffee.  
“We’re all really upset about what happened to Mike.” She said softly, not meeting your gaze. “I’ve known him since I joined the Survey Corps, he was a good man.”  
You continued to hug Mike’s jacket, not even death itself could pry it from your grasp.  
Hanji turned back to you and put a cup of coffee in front of you, seating herself on the desk and holding her cup in her hands.  
“I shouldn’t have given him the run around like I did.” You sobbed. “I should’ve been honest with him.”  
Hanji smiled sadly and placed a hand on your arm, gently squeezing it.  
“Sweetie that was one of the best parts of your relationship with him. He used to love the fact that he had to chase you to get your attention.”  
You looked up and blinked away your tears.  
“Hanji, did he ever...you know talk about me before we officially became a couple?”  
“All the time.” She giggled. “He used to sneak into your dormitory while you were out on training and just sit there on your bed. I think he hoped you would come back early and he could surprise a confession out of you.”  
You giggled and reached out for your coffee.  
“I can still remember how he left that bunch of roses outside my dormitory and then tried to make out they were from Levi!”   
Hanji laughed manically. “Oh yeah the look on your face was priceless! I thought you were actually going to vomit, you looked so horrified!”  
You laughed and wiped your tears away as you sipped your coffee.  
“Yeah so I stole his uniform while he was in the shower and put it on his horse!”  
Hanji pulled her glasses off and wiped her eyes, she was crying with laughter now.  
“Oh that was brilliant, even Erwin found it hilarious!”  
You smiled sadly and looked down at the jacket in your arms.  
Hanji stopped laughing and the sad smile returned to her face.  
“You made him happy f/n. When you did finally admit that you liked him, he came bounding in here like a kid in a sweet shop. He couldn’t keep the smile from his face.”  
“I loved him Hanji...I...I just wish I’d had the chance to say goodbye.”  
“Sweetie, he knew full well how you felt about him from the start, he had a nose like a bloodhound. He just wanted you to admit it of your own free will.”  
“Is that why he pinned me to his desk and refused to let me go until I admitted the truth?” You smirked.  
“Ah well he did technically use some gentle persuasion I admit that part, but you were flirting with him at the time.” Hanji giggled and sipped her coffee.  
“How can he be gone Hanji?” You asked as you took another deep sniff of his jacket. “I only saw him this morning.”  
Hanji shook her head sadly.  
“It’s a cruel world we live in f/n.” She said gently. “It’s part of the reason so many scouts don’t allow themselves to fall in love. Erwin is a prime example of that, he lost his lover on an expedition nearly fifteen years ago. He’s refused to let himself develop feelings for anyone since, he says it’s because he doesn’t know when he’ll die.”  
“I could never regret falling in love with Mike.” You choked back a sob, yet more tears filled your eyes. You were surprised you had any water left in your body by this point.  
“He meant everything to me, I never thought that I would never lose him to the titans. Time and time again he always came back to me....Until today.”  
You buried your face in the jacket, your shoulders shook through your sobs.  
“F/n, it’s not even been twenty four hours yet, you’re not going to get over this straight away. It’s okay to cry you know, it doesn’t make you weak.”  
You raised your head at Hanji’s words  
“I feel like I haven’t stopped crying since Levi told me Mike wasn’t coming back. All the comrades I’ve lost over the years and not once have I ever felt this much pain at losing them.”  
“You weren’t in love with them though.” Reasoned Hanji.  
“I guess so.” You shrugged and stood up.  
“Listen Hanji, thanks for the coffee and the chat but...I just wanna be on my own.”  
Hanji smiled and stood up.  
“It’s okay, but if you ever need to talk you know where to find me.”  
You nodded and hugged her, turning to walk away. You kept your death like grip locked on Mike’s jacket, you were nowhere near ready to let go of him. The devastation that gripped your heart was still so powerful and raw it felt like you would never be able to see a way forward without him in your life.  
Yet another fresh round of tears stung your eyes as you made your way back to your office, your mind once again wandered back to the past...

“Mike?”  
No response.  
“Hey Mike!”  
“Hmm?”  
“You asleep?”  
You raised your head from the pillow and looked over at the man sleeping next to you, admiring the peaceful look on his handsome face.  
“Well I was.” He groaned as he turned to face you, his blonde hair fell into his blue eyes and he lazily smiled at you.  
“What’s wrong f/n?”  
“It’s that time again.” You said worriedly, brushing his soft hair from his face.  
“Yeah I know, expedition day.” He said, raising one hand to your face and gently brushing the backs of his fingers over your cheek.  
You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch.  
“You will come back to me...won’t you?” You asked cautiously, raising your hand to your face and gripping his hand.  
Mike stared deep into your e/c eyes and moved his head towards yours, his lips gently brushing yours in a brief kiss.  
“I’ll always come back to you f/n.” He said softly. “I could never leave you. The titan’s can try as much as they want to get rid of me...they will never win. I will always beat the odds and find my way back to you.”  
You smiled and caressed his cheek...

You shook your head to clear your thoughts as tears blurred your vision.  
“You didn’t come back this time though did you?” You sobbed aloud, entering your office.  
“You didn’t find your way back to me...I’ve lost you and now I’ll never see you again. They never even found your body, the titans won...those bastards won and they took you from me!”  
You carefully placed Mike’s jacket on the back of your chair before angrily kicking your desk.  
“The one good thing I had in my life and they stole you from me! I’m going to make them pay...I swear I’ll live to see this fight through to the end, I promise you Mike, I’ll kill every last titan on this earth!”  
You slumped into your seat and buried your head in your arms and let out a muffled scream of rage.

The moon shone down over the Survey Corps HQ bathing the castle in a silver hue against the dark blue night sky.  
Levi finished the last of his paperwork and sat back in his seat, running his hands over his face and back through his raven hair.  
He stood up from his seat and looked out of the lead lined window behind him.  
The oil lamps that lit up the other windows of the castle were slowly dying as everyone retired to their beds for the night. An exhausting day of debriefs and training lay ahead tomorrow, they would need all the sleep they could get.  
One particular window however caught his eye.  
F/n’s oil lamp with still burning long after even Commander Erwin and Hanji’s had been extinguished.  
Levi’s continued to stare at your window, he couldn’t help but wonder if you were still on a grief stricken rampage...only one way to find out.  
Levi left his office and began the short walk to your office, hopefully you might have calmed down a little now. From what he had seen of you recently it seemed your way of dealing with the loss of Mike was to let it all out in an animalistic rage. It wouldn’t do you any favours though, especially if you kept hurting yourself in the process.  
Levi’s eyes narrowed, his mind drifted back to the earlier events of that day...

“Listen Levi...If something should happen to me while we’re out here. Promise me...” His breath caught in his throat.  
“Promise me you’ll be the one to tell f/n that I’m not coming back. Just tell her I love her and I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it back alive and...well...take care of her for me. Make sure she moves on and finds someone else to make her happy.”  
Levi’s eyebrows raised a fraction.  
“Please Levi.” Said Mike sternly.  
“Alright, I promise.” Said Levi bluntly.

He shook his head and sighed.   
It was easier said than done, you wouldn’t even look at...him let alone talk to him. Maybe you would talk to someone else? Shitty Glasses possibly? You had always been close to that titan loving maniac, maybe she could talk some sense into you.  
Levi turned the final corner and walked down the corridor that led to your office.  
He knocked on your door.  
“F/n, you okay in there or what?”   
No answer.  
Levi raised an eyebrow and tried the door, it was unlocked. He wondered if you were just ignoring him.  
He pushed the door open and cautiously stuck his head round, ready to duck back if you decided to throw anything at him.  
Looking around he turned his gaze towards your desk, he could just make out your hunched up figure slumped on the desk.  
Furrowing his brows he entered the room and slowly approached you, stopping next to you he glanced down at you.  
You had your head on your arms, your eyes were closed and you seemed to be asleep.  
“Tch all that anger finally got the better of you then.” He muttered, he glanced at the back of your chair and noticed the jacket that hung on it.  
It was far too big for you, so who did it...then it struck him.  
The impassive stoic gaze softened, had you been awake you would’ve seen a hint of sympathy in his usually cold grey eyes.  
Levi carefully reached behind you and picked Mike’s jacket up, gently placing it around your shoulders. He tensed for a moment as you groaned and shifted your sleeping position slightly.   
Satisfied that you weren’t going to wake up Levi leaned over you and gently brushed a few strands of stray h/l h/c hair from your face, his eyes were fixed on the peaceful expression on your tear stained face.  
He then reached over and extinguished the oil lamp on your desk, leaving only the moonlight to illuminate the room in an eerie silver glow.  
Walking towards the door he glanced back one last time at your hunched over silhouette, shadowed by the light of the moon. With a sigh he exited the office, closing the door behind him, leaving you completely oblivious to his presence.


	6. Duty Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting is called with the premier over the failure of the expedition.  
> Reader is forced to attend but after a rough night she really doesn't think she can hold it together,   
> she does however decide that maybe it's not a bad thing having Levi looking out for her...even if she is   
> reluctant to accept his help in getting over the loss of Mike.

“Oh f/n look at you, falling asleep at your desk, you’re going to give yourself a bad back.”  
You peacefully slept hunched over your desk, Mike’s jacket still draped around your shoulders and your head still buried in your arms.  
Mike carefully sat on the desk next to you and gently stroked your hair.  
You groaned in your sleep and raised your head, blinking slowly as you turned and looked up.  
“Mike?” You groaned, feeling someone brushing your sleep tousled hair from your eyes.  
“Good you’re finally awake.” Said a female voice.  
You groaned and put your head down, the voice that had woken you up wasn’t Mike’s at all. You rubbed your head on your arms, wishing you’d never woken up to face the reality of another day without him.  
“No one saw you at breakfast so I figured you’d slept in. How are you feeling?”  
You forced yourself up off your desk and rubbed your hands over your face.  
“Hanji?” You asked groggily.   
You looked up and found her smiling down at you.  
“You look like one of the cadets after Shorty’s had them running laps.” She said softly, stifling a giggle.  
“Thanks, good to know I look as rough as I feel!” You grunted, forcing yourself to sit up straight and yawning.  
Hanji placed a cup of coffee down in front of you.  
“You should probably get that down you and get changed, you’ll need your dress uniform today.”  
“Why?” You groaned, stretching your arms.  
“Debrief with Premier Darius Zackley, he’s not in the best of moods after yesterday’s failed expedition.”  
“So why do I have to go?”   
Hanji sighed.   
“Erwin needs someone of each rank to go, plus you kind of need the experience if you want to cut it at as an officer.”  
You rolled your eyes and sighed.  
“Fine, I’ll have this and get ready.”  
“It’ll be fine, he’s just going to grumble at Erwin and probably ignore you, me and Shorty.”  
“Oh you are kidding?” You groaned, banging your head on the desk. “I have to put up with him for the day?”  
Hanji giggled and raised her eyebrows.  
“Wow, do you really hate him that much?”   
“I don’t hate him, he just makes me feel uncomfortable.” You replied raising your head and rubbing your eyes.  
“Yeah he has that effect on everyone, he’s not so bad once you get used to him though.”  
You reached out for the coffee with a sigh, it was going to be a long day. 

You got changed into your dress uniform and stared at yourself in the mirror.  
Black knee high boots, black trousers, a black formal jacket, white shirt, black belt over the top of the jacket, white gloves and a peaked cap.   
“This is so weird.” You remarked as you poked and prodded at the unfamiliar uniform you had been issued with after being promoted to Squad Leader.  
You sighed deeply and went back to sit at your desk, staring at Mike’s jacket which had been placed around your shoulders while you slept last night. Your brow furrowed as you tried to think who had come into your office, you were certain you’d locked the door.  
You shrugged and sat back, holding the jacket close to your face so you could breathe in the faint scent of Mike that still clung to it. The cap shifted back on your head slightly as it caught on the collar of the jacket.   
“Ugh.” You grunted, taking it off and placed it on your desk.   
You hated the peaked cap that formed part of your dress uniform, closing your eyes you sighed deeply...

“Section Commander Zacharius I have some paperwo...wow!”  
Your eyes widened as you entered Mike’s office and saw him stood there in his dress uniform.  
“See something you like f/n?” He asked with a wink.  
“You...erm...you-you look very smart...Sir.” You stuttered nervously, desperately fighting the blush that was rising on your cheeks.   
“Thank you and may I just say you’re looking as lovely as ever.” He smiled.  
“So are you ready to finally admit that you like me yet?”  
You looked away, feeling your cheeks heat up as the blush intensified.  
“I have no idea what you mean Sir.” You mumbled shyly hearing him approach and stop in front of you.  
He leaned down and moved his face to your neck, giving you a sniff.  
“You should know better than to lie to your superior f/n.” He whispered huskily, gently cupping your chin and turning your face towards him.  
You swallowed hard. Yes you liked him but you were far too shy to admit it to him, even though he already knew.  
“I...uh...I-I-I.”  
Mike laughed and gently ran his thumb over your cheek.  
“You’re so cute when you’re nervous f/n.”   
He placed a quick yet gentle kiss on your lips and looked into your eyes.  
You quickly pushed the pile of paperwork you were clutching towards him, your breath hitching in your throat as his fingers brushed against yours when he took it from you.  
“I have to go...bye Sir.”  
You span and dashed from the room, closing the door behind you, you heard Mike laughing on the other side.  
“One day f/n.” You heard his voice calling to you through the door while you tried to regain your composure. “One day I’ll make you mine.”

A knock on the door brought you crashing back to cold hard reality.  
You picked up your cap  
“Enter.” You called, standing from your seat and placing Mike’s jacket neatly on the back of your chair, you then turned your gaze to look out of the window.  
The door opened and closed, followed by footsteps on the stone floor.  
You didn’t turn back to face whoever it was that entered, more focused with trying to stop the fresh tears that were threatening to fall from your eyes.  
“Well at least you’re not throwing things at me today.”  
You flinched at the familiar voice.  
“It’s still early, give it time.” You retorted, keeping your back to Levi.  
“Tch!”  
You continued to stare out of the window, seeing the unfamiliar reflection of yourself in the dress uniform staring back at you in the awkward silence. Your eyes flicked down to the main courtyard, many of the scouts were building pyres to burn the bodies of the dead on later that evening once the final death toll had been confirmed.  
The sound of footsteps on stone alerted you to the fact that Levi was now stood beside you, his gaze also turned to the sight below.  
“I take it Shitty Glasses told you what was happening today.” Said Levi evenly, keeping his gaze fixed on the courtyard.   
“She did.” You replied, your gaze flicked back up to look at your reflection. You looked a little further over to the right and raised your eyebrows a fraction.  
You were forced to admit that Levi looked damn smart in his dress uniform, nowhere near as smart and dashing as how Mike made it look, not even close...but he still looked good in it.   
“How’s your hand?”  
Your eyes widened slightly and your head turned towards him, his head was tilted up slightly so you could see his cold grey eyes beneath his peaked cap.  
“Still sore but I’ll live...thanks for asking.”  
Levi nodded, keeping his gaze fixed on you.  
You exhaled deeply and bit your lip.  
“Look...I’m sorry I lost it with you last night, it’s not your fault Mike’s dead and they never managed to recover his body.”  
Levi raised an eyebrow at you. You tilted your head slightly, allowing him to see your face.  
“I also appreciate the fact that you looking out for me because of your promise to Mike before he...” You turned your gaze back to the window, closing your eyes and clenching your teeth. You were still struggling to accept that you would never again see that wonderful man that you fell in love with. “Before he died.”  
“Apology accepted.” He paused for a moment.   
“I told you last night f/n, you’re not the first person to lose someone and you won’t be the last. We can’t always bring our fallen comrades home, but we carry their memories.” His tone softened as he also turned his gaze back to the courtyard.  
“Wow, I guess you’re not as big an asshole as I thought you were. I’m impressed.” You remarked, instantly regretting it when Levi’s head snapped back round to look at you.  
You kept your sight firmly fixed on the view beyond the window, yet you could feel Levi’s steel eyed gaze burning into you.  
“That’s the closest you’ll ever get to a compliment from me, so make the most of it.”  
“Tch, I think I preferred you when you were throwing shit at me.”  
You managed a smirk as you imagined Mike’s reaction, he would have loved to have seen this little exchange between you and Levi.  
He always said your confidence had improved after you were promoted to Squad Leader, he’d been so proud of you.  
You raised your eyebrows when you saw a horse drawn carriage flanked by the Military Police halt on the far side of the courtyard.  
“Hmph I’m surprised those Military Police cowards had the balls to leave Wall Sina.” You growled angrily.  
“We should get down there.” Said Levi bluntly as he turned away from the window and started walking towards the door, he stopped and looked back at you for a moment.  
“Don’t let them wind you up f/n, it won’t do you any good.”  
“I’m not making any promises.” You replied evenly turning around and walking towards him.  
You could guarantee at least one of them would say something to wind you up and provoke the anger that still bubbled away in your broken heart.


	7. Anger Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old enemy from Reader's Cadet Corps days rears her head.  
> In her current grief stricken state, no holds are barred and to hell with the consequences...

You walked along the Survey Corps HQ corridors with Levi at your side.  
A few of the other scouts stood back and stared. Some seemed confused, while others seemed to just be in shock.  
In all honesty you and Levi did look quite intimidating in your dress uniforms. It also didn’t help that the mood you were in meant you had the same emotionless look on your face that Levi always did.  
Exiting the castle and making your way into the courtyard, you were met by Hanji and Erwin.  
“Ah good you’re here.” Said Erwin as you and Levi moved to stand next to Hanji.  
Everyone’s attention turned to the carriage, an old man with grey slicked back hair, a beard and steel rimmed glasses stepped out.   
Premier Darius Zackley was the man in charge of the entire military, he had the power to make decisions that could change anything and everything with no one to oppose him.  
The four of you saluted him.  
“As you were.” Said Darius waving an age weathered hand at you all dismissively.  
“Commander Erwin, may we speak in private before we begin the debrief?”  
“Of course.” Replied Erwin.   
You raised an eyebrow beneath your cap as the two men walked away.  
“Well, well, well.” A familiar voice reached your ears, causing you to growl slightly as your lips curled upwards into a sneer.  
“So you still haven’t been eaten yet huh? Nice to see you’ve been upgraded from an appetizer to an entree f/n!”  
“Nice to see you’ve finally grown a spine!” You snarled, turning your gaze to your left. “Surprised you didn’t piss yourself with fear at the thought of leaving Wall Sina Hitch!”  
A young Military Police member with shaggy light brown hair and large amber eyes walked towards you, stopping in front of you and folding her arms.  
“Don’t rise to her f/n.” Warned Hanji, she placed a hand on your shoulder, but you weren’t listening.   
Hitch Dreyse gave you an annoying shit eating grin that made your blood boil.   
She was your nemesis from your days in the Cadet Corps, it had been hatred at first sight. Your vicious rivalry spanned both your careers. You had bested her at every turn thanks to her laziness, you knew she would never amount to anything...She only joined the Military Police in the hopes of slacking off and having an easy ride.  
“So which officer did you have to screw to get promoted?” She snickered.   
“Bitch please!” You growled. “I actually worked for my promotion. I don’t see your ugly ass wearing a dress uniform!”  
Hitch laughed and looked you up and down.  
“Just because you look the part doesn’t mean you’re the dogs bollocks f/n. So come on, which officer were you boning?”  
You shook with rage and lunged for her, she jumped back and you smiled as a quick flash of fear passed over her usually smug face.  
“What’s wrong Hitch?” You challenged, now it was your turn to give her a smug grin.   
“You scared of me? You should be, this bitch bites...hard!”  
“F/n stop it!” Snapped Hanji. “This is what she wants.”  
Levi turned his gaze towards you, but said nothing. There was no point, he’d seen enough of your foul temper to know that trying to stop you was a bad idea. He also hated the Military Police as much as you did so anything that would bring them down a peg or two was fine by him.  
“Oh I know who it was.” Smiled Hitch. “It was dearly departed Mike Zacharius wasn’t it?”  
Your eyes twitched dangerously.   
‘How dare she speak his name, she isn’t worthy to clean the shit from his boots!’ Your temper was ready to explode like cannon fire by this point.  
“He was eaten by a titan wasn’t he?” Continued Hitch, her smile widening and making her look even more smug than she usually did.  
“Aww have I hit a nerve?”  
Levi glanced behind you and noticed that you were slowly removing one of your gloves, your right one to be precise.  
“F/n don’t!” He whispered harshly. “Violence isn’t the answer.”  
As with Hanji, you ignored his warning.   
“Well the dirty pervert deserved to die anyway.” Continued Hitch, she pressed her face closer to yours. Your e/c eyes narrowed to slits, your jaw twitching when your glove finally come off.  
“Always walking around sniffing everything, ugh the guy was a freak.”  
You flexed your right hand behind your back, balling it up into a fist and preparing to strike as Hitch continued to fuel your anger with her words.  
“Saying that though, he must’ve been a desperate freak to go anywhere near you. At least you won’t die without having being fucked at least once in your pathetic little life!”  
That last comment snapped you, all the rage that had steadily been boiling up inside you was released.  
You brought your right fist up and let it connect with Hitch’s left cheek, the punch was so hard that you knocked her to the ground with a thud.  
“F/n what the hell?” Yelled Hanji in panic, however you noticed she didn’t rush forward to assist the stunned Hitch.  
You growled angrily and shook the feeling back into your injured fist, flexing it to make sure you hadn’t dislocated your knuckles again.  
Hitch looked up at you in shock, her hand went to her face.  
You smiled smugly, slowly slipping your right glove back on as you heard the satisfying click of her dislocated jaw. You also happened to notice a couple of bloodied teeth on the stone floor.  
“I cannot believe you just did that!” Gasped Hanji.  
“I can.” Remarked Levi, he raised an eyebrow at you. “Nice right hook f/n.”  
You turned to face him and grinned, sensing the amusement in his tone of voice.  
“Considering a moment ago you said violence wasn’t the answer.”  
Levi casually shrugged.  
“I changed my mind.”  
Hitch struggled to her feet and glared at you.  
You turned to face her and raised your head, flashing her an innocent smile.  
“I’ll get you for this you bitch!” She snarled, still gripping her jaw.  
“Oh I’m so scared, whatever will I do?” You giggled, however your tone soon changed to a venomous snarl.  
“Fuck off back to Wall Sina and play with your dolls you lazy little girl, the adults are busy working!”  
Hitch shook with rage but didn’t respond to you, instead choosing to stomp away.  
“Damn that felt good.” You muttered under your breath.  
“I hope you won’t be making a habit of punching people.” Warned Hanji sternly. “If Erwin saw that you’d have been in deep trouble.”  
“Relax Shitty Glasses, someone needed to put that brat in her place.” Said Levi bluntly.  
“Shorty what the hell?” Hanji was practically livid by now.  
“She just punched someone with enough force to dislocate their jaw! She could get thrown in prison if she gets reported!”  
“Don’t worry Hanji, she doesn’t have the balls for that. It means she would actually have to do some work, she’ll retreat to Wall Sina to lick her wounds and cry herself to sleep.” Your tone once again changed to a dangerous venom laced sneer.  
“Besides the little cunt had it coming, I will not sit back and let a lazy little fuck like her stand in front of me and insult the man I loved!”  
Hanji sighed and shook her head.  
“I know you’re still grieving f/n but you need to rein in your temper, you were lucky that Erwin wasn’t here to see that this time...next time you might not be so lucky.”  
You sighed deeply.  
“I’m sorry you had to see that Hanji but please understand how hard this is for me. I’ve just lost Mike and that little bitch thinks she can come here and start making disgusting comments about him. What did you expect me to do?”  
Hanji sighed but gave you a small smile.  
“As wrong as it was, I do actually agree with Shorty.” She giggled and patted you on the back.  
“That was one hell of a right hook!”   
You laughed and shook your head.  
“Yeah well, I’d have done the same for any other comrade.”  
“Hanji, Levi, f/n.”  
You all turned your heads to the left and saw Erwin.  
“We’re ready to begin the debrief.”  
You all turned and followed Erwin back into the castle.  
You lowered your head as tears shone in your eyes, Hitch’s vile words finally got to you. However you refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing you cry in front of her, saving your tears for after you had put her in her place...


	8. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting with Premier Zackley doesn't go well as the reality of the failed  
> expedition is revealed.

You reached the meeting room and saw Darius Zackley sat at the head of the large oak table, his Military Police escort stood either side of him.  
“Do sit down.” He said.  
Commander Erwin sat at Darius’s left side with Hanji, leaving you and Levi to sit on his right.  
“Now to the matter at hand.” Said Darius in a serious tone of voice, he regarded you all in turn over the top of his steel rimmed glasses before his gaze settled on Erwin.  
“I understand this expedition has had record casualties, is this true Erwin?”  
All eyes turned to the commander.  
You sat back in your seat and folded your arms, raising your head slightly.  
“Yes that is true.” Said Erwin evenly.   
You swallowed hard and tensed as you thought of Mike, your jaw clenched as you wondered what happened to him in his final moments. It made your heart ache to think of him being in pain but from what little Levi told you last night it was quick and he didn’t suffer. You’d been too angry to ask further questions and after your confrontation with Hitch a few moments ago you really didn’t want to dwell on whether he died quickly or slowly.  
“The titans seem to be gathering in larger groups now, we need to re-evaluate our strategies.”  
Darius raised his head and turned it in your direction.  
“You there, what is your name?”  
You slowly turned your head to face him.  
“Squad Leader f/n l/n Sir.” You replied, your voice was completely devoid of emotion.  
“I see, are you standing in for Section Commander Zacharius then?”  
You lowered your head and gritted your teeth fighting back the urge to scream.  
“Section Commander Zacharius was killed in action.” Said Erwin, sensing your distress. “Squad Leader l/n was promoted a few weeks ago, she’s still learning the ropes.”  
“So you brought a rookie into a meeting for senior officers?” Questioned Darius with a raised eyebrow.   
‘Stupid old bastard!’ You were glad no one could hear your thoughts, you may have looked calm on the outside but in the inside a storm was raging.  
Levi glanced over at you, but you kept your head down so he couldn’t see your face properly.   
Maybe this stupid peaked cap had its uses after all, at least no one could see the anger burning in your e/c eyes. Hanji also turned her attention towards you, a worried expression played on her face.  
“She needs the experience if she is to succeed in her new position.” Stated Erwin. “She’s a fine soldier and will be a competent officer with the right guidance. All she needs is to get her hands dirty and she’ll go far.”  
You raised your head at Erwin’s words.  
Darius continued to regard you over the top of his glasses.  
“Very well Erwin, she is your subordinate and I will trust your judgement on this matter. We all have to start somewhere, next time though I would appreciate a little warning.”  
My apologies Sir.” Said Erwin.  
You swallowed hard and caught Levi still looking at you out of the corner of his eye. You raised an eyebrow at him, causing him to turn away and look back at Darius.  
Your frown deepened as you tried to work out what was bothering him, but couldn’t think of anything.  
“So, what are we going to do about this?” Said Darius.  
“We cannot continue to throw manpower and resources at continually failing expeditions.”  
“We’ll improve our training schedule, the next Cadet Corps will be graduating soon, we can find more recruits there. I will continue the expeditions.” The last part wasn’t a question, but a statement.  
You turned your gaze to Hanji. She looked unnerved, you’d never seen her this way before. It was almost terrifying to you, she was normally so happy and confident. To see her like this made you feel extremely uncomfortable and almost devoid of any hope for the future.  
“Section Commander Hanji, your thoughts?” Asked Darius.  
“Well Sir, if I can keep studying the titans then I believe we can push forward and look at new ways of thinning their numbers. From what I saw on this expedition they have learning capabilities which makes them all the more dangerous, this is something which needs to be addressed.”  
Darius rested his elbows on the table and pressed his lips against his clasped hands, regarding her with interest.  
“I see, can you elaborate?”  
“Yes Sir.” She drew a breath and continued. “Two members of my squad were stranded in a tree after they ran out of blades, I personally witnessed a titan attempting to climb the trees to get to them.”  
Your eyes widened beneath your cap, this wasn’t good.  
“Captain Levi, do you have anything to add?” Asked Darius.  
“Nothing to add Sir.” Replied Levi bluntly.  
Darius closed his eyes and looked away.  
“Then this debriefing is over, based on what we we discussed earlier and the information I have been given just now...My decision is that you will train harder, devise new tactics in preparation for future expeditions and allow Section Commander Hanji to continue her experiments.”  
“Understood Sir.” Replied Erwin.  
Darius Zackley rose from his seat, the rest of you followed suit.  
“I shall see myself out.”  
The four of you saluted and Darius left the room, closely followed by his Military Police escort.  
Once they had left you all returned to your seats.  
“Well that was pointless.” Snorted Levi as he sat back down folding his arms and leaning back in his chair.  
You glanced at him momentarily before you found yourself back in the past, it seemed to be the only place you could find any solace at the moment and escape the hell your life seemed to have become.

You walked to Mike’s office after another long expedition. It had been a long hard day, you desperately needed him to just hold you in his arms and tell you everything was going to be okay.  
“Mike?” You asked as you knocked on the door.  
“Enter.” Came his voice, a shuddering sigh of relief formed in your throat, he was still alive. Swallowing down the lump in your throat you opened the door.  
“F/n.” He smiled softly and stood from his seat, walking around his desk to meet you halfway as you ran to him and threw your arms around his neck, crying with relief as you felt him tightly embrace you.  
“It’s okay, I’m here.” He said soothingly, gently stroking your hair.  
“I was so worried about you, I didn’t see you at the rendezvous point or on the way back.” You sobbed into his shoulder, breathing in his scent.  
“Hey it’s okay, I’m still here.” He smiled, pulling away from you and gently wiping away your tears.   
“I heard about your friends in Nanaba’s squad. I’m so sorry.”  
You gritted your teeth and closed your eyes.   
“I tried to save them, I just wasn’t quick enough.”  
“No one blames you for their deaths, you’re only human. Sometimes we fail, it happens unfortunately.”  
You choked back a sob, looking deep into his soft blue eyes.  
“Death is our constant companion.” He continued, gently brushing some stray hair from your eyes. “When we choose to walk this path...it’s just something we have to get used to.”

“Hey f/n you okay?”  
“Huh?” You blinked and looked at Hanji, concern etched across her features.  
“You need to talk?”  
You buried your head in your hands and a muffled groan of frustration escaped you.  
“I need some air, I feel like I can’t breathe.”  
“Do you need someone to go with you?” Asked Erwin, his bushy eyebrows furrowed as he looked at you.  
“You look a little pale. Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”  
“I’ll be fine Sir, I just...I just need five minutes on my own.”  
You stood from your seat and left the room, ignoring the concerned look on your comrades faces as you closed the door behind you before running down the corridor back into the courtyard as hot fresh tears stung your eyes...


	9. Resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is still reluctant to open up to Hanji any further about her grief,  
> but even more resistant towards Levi when he makes another attempt at  
> keeping his promise to Mike...

You finally stopped to catch your breath when you got back to the courtyard, you were shaking from head to toe.  
Your stomach lurched and you ran to the low wall that overlooked the latrine drainage ditch, violently vomiting up the coffee Hanji made you that morning.  
You breathed heavily and spat out the remnants of vomit before removing your right glove and staring at the bandage.   
“Sorry Levi but needs must.” You muttered as you removed the bandage and used it to wipe your mouth before throwing it into the ditch.   
You examined your hand, the cuts were no longer bleeding so you risked putting your glove back on and sat down on the wall.   
You once again buried your head in your hands and let the tears fall, breathing deeply to try and calm yourself down.   
“F/n?”   
You looked up and saw Hanji, she had a sad smile on her face, clearly she was still concerned about you after you left the debriefing.  
“You okay?” She asked.  
“Not really.” You replied, wiping your tears on the back of your jacket sleeve. “My brain feels like it’s going to explode.”  
Hanji laughed. “Welcome to my world!”  
You smirked and shook your head. “Not in the way you’re thinking of you muppet!”  
Hanji smiled again, this time it wasn’t one of sadness.  
“You should probably try and get some sleep, I can tell Erwin you’re not fit for duty today if you want.”  
“No don’t do that.” You responded, rubbing your eyes with your left hand.   
“If I have nothing to do I’ll go insane...Hell I feel like I’m already insane!”  
Hanji sat down next to you and held your right hand in hers.  
“Talk to me f/n, what’s bothering you? Apart from the obvious.”  
You sighed deeply and lowered your head.  
“I guess I’m just seething over Hitch. I actually wanted to kill her Hanji, I would’ve if you and Levi weren’t there.”  
“She did say some pretty vile things.” Reasoned Hanji. “No one would’ve blamed you for punching her more than once.” She giggled. “Levi would probably have held her down for you.”  
“I don’t need his help when it comes to that little tramp!” You giggled.  
“Much better.” Smiled Hanji tapping you under your chin.  
A small silence passed between you, interrupted suddenly by a loud growl.  
Hanji raised her eyebrows.  
You giggled again feeling embarrassed.  
“When was the last time you ate young lady?” Scolded Hanji.  
“Probably not a good idea, I just threw up the coffee you made me this morning.”  
“You need to eat something, you’ll make yourself ill.”   
“Yes mother, I’ll grab something at lunchtime.” You snorted, standing up.  
“Where are you going?”  
“I have paperwork to do, plus I wanna get out of this and into my usual uniform.”  
“Ah...” Said Hanji.  
You raised an eyebrow at her.  
“You’ll be wearing it for the day, it’s a sign of respect for the dead remember?”  
“Oh shit!” You gasped, you felt awful for forgetting, but you’d never really paid attention to the officer’s attire before when you were just a scout.  
“Guess I’m just doing paperwork then.” You mumbled as you walked away.

“Okay this was a bad idea.” You groaned as you leaned your chin on your left hand and signed yet another document ready to hand in to Erwin.  
You could slowly feel your eyes closing as sleep tried to claim your exhausted body, however a knock at the door snapped you out of it...that and the fact your head slipped from your hand, causing you to bang your chin on your desk.  
“Son of a bitch!” You muttered rubbing your chin.  
“Enter.”   
The door opened and in walked Levi.  
“What can I do for you Captain?” You asked as you stopped rubbing your chin and sat up straight in your seat.  
“You look like shit f/n.”  
“I’ve looked worse.” You grinned.  
“Feeling better I see.”  
“Nope just hiding it really well. I should hang around with you more. That poker face of yours is really rubbing off on me.”  
“Tch.”  
Your grin widened when he walked up to you and stood next to your desk, leaning against it as his cold grey eyes regarded you with interest.  
“Shitty Glasses is worried about you, she wanted me to see if you were okay. Apparently you won’t talk to her.”  
“I’m still alive, I haven’t punched anything today...apart from Hitch so I’d say I’m doing okay so far. The only thing I’m suffering from at the moment is sleep deprivation induced sarcasm.”  
You moved the last of the paperwork to the other side of your desk.  
“As for not talking to Hanji, I don’t feel the need to confide in her at the moment.”  
“Maybe you should tell her that then, she isn’t listening to me.” He grumbled.  
Your grin faded and you ran your hand back through your h/l, h/c hair.  
“Believe me I’ve tried, it’s like banging my head against a brick wall.” You stated, meeting his cold stare. Your warm e/c eyes locked with his cold grey orbs for what seemed like an eternity.  
Suddenly a knock at the door disturbed you.  
Levi tore his gaze away from yours and walked towards the door.  
“I’ll leave you to it.” He said evenly.  
Your brow furrowed for a moment.  
“Levi wait!” You called out, your eyes suddenly widening as you realized you’d used his first name instead of his title.  
‘What the hell? Where did that come from?’  
Levi stopped and turned back to you, raising his eyebrows beneath his peaked cap.  
You sighed and ran your hands over your face, struggling to think straight.  
“Thanks for earlier, that little chat before debrief I mean.”  
Levi nodded and turned to leave, the moment his back was turned you cringed and covered your face with your hands.   
‘You bloody dumbass!’ You scolded yourself internally. ‘You’re supposed to be a squad leader, start damned well acting like it! Save your grief for when no one’s around!’  
“Commander.” You heard Levi speak as he opened the door to leave.  
Your head jerked up and you reached for your cap, quickly putting it on your head and rising from your seat.  
“Levi.” Replied Erwin as the shorter man left.  
“F/n, a word if you please.” Said Erwin as he entered your office and closed the door behind him.  
You swallowed hard and nodded, a sense of dread building in the pit of your stomach. Had he found out about you punching Hitch?


	10. Words of Wisdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin offers reader some advice about losing Mike and moving forward with her life, but all she can do is cling to the past...

“What is is Sir?” You asked, trying to keep the rising fear out of your voice as a stern faced Erwin approached you.  
“Sit down f/n.” He said neutrally.  
You swallowed hard and hoped you weren’t shaking, although you certainly felt like you were.  
Erwin sat in the seat on the other side of your desk that you reserved for visitors and clasped his hands together leaning on your desk.  
‘Damnit, if you’re going to give me hell over Hitch just get on with it already!’  
“Listen f/n, I know you’re going through a hard time at the moment.” He began, making you feel even more nervous than you already were.  
“However I feel I should be the one to tell you this before you hear it from someone else.”  
Now you did begin to tremble, you could feel Erwin’s icy blue eyed gaze upon you. If he stared at you any more intensely you would probably pass out.  
Erwin drew a breath and stared into your e/c eyes.  
“I’ve reassigned Mike’s office.”  
A wave of relief washed over you like a tsunami, did this mean he had no idea about your punch up with Hitch?  
“I had a feeling you would Sir, I didn’t expect it to stay empty forever.” You replied quietly. You knew it would happen eventually but it still stung your heart. That old office held so many happy memories of your time with Mike, your heart ached in your chest. This was the final nail in the coffin so to speak, the confirmation that Mike really was never coming back.  
“I was thinking of re-assigning it to you at first, so you could feel closer to Mike...but Hanji seemed to think it would be a rather cruel reminder of your past with him.”  
You lowered your head, feeling the tears flow down your cheeks before they even had a chance to sting your eyes.  
“I’m very sorry f/n.” Said Erwin gently.  
“I knew it would happen eventually Sir.” You replied, not meeting his gaze. “Whose office is it now?”  
“Squad Leader Nanaba’s, she has said however that if you ever want to go and talk to her about Mike you’re more than welcome to do so.”  
You nodded as a sob escaped you before you could stop it.  
“Are you going to be okay?”  
“Yes Sir, I’ll be fine.” You said shakily. “It’s just that, well...this is the final confirmation so to speak, that Mike is truly dead.”  
Erwin nodded sadly.  
“If it’s any small comfort, you do have a lot of friends here who are more than willing to help you deal with your loss.”  
You raised your head and smiled sadly. “I know Sir and I’m grateful that they care so much about me.”  
Erwin smiled, stood from his seat and squatted next to you, placing a large hand on your right shoulder.  
“Don’t expect too much of yourself too soon, if you need to take some time off from your duties just ask me.”  
“I can manage Sir.” You replied. “As long as I keep busy and don’t give myself too much time to dwell on things.”  
Erwin nodded.  
“Listen f/n, I know what you’re going through. There are two ways this can go...you can either move on and find someone else, or you can just move forward with your life alone. The choice is yours.”  
You stared at him and remembered what Hanji had said.  
“Which do you think is easiest Sir?”  
Erwin closed his eyes and sighed.  
“That is up to the individual.” He stated, opening his eyes. You continued to stare at him, you could see the sadness swimming in his eyes as clear as day.  
“I lost someone I cared about a long time ago. Ever since then I’ve refused to let anyone else get close to me, just because I never know when I might die.”  
You raised your eyebrows, letting him continue.  
“We live a dangerous life here in the Survey Corps f/n, as you know all too well. Sometimes we have to make the choice between what is best for us and what is best for others. It’s not an easy choice, but it is one we are always going to be forced to make.”  
“What if we make the wrong choice?” You questioned with a sniff.  
Erwin sighed deeply and continued to hold your gaze.  
“Then we have to live with the consequences and make sure that the ones we leave behind are aware of why we did what we did.”  
You looked down at the floor, the pain of losing Mike was still so intense you could barely handle thinking about one hour to the next.  
“Don’t go rushing into any decisions, give yourself time to grieve first.”  
Advised Erwin as he stood up.  
You nodded and wiped your tears on the sleeve of your jacket.  
Another knock on the door interrupted you.  
“Well someone’s popular today!” Smiled Erwin.   
You managed a giggle and turned your gaze to the door.  
“Enter.” You called.  
The door opened a moment later and in walked Hanji.  
“Hey f/n, wondered if you wanted to join me for lunch?”  
Before you could answer a loud growling sound in your stomach did the talking for you.  
“Yes she does.” Said Erwin sternly, folding his arms at you.  
You tensed up under his gaze.  
“Great!” Smiled Hanji rushing forward and grabbing your right hand, she yanked you out of your seat.  
“Ouch, watch it!” You yelled, recoiling your hand and removing your glove to check your knuckles.  
“F/n what the hell did you do to yourself?” Gasped Hanji as she looked at the deep gashes on your hand.  
“It’s nothing, I punched a wall last night.” You shrugged, flexing your hand.  
Erwin and Hanji both looked at you with raised eyebrows.  
“What?” You protested. “I’m fine, just a bit sore. Besides Levi already sorted it for me, it’s just gonna be sore for a couple more days.”  
“Well then how the hell did you manage to...”   
You raised your head and widened your eyes at her, a deathly glare shone in your e/c eyes.  
Hanji came to her senses and stopped talking immediately.  
“Wow you must have a high pain threshold then.” She remarked.  
“Fairly high.” You shrugged. “How do you think I managed to hide it? Anyway I thought we were going to have lunch?” You put your glove back on and flexed your hand again.  
Hanji smiled and nodded.  
“Let’s go then.”

You and Hanji found a table in a quiet corner of the mess hall and sat down.  
“Thanks for nearly landing me in the brown stuff with Erwin you idiot!” You snapped sipping your tea.  
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” Replied Hanji, her voice dropped to a whisper. “Seriously though how did you manage to punch Hitch without hurting yourself?”  
“Who says it didn’t hurt?” You remarked, raising an eyebrow.  
Hanji giggled and took a bite out of her bread roll.  
You sighed and poked at your bowl of stew with your spoon, as hungry as you were you just couldn’t bring yourself to eat anything.  
“Please talk to me f/n.” Said Hanji sadly. “It’s not good for you bottling everything up like this.”  
You looked up and sat back in your seat, folding your arms.  
“Erwin’s reassigned Mike’s office.” You muttered.  
“Yeah I know.” She replied. “He wanted to give it to you at first, but I convinced him otherwise.”  
“I know.” You replied with a small smile. “Thanks for that.”  
Hanji smiled. “He meant well, but it wouldn’t have done you any good.”  
“I’m glad you’re still around Hanji.” Your smile widened slightly, leaning forward you decided to try and eat some of your lunch. You knew full well Hanji would only pin you down and force feed you if you didn’t.  
“You’re batshit crazy at times, but you’re a good friend.” You managed to eat a mouthful of stew, before speaking again. “I’d even go as far as to say you’re like an annoying sister at times.”  
A warm smile spread across her face and she actually looked like she might cry.  
“Aw f/n!” She squeaked. “That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me!”  
“You dare start crying and I swear I will tip my lunch over your head!” You laughed, however Hanji simply continued to smile at you.  
“You have a lot of friends here f/n, we’re all here for you if you need us.”  
“I know and thanks.”

The afternoon passed uneventfully.  
You got caught up on your paperwork and sat back in your chair.  
“Finally.” You remarked, pushing the last of the papers to the other side of the desk ready to hand in to Erwin.  
Sighing deeply you reached behind you for Mike’s jacket, affectionately stroking the wings of freedom emblem on the left breast pocket. A small smile crossed your face as more memories of him began to push their way to the front of your mind. 

“Well hello f/n, what brings you here at this hour?” Smiled Mike leaning in the doorway of the mess hall. “It’s nearly midnight.”  
You smirked but kept your back to him, you were building up to finally confessing how you actually felt about him, but first you were going to have a little fun giving him the run around.  
“Couldn’t sleep Sir.” You replied with a small smile as you turned to face him, still clutching your cup of tea in one hand.  
Mike looked at you with that gorgeous smile on his handsome face and walked over to you.  
“F/n please, just call me Mike. May I keep you company?”  
“Yeah okay then...Mike.”  
Mike sat down in the seat next to you, resting his left elbow on the table and leaning his chin on his hand.  
“Something troubling you?” He asked, concern was evident in his voice.  
“No, just another round of insomnia, it happens from time to time.”   
“Ah I see. Well as long as you’re okay.”   
“I’m fine.” You smiled and turned away for a moment to take a sip of your tea.  
Mike smiled softly and raised his right hand to your head, gently brushing a lock of stray hair behind your ear.  
“I see you’ve overcome your shyness towards me.” He said huskily.  
You turned back to him and smiled.  
“You don’t intimidate me as much as Captain Levi.” You giggled. “Now if he was to try flirting with me, I think I’d be halfway to Wall Rose by now.”  
Mike laughed. “Well I could always get him in here and then see how fast you can really run!”  
Your smile disappeared to be replaced by a look of horror, Mike simply shook his head and laughed again.  
“Oh f/n, I’m kidding. I would never do that to you.”  
He gently ran the backs of his fingers over your cheek, making close your eyes and sigh in content at how soft his touch was.  
“So, how long are you going to give me the run around for?” He grinned.  
“Huh?” Your eyes snapped open and you stared at him in shock.  
‘Damn that nose of his! He saw right through me.’  
“I don’t know what you mean.” You smiled sweetly, trying to sound innocent.  
Mike chuckled and moved his head closer to yours, you could feel his warm breath on your cheeks.  
“Come on f/n, you want me and I want you. Just admit it.”  
You stared into his warm blue eyes for a moment, he wasn’t wrong...you did want him. However you kept telling yourself not to get involved with another scout because of the dangers your regiment faced on a daily basis.  
Mike leaned in closer and brushed his lips against yours, the stubble on his top lip tickling your face as he did.  
You pulled away after a moment and smiled devilishly at him.  
“Thank you for the good night kiss Mike.” You giggled, finishing your tea you stood up and made your way to the door.  
“I’m not going to give up you know.” Called Mike, that devilishly charming grin still gracing his lips.  
You turned back to face him and mirrored his grin.  
“You can tease me all you want f/n, I’m not going to give up. I’ll continue to chase you until you agree to be mine.”  
“I hope you do.” You smiled blowing him a kiss. “I rather enjoy a good game of cat and mouse.”  
Mike’s grin melted into a genuine smile.   
“The thrill is in the chase, but the reward is always in the capture.”   
“Then you better work hard so you can catch me then hadn’t you?”   
With a giggle you opened the door to leave.  
“Good night Mike.”

You brought your mind back to the present and smiled as you hugged Mike’s jacket, breathing in his scent.  
“I’ll always love you Mike.” You whispered softly. “Until my dying day.”


	11. Last Respects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the bodies of the dead burn, Reader reflects on the failed expedition and the lives she filed to save...

The sun finally began to set over the Survey Corps, turning the pale blue sky a mixture of pink and orange.  
You looked out of your office window and stared down at the now finished funeral pyres, a deep sigh released itself from you as you closed your eyes and clenched your fists.  
It was now officially time to say goodbye to your comrades, however your mind was still playing on the fact that Mike would never get a proper send off.  
The fact that his body was never recovered played on your mind and made your heart ache.   
You looked up towards the setting sun, seeing yourself reflected in the lead lined glass window of your office. The sight of yourself in your dress uniform was now familiar to you after wearing it all day, you still couldn’t wait to get back into your normal uniform tomorrow though. As smart as you looked in this attire, you still prefered your everyday battle ready clothes.  
You turned your gaze back down to the courtyard and saw the other scouts start to assemble.  
“Time to say goodbye.” You sighed deeply as you turned away from the window and made your way to the office door.  
You opened it to leave and nearly bumped into Levi who was just about to knock.  
“Shit!” You gasped jumping back, your hand went to your heart.  
“Damn Captain, are you trying to kill me?” The words escaped you before you could think.  
Levi raised an eyebrow at you.  
“Back to titles now are we f/n?” He asked quizzically.  
“Huh?” You furrowed your brow in confusion.  
“Tch, I don’t mind you using my first name when there’s no brats around.” He remarked, rolling his eyes at you.  
You shook your head and suddenly remembered what happened earlier, when you’d actually called him by his name instead of his rank.  
“Sorry, long day.” You muttered as you left the office and closed the door.  
“Maybe try not sleeping at your desk in future.” He retorted as the pair of you made your way to the courtyard.  
“Hanji told you about that then?” You asked neutrally.  
“No, I came to see if you were okay last night and found you slumped over the desk asleep.” He replied.  
‘Wait, what?’ Your brain started ticking over. ‘So was it him who came and put Mike’s jacket around me? Nah he wouldn’t...would he?’  
“I’ll try not to make a habit of it.” You retorted.

An awkward silence descended which lasted until you got to the courtyard.  
Erwin stood in front of the first large pyre as the scouts finished laying the last body on it.  
His gaze turned to you and Levi as you approached.  
“Ah no sign of Hanji yet?” Asked Erwin.  
“I’ve not seen her Sir.” You replied.   
“Probably in her lab.” Shrugged Levi.  
“Hey f/n how you feeling?”  
You spun round as you heard a voice behind you, instantly recognising it as Squad Leader Nanaba.  
“I’m okay, I’ve been better.”  
Nanaba smiled at you kindly, she was one of the veteran scouts who had trained you when you first joined the Survey Corps, you’d also been in her squad for a few expeditions.  
“I’m guessing Erwin told you about me being moved into Mike’s old office?”  
You managed a smile, you weren’t sure if she could tell it was a fake one to hide your pain or not, but if she did know she didn’t show it.  
“Well at least you don’t have to share an office with Hanji and Moblit anymore.”   
Nanaba laughed and put a hand on your shoulder.  
“Look if you ever want to come see me and chat about Mike, you can do.”   
“I know, thanks.”  
Nanaba nodded and released your shoulder, moving to talk to a few of the other squad leaders.  
You sighed deeply and looked at the three large funeral pyres. You knew that somewhere on one of them would be the body of one of your own squad members.  
You gritted your teeth angrily as you saw the scouts start to form up, the titans had a lot to answer for.  
“Ah f/n you’re already here!”  
You turned and saw Hanji come running towards you.  
“I went to your office to look for you but you weren’t there.”  
“Stalker.” You muttered under your breath with a grin.  
“I thought I was like a sister to you?” Questioned Hanji with a knowing smile.  
“You are...an annoying stalking sister.”   
Hanji giggled and pulled you into a hug.  
“Okay, okay back off!” You grunted, squirming out of her grip.  
You looked over at the other officers as they started to assemble near Erwin.  
“Looks like it’s time.” You said quietly as you joined them.  
Levi stood on your right while Hanji stood to your left.  
“Not everyone makes it back alive from these expeditions as we know all too well.” Began Erwin, his eyes scanning the assembled scouts.  
“However, we will continue to push forward. The sacrifices our comrades made have not been in vain. We will continue to advance to victory, for those we have lost and for humanity.”  
Your heart hammered in your chest at Erwin’s words.   
You had already lost three squad members that you had hand picked yourself and it was only your first expedition as a squad leader. How many more would you lose?  
You looked to your right as you saw one of the other officers step forward and raise a torch to the first pyre, lighting it.  
You swallowed hard and watched as he continued to light the other two.  
Erwin then turned to you and the other officers and nodded.  
“You may go and join your squads.”

After about ten minutes of searching your gaze settled upon two young teenagers, barely more than seventeen.  
A young boy stood with his arm round a girl watching the third pyre burn.  
With a deep sigh you approached them.  
“Eren? Mikasa?”   
They spun round to face you, their eyes widening.  
“Squad Leader l/n?” Gasped Eren, his eyes scanning your attire. “Wow, you look so smart!”  
You smiled. “Thank you Eren.”  
“It suits you Ma’am.” Smiled Mikasa.  
“How are you both?” You questioned, folding your arms.  
Their faces dropped and they lowered their gaze.  
“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you all.” You felt a great weight settle in your stomach as you spoke.  
“I know how close you all were.”  
Eren looked up and smiled sadly. “I’m going to miss Sasha so much. It’s so strange not having her sitting across from me begging for food.”  
You smiled. “Ah yes good old Potato Girl. I’m going to miss her too.”  
“I still can’t believe Connie and Marco are gone.” Said Mikasa as she lowered her head and turned away trying to hide her tears.  
“Mikasa don’t.” You said softly.  
She turned back to you and looked confused.  
“Don’t hide your tears, let them fall.”  
You remembered Hanji’s words from last night and somehow they felt appropriate now.  
“It’s okay to cry you know, it doesn’t make you weak.”   
Mikasa gave you a sad smile.   
“You’ve changed since you became a squad leader, you’ve become so much more...mature.”  
“Cheeky little sod I’m ten years older than you, I’ve always been mature!” You scolded good naturedly.  
Eren and Mikasa had joined the scouts a year ago, they had known you since you were a mere scout yourself. You saw a lot of potential in them from day one, when it came to picking your squad for the expedition they were at the top of your list.  
“I know we couldn’t bring Marco and Connie back with us and for that I’m truly sorry.” You drew a breath, once again finding yourself remembering the words of other officers. In particular Levi, what he had said that morning had really struck a chord within you.  
“We can’t always bring our fallen comrades home, but we carry their memories.”   
Eren’s eyes widened at you, as did Mikasa’s.  
“Wow Squad Leader, that’s deep!” Said Eren.  
“It’s quite poignant I believe.” You said softly. “Somehow it rings true though don’t you think?”  
Mikasa nodded as fresh tears fell from her eyes.  
“Yeah it does...and Squad Leader, we’re both very sorry about Section Commander Zacharius.”  
You nodded as you felt tears sting your eyes.  
“I can’t promise that I will keep you both alive every time we go beyond the walls.” You began. “However I can promise that I will always do my best to try. I know it’s no guarantee but it’s the best I can do.”  
Eren smiled at you sadly.  
“We trust you Squad Leader.” He said softly.  
You smiled back at him and rested a hand on his shoulder.  
“Come here kiddo.” You smiled sadly pulling him into your arms and resting a hand on the back of his head as you felt him start sobbing into your shoulder.  
“Mikasa, you too, get over here.”  
Mikasa shook as she rested her head on your other shoulder and let you embrace her. She wrapped one arm around you and the other around Eren.  
“I’m sorry about Connie, Sasha and Marco.” You said shakily as you held your squad members, tears falling from your own eyes. “I promise you their deaths weren’t for nothing. We will recover from this blow and we’ll bring hell down on the titans. For them and for Mike.”  
You shook with rage as you watched the flames dancing on the funeral pyres, holding your squad mates tighter as you felt their bodies shake through their sobs.

Levi walked through the gathering of scouts.  
He had no squad to join, all of them had been killed the previous day.   
He walked among the others watching them in their grief, keeping his own emotions hidden.   
The other scouts were having no such luck, most of them were sat staring aimlessly at the bright orange flames that illuminated the now dark blue sky. Others were stood embracing each other and openly crying while others talked and remembered the good times.  
Turning to his left he saw you embracing your squad. In his opinion you had changed since you became a Squad Leader, you seemed stronger and more confident.  
However losing Mike had given your new found confidence one hell of battering, it was going to take time for you to recover but if you were as strong as he believed you were, you would manage it somehow.  
He stared at the three of you for a moment before turning away.


	12. Unexpected Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Reader and Levi say goodbye to their fallen comrades, they find an unlikely   
> source of comfort in each other thanks to their shared grief...

As the night wore on the crowd of scouts slowly dispersed and made their way back to their dormitories.  
“Will you guys be okay?” You asked, finally releasing your grip on Eren and Mikasa.  
“We’ll be okay.” Said Eren sadly.  
“Get yourselves back to your dormitories. Try and get some sleep, you’re going to need it.”  
“Will you be alright?” Asked Mikasa.  
“I’ve been doing this for the past ten years, I’m used to it.” You smiled sadly.  
Mikasa nodded and looked at Eren, motioning for him to go with her.  
“Good night Squad Leader.” They said quietly as they turned and left.  
“Good night guys.” You replied.  
A sigh escaped you and you shook your head.  
“Too young.” You muttered sadly. “Far too young to be dealing with this kind of pain.”  
Your lip curled upwards in anger and your eyes narrowed as you thought of all the comrades you had lost over the years. Most had been cut down in the prime of their lives, many were as young as sixteen. Fresh out of the Cadet Corps, they had been tragically killed on their very first expedition.  
Those that survived went one of two ways...they grew stronger and moved forward or went mad from the horrors they encountered and ended up paying with their lives sooner or later. Either way it was a hard life which could be ended in a split second and that was what hurt the most.

You cast your mind back to earlier that day when you had managed to put your nemesis Hitch in her place.  
You would gladly give your right arm to see that little coward go head to head with a titan, you could just imagine her pissing herself with fear and trying to run away, nothing would give you greater pleasure than to see her squirming in the mouth of one of those monsters. You relished the idea of her screaming and pleading for her life as one of those disgusting beasts clamped its massive teeth around her and bit her in half.  
You shook your head violently to try and shake the images from your mind.  
“Stop letting that little cunt get under your skin f/n!” You growled to yourself angrily. “Today is about saying goodbye to your friends and comrades.”

You looked around at the few remaining scouts who had yet to disperse.  
Some were sat in front of the dying pyres with their heads in their hands, others stood saluting with tears in their eyes.  
Your heart broke for each and every one of them, even the battle hardened veterans of the regiment allowed their mourning to be witnessed.  
You walked among a few of them as they turned to leave, exchanging embraces, condolences and sharing their grief.  
As painful as it was for you and for them, you couldn’t help but admire the camaraderie and friendship that everyone in the regiment had for each other. It was truly touching and you felt proud to stand shoulder to shoulder with each and every single one of them.  
Several of the scouts you spoke to expressed their sympathy at the loss of Mike and offered to tell you stories of their time with him, you graciously accepted each invitation with a sad smile.  
It was good to know how respected he was and that you weren’t the only one mourning his passing.   
‘I wish you were here Mike, I miss you more than you’ll ever know.’

Another expedition was over and it was once again time to honor the dead.  
You sat on one of the benches in the courtyard, tears shone in your eyes as you watched your friends mourning their losses.  
“F/n?”   
Your head jerked up and your heart leaped into your throat at the familiar voice.  
“Mike!”  
You ran to him and threw yourself into his arms, burying your face in his firm chest.  
“Oh f/n, I’m so glad I finally found you.” He whispered huskily, wrapping his strong arms around you and holding you tightly against him.  
“No one I spoke to had seen you since the start of the expedition, I was so scared I’d lost you.”  
“I saw you for a moment with Commander Erwin when we got back inside the Karanese District.” You replied. “I thought it best not to come over though, you looked pretty occupied. I’m sorry for making you worry.”  
Mike smiled softly and ran the back of his hand over your right cheek. You leaned into his touch and looked up at him.  
“You’ve got nothing to apologize for.” He leaned down and kissed you briefly but passionately, his fingers gently tangling in your h/l h/c hair.  
“I know we’ve only been together for a couple of months f/n but...well…”  
“What is it?” You asked, concern was strong in your voice as you spoke.  
Mike sighed and led you back towards the bench he had found you on, he took a seat and pulled you down next to him.  
“I can’t bare the thought of losing you, I spent so long chasing you and now I finally have you...I’m scared that the titans are going to end up taking you from me without you knowing how much you really mean to me.”  
Mike wrapped his arms around you and drew you closer to him, he stared into your e/c eyes.  
“F/n...I love you.”  
Your eyes widened as you swallowed down the lump in your throat.  
He looked at you with trepidation, patiently waiting for your reply.  
You fought back tears and smiled warmly at him.  
“I love you too Mike.”   
A warm smile spread across Mike’s face, his lips crashed with yours and his arms tightly wrapped around your waist. You smiled into the kiss and brought your arms up to his neck, tangling your fingers in his soft blonde hair.  
Finally you broke apart for air and stared into each other’s eyes.  
“Will you stay with me tonight.” He asked, lowering his head to your neck, he smiled and inhaled your scent.   
“I want to fall asleep with you in my arms.”  
“Alright.” You smiled, resting your cheek against his.  
“Thank you.”  
“You better not snore though!”  
Mike laughed and brought his head back to face you.  
“Sassy little madam!” He grinned, giving you a quick peck on the lips.  
“You wouldn’t have me any other way.” You replied with a devilish smile.  
“You’re right, I wouldn’t.”   
You smiled warmly as he pulled you closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder.

With a sigh you turned and walked away, however your attention was caught by someone in a dress uniform standing alone watching the now dying flames of the second pyre. Even with their back to you, it was clear who it was simply by the silhouette.  
You slowly walked up to them and stood by their side, your eyes focused on the glowing orange flames in front of you.  
You raised your head and turned your gaze to the stoic faced officer stood next to you, feeling their cold steel eyed glare on you.  
You stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, the flames casting their bright orange light upon you both.  
Your gaze softened as you saw the slightest hint of sorrow in Levi’s eyes.   
‘He really isn’t as cold as he makes himself out to be.’ You thought. ‘He must’ve lost more comrades than he cares to remember over the years he’s been here.’  
You averted your gaze and stared back at the burning pyre, your hands clenching into fists as a feeling of hopelessness tightly gripped your heart.   
You could feel tears of frustration, pain and anger stinging your eyes.  
You swallowed hard and turned back to face him.  
“I’m sorry about what happened to your squad Levi.” You said softly.  
Levi simply turned away from you and remained silent.  
From what you had heard from the other scouts, Levi’s squad hadn’t just been killed, they’d been brutally torn apart by a group of abnormals. The recovery squads weren’t able to bring back a single body...not even a limb.  
You couldn’t even begin to comprehend the pain Levi must’ve been feeling deep down.   
You secretly admired the way he was able to hide all the pain and anger he felt after losing so many comrades over the years, you wished you knew how he managed it.   
You opened your mouth to try and offer some words of comfort but thought better of it and turned to leave, however you froze to the spot when you felt Levi reach out and grab your left hand.   
You jerked your head round, your e/c tear filled eyes wide with shock.  
‘What the hell?’   
You couldn’t believe what was happening, your eyes darted down to look at Levi’s hand holding yours before returning to his face...what you saw made your heart ache all the more.  
You opened your mouth to speak but no words came out, you were far too stunned by the look in Levi’s eyes. The coldness was gone and they seemed to radiate a warmth as strong as the the remaining flames of the final pyre.  
You blinked at him, the cold emotionless man you always used to see was no longer there. It was almost like he was someone else, the harder you looked into his eyes the more emotion you saw.   
Pain, sorrow and years of mourning lost comrades could be seen in his grey orbs.   
How long had he fought to keep his emotions hidden? How many years had he kept all this pain to himself?   
Levi caught you completely off guard as he pulled you closer and wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you against him.  
Your eyes widened even further as he moved his head closer to yours.  
‘What the hell is he doing?’ You mind was racing as your heart pounded against your rib cage. ‘What have I done to make him act like this? Was it because I actually showed him a little compassion because he lost his squad?’  
You were soon snapped out of your thoughts however by what happened next.  
“I’m sorry I couldn’t save Mike.” He said softly into your ear, his warm cheek resting against yours.   
Your breath hitched in your throat and your vision blurred as tears continued to shine in your eyes.   
This was the final straw for you, seeing Levi’s stoic mask slip completely broke you.   
You wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your head in his shoulder as you let your tears fall, your body shook violently through your sobs. You cried for yourself, for Levi, for Eren and Mikasa, you felt their pain and their sorrow.   
You cried for everyone you’d ever lost since joining the Survey Corps, but most of all you cried for Mike, the man you loved.  
You felt Levi’s grip on you tighten, his head was now buried in the crook of your neck as you raised your head slightly, resting your chin on his shoulder.   
Tears continued to roll silently down your cheeks as you stared at the now dying flames of the pyre, a wings of freedom emblem which had blown free from one of the corpses caught your eye.   
You stared at it as it fluttered downward and landed on a small pile of embers, quickly catching fire.   
Another sob escaped you as you tightened your grip on Levi, you closed your eyes rather than watch it burn.   
It made your heart ache all the more to think that this had been your life for the past ten years, the loss and the pain that went with it never got any easier. Still you still vowed to fight on and carry the memories of those you lost with you along the way...


	13. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader's mind starts to wander back to her past and some reassurance from Nanaba   
> reminds her that she has to move forward and keep fighting...

You woke up the next morning feeling like a titan had stomped on your head.   
Sighing deeply you pushed yourself up from the hard bed, untangling yourself from the sheets. You yawned and stretched before getting up and walking over to the wardrobe and getting out your usual uniform. You cast a quick glance over to your dress uniform and frowned as the events of last night played in your mind.  
You really hoped things weren’t going to be awkward between you and Levi if you happened to bump into him today, the look in his eyes as you stood together in front of the pyre was burned into your mind like the flames that cremated the remains of your comrades...it was haunting and unforgettable.  
A deep sigh escaped you as you got dressed and left the bedroom, heading into your office. You ran your hands over your face and sorted your hair, trying to push Levi to the back of your mind and resolving not to bring up the subject unless he did first.  
A knock on the door soon interrupted your thoughts.  
“Enter.” You called, leaning back against the desk and folding your arms.  
“Morning Sister!”  
You rolled your eyes and giggled as Hanji bounced into the room and hugged you.  
“Okay ground rules. One don’t call me sister and two...no more hugging.”  
“Aw!” Pouted Hanji, giving you her best puppy eyes look.  
“You weren’t complaining when Shorty was hugging you last night.”  
Your eyes widened in horror and a furious blush rose on your cheeks.  
“What?” You gasped, your breath hitching in your throat.  
“Oh f/n relax I know he was just consoling you, I saw you from my office window. You’re so easy to wind up!”  
“Geez Hanji.” You snapped, pinching the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger.  
“So what was with that huh?” She asked standing in front of you now.  
“How the hell should I know?” You remarked. “All I did was say I was sorry for what happened to his squad, he was just stood there by himself and I felt bad for him. Next thing I know he’s grabbed me and he’s telling me he’s sorry he couldn’t save Mike.”  
“That’s not like Shorty at all, but it is kind of sweet.” Smiled Hanji warmly.  
You rolled your eyes and sighed. “He was different last night.” You said, your brows furrowing. “It was like he was a totally different person...in all honesty it freaked me out.”  
Hanji laughed and shook her head.  
“I think you broke him!”   
You laughed and stood up straight.  
“Shut up!” You slapped her on the arm. “Anyway are we heading down for breakfast? I’m starving, I feel like I could eat a scabby horse.”  
“We could always check the stables for one.” Grinned Hanji, following you to the door.  
“It’s a figure of speech Hanji! I’ll settle for porridge thanks.” You giggled as the pair of you left your office.

Reaching the mess hall you sat at a table near the back of the large room.  
“Damn f/n, I should probably have taken you to the stable for that scabby horse after all!” Laughed Hanji, watching you swallow down a large mouthful of porridge in one go.  
“I told you I was starving.” You remarked. “I haven’t eaten properly for two days what did you expect?”  
“Well yeah, not exactly your fault though.” Smiled Hanji warmly, sipping her coffee.  
You looked across the mess hall and saw Erwin walking around, he seemed to be to be looking for someone...more than likely Levi.  
So far the only other officer you had seen was Hanji and that was only because she was practically your shadow!  
“Good morning ladies.” Erwin smiled as he approached the table, holding a cup of coffee in one hand.  
You swallowed down the last mouthful of porridge and furrowed your brows.  
“Ladies? Where?” You smirked. “All I see is Hanji and myself!”  
Erwin shook his head and laughed.   
“Someone’s feeling a lot better today.”  
“I’m always this sarcastic first thing in a morning Sir.” You replied.  
“Ah.” Erwin’s smile disappeared.  
Hanji giggled, you simply shrugged and picked up your cup to drink your tea.  
“Will you join us?” Hanji asked brightly.  
“Actually, yes I will.” Said Erwin as he sat down next to her.  
“Have either of you seen Levi this morning?” Asked Erwin.  
You choked on your tea hearing that name, it seemed your suspicions were correct though.  
Erwin looked at you worriedly, while Hanji just giggled.  
“No I’ve not seen him.” You replied clearing your throat.  
“Me either.” Replied Hanji. “What’s wrong?”  
Erwin frowned. “I’m calling a meeting this morning, I need him there as well as all the other officers.”  
“May I ask why there’s a meeting Sir?” You ventured cautiously.  
“All will be revealed in due course.” Replied Erwin firmly. “F/n would you mind going along to Levi’s office and seeing if he’s there?”  
You swallowed hard, but agreed.  
‘Geez thanks for that Erwin, talk about throwing me to the titans!’   
“Yes Sir, I’ll go now.” You said, finishing your tea and standing to leave.  
“Thank you f/n, be in the main briefing room in an hour.”  
You nodded and made your way out of the mess hall, a heavy weight settled in your stomach making you feel queasy. You weren’t sure if you’d eaten breakfast a little too fast, or if it was fear of seeing Levi after last night.

You walked down the corridor that led to Levi’s office and drew a deep breath as you approached the door.  
‘Here we go.’ You thought to yourself, raising your hand and knocking.  
“Name and business.” Came the sharp reply.  
You swallowed hard.  
“Squad Leader L/n Cap-”  
“Enter.”  
You raised your eyebrows, you didn’t even get the chance to finish talking. Slowly opening the door you stepped into Levi’s office, closing it behind you.  
You looked over towards his bedroom and saw him emerge from it, he was busy tying his cravat and had his jacket was neatly folded over his arm.  
“F/n.” He greeted, not looking at you as he finished tying his cravat and put his jacket on.  
“Levi.” You replied, flexing your right hand and absent mindedly rubbed at the healing wounds on it.  
“How’s your hand?” He asked finally looking at you, taking note of your movements.  
“Oh it’s fine, thanks.” You replied nervously, you couldn’t meet his gaze.  
Levi nodded and leaned against his desk, he stared right at you.  
“So, what do you want?”  
You winced slightly, his usual no nonsense attitude was back.  
‘Yeah thanks a lot for this Erwin!’  
“Erwin sent me to tell you that he’s holding a meeting for all officers in about an hour in the main briefing room.”  
Levi nodded and continued to stare at you in his usual stoic manner.  
“Alright. Anything else?”  
“No that was it, so I’ll see you at the meeting.”  
You turned to leave but you froze as you heard Levi walk towards you.  
Swallowing down your fear you turned back to face him and found yourself staring into his eyes. The usual cold stare had returned, a stark contrast from what you saw last night.  
Your thoughts were abruptly interrupted as Levi reached for your right hand and lowered his gaze to it, inspecting the healing wounds. You tensed up slightly, feeling him run his thumb over one particularly large gash.  
You stared at him nervously, finally he met your gaze. You noticed he once again had that slight softness in his eyes.  
He finally released his grip on your hand but continued to hold your gaze.  
“I’ll see you at the meeting.” He said, turning his back on you to walk back to his desk.  
You relaxed slightly and turned to leave, looking back at him one last time before you left the office. You quietly closed the door behind you.  
“Note to self.” You muttered. “Remember to offer to pluck Erwin’s eyebrows for him later...just as a little thank you for the most awkward start to the day ever!”

After you left Levi sighed and rubbed his temples with his fingertips.  
“Tch! You’re an idiot Ackerman!” He muttered under his breath.   
He thought back to the last time he saw Mike alive.

“Take care of her for me...Make sure she moves on and finds someone else to make her happy.”

Levi sighed deeply and shook his head.  
“Dammit, what the hell were you thinking Mike?”

You looked back at Levi’s office as you walked away.  
Shaking your head you turned to face forward, he was still acting strangely around you and you couldn’t think why that might be.  
“Ugh just quit it already!” You snapped at yourself. “It’s not like he tried to kiss you!”  
You shuddered at the idea of Levi kissing you.   
You weren’t repulsed by him, far from it. He was an attractive man in your opinion, you’d even had a bit of a teenage crush on him when you first joined the Survey Corps, but you soon got over it. The thing was you couldn’t imagine anyone getting close to the stoic captain, he was just far too unapproachable.   
It was something you’d gotten used to over the years, so of course now he was actually being nice to you it was putting you on edge. Hanji wasn’t helping matters by winding you up over it either.  
You shook your thoughts from your head and carried on towards the briefing room, stopping only when you heard someone calling your name.  
“Hey f/n!”  
You spun round upon hearing your name, a small smile crossed your face as Nanaba approached you.  
“How you feeling?” She asked with a smile.  
“Like a titan stamped on my head during the night, but apart from that I’m okay thanks.”  
“Good.”   
“Any ideas what this meeting is about?”   
Nanaba shook her head.  
“You were at the debrief yesterday I thought you might know.” She said as you continued walking towards the briefing room.  
“If I had to take a wild guess I would say it will be about the upcoming graduation of the Cadet Corps, Erwin wants more recruits obviously.”  
“Hmm maybe.”  
You looked at her with a raised eyebrow, she seemed to be a little unsure.  
“Why, what are you thinking?” You asked curiously.  
Nanaba frowned.  
“I don’t think there will be anymore expeditions for a while, not after all the heavy losses we suffered this time round. The death count was so much higher than usual.”  
You mirrored her frown and looked away for a moment.  
“You thinking about Mike?” She asked softly.  
“Actually I was thinking about everyone I’ve lost since joining the Survey Corps...I can’t help questioning my decision to join the military now.”  
Nanaba smiled sadly and put a hand on your shoulder as you walked.  
“It’s hard I know, but you’re a good soldier and I reckon with a bit of experience you could be a great officer.”  
“Thanks, that means a lot.” You smiled.  
“Just watch that temper of yours, I heard you threaten Captain Levi the other night.” She giggled. “You really should rein it in a little.”  
You shook your head.  
“Trust me Nanaba, my temper is just something that’s always been there. I try not to let it rule me but sometimes, I just can’t stop myself.”  
“Just be careful.” She warned. “I know you’re still grieving at the moment, but don’t let it consume you.”  
“I’ll try.” You smiled weakly before turning away.  
The truth was that your temper was your only real way of coping when bad things happened to you. Once all the anger had been released you instantly returned to normal...before the next big thing flicked the switch in your brain and set it off again...

“Cadet l/n what the hell do you think you’re doing?”  
You looked up wide eyed as you were jerked out of your rage induced state.  
“You going to punch me are you f/n?” Smirked the cadet you were straddling. You held her shirt tightly in your left fist, your right fist was pulled back, ready to unleash a bone shattering punch.  
“You’re supposed to be practicing hand to hand combat, not beating the shit out of each other!” Shouted Commander Shadis, marching in your direction and towering over the pair of you.  
You turned your gaze back to the cadet beneath you, she had a smug grin on her face, which just made you want to punch her even more.  
“Go on f/n...I dare you!”  
A frustrated growl escaped you and you threw her head back down to the sand, pushing yourself off her.  
“You know what Hitch? You’re not worth ruining my career for!”  
You turned and walked away, an angry scowl plastered all over your face.  
“Little bitch!” You sneered.  
“Cadet l/n you really have to calm down.” Groaned Shadis, rubbing his hands over his face in disdain. “This is the fifth time this week you’ve nearly killed Cadet Dreyse  
“I know Sir and I’m sorry...I can’t help it, I’ve tried to do something about my temper but I can’t!”  
“This has to stop.” Said Shadis “Do you want to get kicked out of the Cadet Corps?”  
“I can’t stop myself Sir.” You protested. “That little shit has wound me up every day for the past two years, one day she’s going to end up with my boot in her face!”  
Shadis glared down at you and folded his arms.   
“This rivalry of yours with her needs to stop, you have a bright future ahead of you if you actually manage to rein in that damned temper of yours.”  
“Sorry Sir, I’ll try.” You muttered feebly, lowering your gaze.  
“Twenty laps of the training ground, starting now. Maybe that will help you work off your anger!”  
You sighed deeply and started running.  
“Fucking Hitch!” You snarled. “I’ll get her for this!”

Nanaba smiled and nudged you, bringing you back to reality.  
“Hey you still with me?” She asked.  
“Yeah sorry, my mind kind of went for a wander.”  
“You were thinking about Mike weren’t you?” Smiled Nanaba softly.  
You grinned.  
“Actually I was thinking back to my cadet days, I was just wondering how the hell I ever became an officer when I was such a violent little rebel.”  
“It’s called growing up.” Smiled Nanaba.  
“Yeah I guess.” You shrugged, your grin soon disappeared and you considered the consequences of your decision, recalling Erwin’s words from yesterday.

“Sometimes we have to make the choice between what is best for us and what is best for others.”

You sighed deeply, your family had disowned you after your decision to join the Survey Corps instead of the Military Police. You couldn’t just sit back and hide behind Wall Sina like a coward though, that wasn’t your style.  
Yet here you were ten years later, you were still alive and now you were an officer.   
You’d tried writing home to your family to tell them of your promotion, but your letter was returned to the Survey Corps HQ with a rather scathing reply asking why should they care about someone they didn’t know or care about getting promoted? As far as your family were concerned you were dead to them.  
“I kind of regret joining sometimes, thinking back of all the people I’ve lost among the way...My own family disowned me just because I wanted to fight rather than hide away.”  
“We’ve all lost people we care about f/n.” Nanaba smiled softly. “Myself included. I know exactly how you feel. As for your family...screw them!”  
“Nanaba!” You laughed, you’d never heard her be so blunt before.  
“Well it’s true.” She shrugged. “We’ve been your family for ten years now, we’ll always look out for you.”  
“Thanks, I’m grateful I have all you guys to fight my corner.”   
Nanaba nodded and you continued to walk to the briefing room in silence.  
However you couldn’t help but feel another pang of helplessness clutch your heart, how many more people were you going to have to lose before the titans were finally beaten?


	14. Thrown Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is to spend her time working on her leadership skills with Levi...something she is far from happy about...

Upon reaching the meeting room you found Hanji and Erwin already in there.  
“Ah f/n, did you manage to find Captain Levi?” Asked Erwin.  
“Yes Sir,” You replied. “He’ll be here.”  
Erwin nodded and took a seat at the head of the table.  
You all sat in silence as the other officers began to make their way into the briefing room. Levi was the last one to enter, he sat opposite you and folded his arms. Clearly he didn’t want to be here.  
“Right, now we’re all present, I’ll make this quick.” Began Erwin looking around the room.  
“I must stress that this is not going to be easy for everyone to hear, however. There will be no further expeditions for at least the next couple of months.”  
Whispers echoed around the room, you and Hanji exchanged a confused glance.  
“I know this will not come as a shock to some of you, but we need to re-evaluate the situation. Too many lives were lost on this last expedition, I cannot afford such heavy losses in the future.”  
You swallowed hard, desperately trying not to think of Mike.  
“The next Cadet Corps trainees graduate next month, we must find new recruits there. An intense new training strategy must be devised, your squads will work harder, testing will be stricter for everyone...this is where the gloves come off. If we do not act now, then humanity can never win.”  
A deathly silence fell over the room, Erwin wasn’t wrong.  
The final death toll for this expedition had been catastrophic, the number of scouts in the regiment had literally been halved. You had a bad feeling that there were going to be even fewer recruits than usual who were willing to step up and put their lives on the line for humanity.  
“Any questions?” Asked Erwin.  
You looked around the room, but no one spoke.  
“Very well, new training schedules will be drawn up for you all tonight ready to commence tomorrow.” Said Erwin. “Section Commander Hanji, Captain Levi and Squad Leader l/n. I need a word in private. The rest of you are dismissed.”  
When the others had left Erwin turned to you, Levi and Hanji.  
“I’m sorry to have to put extra pressure on you three but, Hanji, Levi. You’re my two most trusted officers and f/n...you need to start getting involved in things on a higher level, you’re a squad leader now and I need you to step up and prove yourself worthy of that title.”  
You nodded nervously.  
“Hanji, I need you in your lab as often as you can. We need more tests running on the titans we currently have in our possession. Do whatever you need to do to find out how they are capable of learning.”  
“Understood Sir.” Said Hanji.  
“F/n, I’m pairing you up with Levi on training duties. I know I’m pretty much throwing you to the titans so to speak since I’ve been trying to ease you into things with a more administrative role, but this way you’ll gain some vital teaching experience.”  
“I understand Sir.” You replied shakily.  
Erwin nodded, making a mental note of the lack of confidence in your voice.  
“I’m also taking you two with me for the Cadet Corps graduation next month, I need to prove to people that not everyone who joins the fight comes back dead.”  
He paused for a moment.   
“Any questions?”  
Receiving no response from any of you he nodded.  
“Levi a word please. F/n, you and Hanji are dismissed.”  
“Sir, may I have f/n assist me in my lab today then?” Asked Hanji.  
“Moblit is indisposed and I need help with a few things.”  
“Tch, hungover again is he?” Grunted Levi.  
You smirked. Moblit was the heaviest drinker in the Survey Corps, although having to work with Hanji dissecting and studying titans most days would turn anyone to drink in your opinion.  
“Alright.” Agreed Erwin with a nod.  
“Great!” Screeched Hanji, her eyes flashing manically.  
“Come on f/n!”  
Before you had time to protest Hanji dragged you from the room, closing the door behind you.  
“What is it?” Asked Levi, folding his arms.   
Erwin sighed.   
“Don’t expect too much from f/n, her confidence is going to take time to return. Just be gentle with her, if she messes up by all means pull her up about it, but do it with a bit of subtlety.”  
Levi raised an eyebrow.   
“If you doubt her then why did you promote her?”  
Erwin’s eyes narrowed.  
“I do not doubt her, she worked hard for that promotion. I’m just saying try not to push her too hard, unless you want her to lose her temper with you again. She’s still mourning the loss of Mike so she’s going to need time to deal with that as well.”  
“I’m not going to treat her with kid gloves.”  
“I’m not saying that at all, I’m just saying be patient with her.”  
“Fine, anything else?”  
Erwin shook his head.   
“That will be all for now.”

“So what exactly am I going to be helping you with?” You questioned, entering Hanji’s lab.  
“Well we need to see how titans are capable of learning, so I need your help with devising a few tests.”  
“What kind of tests?” You asked suspiciously.  
“We’re going to take one out to the old training yard and set it loose in the old forest training simulation area.”  
“Are you insane?” You yelled angrily. “Hanji that place is derelict! What if they it gets loose and starts a rampage?”  
“Calm down f/n.” Said Hanji soothingly. “We’re only going to be trying it with a seven meter class, the walls around the training area are double that height. Furthermore we’ll have it chained to restrict its movements, so it will only be able to go where we want it to go.”  
You weren’t convinced, Hanji was well known for her harebrained schemes but in your opinion, this one had to be one of the worst she’d ever come up with.  
“Suddenly the prospect of being stuck on training duties with Levi seems a lot more appealing to me.” You muttered to yourself, although you said it loudly enough for Hanji to just about hear you, judging by the hurt look in her puppy brown eyes.  
“Are you sure about this?” You asked nervously.   
“Erwin said he wanted me to continue my research and this is what I have devised. It’s dangerous I admit but...” She paused noticing your eyes narrow as she said the word “dangerous”   
“We really don’t have a choice f/n. I know the only thing you want to do now is slaughter any titan that crosses your path because of Mike but please, try and show some restraint today.”  
You sighed deeply and rolled your eyes, folding your arms.  
“Alright fine.” You growled. “I’m warning you now though, anything and I mean the smallest little hint of anything I don’t deem safe...I will slice its nape off...regardless of whether you agree or not!”  
Hanji frowned but thought it best not to argue, she understood that you were only concerned for her safety and that of your comrades and she appreciated that. However nothing in this regiment came without its risks, you were both well aware of this, it was just a case of narrowing down which risks were worth taking.  
“Let’s get this over with then.” You said bluntly.  
“Follow me.” Replied Hanji, leading you out of the lab towards the disused cells which now served as holding areas for her test subjects.

Levi stood out on the training area watching the other scouts as they lined up to take on the ODM maneuvers course.   
The idea was to maneuver through a forest environment as quickly as possible and take out as many wooden structures that served as “titans” with accurate strikes to the nape as they could.  
“Next.” He ordered, looking to the scout at the front of the assembled group.  
A young brown haired boy with emerald eyes stepped forward, Levi’s eyes widened a fraction as he recognized the teenager.   
Eren Jaeger was a member of your squad, you’d hand picked him yourself, claiming you saw a lot of potential in the boy, who also happened to be a titan shifter. However after some intense training, the boy had managed to get his abilities under a certain degree of control which allowed the Survey Corps to keep custody of him.  
“Get going Jaeger.” Said Levi in a bored tone, nodding towards the start of the course.  
“Yes Sir.” Replied Eren.  
He deployed his gear and took off into the tree tops.  
Levi turned his gaze towards the course and watched as Eren zipped through the trees, slicing through the first wooden structure with ease before heading lower to dodge a fallen tree trunk and then back up again towards his next target.  
“Not bad Jaeger.” Said Levi.   
Eren nodded and smiled.   
“Thank you Sir.”  
Levi turned his gaze back to the group, but it was what was going on behind them that had caught his attention.  
He could just make out a group of scouts on horseback hauling a large cart covering a hulking mass beneath a large shroud, heading out towards what he knew to be a derelict area of the training grounds that was no longer used.  
His eyes narrowed noticing you and and Hanji riding behind the cart.  
He couldn’t see your facial expressions, but he had a feeling Hanji had roped you into something you weren’t entirely comfortable with judging by how tense your body appeared to be. At least tomorrow he would be able to keep a closer eye on you, if it was what he thought it was under that shroud then Hanji was going to have her hands full trying to keep you from going off on one and killing it as soon as it looked at you.  
His frown deepened as he continued to watch you disappear behind the trees.  
‘What the hell are you planning Shitty Glasses?’


	15. Hanji's Experiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader helps Hanji with her latest experiment, however things don't go according to plan...

Upon reaching your destination, Hanji and two of the other scouts threw back the shroud that was covering the seven meter titan.  
The ugly beast roared and tried to lunge at them, thankfully the heavy ropes that wrapped around it’s limbs and neck, pinning it to the cart prevented it from reaching any of them.  
“Now what?” You questioned, raising an eyebrow.  
“We tie it up between two trees that are reasonably close together.” Hanji’s tone changed slightly, knowing full well her next words would provoke a bad reaction from you. “We’ll have someone stand on a branch high enough to be out of reach, but close enough for the titan to see them so it will try to follow them.”  
“You’ve lost the fucking plot!” You screamed angrily.  
“F/n trust me, the restraints will hold, besides it’s only a seven meter titan…”  
“Hanji, last time you were experimenting with titans this closely you nearly got eaten!”  
“Good job I have quick reflexes then.” Grinned Hanji.  
Your eyes narrowed in anger, you grabbed her shirt collar and slammed her into the nearest tree trunk, causing her eyes to widen in fear and startling the other scouts.  
“You stupid bitch!” You screamed angrily, pushing your face close to hers. “What if the restraints break? Someone could get killed or it could smash through the enclosure walls and go after the rest of the regiment!”  
Hanji raised her hands to yours and gently held them.  
“F/n calm down.” She tried to reason with you. “I promise you nothing bad is going to happen.”  
“Do not make promises you can’t keep!” You growled angrily, tightening your grip on her collar. You could feel your temper bubbling away in your gut, you knew you had to fight to control it. Hanji was your closest friend and the last thing you wanted to do was hurt her.  
Hanji sighed and rubbed your left hand to try and calm you down.  
“Have a little faith in me f/n.” She said with a soft smile. “I know you and the others think I’m crazy at the best of times but believe me, there is method in my madness.”  
You sighed and released your grip on her.  
“I meant what I said earlier.” You warned as you stepped away from her.  
“If that thing puts so much as a toe of out line...”  
“I won’t stop you.” Interrupted Hanji. “You have my word.”

“Hanji watch out!”   
The titan lunged forward, it’s large mouth snapping shut with a loud gut wrenching sound of teeth grinding together.  
“Shit!” You gasped burying your face in Mike’s chest, you shook with fear.  
“It’s okay f/n she managed to jump back in time.” He soothed stroking a large hand through your h/l h/c hair.  
You turned back to the scene in front of you and were relieved to see Hanji stood a few feet away from the restrained titan.  
“Tch, keep it up Shitty Glasses, your luck will run out one day!” Remarked Levi, folding his arms across his chest.  
“Oh you nearly got me that time didn’t you darling?” Questioned Hanji with a manic laugh.  
“How the hell can she find it funny?” You questioned. “That thing nearly bit her in half!”  
Levi turned to look at you, raising an eyebrow. He’d almost forgotten that this was the first time you’d helped out with one of Hanji’s experiments.  
“It’s Shitty Glasses, what do you expect?” Remarked Levi in a bored tone. “Has the pressure of being promoted to Squad Leader gotten to you already? It’s not even been a week yet.”  
You narrowed your eyes at him, meeting his cold stare.  
“Leave her alone Levi.” Warned Mike, wrapping a protective arm around your shoulders.

You shook your head, bringing yourself back to the present situation you found yourself in.  
Walking back towards the cart where the seven meter titan was being restrained, you saw Hanji give the signal for the other scouts to take the cart into the forest environment.  
“When you get it in there restrain it by it’s neck only!” She ordered.  
“I have a bad feeling about this.” You muttered to yourself, folding your arms.  
The scouts had covered the titan up again beneath the shroud to try and sedate it while they moved it into the desired location, it seemed they were less active if they didn’t have access to sunlight, anything to make this little experiment easier in you opinion.  
“So who are you using as bait?” You asked bluntly.  
“Ah...well...” Came Hanji’s worried reply.  
“You are joking?” You raised your eyebrows, trying to to shout at her.  
“Oh no, no, no!” She suddenly gasped in horror. “I wasn’t going to suggest you doing it. I’ll be the one to do it, this is my experiment so it’s only fair I’m the bait.”  
A wave of relief washed over you, however you still weren’t happy that Hanji would so casually play with her life in this way.  
“It would be more than my life’s worth.” Laughed Hanji nervously. “Shorty would kill me if anything happened to you!”   
“Yeah he probably would.” You found yourself laughing nervously in agreement, remembering Levi’s promise to Mike.   
“We’re ready Section Commander.”  
You and Hanji looked behind you to see a young male scout stood a few feet away.   
You recognized him by his tall muscular body, short blonde hair and piercing blue eyes as a friend of Eren’s.  
“Thank you Reiner.” Smiled Hanji.  
“Be careful Hanji.” You said gripping her left elbow. “Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”  
Hanji smiled warmly and looked you straight in the eyes.  
“I mean it Hanji!” You snapped.   
“I’ll be fine f/n. I promise.”

You made your way over to the location where the other scouts had restrained the titan, your glared at the ugly hulking thing. Your e/c eyes met it’s empty green eyes, your brows turned downward and your lips peeled back to reveal your gritted teeth. The urge to just draw your blades and kill it now where it stood was overwhelming, it wouldn’t even take much effort in all honesty. You could do it, you could end its life in just one swipe, you wanted to do it. You wanted to take its life the way one of its kind had taken Mike’s life, Sasha, Connie and Marco’s lives, the lives of every single soldier and civilian during their reign of fear over humanity.  
“Is the subject secure?” Asked Hanji, walking around the titan and checking the ropes.  
“Yes Section Commander.” Replied Reiner. “The restraints have been checked and double checked. We also have several scouts taking up strategic locations both in the trees and on the ground in case something should go wrong.”  
“Good work, Squad Leader l/n will be in charge of the clean up squad should we need it.”  
Reiner nodded and smiled at you.  
“We will wait for your orders.”  
You gave him a small smile and nodded.   
“For now just maintain your positions, however I trust you all to use your own instincts and judgement. If you feel there is the slightest risk of that thing breaking loose, you have my permission to act immediately with whatever force is needed to ensure Section Commander Hanji’s safety as well as your own.”  
“Understood Squad Leader.” Replied Reiner.  
He deployed his ODM Gear and headed into the trees to relay your orders to the other scouts.  
“Spoken like a true officer.” Smiled Hanji resting a hand on your shoulder.  
You gave her a small smile, you made the most of that little compliment. You highly doubted Levi would be as encouraging and to be honest, you really weren’t sure that even if you did do something right he would actually notice.  
“Right let’s get this over with.” You replied.   
Hanji nodded in agreement and deployed her ODM Gear, heading up into the trees.  
You remained on the ground and watched proceedings from a safe distance, however you made sure you were visible from the treetops so that the other scouts could see you.

“Hey there big guy!” Hanji called down to the titan, gaining its attention almost immediately.  
“Come and join me in the trees!” She called again.  
The titan kept its blank stare on her, its mouth was twisted into a permanent sinister smile. It almost made your blood run cold.  
The titan reached up for her, waving its arms around to try and grab her.  
“Nope, you need to try harder than that!” Giggled Hanji.  
“Damnit Hanji don’t get cocky.” You muttered nervously.  
You continued to watch, your brow furrowing as the titan reached up and grabbed one of the branches. It gripped the tree tightly and appeared to try and pull it over first, failing that you saw the titan shift it’s body and attempt to pull itself up using the branch as leverage.  
“F/n are you watching this?” Yelled Hanji excitedly.  
“Yeah don’t worry I’m making a mental note of it.” You called back, however your hands were hovering near your blades.  
The titan shifted its body once again, pulling it’s hulking body up. It’s free arm reached up for another branch but failed thanks to the thick ropes around its neck pulling taut.  
However you were sickened with fear upon seeing one of the ropes start to fray slightly as it rubbed against one of the trees.  
“Hanji, the ropes are starting to fray!” You yelled. “It’s not safe to continue.”  
“No hang on just a little longer!” Hanji shouted back.  
“Not a chance, it’s not worth the risk!” You snapped. “Reiner, take that thing out!”  
“Yes Squad Leader!”   
Reiner quickly descended and drew his blades.  
“No not yet!” Cried Hanji in dismay, but she was too late.   
Reiner’s blades found their mark and sliced through the titan’s nape, killing it instantly.  
“What the hell f/n?” Yelled Hanji, she descended from the tree.  
“Look at the damned rope!” You snarled pointing to the tree on your left.  
Sure enough it had worn down halfway through on the rough bark.  
“You promised me you would be careful, you say I should have faith in you. So how about you have a little faith in me?”  
Hanji frowned but was forced to admit you made the right decision.  
“Pack it up and grab your horses everyone.” She ordered. “We’re heading back.”


	16. An Awkward Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader reminice's about Mike while Levi confronts her over her lack of trust towards him

“Ah Hanji, f/n there you are.”  
You looked up and saw Erwin and Levi stood near the stables as you dismounted your horses.  
“How did your little experiment go?”   
“Not too well Sir.” Replied Hanji bitterly. “The only thing we’ve really learned from today is that when it comes to learning, titans are like children. Give them enough encouragement and they will try whatever means necessary to achieve their goals.”  
“So what happened to your test subject?” Asked Erwin.  
“I had it killed Sir.” You said evenly.  
You noticed Levi raise an eyebrow at you.  
“On what grounds?” He asked bluntly.  
“The ropes restraining it were fraying.” You explained. “I was not prepared to risk the safety of the other scouts.”  
Levi and Erwin exchanged a glance, making you feel nervous. However Erwin turned to you and smiled.  
“Good call f/n, well done. You’re starting to think more like a Squad Leader should when it comes to judgement calls.”  
Your eyes widened in shock, you glanced over at Hanji who gave you a small smile.  
“Keep up the good work.” Said Erwin as he walked away, closely followed by Levi.  
“Wow.” You muttered, blinking in shock.  
“Sorry I had a go at you.” Smiled Hanji weakly.  
“Forget it.” You replied with a smile.  
“I’m just sorry the experiment didn’t work out as planned.”  
“Well we have enough information to go on for now, so it’s not a total loss.” Mused Hanji. “Come on, let’s go grab some lunch.”

The pair of you entered the mess hall and made your way over to Eren and Mikasa.  
"Hey guys, mind if we join you?" You asked.  
"Sure!" Smiled Eren, Mikasa nodded.  
"So how was training today?" You asked.  
"In a word?" Asked Eren wearily. "Hard."  
You raised an eyebrow.  
"Why who did you have?" Asked Hanji, stirring her soup.  
"Captain Levi." Groaned Mikasa.  
You and Hanji exchanged a knowing smile.  
"Oh dear have we found another member of his fan club?" Asked Hanji with a grin.  
"The man is infuriating!" Replied Mikasa, causing you to smirk.  
"Hey have some sympathy for me, I'm practically going to be his shadow for the next few months!" You laughed.  
"How come?" Asked Eren, cocking his head.  
"Commander Erwin wants to give me a little extra push...off the edge of Wall Maria and straight into the waiting jaws of titan Levi!"  
Hanji giggled and shook her head.  
"Nah seriously." You smirked. "Commander Erwin thinks that by shadowing Levi and helping him out with training it can help me become better acquainted with my new role as a Squad Leader and I can pick up some valuable teaching skills."  
"I see." Said Mikasa evenly. "Well as long as you don't start being an asshole to everyone."  
"Mikasa!" You gasped, hurt by the fact that she could think you would let Levi's strictness rub off on you.  
"Sorry." She replied, lowering her head and averting her gaze. Her eyes were now hidden by her raven hair.  
"Has something happened?" You asked cautiously, looking between Eren and Mikasa.  
An awkward silence descended over the table.  
"Guys if there's something wrong I need to know." You said sternly. "I'm your commanding officer, if there's something you need to tell me..."  
Mikasa looked up but it was Eren that spoke.  
"We heard that further expeditions have been cancelled...is it true?"  
"For now yes." Replied Hanji. "That's all we can tell you though."  
Eren and Mikasa nodded.   
You sighed deeply and looked down at your food, suddenly you didn't feel particularly hungry anymore.

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully, after lunch you helped Hanji write up her report on the experiment ready to hand into Erwin before finishing your own paperwork.   
It was still early and with nothing for you to do you decided to go for a walk beside the lake near the edge of the training ground. It was always calm and peaceful down there, Mike had taken you there for your first official date after you finally admitted you liked him.  
He’d even carved your initials onto one of the trees there a few months before he died, he said it would be a permanent reminder of your love should something happen to either of you.  
You smiled sadly and stared at one particular tree that was carved full of soldiers initials. Most soldiers who developed relationships within the Survey Corps came here to leave their mark. You sighed and ran your fingers over the weathered bark of one particular set of initials.  
“M.Z & F/I L/I”  
“You may be gone Mike, but we’ll always have our memories.” You muttered, turning to walk away.

The sun shone down on the clear lake, it shimmered on the surface in the gentle wind that blew through the air.  
You sighed deeply and sat down on a large boulder, crossing your legs and staring out across the water, lost in your thoughts.  
“F/n.”  
Your tensed slightly at the sound of your name, turning to your right you saw Levi stood next to you.  
‘Geez stalker alert!’ You mused internally. ‘He’s worse than Hanji!’  
“What do you want Levi?” You asked neutrally.  
“Well I expected you’d have been in your office but Shitty Glasses said you’d gone for a walk, naturally I assumed you’d be here.”  
You raised your eyebrows, he hadn’t exactly answered your question.  
“So what was with that experiment earlier?” He asked quizzically, folding his arms.  
“It doesn’t matter.” You shrugged, turning your gaze back to the lake. “It didn’t work out as planned.”  
Levi narrowed his eyes.   
“When are you going to stop being so damned stubborn around me?”  
Your head snapped back round to face him, your brows furrowed in confusion.  
“Oh and are you asking me that because you care or as my superior?” You suddenly blurted out, your eyes widening in horror as you realized what you’d just said.  
Levi raised an eyebrow at you.  
“So the real f/n finally decided to put in an appearance?” There was a tone of amusement in his voice. “About time she showed herself again.”  
Now it was your turn to raise an eyebrow at him.  
“Pfft, you’re becoming as bigger stalker as Hanji!” You snorted.  
“Only because I promised Mike I’d keep an eye on you.” Came the reply.  
Your eyes locked for a moment, how the hell did he manage to do that to you? It was so damned irritating, he had the uncanny ability to make you feel completely uncomfortable around him, yet you were still able to be yourself for a few brief moments before your defences raised themselves again.  
“I’m not an idiot.” Remarked Levi, breaking the silence.  
“Huh?” You were completely confused now.  
“You’ve been visibly more cagey around me since last night.”  
You blinked.   
‘Wow and here was me hoping you wouldn’t notice!’ You mused internally.  
“You’ve always made me feel uncomfortable.” You replied. “Hell you’ve got a special talent for making everyone uncomfortable around you!”   
“Tch!”  
Levi rolled his eyes and continued to stare at you.  
“Well you better start getting used to me, because as of tomorrow we’re going to be working very closely together.”  
“Don’t remind me.” You muttered, hoping he wouldn’t hear you.  
You visibly tensed up when he moved to stand closer to you, swallowing hard you saw his gaze towards you soften.  
‘Damn does he have split personality disorder or something?’  
“So? What is it about me that makes you feel so uncomfortable?” He asked quizzically.  
Your eyes widened but you remained silent, causing Levi to cock his head to one side as he continued to stare at you.  
“Well?”  
You shrugged, well if he wants the truth you may as well let him have it.  
“Well you have a stare that could kill, you’re cagey, intimidating, rude and you have a completely abrasive personality.”   
“Is that all?” He remarked, completely deadpan.  
You managed a laugh.   
“What you want more?” You kept the smile on your face as you said it, trying and hide your discomfort.  
He rolled his eyes and turned on his heels, starting to walk away.   
“Levi wait.” You called, feeling rather guilty.  
He stopped and turned back to face you, raising an eyebrow when you got up and approached him.  
“I’m sorry.” You scratched the back of your neck nervously.   
“Well not sorry I told you the truth...just sorry it probably came out a lot harsher than intended.”  
Levi simply shrugged.  
“I prefer it when you’re honest with me.”  
You swallowed hard.  
“Well in that case...”  
His frown deepened.  
“You asked me why I’ve been more cagey around you since last night. It’s because I’ve never seen you act like a...like a normal person who’s actually capable of showing emotion.” You paused averting your gaze. “I just never expected that kind of thing from you, it was actually kind of weird.”  
You mentally prepared yourself for a barrage of abuse but it never came.  
“Tch, despite what you might think I am actually human.”  
You turned back to him and smirked.   
“Well I kinda figured that out last night.”  
Levi rolled his eyes again, walking back towards the castle.  
“I’ll never understand what the hell goes on in that brain of yours.” He remarked.  
You laughed and followed him.  
“Trust me, you don’t want to know!”


	17. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tension between Reader and Levi finally reaches boiling point and things take a dangerous turn...

The first month since Mike’s untimely death passed by agonizingly slowly, it almost felt like time halted some days.  
Things between you and Levi were still incredibly awkward, particularly on bad days when all you wanted to do was shut yourself away from the world. It especially didn’t help when you were alone together in the library doing paperwork. Uneasy eye contact turned into staring contests and awkward silences descended like a thick ominous fog.  
Today would be no different, with the exception that it was graduation night for the Cadet Corps which you and Levi would be attending with Erwin to hopefully find potential new recruits to join the Survey Corps.  
As soon as breakfast was over, you tried to retreat to your office for five minutes on your own. However as soon as your backside made contact with your chair a knock on the door disturbed you.  
“Damnit Levi!” You growled under your breath running a hand back through your h/l h/c hair. Why couldn’t he just leave you alone?  
“Enter!” You called, sitting back in your chair and folding your arms.  
Sure enough it was Levi who opened the door and stepped into your office.  
“I thought I might find you here.” He remarked, walking up to your desk.  
You pretended to look over the training schedule, anything to keep your gaze from him.   
“Well you thought right.” You replied, still refusing to look at him.  
Levi rolled his eyes, it was going to be one of those days.  
He swiftly reached for the training schedule, pulling it from your desk and forcing you to face him as you made a grab for it.  
“Hey I was reading that!” You snapped angrily.  
“Liar.”   
Now it was your turn to roll your eyes.  
“So it’s going to be one of those days is it?” He remarked bluntly.  
“Depends how much you decide to piss me off.” You stated.  
“Tch. As long as you keep your mind on the job at hand, I don’t care what mood you’re in. Now come on.” With that he turned to leave your office.  
You grunted, pushing your chair back and standing up, you straightened your uniform and followed him towards the door. You could see yourself landing in Erwin’s office for a lecture on why it wasn’t a good idea to assault senior officers if you weren’t careful.

Sure enough things just went from bad to worse, you and Levi spent most of the morning at each other’s throats during hand to hand combat training.  
Things finally came to a head when you split the squad down the middle and decided to have the losing team on cleaning duty in the library for the next three months.  
So far you were neck and neck, only two fighters were left to step up: Yourself and Levi.  
The scouts gathered in a circle around you muttering nervously while the pair of you eyed each other up. You and Levi had never sparred together before, even when you were in his squad as a rookie, all you knew was that he was incredibly quick and strong...well he was “Humanity’s Strongest” after all.  
Your eyes narrowed dangerously watching Levi as he began circling you, your gazes locked...both waiting for the other to make the first move.  
Finally you sprang forward and grabbed Levi round his waist tackling him to the ground. Levi however had other ideas, he grabbed your hair and threw you off him. You jumped back to your feet and the pair of you began circling once more.  
This time Levi charged forward, landing a well aimed punch to your stomach and knocking the wind from your lungs.  
You coughed and glared at him, you would make him regret that.  
You roundhouse kicked him in the back, sending him sprawling forward. A look of blood lust crossed your face as you grabbed him by his raven hair, picking him up and throwing him a couple of feet across the field.  
Levi got to his feet and wiped his mouth, you had managed throw him with enough force to cut his lip.  
This was no longer hand to hand combat, you had drawn first blood, so now it was all out war.  
Levi rushed you and punched you in the face, sending you flying backwards onto your rear.  
A low growl escaped you, you jumped back up to your feet while Levi advanced on you. You waited until he was nearly upon you before viciously kicking his left ankle, causing him to crumple to his knees.  
“Erm Captain, Squad Leader...” Said one of the scouts nervously.  
However you and Levi weren’t listening, you continued to concentrate on raining violent punches and kicks on each other.

“Captain Levi, Squad Leader L/n!”   
Your head jerked back and you saw Commander Erwin stood over the pair of you.  
Levi had you pinned on your back, his right knee was pressing painfully into your chest while his right hand was putting pressure on your windpipe, making it difficult to breathe.  
“That’s enough! Let her go Levi!”  
“Do you yield?” Growled Levi, tightening his grip on your throat.  
You winced as breathing became more difficult.  
“That was an order Captain Levi!” Snarled Erwin.  
“Yes!” You choked out.   
Levi released his grip on you, however this was a big mistake.  
The moment he started to remove himself from you, you sat bolt upright and punched him in the face, knocking him sideways.  
“Squad Leader L/n!” Yelled Erwin angrily.  
You pulled yourself to your feet and spat out some blood.  
“Sorry Sir.” You rasped hoarsely.  
“The rest of you leave!” Demanded Erwin.  
The other scouts hurried to obey, leaving you and Levi standing alone with Erwin, needless to say he was not happy with either of you.  
“What the hell has gotten into you two?” He shouted angrily.  
“Look at the state of you both! Fighting like two wild animals, were you trying to kill each other, was that it?”  
Neither of you spoke.  
Erwin sighed and ran a large hand back through his blonde hair.  
“F/n, I know today would’ve been your first full year with Mike had he survived the last expedition, but that doesn’t give you the right to lose your temper and go on a rampage!”  
You lowered your head, failing to notice the shocked look on Levi’s face.  
‘So that’s why she was in such a bad mood this morning!’  
“As for you Levi.” Snapped Erwin, gaining the shorter male’s immediate attention.  
“You’re supposed to be looking after f/n, not beating her to death! For crying out loud you’re both officers and comrades in the same regiment!”  
You started to shake at Erwin’s words, once again your temper had landed you in hot water.  
“Get back to the castle and clean up. That’s an order!”  
With that Erwin turned on his heels and walked away.

Levi limped towards your office, you’d really done a number on each other during hand to hand combat practice that morning, his ribs were still aching and that well placed punch to his face was going to leave him with a rather nice black eye tomorrow morning.  
Had he known the reason why you were in such a foul mood he wouldn’t have been so harsh with you. He felt guilty for not knowing, but how was he to know when you refused to even look at him, let alone talk to him unless you absolutely needed to?  
Reaching the door he knocked and waited for a response.  
“Hey f/n, you in there?” He called after a moment.  
Still he received no response, his furrowed his brow in thought when he tried to door and found it locked, although he had an idea where you would be.

“Wow Mike this place is amazing!”  
You looked around at the crystal clear lake, green grass and forest beyond that seemed to stretch for miles.  
Mike came up behind you and placed his hands on your hips, pulling you back against him and gently kissing the top of your head.  
“I just wanted some time alone with you, away from prying eyes.”  
You leaned your head back to look up at him and smiled.  
“Well this place is a pretty impressive first date.”  
Mike smiled and leaned further down over you, his lips almost touching yours.  
“Glad you think so.”  
He broke away from you and moved towards the shade of a tall tree, removing his green scouting cloak, he laid it out on the grass and held a hand out to you.  
“Such a gentleman.” You smiled taking his hand.   
Mike sat down cross legged on his cloak and gently pulled you down into his lap, wrapping one arm round your shoulders and the other around your hip. He smiled and pulled you into him, passionately kissing you...

“F/n?”  
You raised your head from your knees and looked to your right, blinking away tears.  
Your eyes narrowed when you saw the source of the voice.  
“Get lost you short bastard!” You snarled angrily.  
Levi visibly flinched as your words stung him.  
“F/n...I’m sorry.” He gritted his teeth and approached you, but you buried your head back into your knees.  
“I had no idea.” He reasoned. “You should’ve said something.”  
You ignored him.  
“Stubborn bitch.” He muttered folding his arms across his chest.  
“Does this ring any bells?” You challenged, finally raising your head again. “This morning. “As long as you keep your mind on the job at hand, I don’t care what mood you’re in.” Your exact words, so why the hell should I bother telling you anything?”  
Levi looked away and his frown deepened.  
“Okay, maybe I have...been a bit harsh on you.” He hated admitting he was wrong, but Erwin had advised him to go easy on you and he had chosen to ignore him. Also beating the living shit out of each other earlier hadn’t helped matters, Mike would’ve killed him for that, in fact Levi was convinced that Mike would come back and haunt him for it. He was supposed to be looking after you not trying to beat you to within an inch of your life.  
He turned back to you, his brow furrowed in concern.  
Something across the lake had caught your eye, he followed your line of sight and realized almost immediately what it was.  
Two scouts on the far bank were stood embracing, the male gently held his lover against him, kissing her forehead and running his fingers through her hair.   
Levi looked back to you and his gaze softened in sympathy.  
You lowered your head, burying your face in your arms as your body shook through your sobs.  
With a sigh Levi moved closer to where you sat on the rock he found you on last time. He reached out and tried to put an arm round your shoulder, but you were having none of it. He frowned when you flinched away from him, unsure whether it was because he had hurt you during your earlier fight or you just didn’t want him near you.  
“Just leave me alone Levi.” Your voice was muffled by your arms.  
“Tch, for once in your life f/n, stop being so damned stubborn.” He snapped.  
You raised your head slightly so he could just see the right side of your tear stained face and slightly red eyes.  
He stared at you and raised an eyebrow, before trying to reach out to you again. This time much to his relief, you didn’t flinch away from him, he gently wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you against him, resting his chin on your head.  
You buried your head into his chest as your tears continued to fall, your arms wrapped around his back, grabbing his jacket in your fists and pulling him closer to you.  
This was all you needed right now, just someone...anyone to hold you and just let you release the pain from your still broken heart...even if it was Levi! This was the first time you’d cried for Mike in nearly a month, while you’d finally accepted his death, the pain of losing him was still intensely raw and you needed further time to heal.  
You released your grip on Levi and pulled away from him, wiping your tears on your jacket sleeve.  
“You going to be okay?” Asked Levi softly.  
You looked up at him and nodded.   
“Yeah...thanks.”   
Levi nodded.   
“Well you should probably sort yourself out before we head out to the Cadet Corps...you look like shit.”  
You narrowed your eyes and punched him on the arm, earning you a stoney glare from him.  
“Short ass bastard!” You smirked.  
Levi raised an eyebrow at you.  
“Tch, stubborn bitch!” He retorted with a hint of amusement.  
You laughed and shook your head.   
“Come on move your ass.” He said, offering you his hand to help you off your perch.  
Your smirk widened as you took his hand and let him help you down before you walked back towards the castle together.


	18. Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Levi finally set aside their differences, however some startling revelations prove too much to bear for some and doubts start to arise...

“F/N!”  
You looked around hearing someone screaming your name.  
“Are you okay? I heard what happened!” Gasped Hanji running up to you, her brown eyes were wide with shock.  
“What the hell were you thinking Levi? You could’ve killed her!”  
Before either of you could answer her you heard another set of running feet behind you.  
“You bastard!” Yelled a female voice.  
“Mikasa calm down!” You yelled, jumping in front of Levi as Mikasa raised her fist to punch him.  
“F/n, he nearly beat you to death!” Mikasa screamed angrily.  
“Ackerman calm down, that’s an order!” You shouted suddenly, looking shocked after you said it.  
Hanji and Mikasa stared at you wide eyed and open mouthed, even Levi raised his eyebrows at you.  
“Wow where did that come from?” You muttered, wincing and rubbing your throat afterwards. It was still sore from when Levi had his hand round it.  
“Are you okay?” Asked Hanji cautiously.  
“I’m fine Hanji...besides he punches like a girl.” You smirked at Levi as you said it, earning you a narrow eyed glare from the captain.   
“Humanity’s Strongest my ass! He couldn’t punch his way out of a wet paper bag!”  
“Tch, well you couldn’t throw a punch to save your life!” Retorted Levi, causing your smirk to widen.  
“I can’t even…” Hanji threw her hands up in exasperation and walked away.  
“I’ll come to your office later when you’ve recovered from whatever head trauma Shorty’s knocked into you.”  
Mikasa glared at Levi and approached him.  
“Lay a finger on her again and I’ll cut you up so small the titans will need to use cutlery to eat your sorry ass!”  
“Mikasa that’s enough!” You snapped, screwing your eyes shut when the burning in your throat intensified again.  
Mikasa looked back at you with worried eyes.  
“F/n, why are you defending him? He nearly killed you!”  
“He’s still your superior, show him some respect and address me as Squad Leader in front of other officers please.” You said evenly, however you softened your tone for the last part.  
Mikasa swallowed hard and lowered her gaze.   
“Yes Squad Leader.” She muttered. “I’m sorry.”   
“It’s not me you should be apologizing to.” You said softly, nodding towards Levi.  
Mikasa grunted and looked at the stoic captain.  
“Sorry for disrespecting you...Sir.”  
Levi simply nodded in acknowledgement of her apology.  
“Go back to your training group, I’ll be alright.” You smiled at her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you for your concern though, I appreciate it.”  
Mikasa looked up and gave you a small smile, despite her apology she also gave Levi a glare before turning and leaving.  
“Tch damned brat.” Muttered Levi under his breath.  
You winced again, rubbing your throat. It burned every time you swallowed, eating and drinking would be a problem for the next couple of days.  
“Damnit, now I see why they call you Humanity’s Strongest.” You retorted. “I think you crushed my windpipe!”   
Levi stared at you.   
“Nice work with that little sucker punch, you almost broke my jaw.”  
You laughed, even though it hurt to do so.  
“You should probably go to the infirmary and get checked over.” Said Levi softly.   
“Yeah so should you.” You remarked. “You’re still limping.”  
Levi simply stared at you in his usual stoic manner, but you couldn’t keep the grin from your face.  
“What the hell got into us?” You giggled.   
Levi continued to stare at you, he was confused by the way that you were finding amusement in the fact that he nearly killed you. Had you finally snapped and gone insane?  
Your giggle turned to a full on laugh.  
“I haven’t gotten that violent in hand to hand combat since I was forced to spar with Hitch back in the Cadet Corps and believe me I’d have quite happily killed her if I could!”   
You stopped talking and cocked your head, noticing the blank expression on Levi’s usually stoic face.  
“Hey Levi, you okay?” You asked.  
Your brow furrowed when he didn’t respond.  
“Hey Levi...Hello?”  
You snapped your fingers in front of his face, finally bringing him out of his trance.  
“What?” He asked, sounding irritated.  
“Did I punch you a bit too hard?” You smirked. “You kinda zoned out on me.”  
“Evidently I punched you too hard!” He remarked. “You’ve turned into Shitty Glasses!”  
You cocked your head in confusion, however you soon twigged onto what he meant. Your eyes widened visibly and your smirk widened.  
“No you haven’t turned me into Hanji.” You giggled. “I think you actually managed to knock some confidence back into me.”  
Levi’s brow furrowed, but before he could speak you walked up to him and grabbed his left arm, pulling it over your shoulder and wrapping your right arm round his waist to steady him.  
“What the hell are you doing f/n?” He asked, however he didn’t pull away or stop you.  
“Helping your short ass hobble over to the infirmary.” You replied. “I figure I owe you after beating I gave you earlier.”  
Levi simply rolled his eyes and allowed you to help him, he wasn’t too happy about the fact that you thought he needed your help. However, his ankle was really starting to hurt quite badly now. One good thing to come out of today at least was that you were now actually making an effort to be civil with him.

After leaving the infirmary you headed back to your office, it turned out that Levi had almost crushed your windpipe, a little more pressure and he would have killed you. Apart from that you would just be sore and covered in bruises for a few days, nothing to worry about the physician had said.   
You reached your office and carefully lowered yourself into your seat, wincing as your muscles screamed out in agony.  
A knock on the door came a moment later.  
“Enter.” You called, rubbing your sore throat.  
“Squad Leader?” Came a male voice as the door opened.  
“Eren.” You smiled, looking up. “Come on in, have a seat kiddo.”  
Eren closed the door behind him and approached the seat on the opposite side of your desk.  
“What can I help you with?”  
The young scout sat down and looked at you worriedly.  
“Mikasa told me Captain Levi almost killed you, is it true?”  
“Ah.” You replied, your smile instantly disappearing. “Yes it’s true, I gave as good as I got though.”  
Eren’s emerald eyes went wide.   
“Are you going to be okay?”   
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me, I’m a stubborn bitch!”  
Eren laughed at your response, then grew serious.  
“Listen, Squad Leader...”  
“F/n.” You interrupted. “Drop the title when we’re just casually chatting like this.”   
“Okay, erm f/n. Mikasa and I are just really worried about you, we don’t want to see anything happen to you. You’re not just our squad leader, you’re our friend and...well...”  
“What is it?” You asked cautiously.   
“Well as you know, Mikasa and I have no family of our own, all we have is each other.” Eren smiled warmly at you. “You were the first person we met when we arrived here, you took us under your wing and looked after us. Now you’re a squad leader and we’re happy for you, we were both honored when you chose us be on your team.” He faltered a moment before continuing. “F/n, in a way you’re like a mother to us.”  
You felt your heart melting at his words, almost needing to cry again.  
“Eren that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.” You smiled. “I swear if I end up crying because of this conversation later you’ll be in so much trouble!”  
Eren simply laughed.  
Before you could continue the conversation you heard someone outside sobbing rather loudly.  
“Oh that was beautiful!”   
Your brow furrowed, but you instantly recognized the voice.  
“Hanji quit eavesdropping on me!” You shouted. “Argh damnit!”  
“Are you okay?” Asked Eren, rising from his seat and rushing over to you.  
“F/n?” Asked Hanji, she opened the office door and joined Eren by your side.  
“I’m okay guys.” You smiled reassuringly.  
“Okay, well I better get back to training.” Said Eren. “Glad you’re okay f/n.”  
“Thanks Eren, see you later.” You nodded to him.  
He smiled and nodded, leaving the office and closing the door behind him.  
“Aw such a sweet kid.” Smiled Hanji.  
“Yeah he is.” You smiled. “Fancy a walk?”  
“Yeah okay.” Replied Hanji. “Will you be alright walking? Are you still in pain? Did you go to the infirmary and get checked over?”  
You slowly stood up, ignoring the screaming pain in your protesting limbs.  
“Yes, yes and yes!” You remarked.  
“Now come on before I stiffen up!”  
Hanji laughed and followed you out of the office.

Levi finally managed to get out of the infirmary after being poked and prodded to within an inch of his life.  
According to the physicians his ankle was just badly twisted and bruised. Apart from that he had fared much the same as you, no serious injuries just very bad bruising.  
He looked around but there was no sign of you.  
“Tch, must’ve already gone back to her office.” He muttered.  
He started making his way across the courtyard when he heard two familiar voices.  
Looking over towards the east side he saw you and Hanji sat on a low wall, furrowing his brows he decided to go and see if you were okay, but stopped as he got closer. You and Hanji were deep in conversation talking about earlier events.  
Levi wasn’t normally one to eavesdrop but he wanted to make sure you were okay, so he would make an exception this once.  
He stood behind a tree near where you sat and listened with a frown.

“Mikasa meant well, as much as she hates Levi he is still an officer and she needs to remember that.” You said.  
“True, it was really sweet what Eren said to you earlier though.” Smiled Hanji warmly.   
You smiled and leaned back.   
“Yeah they’re great, I can relate to them not having any family too. Mine disowned me after I joined the Survey Corps.”  
Levi tensed in his hiding spot, his frown deepened. He remembered hearing rumors about your family disowning you for choosing the Survey Corps over the Military Police.  
“Yeah you said.” Replied Hanji. “Why though?”  
You shrugged.   
“They wanted me to join the Military Police and I refused. I joined the military with the intent to fight for humanity, not to hide behind the walls like a coward...damned Military Police!”  
“You’re a good person f/n.” Smiled Hanji. “You’re going to make a fantastic officer once you get your confidence back...Mike would be so proud of you.”  
You smiled sadly.  
“He’s the reason I have to keep fighting.” You lowered your head and looked away.  
“The titan’s stole him from me, so I’m going to bring hell down on them. I already promised Eren and Mikasa that we’d make them pay for killing Marco, Connie and Sasha, those bastards have a lot to answer for!”  
Levi continued to stare at you, leaning against the tree.   
“Well I’d certainly be pissing myself if I were a titan.” He mused. “Especially with that temper of yours.”  
Hanji patted your back.  
“Ouch easy, I’m covered in bruises remember?” You squeaked.  
“Sorry.”  
“So what did the physicians say?”  
“I’ll be fine, just badly bruised. I’ll be sore for a few days, my throat is driving me mad though.” You mused. “You know they said if Levi had tightened his grip any further...he would’ve crushed my windpipe and killed me.”  
Levi’s eyes widened, his heart almost stopped hearing those words.  
He always placed so much value on preserving human life, hearing that he had nearly killed another person, not only another person, but a comrade shook him to the very core.  
“Wow really? The fight was that vicious?” Gasped Hanji, her hand went up to her mouth.  
You nodded.   
“You know what the worst part is though?” You said sadly.   
“Part of me actually wanted him to kill me! I only yielded to him because Erwin was there.” You paused a moment. “If he hadn’t showed up, I’d have quite happily let Levi end my life.”  
Levi’s breath caught in his throat, you actually wanted him to end your life? Hearing those words almost broke him, he’d promised Mike that he would take care of you and yet a few hours ago he was beating the living daylights out of you and had then almost ended your life. What the hell possessed him?  
“F/n why would you say that?” Screeched Hanji, jerking Levi out of his thoughts.  
You buried your head in your hands.  
“I feel like a failure Hanji.” You replied.  
“I couldn’t keep my squad safe, I have no family and I’d lost the man I love...what did I have to live for?”  
Levi screwed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth, swallowing hard he fought back the urge to confront you.   
He’d heard enough, turning on his heels he walked away.  
“You still have all your friends.” Argued Hanji. “Myself, Eren, Mikasa...we all care about you deeply.”  
“I know I can see that now.” You smiled sadly.  
“Listen I’m gonna go see how Levi is, we’re due to head over to the Cadet Corps for their graduation ceremony soon.” You giggled. “Oh yeah I forgot to say...I sucker punched him in front of Erwin!”   
Hanji’s eyes widened in shock, she hid a giggle behind her hands.  
“Oh man f/n he’s gonna kill you!”   
“Let him try!”


	19. Renewed Determination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Levi manage to clear the air and accompany Erwin to the Cadet Corps to try and recruit more soldiers

Levi walked back to his office, as soon as he was inside he closed the door behind him, slamming his back against it and burying his face in his hands.  
“Damnit!” He shouted out loud, his voice muffled by his palms.  
He had one promise to keep, just one and he nearly ended up breaking it in the most horrifying way possible. He could just see Mike’s face in his mind, the anger at him for daring to hurt his beloved f/n, but even worse...the disappointment that he had broken that last promise he made to his friend before his death.  
He hadn’t killed you, thankfully you were still alive. Although in the darkest corners of his mind he couldn’t help but wonder...if Erwin hadn’t have shown up, if you had refused to yield to him...would he have done it? Would he have ended your life? Would he have been able to stop himself before it was too late?  
“Snap out of it Ackerman!” He snarled, hitting himself on the head a few times  
He walked back to his desk and sat down, sighing deeply he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.  
‘How could I do that to her? How could I do that to someone I-”  
His train of thought was derailed by a knock on the door.  
He growled and opened his eyes.  
“Name and business.” He said bluntly.  
“Levi...it’s f/n. I...just wanted to see if you were okay.”  
His eyes widened and he swallowed down the lump in his throat, giving himself a moment to regain his composure.  
“Enter.”

You drew a deep breath and entered Levi’s office, closing the door behind you.  
“So you finally escaped the infirmary then?” You smirked, walking up to the desk. “How many bones did I break?”  
Levi’s eyes narrowed at you.   
‘How the hell can you crack jokes and act so casual around me when I almost killed you?’   
“None.” Came the blunt reply, you stopped and leaned against the desk, looking down at him.  
Your smirk faded and you nodded, Levi noticed a look of genuine concern on your face.  
“Well that’s good to know then.”   
“What about you?”  
You shrugged.   
“No serious damage, I’ll be sore for a while but that’s about it.”  
Levi nodded.  
‘You’re a terrible liar f/n, do you think I’m stupid?’  
His brow furrowed as he looked towards your neck, flinching internally seeing the purple bruises starting to form where he had strangled you. He felt sick to his stomach knowing that he had done that to you.  
He rose from his seat and moved to stand in front of you.  
“I heard you talking to Shitty Glasses earlier.” He confessed, staring straight into your eyes.  
You furrowed your brows in confusion.  
“I know I nearly killed you f/n.” He said bluntly.  
Your e/c eyes widened in shock, you opened your mouth to speak but no words came out.  
Levi rubbed his left hand over his eyes, struggling to keep his composure.  
You swallowed down the lump in your throat, had he been eavesdropping on you and Hanji? That didn’t seem like something he would do.  
“Yeah well you didn’t, I’m still alive.” You finally found your voice.  
“That’s not the point and you know it!” He snarled, removing his hand from his face.  
You tried to jump back but remembered the desk was behind you, so it was a futile escape attempt.  
“I promised Mike I’d take care of you.” He continued, softening his tone slightly. “I couldn’t live with myself if I broke that promise to him.”  
“Levi...” You raised your right arm to place it on his left, but then thought better of it and lowered it again.  
“What happened today, just forget about it. I mean let’s face it...I did kind of provoke you with the shitty mood I was in.”  
“You had your reasons.” He replied bluntly, his eyes narrowed and he averted his gaze.   
“That didn’t give me the right to do...that to you.”  
“Yeah but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, I’m sorry.”  
Levi turned back to you and sighed, gritting his teeth he tried to find the right words.  
“F/n...”  
You looked straight into his eyes, once again you could see the man you stood with in front of the burning pyre a month ago. The man you’d never imagined Levi to be.  
“What happened earlier...it was never my intention to nearly...” He tensed up in anger, not anger at you however. Anger at himself for losing control and almost ending your life.   
“I never meant to try and kill you. I never even intended to beat the shit out of you like that...I don’t know what happened...I’m sorry.”  
‘Damnit f/n you have no idea how bad I feel about this.’  
“It’s okay Levi, I forgive you. Like I said, I shouldn’t have provoked you.” You replied.  
“F/n none of this is your fault.” He gently put his hands on your shoulders.  
“The one thing I can’t get my head around though is...you only yielded to me because Erwin showed up. You’re so damned stubborn you’d have rather let me kill you than give up.”  
‘Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?’ He added in his mind.  
You lowered your head, unable to meet his gaze.  
‘So he was eavesdropping, but why?’  
“F/n...look at me.”   
You slowly raised your head to face him, staring into his eyes once more. A familiar softness seemed to resonate within them.  
“Mike wouldn’t want to see you dead.” He paused for a moment. “You’re wrong about having nothing to live for.”  
You swallowed hard at his words.  
Levi sighed deeply.  
‘I don’t want to see you dead either.’  
“You’re not a failure f/n. Believe me, I know how hard it is the first time you command a squad on an expedition and end up losing some of them.”  
You wanted to speak, but couldn’t find any words.   
You knew that Levi spoke from personal experience, he’d probably had it happen countless times over the years. Only last month he had lost his entire squad...a squad he had served with for almost four years.  
“The first time is always the worst.” He said softly. “The truth is, it never gets any easier.”  
You continued to stare at him, silently listening to his wisdom. It was clear in your mind why he was Humanity’s Strongest now. Not just his physical strength but the inner strength he had as well, it was no wonder so many of the scouts looked up to him.  
“I know this isn’t really you f/n, you just need to build your confidence back up.” He said suddenly. “The f/n I know doesn’t back down, she wouldn’t willingly let someone end her life.” He cautiously raised his right hand to your face, gently resting his palm on your right cheek.  
“The f/n I know would bring hell down on anyone who stood in her way. She’s an annoyingly stubborn bitch with a temper to match. She’s in there somewhere, you just have to find her again.”  
Your brow furrowed, where the hell had the Levi you’d always known gone? You never thought he was capable of showing such emotion and feeling for his comrades, of course you knew he cared, but never on this scale.  
‘Please f/n, come back.’ Levi thought to himself. ‘I hate seeing you like this...it’s not who you are.’  
Suddenly knock at the door interrupted you.  
“Levi, it’s Erwin.”  
Levi recoiled from you and returned to his seat.  
“Yes?”  
The door opened and Erwin stepped into the office, raising a bushy eyebrow at you.  
“Ah f/n you’re here too...not looking to start round two are you?”  
“No Sir.” You replied standing up straight.  
“Good, by the way...both of you will be cleaning the library on your own every night for the next three months. I will not tolerate fighting among my soldiers, especially not officers who should know better. Maybe being forced to spend even more time together will instill a much needed sense of teamwork, do I myself clear?”  
“Yes Sir.” You replied quietly  
“Understood.” Said Levi.  
“Good, now the carriage is here to take us to the Cadet Corps.” He continued to stare at the pair of you. “I will see you in the courtyard.”

The ride to the Cadet Corps training camp was an awkwardly silent one. Neither Levi or Erwin spoke to you or each other for that matter. Maybe Erwin was still angry with the pair of you, you had a feeling the reason Levi had gone quiet on you was because he had his defences back up. His eyes were once again cold and his face set in a frown as usual, you and Hanji often joked that it was his default setting.  
Arriving at the Cadet Corps you felt like you were being hit in the face with a sledgehammer, so many memories of the past came flooding back to you.  
You looked around, noticing things didn’t seem to have changed at all in the past thirteen years.  
The same billet blocks where the cadets slept, the same wooden training frames where cadets were suspended above the ground so they learned to balance themselves before they were trained to use ODM Gear.   
“This place almost feels timeless.” You muttered to yourself.  
“Erwin Smith.”  
A familiar voice brought you back to reality.  
“Keith Shadis.” Greeted Erwin.  
You looked around and saw a tall bald man with deep set amber eyes, you recognized him in an instant, he had been in charge when you were a mere cadet.  
“I see you have Captain Levi and...who might this be?” Asked the Cadet Corps commander, his brow furrowing. “She looks familiar.”   
“F/n l/n.” You replied. “I graduated ten years ago.”  
Shadis’s eyes widened.  
“F/n L/n?” He let out a hearty laugh. “Oh I remember you! Foul mouthed little thing you were, always having to run laps to try and curb that temper of yours!”  
“Yep, that was was me!” You grinned.  
“Don’t tell me this bad tempered little madam is an officer now!” He gasped, looking at Erwin in disbelief.  
“Recently promoted to Squad Leader.” Said Erwin almost proudly, a stark contrast to how he sounded when he spoke to you earlier.  
“I told you you had a bright future if you reined in that damned temper.” Said Shadis, folding his arms over his chest.  
“Granted she has her moments, but don’t we all?” Erwin added raising an eyebrow in Levi’s direction.   
You bit back a smirk as Levi raised an unamused eyebrow at Erwin.  
“Shall we?” Asked Shadis breaking the tension between the two men.

Shadis led the three of you to the large parade square where the graduates of the Cadet Corps were assembled.   
“I can’t believe this was me thirteen years ago.” You mused, looking around at the all the young faces that had stepped up to the mark to join the military and forge a career for themselves within its ranks.  
Erwin stepped up onto the front of the congregation, leaving you and Levi to hang back slightly.  
The cadets assembled before you saluted and waited.  
“My name is Erwin Smith, I am the Commander of the Survey Corps.” Began Erwin, his eyes scanning the crowd.  
“Today you graduate as soldiers and choose the regiment you will pledge your lives to. I will not beat around the bush here, the Survey Corps needs you. We need all the able bodies we can get to join us in our war on the titans.”  
You stood by Levi’s side and looked across the crowd of cadets, most of them looked about ready to turn and run away. A deep set frown spread across your features as Erwin continued his speech.  
“As you may have heard, the last expedition was our worst yet for casualties. We incurred losses of fifty percent in one expedition!”  
A deafening gasp went up from the crowd.  
You gritted your teeth and shook where you stood, desperately trying to keep images of Mike’s death out of your mind. Levi however noticed the look of anger in your eyes.   
“Keep it together f/n, you can do this.” He muttered.  
You glanced at him for a moment and then turned your attention back to Erwin drew a breath and continued.  
“However, we will carry on. The next expedition is set for three months from now, recruits who join us tonight will be expected to take part. I estimate about a third of them will die!”  
Another gasp erupted around you.  
“He’s really not selling it to them is he?” You whispered to Levi.  
“At least he’s being honest.” Came the reply.   
“However, those that survive will be among the most capable soldiers alive.” Stated Erwin. “You will join the likes of Captain Levi and some of you may even better yourselves, like our newest officer Squad Leader l/n, who has survived ten years worth of expeditions from joining us when she was your age!” He turned and motioned for the two of you to step forward, which you did.  
“It is possible to survive in the Survey Corps, these brave and capable officers are living proof of that.”  
He paused again, looking over the now frightened faces of the cadets.  
“Now having heard what I have to say, those of you who still wish to join the Survey Corps, remain here. However, you must first ask yourself...are you willing to lay your life on the line for humanity?”  
You had a bad feeling that the commanders openness about how bad things were at the moment would put off most of the cadets, it wouldn’t surprise you if no one signed up.  
“Those of you still wishing to join us, remain here. The rest of you wanting to join other regiments are dismissed.”  
You watched with trepidation as the crowd slowly began to disperse, more and more cadets turned to walk away.  
“I have a bad feeling about this.” You muttered.  
After what felt like an eternity, a small crowd remained standing before you, your eyes widened.   
“I hope they know what they’re letting themselves in for.” Mused Levi. “It’s not going to be an easy ride.”  
“They obviously feel they can handle it.” You replied. “I was once in their boots, I often think about whether I made the right choice or not.”  
Levi his head turned to look at you.  
“Did you?” He questioned.  
You looked him straight in the eye.  
“Yes I did.” You replied evenly. “I may have lost my entire family because of it...but I know I made the right choice.”

The recruitment drive had been a small success, about thirty, maybe forty recruits had chosen to pledge their lives to the Survey Corps, still it was better than nothing. Erwin hadn’t been expecting many recruits to join, he never did.  
The Survey Corps was the most dangerous regiment and with the highest death rate of any military branch it was not for the faint hearted.  
“Well, we may not have come away with very many new recruits.” Mused Erwin, looking out at the starry night sky as the carriage took them back to the Survey Corps HQ. “I think we did rather well to come away with the number we did though, don’t you agree?”  
His bushy brows furrowed when he received no response from his subordinates.  
“Levi? F/n?”  
He turned back to the two officers sat opposite him and chuckled softly, shaking his head.  
You and Levi were so exhausted from your earlier fight that the gentle rocking of the carriage had lulled you both to sleep.   
You were sat with your arms folded across your chest, your head had lolled to rest on Levi’s right shoulder. Levi was sat with the same posture as you, with the exception that his head was resting against yours.  
Erwin smiled warmly and let the pair of you to sleep, you clearly needed it...however he would still wake you both up to carry out your punishment when you returned to HQ!


	20. Appologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Levi's guilt over the previous days events still haunts them...is it possible for them to move on and learn to trust one another?

“Oh fuck me!”   
You winced and groaned, forcing your aching body to sit up in your bed.   
Untangling your protesting limbs from the thin sheets felt like a military operation that needed months of planning.  
“I really hope Levi feels as rough as I do.”  
You pushed yourself up from the bed and looked over your aching body, you were covered in angry black bruises from yesterday’s fight.  
“Please, please, please don’t say I have ODM Gear training today.” You winced, making your way to the wardrobe to grab a fresh uniform.  
Getting dressed seemed to take forever, especially when it came to buckling up your ODM Gear harness.   
Finally you managed to pull your boots on and grabbed your jacket as you shakily stood up, making your way through to your office.  
Thankfully when you checked the training schedule it indicated you and Levi were teaching formation tactics for the morning and then basic titan killing skills for the afternoon.   
A knock on the door soon distracted you.  
“Enter!” You called, rubbing your bruised throat.  
“Morning f/n!” Came a male voice as the door opened.  
You looked round and smiled, seeing Eren and Mikasa enter the office.  
“Well this is a surprise.” You said, putting your jacket on. “What brings you two here?”  
“We wanted you to join us for breakfast, it’s been ages since we saw you properly.” Smiled Eren.  
“I would say we could meet up this evening after I’ve finished going through the day’s paperwork with Levi, but Erwin has decided we need to clean the library every night for the next three months after our little fight yesterday.”  
Mikasa’s face dropped like a lead weight.  
“You’re still paired up with him? After what he did to you?” She sounded mortified, but there was also a strong sense of anger in her tone. “What the hell is Commander Erwin thinking?”  
You laughed and shook your head, while you appreciated Mikasa looking out for you she was taking things a little too far.  
“Mikasa, calm down. You forget that I did actually provoke him, he’s not entirely to blame for what happened yesterday.”  
“Well if he touches you again…”  
You raised your eyebrows silencing her.  
“He’s apologized for yesterday and I’ve forgiven him, so leave it at that.”  
Eren raised an eyebrow in astonishment.  
“Captain Levi...apologized?”   
“Yes now can we just drop the subject please?” You groaned, rolling your eyes. If you could let this go then why the hell couldn’t they?

You entered the mess hall to be greeted by stares and whispers from the other scouts.  
“I can’t believe Squad Leader l/n and Captain Levi yesterday. I bet they are sore today!”  
“I heard Commander Erwin is still making them work together, I wonder who will snap first.”  
“Do you reckon they will try tearing each other apart again?”  
You sat down in the corner with Eren and Mikasa, trying to ignore all the stares and comments.  
“Ugh, get over yourselves.” You rolled your eyes, taking a sip of your tea.  
“Don't listen to them f/n.” Said Eren, stirring his porridge.   
“Trying not to kiddo.” You smiled, raising your cup to your lips to take a sip of tea, you winced as the warm liquid burned your bruised throat.

Levi pushed himself upright in his chair, yet again he’d fallen asleep at his desk.  
“Damnit.” He groaned, stretching his aching arms.  
Every muscle in his body felt like it was on fire, at least he wasn’t going to be flying around with his ODM Gear today.   
He rubbed his eyes and winced as the left side of his face flared up painfully, he blinked a few times before fully waking up and realizing he couldn’t see anything out of his left eye. Cautiously feeling his cheek he noticed it was swollen so badly that he couldn’t actually open his eye.  
A knock at the door soon caught his attention.  
“Name and business.” He groaned rubbing the back of his neck.  
“Squad Leader Nanaba, got some paperwork for you.”  
“Enter.”  
The door opened and Nanaba walked in, closing the door behind her. She cocked her head and raised her eyebrows as she approached the desk.   
“Wow you look like you got into a fist fight with a titan and lost!”  
“Tch, I’d hardly call f/n a titan.” Muttered Levi.  
Nanaba frowned, putting the pile of paperwork on the desk.  
“Yes, I heard all about your fight with f/n from Hanji. Apparently you nearly killed her.”  
‘Thanks for reminding me.’  
Levi swallowed hard and narrowed his good eye, damn Shitty Glasses, she never could keep her big mouth shut. He was still feeling intensely guilty about what happened as it was, he didn’t particularly want people reminding him of his actions.  
“She gave as good as she got.” Shrugged Levi.   
“Evidently, if your face is anything to go by!” Smirked Nanaba, admiring Levi’s bruised and swollen cheek. “Remind me to congratulate her for knocking you on your ass!”  
“Is there a point to this?” Remarked Levi bluntly.  
Nanaba shrugged.   
“Not really. I just don’t like seeing f/n get hurt, she’s our comrade Levi. You could try being a little nicer to her, then maybe she wouldn’t hate you enough to take her temper out on you.”  
Levi raised an eyebrow.  
“I’m done with this conversation.” He stood from his desk and walked away towards his bedroom.  
“Suit yourself.” Shrugged Nanaba, walking back towards the door. “Just try not to get yourself beaten up again.”  
Levi simply glared at her as she left, only when she had gone did his stoic mask slip.   
He had fully expected your friends to give him a hard time over what happened, but what Nanaba said about you hating him cut deeper than anything Mikasa had threatened him with.  
You didn’t really hate him...did you? You’d admitted he made you feel uncomfortable around him but you’d never said you hated him. Well not to his face anyway, although to be honest he doubted you would say it behind his back, that wasn’t your style. Maybe Nanaba just said it to try and mess with his head and make him feel even more guilty than he already did, in which case she had succeeded.  
He sighed and entered his bedroom, pulling out a fresh uniform from the wardrobe, he stared at his reflection in the full length mirror, raising his eyebrows as he saw the effect of your punch on his face.  
His left cheek was swollen badly enough to force his eye closed, it was also marked by an angry black and purple bruise that hurt like hell.  
“Damn you f/n.” He grumbled.

You parted ways with Eren and Mikasa after breakfast, promising to meet them for lunch before you headed towards Levi’s office.  
“Morning f/n, how are you feeling?”  
You looked up and saw Nanaba approaching you.  
“Morning Nanaba.” You smiled. “In all honesty? I feel like I was the ball in a game of tennis between two titans!”  
Nanaba laughed and shook her head.   
“As sarcastic as ever, glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”  
She folded her arms and frowned, looking at the angry purple marks on your neck.  
“Does that still hurt?” She asked worriedly.  
“A little.” You replied. “Mainly when I swallow, but I’ll survive.”  
After a brief paused Nanaba spoke again.  
“So where are you heading?”  
“Levi’s office.” You replied. “I didn’t see him in the mess hall, so I wanted to check if he was okay.”  
“Oh I’ve just come from there, he’s fine.”  
You raised an eyebrow.  
“How rough does he look?”   
“Very! Nice work on his face by the way!”  
“What?” You bit back a giggle.  
“Oh he’s got one hell of a black eye, he can’t even open it!”  
Your eyes widened in shock, your smile instantly disappearing.  
“Damn I knew I punched him pretty hard but I didn’t realize I’d done that...I better go, catch you later.”  
Nanaba watched you rush off with a raised eyebrow, curious as to why you were so concerned for the raven haired captain after yesterdays events.

“Hey f/n where’s the fire?”   
You span round and saw Hanji approaching you.  
“Nowhere, I’m just heading to Levi’s office...why?”  
“I just ran into Nanaba, she said the moment she mentioned Shorty had a black eye you shot off like a titan was chasing you!”   
Hanji smirked and folded her arms.  
“Couldn’t wait to admire your handy work huh?”  
You frowned and narrowed your eyes.  
“What? No I wanted to make sure he was okay.”  
Hanji’s smirk widened.  
“Oh I see, you want to give him a rub down before training do you?”  
Your eyes widened in horror.  
“You need to get your mind out of the sewer!”   
“Oh? Not denying it I see!”  
“Hanji I swear if you don’t shut up, I’ll give you a black eye!”  
“Calm down f/n I’m joking!” She laughed.  
“Yeah well not funny, so zip it!”  
Hanji giggled and made a motion with her right hand suggesting she was pulling an invisible zipper across her mouth, continuing to follow you towards Levis office.

Levi finally managed to put a clean uniform on, his very bones ached and protested with every movement he made.  
“That stubborn bitch really knows how to use that temper of hers.” He mused, finishing tying his cravat and making his way back into his office.  
Another knock on the door sounded as he slowly sat back down at his desk, wincing at the burning pain flaring up in the backs of his legs.  
“Name and business.”   
“Morning Shorty!”  
“Ugh just what I need.” He groaned, rolling his good eye upon hearing Hanji’s voice.  
Without waiting for a reply, the office door opened and Hanji breezed in.   
Levi glared at her, however it softened visibly as he saw you enter behind her.  
“Oh wow Shorty, you look like a basket of rotten fruit!” Laughed Hanji, bounding up to him and reaching out to poke his cheek.  
“Touch me with your filthy hands and I’ll break your fingers Shitty Glasses!” Growled Levi dangerously.   
Had he been able to open his left eye he would’ve seen you stood slightly to Hanji’s right desperately trying to fight back a giggle that was threatening to escape your lips.  
“Does it hurt?” Asked Hanji excitedly. “It looks pretty nasty. F/n come check out your handy work!”  
“Get out!” Snarled Levi, he really wasn’t in the mood for Hanji’s antics this morning.  
“I’d do as he says if I were you.” You warned, still trying to prevent yourself from giggling. However Hanji ignored you and continued provoking Levi.  
“Aw come on, let me touch it!” She begged. “Pretty please with sugar on top!”   
“GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!” Yelled Levi, causing Hanji to jump back and land on the desk.  
“Whoa calm down Shorty!” Gasped Hanji removing herself from the desk.  
“NOW!”   
“Okay, okay, don’t get your cravat in a knot!” She grumbled, making her way towards the door.  
Sensing Levi was in a bad mood you decided it would be best to try and sneak away as well.  
“Where do you think you’re going?” Asked Levi, noticing you trying to follow Hanji.  
“I erm...I was going to...go set up the training room.” You replied, nervously turning your head back to face him.  
“I didn’t give you permission to leave.”  
Hanji smiled and mouthed “good luck” at you before leaving, closing the door behind her.  
You swallowed hard and made your way towards Levi, standing on his side of the desk you leaned back against it and stared at him, folding your arms.  
“So do I have to start calling you Captain again now?”  
Levi regarded you coldly.  
‘So the real you is starting to show herself again? Good, it’s about time.’  
“No, you don’t.” He said evenly, his gaze softening slightly.  
You nodded thoughtfully and cocked your head slightly, regarding his injured face.  
“Wow I punched you pretty hard yesterday huh?” You smiled. “That should be my claim to fame. The woman who punched Humanity’s Strongest!”  
Levi raised an eyebrow at you.  
‘Damnit you look so innocent when you smile f/n, it’s the perfect disguise for that temper of yours.’  
“Does it hurt?” You spoke again, snapping him out of his thoughts.  
“A little.” Replied Levi, he tensed suddenly as you cautiously reached out and gently held his chin in your right hand, tilting his head into the light so you could have a better look at his cheek.  
He swallowed hard blinking at you when you leaned and examined your handy work. You’d caught him completely off guard, that was the second time you’d managed to do that.   
Maybe Nanaba was wrong, maybe you didn’t hate him after all...or were you just very good at hiding your hatred behind a mask of fake concern?  
His gaze turned towards your neck, his good eye narrowing slightly seeing the dark purple bruises he’d left on you, a sharp pang of guilt gripped his chest.  
He suddenly tensed again as he felt you gently run your thumb over his bruised face.  
“Sorry.” You muttered recoiling your hand in embarrassment and averting your gaze, a blush dusting your cheeks.   
“I didn’t actually mean to punch you, my instincts kind of kicked in.”  
Levi’s gaze met yours, his grey eyes locked with your e/c orbs.  
“Well I did always tell you to trust your instincts.” He replied.  
You smiled at him once again.  
“Yeah you did. Anyway, my instincts tell me we should get out of here and set up the training room.”  
You pushed yourself off the desk and winced slightly when your stiff joints protested, failing to notice the concerned look on Levi’s face as you walked towards the door.   
You looked back and grinned, seeing that he seemed to be in as much pain with his aching body as you were when he forced himself out of his chair and made his way towards you.  
You were both thankful that today’s training was theory based rather than practical, otherwise there was a chance you may have both ended up bedridden in the infirmary for the next week!


	21. Developing Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month has passed and Reader slowly starts to develop a bond of friendship with Levi

“Don’t you dare f/n!”  
“Don’t you dare f/n what Levi?”  
“You know damned well what!”  
“You mean”   
“Damnit f/n, get off me!”  
“Yield and maybe I will!”  
“Tch! Stubborn bitch!”  
“Have it your way you short ass bastard!”  
A manic grin crossed your face as you and Levi continued to spar.  
You had some time to kill before the final group of recruits turned up for their hand to hand combat lesson, so you had challenged him to a sparring match.   
However you decided to seek a bit of revenge for him nearly killing you during your last fight...Levi was well aware of your habit of monkey scrubbing your opponents into submission, he just never realized he would ever be on the receiving end of it!  
You had him trapped in a headlock, your left arm tightly gripped him round his neck while your right hand balled up into a fist and you proceeded to rub your knuckles into his skull, messing up his usually neat raven hair.  
Levi squirmed in your grasp, his strength far exceeded yours and he soon managed to wriggle free.  
“Oh crap!” You muttered seeing the murderous look in his cold grey eyes.  
Levi proceeded to grab your hair and pull your head back.  
“Really Levi? If you’re gonna resort to fighting like a girl by hair pulling, learn to do it properly!”   
You smirked and reached back, grabbing the bangs on the right side of his face and yanking them hard from the base of his skull. Levi’s eyes widened and he gritted his teeth.  
“It works better if you pull from the roots.” You laughed, swiftly spinning around and kicking him on the backside, sending him sprawling to the floor.  
You quickly flipped him onto his back and sat on him, straddling his hips, you pinned his wrists above his head and leaned over him.  
“Do you yield?” You questioned with a smile.  
Levi glared up at you and flipped you over so he was now straddling you.  
“What the hell is going on here?” Yelled a voice.  
“Erwin’s here to save you again... is something going on between you?” Snorted Levi, you picked up on a hint of sarcasm in his voice.  
“Ew gross!” You retorted. “I’d sooner kiss you than Commander Carpet Brows!”  
Levi’s eyes widened but before he could respond a dark shadow fell over the pair of you.  
“Please tell me you two aren’t trying to kill each other again.” Groaned the commander, rubbing his right hand over his eyes in disdain.  
“No Sir, we’re not.” You giggled. “Just a friendly sparring match before the recruits arrive for their lesson.”  
Erwin raised an overly bushy eyebrow at the pair of you.  
“I see...and do your sparring matches usually end in such compromising positions?”  
You blushed suddenly realizing Levi was straddling you, he also soon noticed the position you were in and quickly recoiled from you, pushing himself to his feet.  
“No Sir, but I did provoke him by fighting dirty.”   
Erwin shook his head and rolled his eyes.  
“Well at least you two are getting on better than what you were last month.”  
You stood up and dusted yourself down.   
He wasn’t wrong, you and Levi had indeed been getting on a lot better, in fact you would go as far as saying that a slight friendship was actually starting to form between the pair of you. There were still one or two uneasy moments but that was to be expected, however things had definitely improved between you.   
The awkward silences in the library as you completed the day’s paperwork had now turned into conversations in the mess hall while drinking tea together and comparing training results. Intense staring matches were becoming a thing of the past and slowly being replaced with occasional glances and reasonable eye contact. You were actually starting to feel comfortable around Levi for the first time since joining the Survey Corps, maybe Hanji was right, maybe he wasn’t so bad once you got used to him.  
“Right well, try not to have all the recruits monkey scrubbing each other into submission f/n.” Smirked Erwin, a hint of amusement was evident in his tone. “You’re paired up with Levi to improve your teaching skills, not mess around.”  
“Yes Sir.” You giggled.   
Erwin nodded and walked away, once again leaving you alone with Levi.  
You folded your arms and grinned at him, when he raised an eyebrow at you.  
“Tch, if that’s the only way you can win a sparring match, I don’t rate your chances of success against a real opponent.”  
You rolled your eyes.   
“That was hardly a sparring match, to be honest I’m still a bit nervous about getting into a proper fight with you after last time.”  
Levi frowned and approached you.  
“I thought we’d gotten past that?”  
“Yeah I’ve forgiven you for it, I know you’d never intentionally hurt me but, I guess it’s just...you still unnerve me a little.”  
Levi’s frown deepened, but you gave him a soft smile.  
“Don’t worry about it, you don’t unnerve me as much as you used to do. Besides that little scuffle we had just now was pretty funny, come on admit it.”  
“Tch, I’d hardly call having your knuckles ground into my skull fun.”  
“Well it was fun for me, especially seeing you try to fight like a girl!” You giggled.   
Levi shook his head and brushed his hair back into place.  
“It was the only thing I could think of to get you into a headlock!” He retorted.  
“I didn’t hurt you when I tried tearing your hair out did I?” You asked nervously.  
Levi’s gaze towards you softened and he shook his head  
“Not much, no.”  
“Good.”   
You gave him another warm smile as silence descended over the pair of you.  
Levi stared at you as you pulled your hair out of it’s band and proceeded to run your fingers through it to straighten out the bumps from your fight before tying it back again.  
‘It’s good to see you back to your old self f/n.’

The final lesson of the day went well in your opinion, the new recruits were picking up the sparring techniques well.   
You even got up the courage to challenge Levi to a proper match so you could show the recruits how it was done, he was skeptical at first but eventually agreed.  
The recruits surrounded you and watched with interest as you and Levi circled each other.  
“Kick his ass Squad Leader!” Yelled one of the female recruits.  
“Get real, he’s Humanity’s Strongest!” Laughed one of the males. “She’s got no chance!”  
You narrowed you eyes in concentration and lunged forward, throwing the first punch.  
Levi easily blocked your blow and spun you round, twisting your arm up your back and pulling you against him.  
You grunted and raised your left arm, his grip on you loosened as you felt your elbow connect with his stomach. You then managed to land a punch on the left side of his face, you weren’t done yet however, you then followed that up with a swift sweep of your right leg, kicking Levi’s legs from under him.  
“Wow!” Gasped some of the recruits.  
Levi pulled himself to his feet and stared at you.  
“So you do know how to spar properly without resorting to playground antics after all.” He said. Was that...admiration you heard in his tone? Had you actually managed to impress him?  
You didn’t have time to dwell on your thoughts as Levi came charging towards you and threw a punch at your face, you barely managed to block it and jump back to avoid a kick to the stomach.  
You lunged forward and threw another punch, Levi however expertly blocked it and kicked your feet from under you, you’d been so angry during your last proper sparring match that you’d forgotten how fast he was.  
Before you knew what was happening Levi descended on you and put his hand round your throat to make you yield, a decision he instantly regretted when he saw how wide your e/c eyes went and a look of sheer terror swept across your face.  
‘You idiot what did you expect?’ He berated himself internally for his action.  
“Go on Captain, give her a kiss!” Laughed one of the recruits.  
Levi’s eyes narrowed in anger, making you tremble beneath him.  
With a growl he pushed himself from you and offered you his hand to pull you up.  
You swallowed nervously and slowly reached up, taking his hand and allowing him to help you to your feet.  
“Which immature brat said that?” He snarled, scanning the now terrified crowd.  
You dusted yourself down and looked around, your gaze falling upon a blushing male trying to hide behind his friends.  
“You!” You snapped. “Get out here!”  
The male nervously stepped forward, he kept his gaze on the floor.  
“You think it’s funny to make comments like that when we’re trying to teach you self defence do you?” You growled.  
The recruit shook his head rapidly.  
“The titan’s are not your only enemy!” You raised your voice so everyone could hear you. “Sometimes, humans can be your enemies as well. If you are not prepared to take what Captain Levi and I teach you seriously, then I suggest you hand in your uniforms and clear off back home now!”  
Levi raised an eyebrow but remained silent, surely you weren’t going to lose your temper with a bunch of rookies?  
“Stupid comments like that are unacceptable. Am I making myself clear?”  
“Yes Squad Leader!” They all shouted in unison.  
“You’re all dismissed, except you.” You turned and pointed at the recruit you were berating. “You can go report to Ness and help him in the stables for the next week!”  
“Yes Squad Leader.” Mumbled the recruit.  
You glared at him, watching him retreat with his head down.  
Levi cautiously approached you.  
“Are you okay f/n?”   
You looked at him and nodded.  
“Yeah, just got a little shaken up when you...” You shook your head and grimaced.  
Levi’s eyes narrowed slightly.  
“Don’t act like it didn’t affect you, I saw the look in your eyes.”  
You sighed and folded your arms.  
“I’ll get over it in time.” You smiled, but Levi wasn’t convinced.  
“I didn’t hurt you did I?”  
“No you didn’t.”  
“Good.”  
Levi stared at you for a moment, feeling guilty that he’d used the same method to make you yield that had nearly killed you a month ago. You may have forgiven him for it, but he was having a much harder time forgiving himself.  
“Come on.” He said finally breaking the awkward silence that had descended. “We’ve got a mountain of paperwork to sort through before we go to the library.”  
“Only two more months and I can actually have my evenings to myself again.” You smirked, earning you an eye roll from Levi as you walked back to the castle.

“Whoa what the hell is going on here?”  
You looked up from your paperwork and raised an eyebrow.  
Hanji stood behind you giggling away like a schoolgirl.  
“You and Shorty are actually sat...wait this is weird...drinking tea together and going through your paperwork like adults?”  
You and Levi exchanged a glance before you both turned back to her.  
“Your point being?” Remarked Levi in a bored tone.  
“Since when were you two so friendly with each other?” Smirked Hanji folding her arms.  
You rolled your eyes.  
“Hanji we’ve been doing this for nearly a fortnight, do you need new glasses or something?”  
“Well Erwin said you were getting on better after last month’s little...incident, I just didn’t believe him. Plus I’ve not really seen you since the new recruits arrived, mainly because you’ve been busy with them and I’ve been spending all my time in my lab with Moblit.”  
“Good point.” You replied, sipping your tea. Your mind began to wander, if there was one thing you’d learned about Levi over the last two weeks, it was that he was a master at brewing tea. You’d have to pay more attention to how he did it in future, to be honest it was strange to you how your love of tea hadn’t gotten the two of you talking sooner...you both drank enough of the stuff!  
“So how are your experiments going?” You asked, putting your cup down.  
Hanji shook her head sadly.   
“Not well at all.”  
Your brow furrowed.  
“Really? How come?”  
Hanji sighed and walked around the table, taking a seat opposite you and Levi.  
“Things are progressing very slowly and in all fairness things haven’t really progressed very far since our experiment in the derelict training ground.”  
Your eyes widened, Levi however ignored you and Hanji, opting to carry on with the day’s paperwork.  
“Wow that bad huh?” You remarked, handing Levi the paper you’d been marking so he could add it to the growing pile on his side of the table.  
“Titan’s are very complex subjects to study.” Began Hanji. “No brain so to speak, no reproductive organs...no organs full stop actually!”  
Your eyes widened.  
“So if they don’t have a brain how are they capable of learning?”  
“Well therein lies the problem.” Sighed Hanji. “It seems they just...how can I put this.”  
You raised an eyebrow in curiosity, even Levi now seemed to look up from his paperwork, but he was far from interested in anything Hanji had to say.  
“As long as they die when we slice their napes off I don’t care!” He grunted, sipping his tea before shoving a pile of papers onto your side of the desk, indicating that you should get back to helping him.  
You rolled your eyes took the first paper from the pile.  
“I guess the best way to explain it in layman's terms is that they just learn by imitating.” Said Hanji. “They reach up, realize they can grab something and instinct takes over.”  
“Still pretty worrying though.” You remarked,your brow furrowed as you spoke.  
“I know.” Replied Hanji,a manic grin spread across her face and she stood up.  
“It’s still pretty exciting though!”  
“Oh boy! You grunted, turning your attention back to your paperwork.  
“Anyway, I only came in here to grab a coffee for Moblit and myself. I have a feeling it’s going to be another all nighter! You kids have fun!”  
You smirked and shook your head.  
“Bye Hanji.”  
“Tch, I thought we were going to be stuck with her all night!” Groaned Levi.  
You looked over at him.  
“I worry about her, she’s going to push herself too hard one of these days.”  
Levi stopped what he was doing and looked up at you.  
‘So typical of you f/n, always putting others first.’  
“She’ll be fine.” He shrugged and turned back to his work.  
You sighed deeply and did the same, at least recruit training was going well.  
You could slowly feel your confidence returning to you, a sad smile crossed your face as your mind wandered again, this time your thoughts dwelling on Mike.  
Things were getting easier, but you still missed him terribly.   
The scent of him that used to cling to his jacket had now faded and you simply kept it in your wardrobe as a keepsake to remember him by. Occasionally you found yourself cuddling it when your most troubling thoughts haunted you, it acted as a small comfort to you, almost like a part of him was still with you.   
Sure you had all your memories of him but you just wanted that one last physical reminder of him to hold onto during your darkest days.  
A deep sigh escaped you, you ran your hands over your face and back through your hair, not noticing the concerned look on Levi’s face when he stopped what he was doing and looked over at you.  
“Hey, you okay?” He asked, concern was evident in his voice.  
“Huh?” You looked over at him, your gaze meeting his.  
“Yeah...just tired.” You replied looking away.  
“Well we’ll be done soon.” Said Levi. “No one’s been in the library today so hopefully it should be easy enough to sort out tonight.”  
You nodded and turned your attention back to your paperwork, the sooner you got done the sooner you could retire to your quarters for the night.


	22. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi finally manages to gain Reader's trust, but is that the only thing he's gained?

“Ah f/n, glad I’ve caught you.”   
You had not long sat down to have your morning cup of tea when a deep voice interrupted your solitude. You looked around to be greeted by the sight of Commander Erwin standing over you.  
“What can I help you with Sir?” You asked quizzically.  
“May I?” He asked gesturing to an empty seat at your table.  
You nodded and he seated himself opposite you, placing his coffee down on the table he sat forward in his seat and folded his arms, resting them on the table.  
“How are you today?” He asked, catching you off guard.  
“I’m okay Sir, a bit tired from all the intense training and extra paperwork but apart from that I’m fine thank you...why do you ask?”  
Erwin nodded and stared straight at you.  
“Just checking, I was a little concerned after I caught you and Levi in a...well compromising situation yesterday.”  
You blushed slightly remembering your little scuffle with the short captain, however a smirk crept across your face.  
“Permission to speak openly Sir.”  
“Granted.”  
You giggled.  
“What exactly are you trying to imply?”  
Erwin raised an eyebrow at you.  
“Nothing at all...although I am a little concerned about the fact that one of the new recruits encouraged Levi to kiss you when you and he were giving a demonstration of your hand to hand combat skills...care to explain that?”  
You swallowed hard, feeling the blush intensify and the smirk disappear from your lips.   
“Ah...I assume you spoke to Ness then?”  
“I did.” Replied Erwin, his icy blue eyed stare seemed to grow harsher, making you cower beneath it.  
“Now, would you care to explain what happened? I’ve already asked Levi and he refused to talk about it.”  
You exhaled deeply and nodded, you knew full well that this was an order and not a request. As much as you didn’t want to land Levi in trouble you knew you couldn’t lie to Erwin.  
“When we were sparring he pinned me down and put his hand round my throat.”   
Erwin’s bushy eyebrows almost shot up to his hairline.  
“It’s okay Sir, he didn’t try and strangle me like last time.” You quickly added, thankfully this seemed to satisfy Erwin as he relaxed and continued to listen.  
“He just rested his hand round my throat, I’m assuming that’s just his way of getting someone to yield to him?”   
“Yes, he does do that a lot when he’s sparring.”  
“Anyway as soon as he realized what he’d done he let go of me. I’m guessing the recruit thought he was trying to be funny or something, obviously Levi and I didn’t find it funny.”  
Erwin nodded thoughtfully and sipped his coffee.  
“I see...well as long as nothing untoward happened.”  
“Absolutely not Sir.” You replied quickly.  
Satisfied with your answer Erwin smiled and nodded.  
“Good...ah speak of the devil.”  
Your brow furrowed and you turned to look at the main door, seeing that a certain raven haired captain had just walked through it.  
“Sir, can I make a request please?”   
“Of course.”  
“Please don’t have a go at Levi over what happened during our demonstration, he feels really bad about it.”  
Erwin smiled warmly and nodded.  
“No need to worry about that f/n.” He leaned back in his chair. “I won’t mention it again, although I will say it’s good to see you two have buried the hatchet and are moving on from what happened...Mike would be proud of you.”  
You smiled sadly and lowered your gaze.  
“I still miss him.” You muttered.  
Erwin reached out and gently squeezed your hand.  
“I know you do, it will get easier though. Keep your chin up and focus on your training. Levi may have refused to speak about what happened yesterday, but he did say he’s pleased with how well your teaching skills are coming along.”  
Your head shot up, your e/c eyes widening at the commander’s words.  
“Seriously?” You asked, your voice hitching slightly.  
Erwin nodded and picked up his coffee, standing to leave.  
“Yes, so keep up the good work, I meant what I said in that meeting with Premier Zackley two months ago. With the right guidance you will make a very competent officer.”  
“Thank you Sir, I’ll do my best.” You smiled.  
Erwin smiled and nodded again before turning to leave.  
You sighed and ran a hand back through your hair, quickly finishing your cup of tea you stood up and made your way out of the mess hall, failing to notice the disappointed look in a certain short captain’s eyes when he made his way over to join you...only to find you’d already left.

Returning to your office you decided against having a quiet five minutes to yourself, instead you grabbed your training manuals and elected to make your way to the training room where you and Levi were due to give a lesson on expedition formations.   
A small smile found its way onto your face at the thought of what Levi had said to Erwin about your teaching skills, it certainly helped boost your confidence. A thought crossed your mind and made your smile widen, maybe you would ask Levi to let you take over the entire lesson that morning. You had ten years worth of expeditions under your belt so why not push yourself a little harder?   
“Just go for it.” You told yourself, grabbing the key to your office from the table and making your way back towards the door.  
“The worst that can happen is he will say no.”  
You opened the door and stepped out into the corridor.  
“Who will say no?”  
“SHIT!”  
You jumped back against the wall and raised the thick leather bound manual, swinging it out and smacking whoever it was that had made you jump in the face.  
“OUCH! What the hell f/n?”  
Your eyes widened in horror, but you soon found yourself fighting back a giggle as you saw who it was.  
“Sorry Levi, didn’t mean to try and knock you out!” You couldn’t hold back the giggle when you saw him rubbing his sore nose.  
“Are you okay?”  
Levi answered you with a silent glare, which just intensified the more you giggled at him.  
“I’m so sorry Levi.” You continued giggling, unable to stop yourself.  
“Tch, are you trying to give me another black eye?” He deadpanned.  
You raised an eyebrow at him, you managed to stop giggling long enough to answer him.  
“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”  
Levi rolled his eyes and stared straight through you.  
“So what were you talking to yourself for?” He asked quizzically, completely ignoring your question.  
”Oh you heard that huh?” You muttered sheepishly, feeling a light blush dust your cheeks.  
“Force of habit when I get a bit edgy.”  
Levi raised an eyebrow, clearly indicating that he was still waiting for an answer to his question.  
“Well...” You began, looking him straight in the eye. “I was going to ask if you’d mind letting me take this mornings lesson unassisted.”  
Levi’s other eyebrow raised and he folded his arms, regarding you with interest.  
“Oh really?” He asked curiously. “What’s brought this on?”  
“Well I had a little chat with Erwin and according to him you’re quite pleased with how my teaching skills are progressing...so I thought I’d try and boost my confidence a little by seeing if I can fly solo.”  
“Hmm...You think you can handle it?” Asked Levi.  
“Won’t know unless I try.” You countered.  
Levi shrugged and continued to stare at you.  
“Alright then.”  
“So that’s a yes?” You asked hopefully.  
“If you feel confident enough to try, why not.”  
A huge smile spread across your face, your eyes glinting with a strong and fierce determination. Levi’s heart began to hammer against his rib cage at that fact that he was responsible for the smile that currently graced your lips, however his face didn’t show anything other than his trademark monotone frown.  
“Great, thanks Levi.”  
Levi nodded and the pair of you made your way to the training room to set up.

You pinned the long range scouting formation to the board and started flicking through the training manual looking for the correct page so you could have a quick glance before the scouts arrived for their lesson.  
Levi stood leaning against the wall, silently watching you and listening to you muttering to yourself as you memorized the necessary information you needed to conduct the lesson.  
“Having second thoughts?” Challenged Levi.  
“No way.” You replied, not looking at him. “I need to do this...no scratch that, I WILL do this.”  
Levi nodded, secretly admiring your determination.  
The door at the back of the room suddenly opened and recruits began to enter the room.  
“How many recruits do we have in this lesson?” You asked, suddenly starting to feel nervous.  
“Twenty.” Replied Levi bluntly.  
You drew a deep breath and let it out slowly.  
‘Calm down f/n you can do this.’  
“Good luck.”  
You glanced over at Levi and nodded.  
“Thanks.” You gave him a small smile, before turning to face the steady flow of recruits.  
“I’m going to need it!” 

Once all the scouts were seated and silent you scanned the room and raised your head.  
‘Okay concentrate f/n, you’ve been on more expeditions than these rookies have had hot meals!’  
“Okay rookies listen up!” You said strongly, earning their immediate attention.  
“Part of being a scout means going on expeditions beyond the walls. My job today is to teach you about Commander Erwin’s long range scouting formation.”   
The recruits sat up straight in their seats and listened intently to your words.  
“Now the basic premise of this formation is done like so...”  
You pulled out an extendable metal rod and pointed it to the tip of the formation diagram.  
“Up front here, is the command squad. This will usually consist only of Commander Erwin, two section commanders and two scouts. The section commanders are responsible for either the right or left wings of the formation, the scouts are responsible for relaying information via oral messages down the formation. Everyone with me so far?”  
“Yes Squad Leader.” Came the reply from the recruits  
“Good.”   
You paused and drew a breath before continuing, risking a quick glance at Levi, who simply nodded, encouraging you to carry on.  
“So, here in the middle, we have the supply wagons and the wagon defence squads, these are responsible for carrying supplies such as rations, food for the horses, extra blades and gas canisters. They are stationed in the center of the formation as this is the safest place to be, resources on expeditions are valuable...especially if things turn ugly.” You paused again and looked at the recruits, giving them a moment to take in this information.   
Moving the stick to the left side of the diagram you began to speak again.  
“Down the outskirts of the formation you have the left and right wing spotters, I can guarantee that the lucky scouts who are assigned to these positions will see plenty of titans.”

Levi continued to watch you, leaning against the far right wall.  
‘Not bad f/n.’ He mused. ‘Keep their attention, don’t soften the blow. They need to know what they signed up for.’  
He turned his gaze to the recruits.   
Each and everyone of them was sat up straight in their seats, their eyes fixed on you and the large diagram pinned to the wall behind you. They seemed to understand the importance of this lesson...and so they should if they wished to survive.  
Levi then turned his attention back to you, your confidence was definitely showing itself again. Your voice was strong and commanding, so was your body language. You had a look of grim determination on your face as you spoke, conveying your ten years experience as clear as day.

“So do you all understand the basics of the long range scouting formation?” You questioned.  
“Yes Squad Leader.” Came the reply.  
“Good, any questions before we continue?”  
A small blonde girl cautiously raised her hand.  
“Yes, what’s your name rookie?” You asked.  
“Krista Lenz Squad Leader.” Came the timid reply.  
“Ask your question then Lenz.”  
The young girl swallowed hard and stared you straight in the eye.  
“I was just wondering...what are our chances of survival should the worst happen?”  
Levi raised his eyebrows, curious at how you would handle this.   
You swallowed hard and put your rod on the desk in front of you, walking around it you stood before the class and leaned back against it.  
“Now that is one question I cannot give you a definite answer to I’m afraid.”   
You folded your arms before speaking again.  
“I will not lie to you, expeditions are the most dangerous thing you will ever participate in as a member of the Survey Corps. The risk of death once you get beyond the walls is very real, I myself have nearly died on several expeditions.”  
You paused a moment to let it sink in.  
“The best thing you can do on an expedition is trust your instincts as well as your comrades. Do not fight if you do not have to, I have seen many bold rookies try their luck and pay with their lives. Believe me when I tell you it is not worth the risk, do not let a thirst to prove yourself get the better of you, it will only end one way.”

Levi narrowed his eyes slightly.  
‘Damn f/n what the hell happened to you? When did that foul tempered teenager who joined the Survey Corps at sixteen grow up?’  
He would never admit it out loud but he was impressed with how you were handling this lesson, he would be making sure to inform Erwin of this. You had definitely earned the title of Squad Leader as far as he was concerned.

“Captain Levi and I could tell you stories about previous expeditions that would make your blood run cold and make you never want to sleep again for fear of what your nightmares might look like!”  
You held your head high, trying desperately to push memories of your comrades deaths from your mind.  
“This is why the information I’m giving you now is so important. If you want to survive beyond the walls, this needs to go into your brains and stay there, am I making myself clear?”  
“Yes Squad Leader.”  
“Good, now next part of the lesson...signal flares…”

After the lesson was over and the recruits were dismissed, you leaned back against the wall and raised your hands to your head, resting them on the top of it.  
You exhaled deeply, glad that it was over, but also grateful that Levi had allowed you the opportunity to prove to yourself that you were capable of being a strong and confident leader.  
You looked over to your left hearing Levi approach you.  
“Well?” You asked quizzically.  
“You did well, you held their attention, gave clear instruction and didn’t soft soap it. Well done.”  
You smiled and nodded, silently staring at him for a moment.  
“Mike would be proud of you.” Said Levi softly.  
You swallowed hard, catching Levi completely off guard you pulled him into a grateful hug, causing his body to tense and his eyes to widen.  
You wrapped your arms around his neck and rested your chin on his shoulder.  
“Thanks for believing in me.” You muttered.  
Levi relaxed slightly but remained silent he gently put his arms around your waist and rested his head against yours.  
‘I knew you could do it f/n...I’m proud of you.’


	23. Mixed Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader's past with Mike haunts her dreams, but all is not as it seems...

The sun slowly began to rise, chasing away the shadows of the cold dark night and bathing the world around it in a warm golden light. The revaille bugle sounded out over the Survey Corps HQ signalling the start of a new day for the soldiers serving there...

“It’s been three months since the last expedition.”   
Commander Erwin paced back and forth in his office, he had his head down and his hands clasped behind his back, deep in concentration.  
“So what are you saying Sir?”   
Erwin slowly turned his head towards the source of the voice, meeting the wide brown eyed stare of Section Commander Hanji.  
“It’s time to start planning another expedition.”

You leaned back on your desk, sighing deeply as you read through some paperwork that you had completed the previous night before you handed it in to the commander.  
A knock at the door brought you out of your thoughts.  
“Enter.” You called, not looking up from your task.  
“Morning beautiful!”  
Your head jerked up and you saw a tall handsome male walking towards you, his blonde hair parted neatly down the middle, framing his strong cheekbones. A warm look in his blue eyes greeted you followed by a perfect smile, framed by dark stubble.  
“Mike!” You screamed, a smile immediately spread across your face as you threw the paperwork back onto your desk and ran towards him, throwing yourself into his arms.  
“Oh damn f/n, I missed you!” Smiled Mike, lifting you up into his strong arms, your arms wrapped around his neck and instinctively locked your legs around his broad waist.  
“I missed you too.”   
You buried your head into the crook of his neck, inhaling his musky scent. You closed your eyes and just held him, your smile widening as he sniffed your hair. Others thought it was strange the way he sniffed everything but you had grown used to it and didn’t care, it was just one of those quirks that made him who he was and you loved him for it.  
Mike carried you back to your desk and sat you down on it, positioning himself between your legs, his hands rested on your hips.  
“F/n, if I don’t make it back from the next expedition alive...promise me you’ll move on and find someone else.” He said suddenly, staring deep into your e/c eyes.  
“What?” You gasped in horror, staring back at him.  
“Please f/n, promise me!” He begged, gently running the backs of the fingers on his right hand over your left cheek.  
“Please don’t let the loss of my life consume you, grieve for me and then find someone who will make you happy...someone who deserves to know the warmth of your heart.”  
“Mike...” Tears stung your eyes, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing.  
“F/n please!” He pleaded with you again.   
You swallowed hard and nodded, allowing your tears to fall.  
“I promise, but why are you...”  
Before you could say anything else Mike leaned into you and kissed you, deeply and passionately, almost like it would be the last time he ever did so.  
You reached up and gripped his head, tangling your fingers through his soft hair, you felt his hands grab your waist and pull you against his firm chest.  
A moment later you felt strange, almost like something wasn’t right.  
The kiss felt different, almost like it wasn’t Mike at all...  
The lips you were kissing now seemed to be on the same level as you, since you no longer had to crane your neck as you always did, even when Mike was leaning over you, you still had to look up towards him because he was so tall. You also noticed he seemed to have suddenly become thinner, he was still firm chested but his body seem to have...shrunk!  
The hair beneath your fingers also felt different, Mike didn’t have bangs that fell forward and brushed against your temples when he kissed you.  
Pulling away you opened your eyes, you were not met with the warm blue orbs you so loved, but by cold steel grey narrow eyes framed by raven bangs.  
You yelped and jumped back, your heart was hammering in your chest when you realized you hadn’t been kissing Mike at all...it was...

“LEVI!”  
You yelped and sat bolt upright in your bed.  
Cold sweat dripped from your brow, your h/l h/c hair clung to your face in damp strings, your chest heaved through your rapid breaths.  
“What the actual fuck was that?” You gasped, trying to calm yourself down.  
That had to be one of the most messed up dreams you’d ever had the misfortune to experience, just what the hell had caused it?  
Sure you and Levi had become friends over the past three months since you were thrown together by Erwin to help improve your prospects as a squad leader, but that dream was just too messed up on so many levels.  
“Ugh pull yourself together f/n it was just a damn dream!” You slapped yourself in the forehead a few times before finally untangling yourself from the sweaty bed sheets that clung to your body.  
Grabbing your uniform from the wardrobe you frowned, wondering if maybe you should talk to someone about how you were feeling.  
“Oh hell no!” You gasped out loud. “Hanji will die laughing, Eren will freak out and Mikasa will want Levi’s head on a plate!”   
Your thoughts suddenly turned to Levi himself.  
“Oh man how the hell am I going to be able to look him in the eye today knowing I was dreaming about him?”  
You looked over at Mike’s jacket and stared intensely at it.   
“What the hell is happening to me?”

Eren and Mikasa walked along the corridor leading to Squad Leader l/n’s office.   
It was the complete opposite route of where they should be heading, but they were just so excited they had to see her as soon as possible.  
“I can’t wait to see the look on her face!” Grinned Eren.   
“As long as that damned midget doesn’t overstep the mark again.” Grumbled Mikasa.  
“Mikasa you do know that f/n will just give you a dressing down in front of him again right?”  
Mikasa frowned.   
“I don’t care. Eren, f/n is the closest thing we have to a family apart from each other. I will not sit back and let that jumped up little shit hurt her again!”  
Eren tutted and rolled his eyes, Mikasa meant well but sometimes she just got a little too overprotective.  
His thoughts were soon interrupted by a hand on his left shoulder, followed by a hand on Mikasa’s right shoulder and a brown haired head poking between them.  
“Morning guys!” Smiled Hanji cheerfully. “By the way the mess hall is back the other way.”  
“Yeah we know, but we wanted to meet f/n...I mean Squad Leader l/n for breakfast, we’ve got something exciting to tell her.”  
“Oh and what might that be?” Asked Hanji curiously.  
“That we’re going to be training with her this afternoon.” Smiled Eren. “We finally get to see her hard work pay off.”  
“Oh?” Questioned Hanji. “So what lesson is that?”  
“Advanced ODM Gear Maneuvers.”  
“Hmm interesting.” Said Hanji. “So I guess you guys are excited huh?”  
“Absolutely!”  
A warm smile spread across Hanji’s face, however before she could speak they arrived at their destination.

You finally finished getting dressed and made your way out of your bedroom into your adjoining office.  
“Come on f/n, clear your head. Just forget the stupid dream!”  
You were about to check the training schedule when a knock on the door interrupted you.  
“Enter.” You called, picking up the schedule and scanning over it.  
“Morning f/n!”   
You looked up and smiled.  
“Okay guys what’s with the ambush?” You laughed nervously, seeing Hanji, Eren and Mikasa enter your office.  
“Well I caught these two delinquents heading this way when they were supposed to be heading to the mess hall so I figured I’d follow them.” Giggled Hanji. “Also Commander Erwin asked me to give you this.  
“What is it?” You asked, raising an eyebrow as Hanji handed over a small white envelope.   
You didn’t recognize the handwriting, so decided to open it there and then, pulling out the letter inside. However you soon regretted it, your gaze darkened and your lips pulled back to reveal a sneer.  
“Pfft, what a waste of time, like I care!” You snorted, tossing the letter onto your desk.  
“Is everything okay?” Asked Hanji worriedly.  
“Yeah fine.” You replied bluntly. “Come on let’s get to the mess hall, I’m starving!”  
Hanji however ignored you and walked up to your desk, picking up the letter and quickly scanning over it, her eyes widened in shock.  
“F/n I’m so sorry!”  
“Why? I’m not!” You shrugged, you walked back to her and snatched the letter from her, folding it up and putting it into your trouser pocket.  
Eren and Mikasa exchanged a confused glance, but you brushed it off and swept past them.

Arriving in the mess hall you looked around for a table for the four of you and spotted Levi sat with Erwin, your eyes met across the hall for a moment.  
‘Just act normal f/n.’  
You gave him a brief smile rather than calling out to him, earning you a small nod in return before he turned back to the commander.  
“Over here f/n, we found a table.” Called Eren, gaining your attention.  
You sighed and joined them, trying not to have a go at Hanji for sticking her nose in where it wasn’t wanted.  
“So Eren and Mikasa have something exciting to tell you.” Said Hanji.  
“Oh?” You asked, looking at your squad mates.  
“Eren and I are going to be in your training class this afternoon.” Smiled Mikasa.  
You raised your eyebrows, clearly this was a pleasant surprise.  
“Sounds good, can’t wait.” You tried to sound enthusiastic, of course you were looking forward to seeing them in your class, but the dream and the contents of the letter were weighing heavily on your mind.  
They all noticed the tone of your voice didn’t sound right and frowned at you.  
“Are you okay f/n?” Asked Mikasa, her brow furrowed worriedly.  
“Yeah, sorry guys, rough night’s sleep.” You lied.  
“Oh I see.” She didn’t sound convinced though.  
“I am really looking forward to seeing you guys though.” You said quickly with a smile. “It was also nice of you to come meet me this morning, great surprise after such a bad night’s sleep.”  
Mikasa gave you a small smile and nodded, still unconvinced you were okay, however she knew better than to press the issue, unlike Hanji…

Leaving the mess hall you returned to your office to grab some paperwork to take to Erwin before you met up with Levi, although you had to deal with Hanji first…  
“How dare you go through my private things!” You growled at her.  
Hanji swallowed hard and gave you a sympathetic look, you were her best friend so it was only natural for her to worry about you.  
“I’m sorry f/n.” She said quietly, you did not meet her gaze as you picked up the paperwork for Erwin and turned to leave your office, however she blocked your way.  
“F/n stop!” She said suddenly, putting her hands on your shoulders.  
You glared at her, raising an eyebrow.  
“Please just talk to me.” She begged.  
“Get out of my way.”   
“F/n your…”  
“I SAID MOVE!” You yelled angrily, making her jump back.  
You sighed and breathed deeply, looking at her.  
“Sorry.” You muttered feebly. “Just leave me alone okay? If I want to talk about it I will, but I don’t so just drop it please.”  
“Okay.” Said Hanji with a defeated tone in her voice.  
“Thanks, I’ll see you later.”  
Hanji nodded and slowly walked out of your office, leaving you alone with your dark thoughts.

Having dropped your paperwork off at Erwin’s office you then made your way to meet Levi in his office.  
Once again the messed up dream played on your mind.   
‘Damnit f/n get a grip!’ You could feel your temper bubbling away angrily inside you. ‘Just ignore it, concentrate on your training!’  
Regaining your composure you knocked on Levi’s door and waited.  
“Name and business.”  
You sighed deeply before responding.  
“It’s f/n Levi.”   
“Enter.”  
You swallowed hard and opened the door, Levi was sat at his desk as usual. From the look of it he had just finished going through some paperwork.  
You closed the door behind you and approached him, he finally looked up at you as you got nearer, his steel eyed gaze bore into you.  
“So what brings you here so early?” He asked quizzically.  
“Huh?” You cocked your head in confusion.  
“We’ve got the morning off remember?” He raised an eyebrow at you. “Did you not check the schedule?”  
“Oh fuck!” You groaned, slapping a hand across your eyes in disdain.  
“Sorry, I’ll see you later.” You turned to leave however Levi sensed something was wrong with you.  
“Sit.” He ordered, gesturing to the seat at the opposite end of his desk.  
You cringed and did as you were told.  
“What’s going on with you?” He asked, your brow furrowed. He sounded almost bored, so why was he even asking.  
“Rough night.” You lied.  
“Tch, nice try f/n. You forget, I can tell when you’re lying.”  
You rolled your eyes.  
“Come on spit it out!”   
“It’s nothing honestly, just Hanji annoying me.”  
Levi raised both eyebrows at you, his eyes widening a fraction.  
“Damnit Levi don’t look at me like that!” You groaned. “You know damned well how uncomfortable it makes me!”  
“So tell me what’s wrong.” He deadpanned.  
You rolled your eyes again and took the letter out of your pocket.  
“A friend of my family wrote to me, it arrived this morning. Hell if I know why, she knows my family disowned me ten years ago so I couldn’t give a damn about any of them.”  
Levi’s brow furrowed, but he remained silent, waiting for you to continue.  
You sighed and scanned the letter again.  
“Turns out my father died a few days ago.” You shrugged. “Anyway that’s not what I’m mad about, it’s the fact Hanji decided to snoop through the letter in front of Eren and Mikasa and is now trying to play agony aunt over it.”  
“Tch, typical Shitty Glasses.” Remarked Levi, earning him a grin from you.  
“I know she means well, but why would I care that he’s dead when he disowned me for daring to want to live my own life?”  
Levi shrugged.   
“She’s your best friend, I don’t know how her brain works...all I know is she’s a few soldiers short of a regiment.”  
You laughed and visibly relaxed.  
“Oh you’re charming!”  
‘Much better.’ Mused Levi.. ‘I hate seeing you upset.’  
“So is that all?” He asked.  
“Pretty much.” You shrugged.   
“Like I said, Hanji just overstepped the mark and pissed me off. I couldn’t care less about my so called family.”  
Levi’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he seemed to accept that Hanji basically being Hanji was the cause of your bad mood.  
“Alright.” He said bluntly, although he was certain something else was bothering you, he just couldn’t quite place it.  
“So what are you going to do about that?” He asked, gesturing to the letter in your hand.  
“The first thing I should’ve done when I opened it and read it.” You shrugged and tore the letter up.  
“No intention of replying then?” Asked Levi curiously.  
“None whatsoever.” You replied confidently. “My mother couldn’t even be bothered to write to me herself to tell me and I doubt she knows that I know so to hell with her!”  
“Fair enough.” Shrugged Levi, his gaze turning back to the pile of paperwork on his desk.  
“Well, since you’re here you can help me sort out this paperwork.”  
“Oh come on!” You groaned, however Levi wasn’t going to take no for an answer.  
“Think of it as a way of thanking me for listening to your problems.” He remarked.  
“You short ass bastard!” You smirked, grabbing some of the papers and scanning through them.  
“Tch, stubborn bitch!” Came the slightly amused reply.


	24. Growing Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader opens up to Levi about her troubled past and training for the next expedition continues...

Thanks to you technically being forced to help Levi finish off his paperwork, you managed to get done early enough to actually spend some time relaxing before training resumed.  
You decided to grab your ODM Gear so you wouldn’t need to come back later and go for a walk round the lake while the weather was nice.  
What you didn’t expect was for Levi to accompany you, it made you a little suspicious of his motives, especially considering the dream that had haunted your sleep in the early hours of the morning.

 

The two of you currently stood on a small wooden bridge where a stream branched off from the main lake and flowed away towards the horizon. In all honesty Levi had been rather pleasant company for you during your walk, at least he wasn’t pressuring you to open up your feelings to him over your father’s death like Hanji surely would have done.  
You stared down at your reflection in the shimmering sunlit ripples of the lake and narrowed your eyes slightly, the dream once again playing on your mind.  
“Shitty Glasses won’t let it go, you do realize that.”  
Your head jerked up and you met Levi’s narrow eyed stare.  
“Well she’ll have no choice.” You replied. “She knows full well I don’t care about those people...and I use the term people very loosely.”  
Levi raised an eyebrow, his curiosity had been piqued.  
“You really hate them that much?”   
He turned round from where he was resting his back on the wooden railing and now stood leaning his arms on it, his gaze never leaving yours.  
Your brow furrowed, was he genuinely interested or did he feel like he had to say something before an awkward silence descended?   
“Yep.” Came the blunt reply. “All they ever did was talk about marrying me off to some asshole from Wall Sina to increase their own social status, the amount of stuck up rich bastards that came calling with their sons to try and win me over still makes my stomach churn.”  
Levi’s usually stoic face dropped and a look of shock replaced it.  
“You couldn’t have been barely more than a brat back then though?” Questioned Levi.  
“I was ten.” You replied coldly, you could feel anger building inside you.  
“At twelve I’d finally had enough, I decided to set my sights on the military, knowing that if I joined the Stationary Guard or Survey Corps I could get away from them...they refused to support me of course, but I had a plan.”  
Levi continued to stare at you, listening intently to your words.  
“I told them I would join the Military Police, find myself a rich husband there.” A smirk played on your lips. “They fell for it of course and couldn’t wait to ship me off to the Cadet Corps. As soon as I graduated I told them I had met someone who was planning on joining the Survey Corps...it was a lie of course, but I couldn’t really say I’d never had any intention of joining the Military Police because they were as corrupt and power hungry as my parents. Furthermore I joined the military to become a soldier, to fight for freedom, something which I’d been denied all my life...hiding behind Wall Sina like a coward was never an option for me.”  
You paused and sighed.   
“It was never my intention to hurt them, they were my parents but...I felt trapped, I wanted to live my own life.”  
Levi’s cold stare softened and he moved slightly closer to you, remaining silent.  
You turned your gaze back to the shimmering crystal clear water of the lake and continued.  
“Anyway, they were furious when I told them I was joining the Survey Corps. My mother even went as far as saying she wished I’d never been born, as for my father...well he claimed he had no children and that was the last time I ever saw them.”  
“I heard the rumors about your parents disowning you for joining the Survey Corps.” Admitted Levi, he wasn’t sure what to actually say, so he just went with what came to mind.  
“I tried writing to them after I got promoted, told them about meeting Mike and finally becoming a squad leader...” Your voice dripped with venom at the memories of receiving your parents scathing response. “My letter was returned a couple of weeks later with a strongly worded reply which basically said why would they be interested in some filthy little whore who they don’t know or care about being promoted because she was fucking her superior.”  
Levi’s eyebrows nearly shot up to his hairline, it took a lot to shock him but this certainly did the trick.  
“Well I guess that explains your temper.” He muttered without thinking.  
You turned to face him and raised your eyebrows.  
“My way of coping when things get too much, it’s always been there since I was a kid.” You shrugged.  
Levi continued to stare at you, you could see a hint of sympathy in his eyes.   
‘Hanji was right, he really isn’t that bad once you get past all the cold death glares.’  
“The letter I received this morning wasn’t much better.” You spoke again.   
“It was basically a case of, “Not sure if you’re still alive, but if you are I think you should know your father is dead. Maybe you should try returning home and being there for your mother while she grieves.” Pfft yeah right!”  
“Now I understand why you’re mad with Shitty Glasses.” Said Levi bluntly.  
“She probably assumes that you can just go back and everything will be fine. You’ll make things up and she’ll welcome you back with open arms.”  
You laughed bitterly and shook your head.  
“What? When she wished I’d never been born? No, I’m better off without them. Besides Nanaba made a good point a while back. Well…” You laughed again, however this time it was genuine. “Her exact words were “Screw them. We’ve been your family for ten years now, we’ll always look out for you.” Referring to everyone here.”  
“Well she has a point.” Levi looked out over the horizon for a moment before turning back to face you again.  
You turned back to face him and smiled, making Levi’s heart race.  
“Well let’s just say since I’ve been here, despite all the death and danger...I’ve felt happier and had more freedom in the last ten years than I ever did when I was growing up.”  
Levi didn’t return your smile, but he didn’t stare at you as intensely as what he usually did either.  
“Listen Levi...thanks for letting me rant at you, sorry if I bored you.”  
Levi raised an eyebrow at you.  
“Tch, if you’d pissed me off don’t you think I would’ve said something?” He remarked bluntly.  
You giggled and shook your head.   
“To be honest you’re the only person I’ve ever told the full truth to, even Hanji doesn’t know everything.”  
Levi’s eyes widened, he wasn’t sure what to say.  
Despite the dream freaking you out that morning, your feelings towards Levi were indeed changing. You tried to push it to the back of your mind, but there was no escaping the truth...you were starting to develop a certain fondness for him.  
‘Ugh stop thinking about it, just forget it!’  
“I may not show it, but I am grateful I’ve got you looking out for me.” You said suddenly, catching Levi off guard as you rested your head on his shoulder. He tensed up for a moment but soon relaxed and rested his chin on your head, a sigh escaped him and his eyes narrowed.  
There was no denying that Levi was not used to people being this nice to him. Most people gave him a wide berth and steered clear whenever possible, but you...you actually wanted to be around him, hell you were even starting to open up to him.  
‘What the hell is going on inside that head of yours f/n?’ He wondered. “Until recently you wouldn’t even make eye contact with me, let alone talk to me!’  
He would never admit it to anyone, but he was enjoying your recent closeness, it reminded him of when his only real friends Farlan and Isabel were still alive.   
Just as he was starting to fully relax you slowly moved your head away, much to his disappointment.   
However it was clear why you did, scouts could be heard in the distance making their way to the ODM Maneuvers training area.  
“I guess that’s the signal that down time is over.” You commented with a small smile before turning to walk away.  
Levi didn’t follow you straight away, instead he stood and watched you for a moment.  
Another sigh escaped him, his eyes narrowing in thought...Maybe Mike making him promise to take care of you wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

Reaching the ODM Maneuvers training area your gaze instantly fell on Eren and Mikasa, they waved enthusiastically at you, to which you nodded in return.   
“Alright you brats listen up!” Yelled Levi, gaining everyone’s immediate attention.  
The scouts stood as still as statues and regarded him wearily.  
“Just because there are no expeditions until further notice doesn’t mean you lot are going to be slacking off!”  
You rolled your eyes and smirked.  
‘Typical Levi, blunt and straight to the point as usual.’  
“Advanced maneuvers rely heavily on teamwork.” Continued Levi. “If you don’t trust your comrades and aren’t able to synchronize your moves...you’re as good as dead.”  
A nervous mutter rippled around the assembled scouts, they weren’t rookies but they weren’t exactly seasoned veterans like you and Levi, this would probably be the first time many of them had ever attempted some of the advanced skills that were about to be demonstrated.  
Levi looked over at you and raised an eyebrow, clearly he wanted you to weigh in with your advice.  
“The titan’s won’t always go down easily as you know. Abnormals are unpredictable which makes them more dangerous than a standard, this is where these skills will prove valuable.” You looked over the scouts, they appeared visibly more relaxed now it was you addressing them.  
“The maneuvers Captain Levi and I are about to show you are very dangerous and can easily go wrong, which is why you must have complete control over your own actions as well as unwavering trust in your comrades, if you lack either one of these...then you are as good as dead. Am I making myself clear?”  
“Yes Squad Leader!” Came the reply.  
You nodded and looked over at Levi, he raised his head and stared at you before turning to address the scouts.  
“Alright you brats, get up into the trees, find yourselves a good perch where you can see the course and pay attention to what you are about to watch. You will be expected to attempt these moves yourselves.”  
“So what are we going with first? These moves aren’t exactly simple.” You remarked folding your arms.  
Levi stared at you for a moment before replying  
“Start with the double back, it’s the simplest one there is, even if you do need brass balls to attempt it.”  
“Damn I left mine in my office!” You smirked.   
Levi simply raised his eyebrows at you in disdain.  
“So how goes the training?”  
You both spun round upon hearing a voice behind you that you both knew belonged to Commander Erwin.  
“Just about to do a demonstration Sir.” You replied.   
“Interesting, which move?”  
“The double back.”   
“I see.”  
Levi regarded the Commander with a frown, you had also noticed the uncertainty in his voice.  
“Something wrong Sir?” You asked curiously.  
Erwin turned to give you his full attention.   
“No not at all, I believe it’s a good idea to teach this move first, especially since we appear to be dealing with more and more abnormals recently.” He paused for a moment. “I’m just concerned about whether you two will be able to pull this off.”  
You and Levi looked at each other and then back at Erwin.  
“Meaning?” Questioned Levi.  
Erwin frowned.  
“Well you two don’t have the best track record for working as a team, it’s only recently you’ve developed a sense of trust in each other.”  
Now it was your turn to frown.  
“I know Levi and I haven’t always seen eye to eye but I trust him with my life.”  
Levi looked at you, his eyes widening a fraction.  
Erwin pursed his lips and nodded.   
“Then good luck, let’s see what the two of you can do.”

Once you and Levi had positioned yourselves at the start of the course and issued orders to Reiner to operate the targets, Levi turned to you to discuss the demonstration.  
“I’ll take off first, wait roughly five seconds and then follow. As soon as you pass the third target on the course, Reiner will move it into position. I’ll then stop and and flip upside down ready to grab you and swing you back.”  
“Got it.” You nodded, it had been a while since you’d done this maneuver but you felt confident you could pull it off.  
“After that head back to the first target on the course and I’ll follow, as soon as I pass the second target, we repeat the previous movements but this time it will be you swinging me back.”  
“Hopefully the cadets are going to be sharp eyed enough to catch every move we make, we can’t exactly go through it step by step.”  
Levi’s frown deepened and he drew his blades, preparing to launch himself from the platform and into the trees. He could see the scouts perched on various branches along the course, eyes wide in anticipation.  
“Ready?” He asked, looking back at you.  
“Ready when you are.” You replied, drawing your blades.  
Levi nodded and turned back to the course ahead, his eyes narrowed and he jumped from the platform, deploying his ODM Gear.  
“Five...Four...Three...Two...One!”  
You jumped and deployed your own gear, following Levi down the course.


	25. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader reflects on her blossoming friendship with Levi, but do their feelings for each other run deeper?

The scouts watched from their treetop perches as you and Levi sped along the ODM Maneuvers Course.  
You managed to keep a firm grip on your blades, knowing as soon as you saw him stop you would have only a few seconds to sheath them and be ready to grab him and perform the maneuver.  
Levi was maintaining his distance from you as he passed the second target, the third target was coming up fast. He risked a quick glance behind him to check your position, his eyes narrowed slightly as your gazes locked, there was a lot of trust needed between the two of you to pull this off.  
Levi knew full well that you trusted him and he in turn trusted you, he’d seen you go from being a foul tempered sixteen year old scout with a thirst for adventure to now becoming a strong twenty six year old woman who had earned the right to become an officer and pass on her experience.  
You whipped past the second target, keeping your eyes firmly locked on Levi. You knew the fourth target was literally a few seconds away from him, as soon as he got to it he would stop and you would have roughly thirty seconds to prepare yourself for the third target dropping into position behind you.   
Risking a quick glance to your right you spotted Reiner holding the rope that would lower the wooden target into place, he was watching you like a tiger ready to pounce on its unsuspecting prey.   
Levi soon came level with the fourth target, he adjusted the position of the grapple line launchers at his waist and shot the two lines out at either side of him, feeling the sharp hooks embedding in the tree trunks and forcing him to come to a halt. He then sheathed his blades before arching his back, effectively turning himself upside down and hanging there waiting for you.   
You swallowed hard seeing Levi already in position and released a quick burst of gas, hearing Reiner drop the target into position behind you.  
You retracted your lines slightly so you gained a little more height over Levi and could effectively fall into him, using the momentum to spin the pair of you round harder.   
Finally you fully retracted the grapple lines, releasing a quick burst of gas and sheathing your blades as you fell towards Levi, arms outstretched as you reached for him…

Mikasa and Eren watched with baited breath while you retracted your grapple lines and to all intents and purposes, fell through the air.  
“Do you think they will pull it off?” Asked Eren nervously, the tension in the air was tangible, it was almost like they were watching you fall in slow motion.  
“He’d better catch her.” Snarled Mikasa through gritted teeth, you may have trusted Levi but she sure as hell didn’t.

Once you were within range Levi grabbed your wrists, feeling your fingers lock around his wrists. You both clung to each other tightly and let the force of your fall carry you down, you swung your legs back, bending your knees so you were in a kneeling position before swinging them forward to add more momentum at the top of the spin.   
As soon as Levi was upright again, he brought his arms down and flung you forward with every ounce of strength he had, letting go of you and throwing you back in the direction you’d just come from.  
You quickly unsheathed your blades and deployed your grapple lines, flying back towards the target and slicing through the “nape” when you passed it.  
“Perfect strike!” Called Reiner, earning you a cheer from the scouts.  
You smiled and continued towards the first target, knowing Levi wouldn’t be far behind you now, you shot a quick glance back and saw him speeding towards you, he had just passed the third target which meant the first one should only be a couple of meters ahead of you.   
You quickly glanced to your left and saw Reiner get into position, ready to move the final target into place, you then caught sight of the first target. Re-deploying your grapple lines so they shot out to the sides and pulled you to a halt, you sheathed your blades and drew a breath before arching your back and dangling upside down.  
Levi sped past the second target, hearing it fall into place a few seconds after her cleared it. He swung higher into the trees, looking down at you he retracted his grapple lines and sheathed his blades, flipping through the air to gain more momentum as he fell towards you.  
You watched him carefully as he rapidly spun towards you, reaching out for you at the last possible moment...thank the walls for your lightning fast reflexes!  
You grabbed his wrists and held on tight, feeling his hands lock around your own wrists in an iron like grip. You knew it was going to be a lot harder to throw Levi, you’d think that someone who was only 5’3 would be easy to throw around, but that wasn’t the case. Levi was 65kg of nothing but pure muscle!   
Reaching the top of your swing you grunted and forced your body forward, throwing Levi back towards the target and watching as he redeployed his grapple lines and sliced through the “nape” as he passed it.  
“Perfect strike!” Yelled Reiner with a grin.  
An almighty cheer erupted around the trees as the scouts clapped madly in awe of your display, while down below Commander Erwin nodded and smiled proudly, his hopes for success on the next expedition were slowly rising. 

“Wow that was amazing f/n!” Laughed Eren, his emerald eyes were as wide as saucers when you finally landed back on the ground and shook some feeling back into your wrists.  
“Are you okay?” Questioned Mikasa.  
“I’m fine.” You smiled. “That maneuver just numbs your wrists a little considering how hard you have to grip the other person.”  
Mikasa nodded with a stoic look on her face as you moved to stand with Levi in front of the group.  
“Alright guys listen up!” You yelled, gaining everyone’s immediate attention.  
“We’re going to break you off into pairs and you’re going to attempt this maneuver, remember, keep your eyes on your partner at all times and maintain a strong sense of trust, otherwise you will fail this little test. This isn’t about showing off, it’s about working as a team...am I making myself clear?”  
“Yes Squad Leader!”   
“Good.”  
You looked at the crowd and pointed to two scouts at random.  
“You two, get up onto the platform and decide who’s going first.”  
The two scouts nodded nervously and made their way onto the course.  
“Damnit!” You muttered, shaking your right hand and rotating your wrist a few times.  
“Are you okay?” Asked Levi, noticing you wince.  
“Yeah I think I cracked my wrist throwing you forward.” You replied. “I’ll be fine.”  
Levi nodded and turned his attention back to the course.

The training session wasn’t going as planned, Levi was getting more and more frustrated with the lack of progress that some of the scouts appeared to be making.  
“Sheath your damned blades you idiot!” He yelled as one scout flipped through the air towards his partner with his blades still drawn.  
“Oh fuck I can’t watch!” You gasped covering your face with your hands and closing your eyes for good measure.  
A blood curdling scream ripped apart the air followed by an almighty thud.  
“What the hell happened?” You yelled removing your hands from your face and looking up into the trees, feeling your heart leap into your throat.  
The scout who was hanging between the trees ready to catch her partner had panicked and retracted one of her grapple lines to swing out of the way, her partner had swung wide to avoid her and crashed into a tree. He was now hanging from a branch groaning and suffering from a head injury.  
“You two brats, get that idiot down and take him to the infirmary.” Snapped Levi, pointing at two random scouts in the crowd.   
They nervously nodded and deployed their ODM Gear, heading into the trees to retrieve their stricken comrade.  
So far only ten of the forty assembled scouts had managed to successfully pull off the double back maneuver, the rest had either only succeeded in doing in one direction or failed completely.  
You sighed and shook your head noticing Levi closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, muttering out a “for fucks sake” from behind his gritted teeth.  
“Hey, you okay?” You asked, your brows furrowing in concern.  
Levi looked at you...well more like glared at you for asking such a stupid question.  
“What do you think?” He growled harshly.  
“Geez, no need to rip my head off and take a shit down my neck!”   
“Well these brats can’t seem to do anything right.”  
“Oh I think I know a pair who can.” You smiled knowingly, folding your arms.  
Levi raised an eyebrow and looked in Eren and Mikasa's direction before turning his attention back to you.  
“Tch, send them up.”  
You nodded and turned to address your squad members.  
“Jaeger, Ackerman. You’re up next, don’t let me down.”  
Eren and Mikasa nodded and made their way to the start of the course.

You looked up into the trees and grinned, Mikasa hung upside down and waited for Eren to approach her, he flipped through the air and she quickly caught him, gracefully spinning the pair of them before throwing him back towards his target.  
“Come on Eren.” You muttered under your breath, watching with anticipation as he drew his blades and struck the “nape” of his target.   
“Perfect strike!” Confirmed Reiner.  
“Good work Jaeger.” You called.  
You continued to watch Eren proceed back down the course, Mikasa starting to follow him until he came to a halt and hung himself upside down. You swallowed hard as the target moved into position, Mikasa retracted her lines, sheathed her blades and somersaulted towards him. She grabbed him and proceeded to enter a spin before Eren threw her back in the direction she came from. Once again deploying her grapple lines, drawing her blades and slicing through the “nape” of her target when she flew past it.  
You held your breath and waited for Reiner’s verdict.  
“Perfect strike!”  
“YES!” You screamed, jumping up and punching the air, earning you a raised eyebrow from a rather amused Levi.  
Eren and Mikasa landed and approached you, earning a round of applause from the other scouts.  
“Well done, I’m proud of you.” You smiled.  
“Thank you Squad Leader.” They said in unison.  
“Not bad brats.” Complimented Levi.  
You raised your eyebrows in shock, Levi had actually given someone a compliment?  
‘Okay who are you and what have you done with the real Levi?’ You mused internally.  
Eren and Mikasa looked at one another in shock before turning back to the stoic faced captain.  
“T-thank you Sir.” Smiled Eren nervously, Mikasa nodded and said thank you as well before they returned to the other scouts.  
Levi rolled his eyes and looked at you, you were currently giving him the smuggest smirk you could manage while trying not to look surprised.  
“What?” He snapped, narrowing his eyes at you.  
“You giving out compliments.” You laughed. “Who the hell are you and what have you done with the real Captain Levi?”  
“Tch, you’re an idiot.”  
“Oh no wait, there he is!”  
Levi rolled his eyes and walked away, failing to notice you silently laughing at him.

After evening meal you headed back to your office ready to grab your paperwork and meet Levi back in the mess hall.  
You felt around in your trouser pocket, realizing you still had the letter you tore up earlier in it.  
“Good riddance.” You muttered, tossing it into the rubbish bucket under your desk.  
You started sifting through your paperwork when a knock at the door interrupted you.  
“Enter.” You called.  
“Hey, not going to bit my head off are you?”  
You looked up and smiled.  
“Get your ass in here Hanji.”  
The bubbly brunette smiled and closed the door behind her.  
“So how did training go?”  
“We had a few of mishaps and one scout end up in the infirmary with concussion but apart from that...I think it went well.”  
Hanji nodded and grinned.  
“So...are you and Shorty still getting on okay?”  
You raised an eyebrow.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
Hanji giggled and folded her arms.  
“Well you and him are spending most nights drinking tea together so...I was wondering when one of you is finally going to make a move on the other.”  
Your eyes widened in shock and you suddenly found that morning’s dream in the front of your mind”  
“What?” You shrieked, feeling your face heat up.  
“Oh come on, admit it, you’re starting to like him aren’t you?”  
“I am not!” You gasped, your face heating up more rapidly.  
“Oh wait, I can smell burning...yep...it’s your pants on fire you little liar!”  
“Shut up!”   
Hanji’s giggle turned into full on laughter.  
“Then why are you blushing?”  
I’m not blushing!” You snapped, but you knew that was a blatant lie, if your face were any hotter you could’ve cooked yourself a few slices of bacon on each cheek.  
“Come on f/n I know you too well.” Smiled Hanji pushing her face close enough to yours that you could see your reflection in her glasses, sure enough your face looked a lot like a tomato.  
“Are you done winding me up yet?”   
You retorted, pushing her away.  
“For now.” She smiled and walked back towards the door.  
“Wait...is that all you came in here for?” You frowned in confusion.  
Hanji giggled and nodded.  
“Yep…” The she grew serious for a moment. “Actually I just wanted to see if you were okay and apologize for earlier, I shouldn’t have read that letter.”  
“No you shouldn’t.” You replied, but you gave her a smile.  
“Anyway, I’ll leave you to get ready for your date with Shorty!”  
“It’s not a fucking date, we’re going through paperwork as we do every damned night!”  
Hanji giggled and opened the door to leave.   
“Whatever f/n...let me know when he finally decides to kiss you...I want details!  
“I’m going to kill you Hanji, I haven’t had a crush on Levi for years!”  
“HA! So you finally admit you have a crush on him?”  
You laughed and rolled your eyes.  
“HAD!” You emphasized. “I HAD a crush on Levi when I was sixteen, past tense!”  
“Whatever f/n.” Giggled Hanji, leaving the office and closing the door behind her.  
You rolled your eyes and sighed, continuing to sift through your paperwork.   
“I don’t have a fucking crush on Levi...I don’t!”  
You rubbed a hand over your eyes and growled in frustration, Hanji had wound you up endlessly over your crush on Mike until you finally decided to do something about it, now she was under the impression your crush on Levi had reignited itself...the trouble was you weren’t entirely sure how you felt about him yourself. As far as you knew you were still in love with Mike, but he had been dead for three months now, a sharp stab of grief gripped your heart and you fought back a sob as the dream once again invaded your mind. The trouble was, you had a gut feeling that Hanji was right, you couldn’t deny that your feelings towards Levi were slowly changing, you were becoming fond of him and actually looking forward to having your nightly chats in the mess hall doing your paperwork with him.   
Then there was the dream, Mike telling you to move on and find someone else and then suddenly you were kissing Levi...was Hanji actually right in her suspicions? Had your crush on the raven haired captain returned? Or was it heading past that to the point that you were falling in love with him?


	26. Emotional Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader continues to have confusing dreams about Mike and Levi, is there a hidden meaning to this or is she just over thinking things?

It was early morning at the Survey Corps HQ and you were already up and dressed ready to start training. You decided to drop in on Hanji and surprise her, however as you walked down the corridor and turned the last corner that led to her lab, a pair of strong arms grabbed you from behind.   
You screamed briefly before one of them covered your mouth, the other gripped around your middle and you were dragged back through one of the wooden doors and pulled into an office.  
“Good Morning Squad Leader.” Whispered a familiar voice, the hand on your mouth moving away and joining the other around your waist.  
“Mike you fucking idiot you scared the shit out of me!” You laughed, spinning around in his arms to face him and punching him in the chest.  
“Sorry Beautiful.” He smiled pulling you into a tight hug and resting his chin on top of your head, inhaling your scent.  
He released you and led you back towards his desk, sitting himself down on it, he moved you to stand between his legs. Smiling lustfully he wrapped his arms back around your waist and moved his head closer to yours, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss.   
You smiled into the kiss, snaking your arms around his neck and tangling your fingers through his soft blonde hair, your lips moved in sync with his, your tongues dancing in and out of each other’s mouths until the need for air finally caused you to part from him.  
“I love you f/n.” He muttered, moving his head to your neck and starting to leave a trail of warm kisses and gentle nips from your jaw to your collarbone.  
“I love you too Mike.” You moaned softly, your e/c eyes fluttered closed as you arched your neck further back to grant him better access.  
However when you opened your eyes again and glanced down, they widened in horror at the sight of unmistakable raven tresses and shaved undercut your fingers were now tangled in.  
“Levi?” You screamed, pushing him away and stepping back. “What the fuck?”  
“F/n.”  
Your eyes went even wider when you saw Mike stood near the bedroom door, a stoic look on his face. What the hell was going on? How could you do this to him?  
“Mike! I...I…” You couldn’t even form the words in your mouth, Mike loved you more than anything in this whole rotten world and you had just committed the ultimate betrayal...in his own damned office!   
Mike simply walked over to you, ignoring Levi as if he wasn’t even there and gently raising his right hand to your face, stroking your left cheek with the backs of his fingers.  
“It’s okay f/n.” He said softly. “It’s time to move on.”  
With that he lowered his hand and walked towards the door, quietly opening it and looking back one last time.   
Tears streamed down your cheeks before you even felt them sting your eyes, you turned to follow him but he held up a hand to stop you.  
“Please...move on and be happy f/n.” He said before walking out of the office, closing the door behind him…

“MIKE! NO PLEASE!”  
You shot up and looked around, your chest heaving as the cold sweat dripped from your brow onto your desk.  
You looked around your office, a pale golden glow slowly illuminating it as the sun began to rise, its warm rays penetrating the leaded glass window behind you and chasing away the shadows of the previous night.  
“What the actual fuck was that?” You muttered, a frustrated growl escaping you. “For fucks sake both of you quit messing with my head!”   
You buried your head in your arms as tears stung your eyes, you were so confused by the dream you didn’t even bother to fight them.  
“I loved Mike!” You sobbed into your arms. “I’d never have done anything to hurt him...NEVER!”  
Your shoulders shook violently and you buried your face further into your arms as more sobs wracked your entire body.

“Hey Shorty!”  
Levi rolled his eyes and grunted, hearing the annoying nickname Hanji always used to address him with.  
“What do you want Shitty Glasses?” He growled angrily, it was too damned early to be dealing with her.  
“Have you seen f/n?”   
“Why would I have seen f/n?” He deadpanned.  
Hanji gave him an annoying grin.  
“Well you two are practically each others shadows now.”  
“Tch, what are you trying to say?”   
Levi was already bored with this conversation, although he wouldn’t admit out loud that he was worried about you, but if Hanji hadn’t seen you then that usually meant something was wrong.  
“Well I didn’t see her in the mess hall.” Said Hanji, there was a hint of worry in her voice.   
“She probably wanted a break from you.” Snorted Levi.  
“Or she’s avoiding you.” Countered Hanji with a sly grin.  
Levi narrowed his eyes at her.  
‘Why would f/n be avoiding me? We’ve been getting on fine, it’s been three months since the sparring incident.’  
“Tch, get lost Shitty Glasses.”  
“Ooh hit a nerve have I?” Hanji pressed on with a giggle. “Have you two had a lovers tiff?”  
That last comment snapped him. Levi grabbed Hanji by her shirt collar and pinned her against the wall.   
“One more word out of you about f/n and I working together and I will break your glasses!”  
Hanji smiled and raised her hands in defeat.  
“Geez calm down Shorty, where’s your sense of humor? You left it in the toilet again?”  
Levi’s eyes narrowed dangerously, but before he could speak he saw Erwin approaching and released his grip on Hanji.  
“Ah good that’s two out of three.” Smiled the commander. “Where’s f/n today?”  
“Not sure, neither of us have seen her.” Replied Hanji.  
Erwin’s bushy brows furrowed.   
“Hmm, well in any case, one of you will need to find her. I’m calling an officers meeting straight after breakfast. I expect to see you all there.”  
“We’ll be there.” Said Levi in a bored tone.  
Erwin nodded and made his way into the mess hall.

You weren’t even aware you’d fallen asleep again until you felt someone roughly grabbing your shoulders and shaking you awake.  
“Oi f/n, wake up!”   
“Uh...Huh?” You groggily raised your head in the now bright sunlight of the early morning.  
“Tch, can tell you slept at your desk last night, you look like shit!”  
“L-Levi?” You groaned, blinking rapidly up at the raven haired captain, trying to clear your fuzzy vision.  
“Shitty Glasses has been on my back about you.”  
You pushed yourself upright and rubbed your hands over your face and yawning.  
“What’s going on? How’d you get into my office?”   
“Well obviously you forgot to lock the door smart ass.” Deadpanned Levi, folding his arms and staring down at you. However his brow furrowed in concern as he noticed how red your eyes were.  
“Have you been crying?” His voice softened slightly.  
“I’ll be fine, I’m just stressed.” You replied, however you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.  
“You can talk to me you know.”  
You finally forced yourself to look up at him and nodded.   
‘Come on f/n keep it together, he’s already worked out something’s wrong.’  
“I know, thanks Levi but honestly once I’ve had the chance to wake up a bit I’ll be fine.”  
You rubbed your eyes and ran your hands back through your h/l h/c hair.  
Levi nodded, he knew full well by now that if you wanted to talk you would.  
‘She didn’t seem stressed a few days ago, something’s definitely bothering her, her father’s death maybe? Well, I won’t force her to talk about it, I’m not as inconsiderate as Shitty Glasses.’  
“Anyway get your ass up, Erwin’s calling a meeting.”  
“Did he say what it was about?” You yawned again and stretched your arms above your head, feeling your tired muscles pull tight at the movement.  
“No he didn’t, so wake up and let’s go.”  
“Yeah, I’m coming.” You grunted pushing yourself up and straightening your uniform.  
You shook your head to try and force yet another messed up dream out of your mind as you followed Levi out of your office and towards the briefing room.

Upon reaching the briefing room you found Hanji and Erwin already in there.  
“Well Good Morning f/n, enjoy our lay in did we?” Asked Erwin as you took a seat between Levi and Hanji.   
“To be honest Sir I didn’t even realize I’d gone back to sleep until Levi woke me up.” You groaned, rubbing your hands over your face.  
“So you’ve finally seen the inside of a ladies bedroom have you Shorty?” Giggled Hanji, earning her a death glare from the captain and an even filthier glare from you.  
“I fell asleep at my desk Four Eyes!” You growled rubbing your hands over your face and shaking your head, desperately trying to wake yourself up.  
“Okay, you don’t usually do that unless something is bothering you.” Noted Hanji.  
“To be honest I don’t even remember falling asleep.” You shrugged. “I got back to my office last night, sat down to make sure my paperwork was in order and next thing I know I’ve got Levi stood over me telling me to wake up.”  
There was absolutely no way in hell you were going to tell anyone about the dreams you kept having recently, especially since Hanji was already suspicious of your true feelings for Levi. If you mentioned your dreams to her she would torture you into oblivion over them, the last thing you needed was Hanji singing stupid rhymes and about you and Levi kissing or even worse...begging you to have a baby with him.  
You shuddered involuntarily...it wasn’t the idea of having a baby that bothered you, nor was it the thought of Levi being a father...who knew, maybe he would be a good dad?   
It was the thought that you lived such a dangerous life in a world where nothing was safe from the constant threat of the titans...you never even raised the subject of having children with Mike for that reason alone.  
‘What the actual fuck f/n?’ Your eyes visibly widened in horror at your own thoughts. ‘You need to get your head back in the present woman, stop thinking about Levi and stop thinking about Mike, he’s gone and he’s never coming back! Get over it!’  
“Hey earth to f/n?”  
“Huh?”   
You looked to your right and saw Hanji staring at you, her brow was furrowed in concern.   
“Are you okay? You completely spaced out on us.”  
“Yeah I’ll be fine, just struggling to wake up.”  
Although had you bothered looking behind you, you would’ve noticed the unconvinced expression on Levi’s face…

The rest of the officers finally started to arrive and Erwin stood up to commence the meeting.  
“I know it’s early and you all have training you need to be getting on with but this is important, so I need everyone’s full attention.”  
He shot a quick glance at you as he said it, earning him a raised eyebrow in response.  
“It has now been four months since our last expedition and having seen how well the new training regime has been going...I called you all here to inform you that I have already planned our next expedition.”  
A few hushed whispers started to fill the room, you sat up straighter in your seat and swallowed hard.  
“It will take place one week from now.”   
“With all due respect Sir, but why did you not tell us sooner?” Asked Nanaba raising her right hand to get the commander’s attention.  
Erwin frowned at her, he understood her frustration, he could also see her expression of shock and confusion mirrored on the faces of all the other officers in the room.  
“A valid point Nanaba.” Agreed Erwin. “I started planning this expedition last month, I apologize for the short notice, but I needed to be certain I was doing the right thing. Having given the new recruits time to settle in and hone their skills I now feel the time is right to get back out there.”  
You clenched your jaw, had it seriously been four months since the last expedition? The first month had seemed to drag by unendingly, but you’d barely noticed the last three months fly past at all.  
‘As well as new recruits from the Cadet Corps, we have drafted in a few transfers from the Military Police and Stationary Guard.”  
Your eyes widened and you bit your tongue to stop yourself from laughing, however this reaction didn’t go unnoticed by Levi and of course being Levi, he refused to keep his opinion to himself.  
“Tch, what use are those lazy MP bastards? They’ll piss themselves before the gate even opens!”  
You turned to your right and grinned at him for a moment before looking back at Erwin.  
“He does have a point Sir.” Said Nanaba, a look on confusion on her face, a few of the other officers nodded.   
“The Stationary Guard soldiers will prove a valuable asset, but I fail to see how the Military Police transfers can help, they have never even seen a titan, let alone killed one.”  
“We suffered losses of fifty percent on our last expedition, we need all the bodies we can get.” Stated Erwin. “I was recently in contact with Darius Zackley, he is satisfied that the extra training we have been putting in is sufficient enough for another expedition to take place. It was also on his orders that we drafted in a few...shall we say disgraced Military Police members that they may redeem themselves by helping our cause.”  
You and Levi regarded each other with raised eyebrows, each daring the other to open their mouth and say something. Neither of you usually held your tongues when it came to your shared hatred of the Military Police, however in front of the other officers you would show restraint whereas Levi...well he didn’t give a shit.  
“So we’re basically being saddled with the Nile’s rejects?” He snorted, folding his arms and leaning back in his seat.   
‘Oh Levi, such a way with words!’ You mused, biting back a smirk.  
“In a word.” Deadpanned Erwin. “Yes.”  
“Tch!”   
Levi rolled his eyes and continued to glare at the commander.  
“Any questions?” Asked Erwin, looking around the room.  
When no one responded he sighed and nodded.   
“Dismissed.”  
However as you were about to leave Erwin spoke up.  
“Squad Leader L/n, wait behind. I’d like a word please.”  
“Yes Sir.” You said as evenly as you could manage. You had a bad feeling that this would be a dressing down about your unexpected sleep in this morning...


	27. Making Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin reveals his plans for the next expedition to reader concerning her squad and new "responsibilities" can she rise to the challenge?

“F/n, come to my office when you’re done here. We need to talk.”   
You turned round and looked at Levi with furrowed brows but nodded. You had the morning off that day and the afternoon was to be spent marking test papers so it was fair to say you were a little unnerved by Levi saying you needed to talk.   
‘Oh shit!’ You thought, your eyes widening in horror. ‘Has Hanji said something to him?’  
You made a mental note to murder her in her sleep tonight if she had.  
When the last officer left the room and closed the door behind them, Erwin finally spoke to you.  
“Have a seat f/n.” He said gently.  
You swallowed hard and sat near the head of the table on Erwin’s left.  
“Don’t look so worried you’re not in trouble.” He smiled. “I’m just a little concerned about your state of mind after you fell asleep at your desk last night, Hanji said you only do that when something’s bothering you...is there anything you’d like to talk about?”  
You visibly relaxed and gave him a small smile.   
“No Sir, I’ll be fine.” You lied.  
“I am willing to listen if something is bothering you.”   
“I’m just over thinking things. I should know better than to dwell on small matters that I can’t change.”  
Erwin frowned and raised an eyebrow.   
“Are you sure?”  
“Absolutely Sir, it’s nothing that will affect my training.”  
“Very well then.”   
He leaned forward in his seat and looked directly into your eyes.   
“Now, the main reason I wanted to speak to you was about a member of your squad...Eren Jaeger to be precise.”  
“What about him Sir?” You asked with a frown.  
“Why did you pick him for your squad f/n?”   
“I took him under my wing when he first came here. He has a lot of potential, although I think he could do with reigning in his temper a little…” You suddenly realized what you were saying and laughed.   
“You see him as a younger version of yourself?” Smiled Erwin knowingly.  
“Yes Sir.” You replied with a smile  
Erwin nodded.  
“Listen f/n, I know you’re aware of Eren’s...unique abilities, so I need to run something by you.”  
“I’m listening Sir.”   
“The amount of abnormals we’re now facing on expeditions is becoming a major problem, the amount of scouts that were killed because of them four months ago was catastrophic.”  
You swallowed hard, thinking about how Levi’s last squad was brutally torn apart by abnormals on the last expedition.  
“Yes I heard what happened to Levi’s squad.” You said with remorse.  
“That is why I have discussed a new strategy with Levi and Hanji, however this is only to be done in cases of extreme peril or with the authority of myself or Levi. Do I make myself clear?”  
“Absolutely crystal clear Sir.”   
“We are going to start utilizing Eren’s ability to combat the abnormals, now I know he still hasn’t mastered morphing from titan to human on command yet but he does have enough control over his titan form to obey orders…do you think you can handle the pressure of that?”  
Your eyes widened but you kept your composure and nodded.   
“Yes Sir, Eren is my squad member and I will take full responsibility for him.”  
Erwin smiled and nodded.   
“I knew I could rely on you f/n. You’re turning into a fine officer, Mike would be proud of you.”  
“Thank you Sir.” You smiled sadly, trying not to think of the dream that had plagued your sleep last night.  
“You can go now, Levi will be waiting for you.”  
You nodded and stood up to leave, a sharp pang of guilt gripped you at the mention of your former lover’s name as that awful dream fought it’s way to the front of your mind.

You reached Levi’s office and exhaled deeply, knocking on the door.  
“Name and business.”  
“It’s f/n, Levi.”  
“Enter.”  
Swallowing hard you opened the door and stepped into the office closing it behind you, you approached the raven haired captain.  
Levi was doing paperwork as usual, he looked up hearing you approach.  
“Sit down f/n.” He said evenly, gesturing to the seat at the opposite end of his desk with his quill.  
‘Yep I definitely need to murder Hanji later.’ You thought, hoping you weren’t looking too nervous.  
He put his quill back in its holder and sat back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest and staring at you.  
“I take it Erwin’s finally filled you in on his plans for Jaeger?” He deadpanned.  
“Yeah just now...wait how long have you known?”   
“A couple of days.” Replied Levi. “What’s your opinion on it?”  
“Well he’s not wrong about Eren having better control over himself now, but I agree the fact he can’t transform from titan back to human is a worrying factor.”  
“That’s what I needed to talk to you about.”   
‘Okay maybe Hanji doesn’t need to die after al!’’  
You raised your eyebrows and waited for him to continue.  
“The brat is young and impulsive...he doesn’t always listen to what he’s told and he doesn’t always engage his brain before he acts.”  
You struggled to keep the smile from your face, Levi was pretty much describing you when you first joined the Survey Corps.  
“Erwin and I are the only ones that are going to authorize him to use his ability...unless it’s an absolute necessity, however you can use your own discretion and authorize him to transform only in the worst of circumstances or if we’re too far out of reach for you to get authorization.”  
“So basically what you’re saying is I need to speak to him and make him see how serious this new tactic is and keep him from going rogue on expeditions?”  
Levi nodded.  
“In a nutshell? Yes.”  
“Alright then.” You replied evenly. “I’ll have a word with him when he finishes training, he trusts me so hopefully it shouldn’t take too much convincing that he has to learn to control his urge to slay every titan that crosses his path.”  
“F/n this is important.” Said Levi sternly. “If you can’t keep him in line...we’ll have no choice but to remove him from your squad and keep him chained to a wagon on future expeditions unless we need to use him. I know you don’t want to see that happen and neither does anyone else...but we may have no choice.”  
You raised your head slightly, your jaw twitching.  
“I already told Erwin I would take full responsibility for Eren.” You replied evenly. “Trust me Levi, I’m not that naive, rebellious little shit I was ten years ago anymore.”  
“I know you’re not f/n.” Said Levi softly. “You’ve grown up since then, you’re an officer now.”  
‘A damned good one at that.’ He mused internally.  
You smiled at him and let him continue.  
“You’ve only been a squad leader for five months, this is a lot of pressure we’re putting you under. We need to be absolutely sure you can handle it.”  
“Levi, I served on your squad for three years when I first joined the Survey Corps. Have you ever known me back down from anything or give in because the pressure was too high?”  
Levi stared at you silently for a moment, his steel eyed gaze bore into you.  
“No I haven’t.” He replied evenly.  
“Then trust me when I say I can handle it.” You said confidently, your gaze locked with his and you could almost feel your heart thudding in your chest as you stared into his eyes.  
‘Damnit f/n, what the hell? Quit staring at him like you’re undressing him with your eyes!”  
“Alright, if you say you can handle it...I’ll believe you.”  
“I know the stakes are getting higher now but I know I can handle this.”  
Levi nodded.  
“You can leave now, I’ll see you in the mess hall this afternoon to sort out those test papers.”  
You nodded and stood up to leave.  
Levi frowned and bit the inside of his cheek before calling out to you.  
“F/n.”  
You span round and raised an eyebrow, there was an awkward pause before he spoke again.   
“Make the most of your morning off, try and get your head down for a couple of hours...you look exhausted.”  
You gave him a small smile and left the office, closing the door quietly behind you.  
Levi sighed and picked up his quill to resume his paperwork, his frown deepening as he picked up a sheet from the pile to his left and started writing again.  
As soon as you were outside you frowned.   
“I look exhausted?” You muttered, feeling confused. “He normally tells me I look like shit!”   
Shrugging it off you decided to take Levi’s advice, you could always discuss things with Eren regarding his ability over lunch.

 

After a couple of hours sprawled out on your bed you woke up feeling refreshed and ready for action, tugging your boots back on you stood up and stretched before making your way out of your office and down to the mess hall to find Eren and fill him in on the higher up’s plans for him.  
Reaching the mess hall you looked around and saw Eren and Mikasa sat with their backs to you in the corner, drawing a deep breath you went and grabbed some food and a cup of tea before heading over to them.  
“Hey guys.” You smiled, causing them to turn and look at you.  
“Hey f/n!” Smiled Eren brightly around a mouthful of bread, while Mikasa simply smiled. She had much better manners than Eren.  
“You joining us for lunch?” Asked Mikasa.  
“Yeah, but I also need a word with you Eren, don’t worry Mikasa you can be in on this too.”  
“Sounds serious.” Said Eren with a frown. “Am I in trouble?”  
“No you’re not.” You smiled, sitting down.  
“I think you should both know, there’s an expedition taking place seven days from now.”  
The two teenage scouts looked at each other and then back at you.  
“I know it’s short notice, I only found out myself a couple of hours ago.” You said, answering their accusing looks.  
“So what do you need to speak to me about?” Asked Eren.  
“It’s about your titan shifting ability.” You said bluntly, there was no point in beating around the bush.  
Eren’s eyes widened while Mikasa sat back in her seat and folded her arms across her chest.  
“What about it?” Asked Eren curiously. “Is Hanji wanting to run more tests?”  
“No she’s not...Eren, we may need to start using it on expeditions in the future.”  
An awkward silence descended as you gave them time to let the information sink in while you had a mouthful of food.  
“So, what you’re saying is...I’ll be allowed to assume my titan form on expeditions now?” He almost sounded excited by this news.  
“Whoa don’t get too excited Kiddo!” You said, quickly swallowing a lump of bread and looking into his eyes. “There will be restrictions and boundaries in place, you can’t just go transforming here, there and everywhere!”  
“What sort of restrictions and boundaries?” Asked Mikasa, making you thankful you had gotten her involved, she was the voice of reason in your opinion when it came to reining in Eren’s enthusiasm.  
“Well, I will need authorisation from either Commander Erwin or Captain Levi before ordering a transformation. Other than that I am permitted to use my own discretion if a situation is dire enough to order you to transform without their permission.”  
“I see.” Said Mikasa evenly. “So basically what you’re saying is that they plan to use Eren to combat titans on future expeditions.”  
“Pretty much yes.” You replied. “I know it’s a big risk to your life Eren, but the way Erwin sees it is that it will save a lot of scouts lives. Guys, on the last expedition we lost half the regiment!” You paused a moment, noticing the horrified looks on their faces. “Now do you understand why Erwin wants to use your ability Eren?”  
Eren nodded.   
“So, even though I’m on your squad, it’s the commander and Captain Levi who have control over whether I can transform or not?”  
“Sorry Kiddo but yeah, my hands are tied unless the situation is grave enough...in a nutshell, without permission from the higher ups the only way I can let you transform is in a life or death situation.”  
Eren swallowed hard and nodded.   
“Eren, you must understand and let this sink in.” You stared deep into his emerald eyes to stress the importance of your words. “If I can’t keep you under control out there...they will remove you from my squad and put you on a wagon in chains unless they need to use you.”  
“That’s barbaric!” Snarled Mikasa.  
“I’m sorry but that’s the way it is. I don’t want that to happen to you so please, you say you trust me...next week will be your chance to prove it.”  
“We trust you with our lives f/n.” Said Mikasa.   
“Yeah, we’ll always trust you.” Nodded Eren.  
You smiled and nodded, thankfully that had gone better than you thought it would. Now all you had to do was wait and see what wud happen in seven days time…

Later that afternoon you gathered up your test papers, quill and ink and made your way back to the mess hall to meet Levi.  
You entered and saw him sat in the corner facing you, he was already looking over a test paper in one hand with a cup of tea in the other. You couldn’t help but smile noticing another cup waiting for you when you arrived, for a rude asshole he could be surprisingly considerate when it came to you…  
‘Don’t even go there f/n, he does not like you in that way! Does he? No, of course he doesn’t dumbass!’  
Levi looked up as he heard you approach him.  
“Did you manage to speak to Jaeger?”  
“Yeah I managed to catch him at lunch.” You said sitting down next to him and setting up your work space before having a sip of your tea.  
‘Damn Levi makes good tea!’  
“So is he aware there will be consequences if he fails to do as he’s told?” Asked Levi.  
“Yeah I’ve made him well aware he faces being treated like a prisoner if he doesn’t behave.” You said turning to face him. “He’ll do as he’s told, I’ll make sure of it.”  
Levi nodded and turned back to the test paper he had been marking, rolling his eyes and tutting as he put it down.  
“Someone failed?” You asked quizzically, having another sip of your tea.   
“It amazes me how some of these rookies are able to wipe their own arses, let alone graduate from the Cadet Corps if their test results are anything to go by!” Snorted Levi.  
You choked on your tea at his words.  
“Are you trying to kill me again?” You coughed, slamming your fist into your chest to try and clear your throat.  
“Call it revenge for trying to give me another black eye.” He deadpanned.  
“Oh come on!” You laughed. “That was nearly two months ago!”  
“Your point?”  
You rolled your eyes, you actually looked forward to this every day? Sarcastic slanging matches and winding each other up? Of course you did, you loved it!  
Levi turned to look at you and your gazes locked for what felt like an eternity, his steel grey eyes boring into your e/c ones almost like he could see into your very soul. He glared at everyone with that stoic unnerving look, but you...well the harshness seemed to soften towards you...was it because he had come to regard you as a friend?   
All you knew was that those damned dreams were messing with your head and making you question Mike’s motives for asking Levi to look after you as well as your own feelings towards him...


	28. New Recruits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old enemy rears her ugly head again, will Reader manage to keep her temper in check or will anger and a lust for revenge take over?

With five days to go before the expedition beyond the walls, the transfers from the Stationary Guard and Military Police finally arrived.  
It was late morning, you and Levi had just finished training the rookies on the ODM maneuvers course and were now stood in the courtyard watching with interest as the wagons pulled up and several Stationary Guard soldiers jumped out enthusiastically and started to form up on. They were easily recognizable by the intertwined roses sigils on their jackets.   
“Wow they’re keen.” You remarked looking at Levi.  
“They understand the threat we face better than those Military Police pigs.” Snorted Levi, folding his arms and leaning back against the wall before he turned his attention to you.  
“Have you managed to choose your replacement squad members yet?”   
You lowered your head and sighed.   
“Not yet.” You replied lowly. “I haven’t really given it much thought, I’ve been more concerned with keeping Eren in line to be honest.”  
Levi raised an eyebrow.  
“Oh trust me I’ve reminded him what will happen if he doesn’t follow my orders to the letter. Won’t stop him from trying though...he’s a determined little shit I’ll give him that.”  
“Tch, remind you of someone does he?” Asked Levi, there was a hint of amusement in his tone when he spoke.  
You smirked and nudged him with your elbow.  
“I’ve already had that from Erwin, I don’t need it from you as well! Besides Eren knows he can only push me so far before I start dishing out punishments.”  
Levi shrugged and turned his attention back to the courtyard as another wagon arrived, this time bringing the disgraced Military Police transfers.  
“What do you suppose they’ve done wrong?” You asked with a curious tone of voice, you knew instantly they were Military Police members by the green and white unicorns head sigils on their jackets.  
“Probably got caught stealing Nile’s best wine.” Remarked Levi, his brows furrowing as he thought he recognized one of the Military Police transfers.  
“Isn’t that the brat you punched after the last expedition?” He asked quizzically, nodding to a short shaggy brown haired soldier with amber eyes just jumping out of the wagon with a sultry look on her face.  
“Huh?” You asked, your brows furrowing as you looked in the direction of his gaze.   
“Oh fuck me!” You laughed, your hands going up to your mouth to try and stop yourself from calling out something abusive.  
“I’ll take that as as yes.” Said Levi rolling his eyes.  
“Hitch Dreyse!” You giggled uncontrollably. “Are you kidding me? Do I need Hanji’s glasses cos I swear my eyes are playing tricks on me!”   
Sure enough though as soon as she turned around to look at her new base of operations, you had the confirmation you needed. It was indeed your sworn enemy from your days in the Cadet Corps.  
“Oh sweet Maria, Rose and Sina! Pinch me I’m dreaming! This is OUCH!”  
Your head snapped round and you shot Levi a deathly glare, rubbing your now sore left cheek.  
“What the hell was that for?”  
“Clearly you’re not dreaming.”   
“Short ass bastard, that wasn’t an invitation to actually pinch me!” You whined.  
Levi shrugged and turned his attention back to the transfer soldiers, doing a quick head count.  
“Well I make out ten disgraced idiots forced into this and twenty brave soldiers willing to help our cause.”  
“Well training will be fun for the next few days.” You mused. “The Stationary Guard transfers will need to memorize our use of signal flares, the Military Police will be doing that and then getting put through their paces on the forest assault course...that should be interesting.”  
Levi nodded.   
“No doubt we’ll get stuck training some of them...so if we get landed with that brat you love to use as a punch bag I want you on your best behaviour, just because I let you punch her once doesn’t mean I’ll do it again.”  
You laughed and shook your head.   
“Aww can’t I even wind her up verbally?” You pleaded.  
“No.”   
“Please?”  
“No.”  
“Aw come on Levi....Pretty please with sugar on top?”  
Levi rolled his eyes.   
“No.”  
“I’ll beg on my hands and knees if I have to.” You giggled.  
“Go ahead.” Said Levi, he was clearly enjoying this judging by his tone of voice.  
“Will you let me wind her up if I do?”  
“No.”  
“Damn you...I’ll clean your office for a week...no a month!”  
Levi raised an amused eyebrow at you, earning him your best puppy eyes attempt.  
“You may be a squad leader now f/n, but I can still hand out a punishment if you fail to do as you’re told.”  
You pouted and rolled your eyes before smirking at him.  
“Okay you win, but I’m not cleaning your office.”  
“Tch, like I’d trust you to do that anyway!” He deadpanned. “Anyway we have work to do, so come on.”  
You nodded and followed him, glancing back one last time at Hitch with a smirk...oh you were going to enjoy watching her have to do some real work for a change!

After lunch you and Levi were back teaching signal flares and long range formation tactics to the new arrivals. They now had their new jackets which bore the blue and white wings of freedom which represented the Survey Corps.  
You and Levi had got the room set up with a large diagram of Erwin’s long range scouting formation pinned to the wall, once again Levi was letting you take the lesson by yourself. He was doing that most days now, not that you minded. He had even said it gave your confidence a much needed boost, especially since the next expedition was looming. In all honesty though you were grateful that he had faith in you and your abilities, he’d even said he believed in you which really sent your confidence soaring.  
As the new scouts entered you bit back a smirk when you saw Hitch take a seat in the center row of tables. She no longer had a smug look on her face like she did when you last saw her four months ago, if anything you were hell bent on seeing her piss herself on her first expedition beyond the walls.  
You looked over at Levi and raised your eyebrows once the class was seated. Levi simply nodded, giving you the signal to start the lesson.   
“Alright listen up!” You shouted gaining their immediate attention.  
“My name is Squad Leader l/n. I only have five days to train you ready for the upcoming expedition so keep your ears open and listen to everything I tell you...your lives may very well depend on it...any questions before we begin?”  
“No Squad Leader!”” Came the reply.  
“Okay good, so those who have served in the Stationary Guard will have a brief understanding of flare signals, the rest of you will have to learn quickly I’m afraid. However they are relatively simple to understand so hopefully you will pick it up quite quickly.”  
You moved to stand in front of the desk and continued talking, oblivious to the fact that Levi had his gaze fixed on you from the very start of the lesson.  
“So, the Survey Corps uses six different coloured flares. The main colours you as scouts will be using are red for spotting a titan, black for spotting an abnormal or purple for an emergency situation...everyone with me so far?”   
You scanned around the room, studying their faces to make sure they were listening. Your gaze rested on Hitch for a moment and your eyes narrowed, you quickly averted your gaze and continued to the lesson. However this did not go unnoticed by Levi, he shook his head and rolled his eyes. He knew you were trying your best not to let her wind you up, but with your quick temper it was going to be hard not to let her get under your skin.  
“Other coloured flares that only officers will use are the blue flares, which signal the order to retreat, however everyone will carry a yellow flare which signals that you are pulling out of the mission.” Your gaze turned harsh as you once again scanned the room.   
“That does not mean if you get scared you can just whip out a yellow flare and excuse yourself from the mission, you must have a genuine reason...this includes losing too many squad members to a titan attack or failing a specific task due to injury or ambush...understand?”  
“Yes Squad Leader.”  
You drew a deep breath.  
“Finally, the green flare will be used to indicate a change of direction by the commander, this will then be relayed down the formation by the other spotters, which we will discuss in a moment. Now is everyone clear on what I’ve just told you?”  
“Yes Squad Leader.”  
You nodded in satisfaction.  
“Good...now long range formation…”

After the lesson was over you watched the scouts leave, however your gaze once again rested on Hitch. Your eyes narrowed as you caught her staring at you from across the room.  
“Don’t rise to her f/n.” Warned Levi waking to your side and giving her an intimidating stare.  
“Believe me I’m trying not to.” You replied.  
“I know it’s hard but trust me, it won’t help you.”  
Hitch smirked smugly at you and walked out of the classroom.  
“Argh damnit.” You snarled, leaning on the teaching desk and breathing deeply to try and calm yourself down.  
“Take it easy f/n.” Warned Levi, placing a hand on your shoulder and staring intensely at you.  
“Believe me I’m trying.” You shook through the rage that threatened to overwhelm you, your hands slowly clenching into fists.  
“Hey look at me.” Said Levi, squeezing your shoulder and moving closer to you. His intense steel eyed glare met yours.  
“You did really well keeping your temper in check throughout that lesson, don’t ruin it by getting angry now...she isn’t worth it.”  
You lowered your head and forced yourself to breathe deeply.   
You’d come a long way since your last encounter with Hitch, but keeping your temper in check around her was proving to be easier said than done. You couldn’t risk getting angry with her for no good reason and if you did, you wouldn’t be able to punch her again as it would surely cost you your rank. No, it wasn’t worth losing your proudest achievement to that immature little brat, Levi was right, she wasn’t worth it...at all.  
Pushing yourself upright you steadied your breathing and regained your composure.  
“Calmed down now?” Asked Levi, removing his hand from your shoulder.  
“Yeah I’ll be fine, let’s go get set up for the next lesson.”  
Levi nodded, he may not have admitted it out loud...but he really was proud of you for keeping your cool and not giving in to your temper, with that you left the room together and headed back outside towards the stables to continue the day’s lessons.


	29. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hitch pushes Reader too far, however when Erwin walks in on the two scouts arguing a punishment is issued that turns Readers stomach and makes her even more determined to teach her old nemesis a lesson in humility

“Hey f/n, where’s your little friend today?”  
You looked up from where you sat with a cup of tea as you waited for Levi and snarled at the figure in front of you.  
“The name is Squad Leader l/n, I suggest you use it!”  
Hitch giggled and folded her arms as she continued to stare at you.  
“Whatever f/n.”   
You clenched your right fist in anger, the expedition was only three days away and in your opinion it couldn’t come quick enough. You desperately wanted to throw Hitch through the gate, lock it behind her and let the titans have their way with her.  
“You don’t deserve to wear our uniform.” You growled. “You lack courage, honor and the camaraderie that all us scouts hold dear. You’re a disgrace!”  
Hitch laughed loudly, gaining the attention of the other soldiers in the mess hall.  
“Oh get over yourself f/n. You’re not fucking that freak Zacharius now!”  
Your eyes went wide and you slammed your hands down on the table, standing up so fast you knocked your chair backwards.  
“What the fuck did you just say?” You yelled angrily, your temper was beginning to build up inside you like a volcano ready to erupt.  
“You want to watch your mouth!” Snarled one of the other scouts, shooting Hitch a death glare.  
“We don’t take kindly to people like you coming here and degrading our fallen comrades.” Said another sternly.  
Your left eye twitched as you fought to remain calm, the smug grin on Hitch’s face wasn’t helping at all.  
“How many of you are going to die on the expedition I wonder?” She suddenly giggled.   
“Shut your dirty fucking mouth or I’ll shut it for you!” You screamed walking around the table and pushing your face close to hers.  
“You’re in my territory now Hitch, I can have you cleaning the latrines with your tongue if I want to!”  
Hitch bent double struggling to breathe, she was laughing so hard she was almost crying.  
The other scouts in the mess hall glared angrily at her, they couldn’t understand why she was still alive. None of them would’ve blamed you for murdering her there and then, in fact most of them would’ve probably been falling over themselves volunteering to hold her down while you kicked the shit out of her!  
“Oh f/n you’re hilarious!” Snickered Hitch.  
“Oh am I now?” You failed to notice the mess hall door open behind you as you made your next threat.   
“Well let’s see how hilarious it is when I drag you behind my horse on the expedition and use you as titan bait!”  
“You will do no such thing Squad Leader l/n!”  
You spun round in shock and faced the angry glare of Commander Erwin.  
A deathly silence descended over the room like an ominous shadow, no one so much as blinked for fear of punishment.  
“You and Dreyse will follow me to my office immediately.”   
He then spun on his heels and walked away.  
You glared at Hitch angrily and followed the commander, at least she no longer had that stupid smug look on her face…

Reaching Erwin’s office, he opened the door and gestured for the two of you to enter.  
Closing the door behind you he walked back to his desk and leaned against it, staring down at the pair of you.  
“Now kindly explain what the hell that was all about.”  
“I haven’t done anything wrong Sir.” Said Hitch, immediately gaining your attention. You glared at her through bared teeth and clenched your fists, desperately resisting the urge to dislocate her jaw again.  
“Squad Leader l/n just got in my face and started yelling.”  
“You lying little cunt!” You yelled before you could stop yourself.  
“Squad Leader l/n, I suggest you calm down.” Warned Erwin sternly. “Now tell me your version of events.”  
You drew a breath and started to speak.  
“She came up to me while I was waiting for Captain Levi and started winding me up, she then went on about Squad Leader Zacharius and asked how many of us were going to die on the next expedition.”  
“So, if I pull in some of the scouts who were in the mess hall, whose side are they going to take?” Questioned Erwin.  
“Obviously hers.” Snorted Hitch.  
“Only because I’m telling the truth you lying little shit!” You retorted.  
“Enough both of you!”  
You both turned to face the commander and froze in fear.  
“Squad Leader l/n, I will not tolerate you threatening to use your comrades as titan bait. As punishment I’m assigning Dreyse to your squad for the expedition.”  
“WHAT?” You shrieked in horror, your eyes widened so quickly that your eyebrows shot up to your hairline.   
“As for you Dreyse, you’re on cleaning duty for the next month until you learn to respect your superiors. You might have gotten away with that kind of behaviour in the Military Police but we will not tolerate such blatant disrespect here.”  
You smirked evilly at her, she looked like a child that had just had its lollipop stolen.  
“Dreyse you can leave and report to Squad Leader Nanaba for cleaning duty. Squad Leader l/n, a word if you don’t mind.”  
Hitch didn’t bother saluting before leaving, she narrowed her eyes at you as she left, noticing you still had an evil smirk on your face.  
“You can wipe that look off your face as well l/n.” Said Erwin venomously as Hitch closed the door behind her.  
You swallowed hard and turned back to face the commander, the smirk instantly gone from your face.  
Erwin sighed and pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger.   
“Have a seat f/n.” He said in a softer tone, gesturing to the seat in front of his desk.  
You obeyed and fixed your gaze on the floor.  
“I’m very disappointed in you.” Said Erwin sadly. “You were doing so well with your training and now this...you can’t threaten to use your comrades as titan bait, what the hell were you thinking?”  
“With all due respect Sir.” You answered raising your head. “I do not class her as a comrade, nor will I ever. She doesn’t deserve to wear the same uniform as me or any other scout.”  
Erwin sighed and shook his head.  
“F/n, I admire your devotion to this regiment and your comrades, but you must learn to keep that temper of yours in check.”  
“Sir she asked how many of us would die on the next expedition I couldn’t stop myself, I just saw red…” You screwed your eyes shut and drew a deep breath. “I apologize for not keeping a lid on my temper but I refuse to apologize for threatening to use her as titan bait. She deserved that for insulting everything the scouts stand for.”  
“Well I’m afraid you’re just going to have to learn to get along with her, she is now a member of your squad whether you like it or not. You managed it with Captain Levi so you can do it with her.”  
“Hmph, I never bore any hatred or malice towards Captain Levi, I wouldn’t piss on Hitch if she was on fire!” You muttered folding your arms.  
Erwin shook his head and rolled his eyes.  
“Go and calm down, you’re going to be of no use to anyone otherwise.”  
“Yes Sir.”  
You stood up and saluted before leaving the office, quietly closing the door behind you and storming off back to your own office.

Levi walked along the corridor towards your office, you’d agreed to meet him for lunch but when he got there you were nowhere to be seen. A few of the other scouts told him about your angry exchange with Hitch that had landed you in Erwin’s office, although he was disappointed that you’d risen to her taunting he was pleased that you avoided physically attacking her.  
He approached your office and stopped outside, knocking on the door and waiting for a response.  
His brow furrowed when he received no answer and he knocked again, only slightly harder.  
“Hey f/n you in there?”   
Still no answer.  
He tried the door, it was open so he entered and looked around, you were nowhere to be seen.  
“F/n?” He called.  
Still no answer, you couldn’t surely be having a sneaky nap could you?  
He walked over to your bedroom door and knocked.  
“F/n are you in there?”  
He heard a faint muffled sniff from the other side and cautiously opened the door.  
You were sat on the bed leaning against the headboard, your knees here drawn up to your chest and your face was buried in Mike’s jacket. The way your shoulders shook indicated you were either angry or upset, he assumed upset judging from the harsh sniffs and breathing coming from your hunched up form.  
“F/n are you alright?” He asked walking over to you and sitting on the bed staring at you.  
You slowly raised your head, your tear filled e/c eyes met his.  
“Fucking Hitch!” You snapped through your sobs, tightening your grip on Mike’s jacket. “I’m going to fucking rip her head off and ram it up her fucking arse!”  
“Yeah I heard what happened in the mess hall.” Muttered Levi.  
“I’m surprised you didn’t punch her again.”  
“Oh believe me I wish I had, now Erwin’s seen fit to put the little cunt on my squad for the expedition as a punishment for threatening to use her as titan bait.”  
Levi raised an eyebrow.   
“I’m sure that went down well.” He deadpanned.  
“His excuse is that if I can learn to get along with you then i can learn to get along with her...it’s not fucking happening!” You snarled.   
“Well if she’s now on your squad you don’t have a choice.”   
“I can’t believe he’s done that to me! Everyone in the mess hall heard the foul things she was saying about the regiment. She’ll never be a comrade of mine as long as I have a hole in my arse!”  
Levi raised an amused eyebrow at you.   
“Well at least you haven’t lost your sarcastic sense of humor.”  
“Who said I was joking?” You asked, wiping your tears on your jacket sleeve.  
Levi rolled his eyes but looked at you sympathetically.  
“She’s not worth getting upset over, it’s what she wants. You’re better than this f/n, don’t let her get to you.”  
“It’s a bit late for that.” You muttered bitterly averting your gaze from his.  
Levi shook his head and reached out to you, resting his hand on your arm which caused you to return your gaze to him.  
“I know something that will cheer you up.”  
You raised an eyebrow at him.  
“The reason she got a dishonorable discharge from the Military Police is because she made a move on one of the Squad Leaders when she was supposed to be on escort duty and got caught by Nile.”  
Your eyes widened and a grin spread across your face.   
“Shut your ass up!” You giggled loosening your grip on Mike’s jacket and adjusting your position so you were now cross legged.   
“I read her transfer papers, Shitty Glasses made the mistake of mixing them up with my paperwork.”  
You laughed and shook your head.  
“Now can I wind her up?”  
Levi rolled his eyes thoughtfully.  
“One cheap shot at her if she misbehaves during training and that’s all you’re getting.”  
“Deal!” You laughed holding out your right hand as if you were challenging him to arm wrestle with you.  
Levi hesitated for a moment before holding up his left hand and gripping yours tightly with it.  
You gave him a bright smile and squeezed his hand, your smile widening when he squeezed yours in return. You both remained still for a several moments before breaking away from each other.  
“Calmed down now?” Asked Levi.  
“Yeah, thanks Levi.”  
The raven haired male nodded and stood up.  
“Come on, we’ve got lessons to sort out. We only have three days left until the expedition and some of those rookies are nowhere near ready for what lies beyond the walls.”  
You pushed yourself up from the bed and hung Mike’s jacket back in your wardrobe before following Levi out of the room.

“Hey f/n there you are!”   
You spun round as you and Levi walked down the corridor towards the main teaching room.  
“Oh hey Hanji.” You smiled.  
“Meet me in the teaching room.” Said Levi.  
You nodded and turned back to Hanji as he walked away.  
“Are you okay?” She asked in concern, placing her hands on your shoulders. “I heard what happened.”  
“Not really but I’ll survive, Erwin may be torturing me by putting that little cunt on my squad but she’ll soon learn to behave once we get beyond the walls in three days time, after all her life will be in my hands.”  
“Don’t do anything stupid f/n.” Warned Hanji with a stern look on her face.   
“I won’t I promise” You smiled. “How are your experiments going?”  
Hanji shook her head and growled in frustration.   
“We’re getting nowhere, everything we try seems to lead to a dead end and I’m on my last couple of test subjects.”  
“Wow that sucks.” You muttered folding your arms.   
“Just a little, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Even Moblit has run out of ideas and that’s not like him at all.”  
Your eyes widened.  
“Damn, well it looks like we’re both up shit street then.”  
“You’ve been hanging around Shorty too long, you’re picking up on his sense of humor.” Laughed Hanji.  
You gave her a look that suggested she should shut up before you slapped her.  
“I better go, Levi will be waiting. Good luck with the last of your experiments.”  
“Thanks f/n. We’ll have a catch up sometime before the expedition okay?”  
“Yeah you bet.” You smiled as she headed back to her lab.  
You sighed and continued on your way to the training room, you would need to use your free one cheap shot at Hitch wisely, although you knew the expedition was going to be the biggest challenge to your sanity knowing that your worst enemy, someone you hated more than the titans was now going to be on your squad...


	30. Final Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The expedition is looming and Erwin holds one last meeting to confirm the plans with the officers

You sighed and walked back to your office with yet another stack of paperwork from Commander Erwin under your arm, with a grunt you pushed the door open and walked up to your desk, plonking the papers down on it with a small thud.  
“The paperwork is annoying isn’t it?”  
You spun round at the sound of the voice.  
“Mike!” You smiled brightly as the tall handsome squad leader approached you,  
“Hello f/n.” He smiled, pulling you into his arms and tilting your head up towards him so he could look into your e/c eyes.  
He stared down at your for a moment before lowering his head to yours and passionately kissing you.  
You sighed into the kiss and wrapped your arms around his neck...however when you pulled away it wasn’t Mike you had been kissing.  
“Levi?” You gasped in shock, jumping out of the shorter man’s arms so quickly that you failed to notice the hurt look in his cold grey eyes caused by your rejection.  
“F/n, please stop torturing yourself.”  
You spun round and saw Mike stood by the window, there was a pained expression in his soft blue eyes as he approached you.  
“I’m dead f/n, I’m never coming back...Please just move on and be happy.”  
“No! No you’re not dead, you’re fucking stood right in front of me!” You screamed, tears stinging your eyes.  
Mike shook his head sadly.  
“Please f/n, it’s time to let go of the past and look to the future.” He nodded at Levi, who just stood as still as a statue and stared at you.  
“Quit talking like that!” You screamed, shoving him away from you.  
“Mike, I love you!”  
“I love you too f/n...but you need to move on.”  
You opened your mouth to speak but Mike simply brushed past you and walked towards the door.  
“Don’t walk out on me Mike, please!” You begged, tears streaming down your cheeks.  
“Stop denying how you feel about him.” Said Mike, nodding at Levi.  
“Why are you doing this?” You sobbed.  
“I love you f/n, I want you to move on and be happy.” He replied, looking past you to the raven haired man who now stood directly behind you.  
“Don’t do this...please don’t leave me.” You barely choked your words out in a whisper, tensing as you felt Levi take hold of your right arm and turn you back to face him.  
You swallowed hard and stared into his cold grey eyes as he slowly raised his right hand and gently ran the backs of his fingers over your left cheek before leaning in and kissing you.  
Your eyes went wide and you tensed up for a moment before responding to him…

You sat bolt upright in your bed and looked around, your breaths were short and sharp, almost painful in your chest as you buried your head in your hands.  
“For fucks sake, not again!” You whispered, struggling to suppress a sob.  
You turned your gaze towards the window, the small gap in the curtains allowed you to see the sun slowly rising on the horizon, rubbing your hands over your face you untangled yourself from the sheets and got out of bed. Tomorrow was expedition day and you knew that today was going to be long and exhausting as you prepared for it. Once again you fought back your thoughts of yet another confusing and hurtful dream, getting dressed and mentally preparing yourself for the day ahead.

Upon entering the mess hall for breakfast you saw Eren and Mikasa sat at a table to your right. Levi was nowhere to be seen thankfully, he was the last person you wanted to see right now. It wasn’t is fault, but you just really couldn’t be around him right now without feeling uncomfortable. Also there was no way in hell you could confide in him about the dreams you kept having or the fact that you had indeed developed a certain fondness for him.  
Grabbing some food and a cup of tea, you made your way back to Eren and Mikasa.  
“Morning you two.” You smiled as brightly as you could manage.  
“Morning f/n!” Smiled Eren, his emerald eyes almost lit up when he saw you.  
“Hope you guys are ready for a tough day.” You said as you sat down. “I plan on going over everything we need in preparation for tomorrow, nothing is getting left to chance.”  
“It’s hard to believe it’s been four months since our last expedition.” Mused Mikasa  
“Ah f/n there you are.”  
You looked up and saw Commander Erwin stood over you.  
“Morning Sir.” You said neutrally.  
“Just a reminder that there’s an officers meeting straight after breakfast, usual pre-expedition brief nothing to worry about.” Said the commander.  
“Yes Sir, I’ll be there.”  
Erwin nodded and walked away.  
“Are you okay f/n?” Asked Mikasa. “You look tense.”  
You sighed and poked at your porridge with your spoon.  
“Yeah just a bit pissed off with the fact that we have that Military Police reject Hitch with us for the expedition tomorrow.”  
Mikasa’s gaze darkened.  
“Yeah I heard her the other day...hopefully the expedition will teach her a lesson in humility.”  
“Personally I’d rather see her get eaten.” You muttered under your breath.  
“I’ll never be that hungry!” Smirked Eren.  
“Nice one Kiddo.” You giggled raising your fist to him, his smirk widened and he raised his own fist bumping it with yours.  
“Both of you meet me in my office after I get back from this meeting okay? Bring your ODM Gear and I’ll give it a good once over and check it’s all fit for use...oh and bring that thing Hitch with you as well.” You spoke with malice when it came to discussing Hitch.  
“We’ll find her.” Said Eren bluntly. “Is anyone else joining us on our squad?”  
“Yes, I’ve asked Reiner and he’s agreed to join our squad...he’s a good scout, strong and brave.” You sipped your tea and sighed. “He served on Mike’s squad a few times in the past and I trust him, both as a comrade and a friend.”  
Eren smiled and Mikasa looked at you with concern in her smokey eyes.  
“We will get through this guys, I promise you that.” You smiled, however you weren’t sure who you were trying to convince, them...or yourself.

After breakfast you made your way to the briefing room, a frown played on your face as you struggled to keep the dream out of your mind. Your brow furrowed in frustration, why the hell were you dreaming about Mike pushing you towards Levi? What did it all mean? Mike was dead that much was certain, but what wasn’t certain was whether Levi had any feelings for you. He had acted strange around you on some occasions, almost...affectionate.  
“Argh you’re over thinking things, it’s just a damned dream!” You shook your head and growled under your breath, that dream was the last thing you needed to be thinking about.  
You soon reached the briefing room and found Erwin and Levi already in there, they turned and looked at you as you moved to take a seat opposite Levi.  
“Ah f/n, I take it you’re ready for the expedition tomorrow?” Asked Erwin.  
“Nearly Sir, I’m just going to do a few last minute preparations with my squad today and then we’re all set.”  
Erwin nodded. “Good, glad to see you’re accepting Dreyse as a member of your squad.”   
You narrowed your eyes and stared at Erwin.  
“When I say my squad, I’m referring to Eren, Mikasa and Reiner...not Nile’s reject.”  
Levi raised an eyebrow at you in amusement while Erwin just sighed and shook head.  
“Good morning everyone!”   
All eyes turned to the door as Hanji entered, she seemed quite happy as she took the seat next to you.  
“You seem happier than when I last saw you.” You smiled.  
“Oh yes, I can’t wait for the expedition tomorrow.” Squealed Hanji. “We’re finally going back out there beyond the walls...oh how I’ve missed my babies!”  
You rolled your eyes and smirked, noticing Levi giving Hanji a look of complete disdain while Erwin simply shook his head and turned his attention to a pile of papers in front of him.

The rest of the officers soon arrived and took their seats, after which Erwin handed out the papers he had put together earlier.  
Upon looking at it, you saw it was a diagram of the long range formation. Each officer had a different copy with their squads position in the formation marked on it, you squad was to be situated at the rear of the center rank behind the wagon defense squad.  
“Tomorrow morning we will depart from the Karanese District in the east.” Began Erwin. “I plan for us to head north from there and try to make our way back towards Shigansha.”   
Your eyes widened in horror, Shiganshina was Eren and Mikasa’s old home which now lay in ruins and was overrun by titans since Wall Maria was breached five years ago. That was going to be uncomfortable to explain, especially since...  
“Yes?” Asked Erwin looking down the table after seeing a raised hand.  
“Sir, no disrespect but why the hell are we heading back that way? It’s a death run..last time we…”  
You narrowed your eyes and looked down towards the officer who had spoken before Erwin cut him off.  
“Yes I’m well aware of what happened the last time we went this route, but if we are to successfully reclaim this district the way we reclaimed Trost then it is a risk we must take.”  
“So even after we lost half the regiment on the last expedition you’re still planning on repeating that route?” Asked the officer again.  
“Yes.” Replied Erwin bluntly.  
“Hey are you okay?”   
Your head jerked around to the right as you felt Hanji place her hand on your arm and whisper to you.  
“I’ll be fine.” You replied before turning back to face Erwin, failing to notice Levi staring directly at you with a raised eyebrow.  
“Squad Leader l/n.”  
You swallowed hard as Erwin addressed you.  
“Yes Sir.” You replied evenly.  
“You will be your squad will be backup plan in case something goes wrong. I take it you had a word with Eren Jaeger about our intentions?”  
“I did Sir. He knows the drill if anything should happen.”  
“What do you mean Sir?” Asked Nanaba.  
You looked back to your right and saw her sat next to Levi, she looked concerned.  
“Squad Leader l/n has been given permission to order Eren Jaeger to assume titan form in emergencies...other than that Captain Levi and I will issue the order as to whether or not we need to use his ability.”  
“Sir, she’s only been a squad leader for five months!” Gasped Nanaba in horror. “How could you put that much pressure on her?”  
A series of hushed whispers filled the room, Erwin and Levi looked at each other and then back at you.  
You drew a deep breath and leaned forward in your seat so everyone could see you.  
“I may be young and inexperienced at leading a squad on an expedition, but I can handle the pressure. If Commander Erwin didn’t think I could he wouldn’t have assigned me this task.” You declared boldly.  
Hanji smiled and nodded at you.   
“No disrespect to you f/n.” Said Nanaba gently. “You’re pretty much a rookie squad leader, you’ve only commanded a squad on one expedition…”  
“I can handle it.” You said with a fierce determination in your voice that silenced the room.  
“I’ve personally been training her for the past four months, her confidence has returned and she has the unwavering loyalty of her squad.” Said Levi, gaining everyone’s immediate attention, your eyes widened and you turned your attention towards the raven haired captain.  
“Yes she lacks experience commanding them on expedition but you were all in her position once, I’m sure there were those who doubted your abilities at the time.”  
The other officers lowered their gazes, Levi’s words seemed to have hit home pretty hard they they were once rookies themselves.  
“If she says she can handle it, then I believe her.” Said Levi, staring directly into your e/c eyes as he said it.  
“I believe in her as well.”  
You looked to your right and saw Hanji give you a wide confident smile.  
Nanaba slowly nodded her head and sighed.  
“My apologies f/n, if the Commander and Captain have faith in you...then the rest of us should as well.”  
You smiled and nodded.  
“Now that we have that out of the way.” Interrupted Erwin. “Are there any other issues we need to address?”  
Silence enveloped the room for what felt like an eternity.  
“Then this meeting is concluded, make ready your squads for tomorrow morning.”  
You stood from your seat and picked up your formation plan with a sigh. You weren’t surprised there were doubters among the other officers, inexperience was indeed a factor in their doubts. However you were not going to be so easily put off, you would prove them all wrong. You would use their doubts as a weapon to fuel the determination that burned strongly in your heart...and you would succeed.


	31. Conflicting Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader starts to worry her feelings for Levi are starting to run deeper than friendship

You exited the meeting and made your way back to your office.  
“Levi!” You called, spotting the raven haired captain a few feet in front of you. He stopped and turned around, staring at you as you approached.  
“Listen I...just wanted to say thanks for standing up for me back there.” You smiled. “It means a lot to me.”  
Levi nodded.  
“I only stated a fact.” He replied bluntly. “Some of them would do well to remember that.”  
You bit your lip nervously.   
“So who have you picked for your squad?”  
“I’m taking Mike’s place in the command squad.”  
“Wow.” Your eyes widened. “Well that should prove interesting.”   
“Expeditions are all the same to me.” Levi shrugged. “We go out there, kill titans, we come back.”  
“Not always alive though.” You mused.  
Levi’s frown deepened at your words.   
“It’s a risk we all take.”  
You nodded.  
“Well I’ll see you later then, it’s the last night of our punishment tonight...meet you in the mess hall to sort out paperwork first?”  
Levi nodded, he wouldn’t admit it out loud but he was going to miss working so closely with you.  
“Catch up with you this evening then.” You smiled, turning and walking away.  
Levi folded his arms and sighed, his brow furrowing for a moment before he looked towards you.  
“F/n.”  
You stopped and turned back, raising your eyebrows.  
Levi bit the inside of his cheek as your eyes met.  
“Do you need any help sorting your squad out?”  
“You’re worried I’ll sabotage Hitch’s equipment aren’t you?” You replied with a cheeky grin.  
“Tch, I wouldn’t put it past you.”  
You laughed and shook your head.   
“Yeah sure, thanks.” You replied, replacing you grin with a warm smile.  
Levi walked towards you and the pair of you headed back to your office, little did you suspect that the stoic captain was secretly glad that he got to spend a little more time with you because he was worried he might never see you again after tomorrow’s expedition. Sure you were both accomplished soldiers, but out beyond the walls that meant nothing if the titans got their hands on you…

You reached your office and found your squad already stood outside waiting for you with their equipment...well except Hitch who was still determined to press your buttons. However she was unaware of your agreement with Levi that you could have one cheap shot at her if she wound you up to much and you were still yet to use it.  
“Where is your equipment Dreyse?” You asked in a low voice.  
“In my room.” She replied with a smug grin.  
“Well then I suggest you go and get it, unless you want it to possibly malfunction tomorrow.”  
Hitch rolled her eyes and stayed put, not saying a word.  
“That was an order Dreyse!” You growled dangerously, trying to keep you temper in check with this idiot was a lot easier said than done.  
Hitch remained still and ignored you, smirking smugly at Eren, Mikasa and Reiner. They were also far from impressed by her attitude towards you, but they were also determined not to give her the reaction she wanted.  
“If you don’t want to be running laps for the next hour I suggest you do as your commanding officer orders.” Said Levi, his steel eyed gaze so intense he was almost burning holes in her face.  
Hitch rolled her eyes a second time and skulked off, muttering under her breath.  
“Ignorant bitch.” You snarled under your breath.  
“Everything okay Squad Leader?” Asked Reiner cautiously, he may have been taller and a lot more well built than you and Levi put together, but even he wasn’t dumb enough to wind you up.  
“I’m fine Reiner.” You smiled and opened the door to your office. “In you come guys.”  
Once inside your office you looked at Eren and cleared a space on your desk.  
“Okay Kiddo, let’s have a look at your gear.”  
Eren nodded and neatly placed it on the wooden surface.  
“Have you been checking it regularly?” You asked as you started to inspect it.  
“Yes f/n...I mean Squad Leader.” He quickly corrected himself remembering Levi was in the room.  
You frowned as you looked at one of the gas cylinders and noticed it was dented.   
“You’ll need to replace that immediately after you’re done here.” Said Levi before you could speak.  
“Yes Sir.“ Replied Eren, he nervously continued to watch you inspect the rest of his ODM Gear.  
“Hmm okay apart from the dented cylinder you’re good to go for tomorrow.” You smiled.  
Eren nodded and removed his gear from the desk as you turned to Mikasa.   
“Okay Mikasa, you’re next,”  
She nodded and placed her gear on your desk, you were about to inspect it when the door opened and Hitch walked back in carrying her gear.  
“Were you born in a damned barn?” You snapped. “Oh and try knocking before walking into my office.”  
Hitch grunted and walked up to your desk.  
“Oi, get out, close the door, then knock and wait for an answer.” You snapped.  
Hitch was about to protest when Levi raised an eyebrow at her. She rolled her eyes and walked out, closing the door behind her. She knocked and then waited.  
“Enter.” You called.  
Hitch did as asked and closed the door behind her, giving you a scowl, not that you cared.  
“Better.” You remarked and started inspecting Mikasa’s equipment.  
A few moments later you nodded and looked at the young scout.  
“Okay you’re gear is fine, Reiner, your turn big guy.”  
Reiner nodded and waited for Mikasa to remove her equipment before placing it on your desk.  
You carefully examined it and frowned.  
“Captain just check this for me.” You said looking at one of the trigger handles. “Does this seem stiff to you?”  
Levi took it from you and gave it a quick squeeze, his frown deepening.  
“Braun that needs replacing, if it jams you’re as good as dead.”  
“Yes Captain Levi.”   
“Dreyse let’s go.” You said bluntly.  
For once Hitch obeyed without question, placing her gear on your desk.  
You quickly checked it all over and nodded.  
“You’re good. Okay guys one more thing before I dismiss you.”  
You unrolled the piece of paper Erwin had given you in the meeting and placed it on the desk so everyone could see.  
“Tomorrow morning we depart from the Karanese District in the east. Our squad will be situated here behind the wagon defence squad in the rear of the center rank.” You pointed to the circled location on the diagram. “This means we will need to be watching for any titans coming from behind us. The route we’re taking will lead us back towards Shiganshina in the north...”   
“What?” Gasped Eren, his emerald eyes widened in shock. “Why are we going back there?”  
You looked at him worriedly, you’d predicted this reaction back in the meeting room.  
“Commander Erwin is still pushing for us to fully reclaim Wall Maria.” You stated. “I know it’s a death run but orders are orders.”  
Eren growled under his breath while Mikasa remained silent, you sighed and continued.  
“We’re placed there in the formation because it will be the easiest and safest place to utilize your titan abilities should we need them.” You said, staring at Eren.  
“Titan abilities?” Gasped Hitch.”What does that mean?”  
“I’m a titan shifter.” Stated Eren proudly. “I can turn into a titan.”  
“I’m not riding with a fucking titan!”  
“You will do what you are ordered to do!” You growled angrily, silencing the room.  
“Now, are there any questions?”  
No one spoke up.  
“Okay guys you’re dismissed Make the most of your downtime, if you need equipment replacing I suggest you go get it done. I’ll meet you all by the stables first thing in the morning.”  
Eren, Mikasa and Reiner nodded and left the room, Hitch however ignored you and skulked out.  
“Well that went better than I’d hoped.” You remarked turning to face Levi.  
Levi simply raised an eyebrow at you.  
“Jaeger seems on edge.”  
“It’s because Shiganshina is his home, I expected him to freak out a little.”  
“Well like you correctly stated, orders are orders.”  
You nodded,   
“Is your gear fit for use?” Asked Levi.  
“Should be, last time I used it was when we were teaching advanced maneuvers. You wanna help me check it over?”  
“Okay then.”   
You headed off to your bedroom and grabbed your ODM Gear from your wardrobe, returning to the main office a moment later and placing it on your desk.  
Levi picked up your trigger handles and scrutinized them while you checked the gas canisters.  
You bit your lip as the dream once again forced its way to the front of your mind.  
‘Damnit f/n concentrate!”’ You mentally slapped yourself as you picked up the other gas canister to check it, casting a quick glance at the stoic captain.  
Levi ignored you and picked up the other trigger handle, flexing the blade locks a couple of times.  
‘Ugh get over it f/n, he doesn’t feel the same, never has, never will. You had a little crush on him when you were a damned teenager and that’s all!’  
“Your gear is fine.” Said Levi bluntly.  
“Thanks for that.” You replied.   
Levi nodded.  
“I have a few things to do. I’ll see you later.”   
“Okay bye.”   
You sighed and watched him leave, secretly hoping that today wouldn’t be the last time you ever saw him alive. You shook your head in frustration and picked up your gear to put it back in your wardrobe ready for tomorrow, but a dark thought still played in the back of your mind...You couldn’t face the idea of losing Levi the way you lost Mike.


	32. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Reader and Levi spend the last night of their shared punishment together, the tension between the becomes evident

Levi returned to his office and frowned as he sat at his desk.  
The day before an expedition was never an easy thing to deal with, especially since his entire squad had been killed on the last outing and now he had been placed in the command squad.  
His frown deepened as he remembered the look in your e/c eyes when he told you he was replacing Mike, you almost looked like you had the night he had told you Mike was dead.  
He sighed and rested his elbows on his desk, placing his chin on his palms and staring at the door. He didn’t really have anything to do that day except make sure everyone was ready for the expedition tomorrow and catch up on some paperwork, but he needed to get away from you and clear his head.  
Your recent closeness was starting to scare him, the way you smiled at him made his heart race and on the odd occasion when you embraced him he thought it might actually beat so hard it would break out of his chest. He sighed and closed his eyes, he wanted to be around you more than anything but he felt like he was playing with fire...and tomorrow may well be the day he finally got burned.

After lunch you headed out to the stables to check on your squads horses.   
Entering the yard you headed for the stall where your own horse resided.  
“Hey Blaze.” You smiled at a brown stallion with a white stripe that ran from its muzzle up to the top of its head, the top just covered by its black mane.  
Blaze whinnied and nodded at your approach, you’d always been good with animals and you had strong bond with your mount.  
You reached up and stroked his muzzle, checking to make sure no one was looking you dug your hand into a bag of oats on the floor near the stall and picked some up, offering them to your horse.  
You glanced to your left hearing another soft whinny and grinned as you were met by a jet black horse staring at you expectantly.  
“You jealous there Midnight?” You smirked, the horse nodded at you in response to your question.  
“Promise not to tell Levi and I’ll give you some okay?”   
Midnight nodded and scuffed his hoof against the floor of his stall.  
You laughed and reached into the bag again before approaching Midnight.  
“Our little secret okay?” You said offering them to the eager animal.  
“Yeah sure Squad Leader, just keep the oats coming!”  
You jumped around in fear, however you grinned as you saw a scout with brown hair, grey eyes and a small amount of stubble on his face wearing a white bandanna.  
“Damnit Ness, I thought you were Levi!” You laughed patting Midnight’s neck.  
Squad Leader Dita Ness laughed and reached up to pet the horse in the stall next to Midnight.  
“Nah...I think Levi would’ve yelled at you straight away rather than sneak in and startle you.”  
You giggled again and nodded as you approached him and patted his horse Sherrett on her neck, earning her attention as she turned to face you and tried to nibble on your hair.  
“Still got a thing for hair huh?” You asked as you moved out of reach and made sure she hadn’t managed to get you.  
“Why do you think I have to wear this?” Remarked Ness, pointing to his bandana. “Damn horse is gonna make me bald in no time!”  
“You love her really!”   
Ness shrugged and stroked Sherrett’s muzzle.  
“So what brought you out here?” He asked curiously.  
“Just came to see if my squads horses were fit for tomorrow.”  
Ness nodded.   
“We’re about halfway through checking them all, I was just about to check Midnight when I caught you giving him a sneaky treat.”  
You nodded.  
“So are my squads horses ready or have you not got that far?”  
“Yours are all ready to go, let’s just hope that the one that smug looking Military Police transfer is riding takes a dislike to her.”  
“Oh trust me I’m still waiting for her to push me too far again.” An evil grin crossed your face. “Levi’s given me a free shot at her, so I need to pick my moment carefully.”  
Ness laughed and approached Midnight, patting his neck and opening the stall door so he could enter and carry out his inspection.  
“Well I hope I’m around to see it.”  
“Oh I’ll make sure she has an audience.” Your evil grin widened.   
Hitch was already permanently marked down in your bad books, but thanks to Levi finding out why she was kicked out of the Military Police you had all the ammunition you needed to bring her down a peg or two…

The rest of the afternoon passed by uneventfully, you left your paperwork until later on that evening when you met Levi and were currently sat at your desk looking at the expedition formation plans given to you by Erwin earlier that day.  
You sighed deeply and frowned, were you really ready to get back out there and take on the titans again? Your heart screamed yes because you wanted revenge for Mike and your comrades deaths, but your head said no because you weren’t sure you could face going back out there again after such a long duration stuck behind the walls...what if you lost your nerve and finally became a titan food?  
A knock on the door jerked you out of your thoughts.  
“Enter.” You called.  
“Good evening bestie!” Came a shrill voice as the door opened.  
You looked up and smiled as Hanji entered the office, closing the door behind her she bounded up to your desk.  
“Let me guess, you’re here for our dinner date?” You asked sarcastically.  
“Of course!” She smiled. “I want some time with you before Shorty steals you from me for the evening.”  
You laughed and shook your head, you and Hanji were long overdue a good catch up.  
“Well I’m ready so let’s go.”  
You folded your expedition plans up and put them in a drawer in your desk, you had all the necessary information you needed and your orders were clear and memorised. All that was left to do now was wait until tomorrow morning.  
Upon entering the mess hall you and Hanji got yourselves some food and sat down.  
“So how are your experiments going now?” You asked curiously.  
Hanji smiled and nodded, always a good sign.  
“We’ve managed to make a little bit of progress.” She paused to take a bite of her bread roll. “I think we will be better prepared for this expedition...fingers crossed.”  
“Let’s hope so.” You replied, stirring your soup. “So what have you managed to find out?”  
“Well, there seems to be a pattern in abnormal behaviour. From what Moblit and I can see, they tend to go after a meal based on preference.”  
“Preference?” You furrowed your brow in confusion as you broke a piece off your bread roll and dipped it into your soup.   
“Well it’s like with humans, for example. Why did you pick soup for your meal tonight?”  
“I didn’t want stew for a third night running.” You shrugged.  
“Ah you see, you wanted something different.” Replied Hanji, pushing her glasses back up her nose. “It’s the same for an abnormal. They may decide to go after a meal based on gender, smell or sight...who knows.”  
You rolled your eyes thoughtfully and nodded.  
“Sounds plausible I guess, you’re the scientist not me.”  
Hanji shrugged and smiled.  
“So what do you think to Levi being on the command squad?” You asked curiously, sipping your tea.  
Hanji choked on her food and laughed manically.  
“Oh I wondered how long it would be before conversation turned to Shorty.”  
“What?” You remarked, fighting a rising blush on your cheeks.   
“F/n you really need to stop denying you have a crush on him.”  
“I do not have a crush on Levi!” You snapped in a harsh whisper, hoping no one nearby would hear you.  
“You’re such a liar!” Giggled your best friend.  
“Screw off Four Eyes!” You snorted.  
“Oi f/n, where’s that short ass captain you like to follow around with your tongue hanging out like a bitch in heat?”  
Your eyes narrowed dangerously and your hands clenched into fists.  
“Don’t do it f/n.” Warned Hanji, but you’d already put your spoon down and stood up to confront the person behind you.  
“Dreyse what a surprise.” You smirked folding your arms.  
“So you’ve finally stopped crying over that freak Zacharius and moved on to Humanity’s Shortest?” Questioned the smug faced Hitch.  
“Wow, so original.” You yawned. “You’re boring me now, come back when you have some new material.”  
“Maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll fuck you before you die tomorrow!”  
You were just about to respond when the mess hall doors opened and a certain raven haired captain walked in and stared directly at you.  
A smug grin crossed your face, now was the perfect time to use your free shot at your nemesis.  
“Oh really?” You asked innocently cocking your head to one side. “So where’s your boyfriend now?”   
That got her, Hitch’s face dropped like a lead weight.  
“I hear your tried it on with your squad leader while you were on escort duty and got caught by Nile.” You raised your voice so the entire mess hall could hear you.  
“You fucking bitch!” Snarled Hitch.  
“Ooh hit a nerve have I?” You asked with a sly grin, a low rumble of barely concealed snickers echoed around the mess hall.  
“I take it he didn’t defend you to Nile?”  
Hitch glared at you like she wanted to kill you, but this just caused your grin to widen and the rumbling snickers of the mess hall to grow louder in volume.  
“Oh sweetie I’m so sorry.” You said in mock sympathy. “He clearly didn’t did he? Otherwise you wouldn’t have been forced out of the Military Police with a dishonorable discharge. I’m guessing he’s still cowering behind Wall Sina? I wonder if he’s found your replacement yet.”  
“You fucking piece of shit!” Snarled Hitch. “I’m going to make sure I ruin your friendship with that short ass bastard and then…”  
“That’s Captain Levi to you, you worthless brat!”  
Hitch’s face went pale as the blood drained from her face, she froze to the spot at the sound of the low deadpan voice behind her.  
“Well good evening Captain Levi.” You smiled. “Dreyse here was just telling me about her little nickname for you...Humanity’s Shortest I believe she called you.”  
Levi’s eyes narrowed dangerously, everyone knew how self conscious he was about his height and they also knew better than to tease him about it. However he didn’t seem to care about you calling him a “short ass bastard” but then again you were quite close and he often called you a “stubborn bitch”  
“I never said that!” Screeched Hitch.  
“Oh really?” You asked smugly. “I have a room full of witnesses who will say otherwise.”  
Hitch started to tremble, she knew full well she’d said it and that the scouts were all on your side, she didn’t have a leg to stand on.  
“Six months latrine cleaning duty.” Said Levi bluntly.  
“That’s not fair!” Yelled Hitch.  
“Twelve months latrine cleaning duty!” You replied folding your arms. “For being rude to a superior officer.”  
Hitch’s mouth opened and closed like a fish with no sound coming out, she looked around the mess hall and saw each and every face in the room smirking smugly at her. With a frustrated growl she stormed out, slamming the door behind her.  
“Perfect timing Shorty.” Smiled Hanji, an amused smile graced her lips.  
The other scouts turned back to what they were doing and left you in peace, their part in your revenge on Hitch now complete.  
“I’ve just been to the library.” Said Levi in a bored tone. “We may have to skip paperwork tonight and concentrate on getting it back to looking like an actual library instead of a battlefield.”  
“Oh no!” You groaned. “How bad are we talking?” 

Levi wasn’t kidding when he said the library looked like a battlefield.  
“What the actual fuck?” You gasped as you entered the room. “It looks like one of Hanji’s test subjects got loose and went on a rampage!”  
There were books strewn everywhere, piles of discarded paperwork were scattered around the tables and across the floor, there were ring marks where cups of tea and coffee had been left all day on most of the surfaces and the place just generally looked like someone had fired a cannon into the room.  
“I did warn you.” Deadpanned Levi.  
“Where the hell do we even start?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at him.  
Levi removed his jacket, placing it on one of the chairs near the door. He then pulled out two pieces of white cloth, tying one over his head like a bandanna and another over his nose and mouth.  
“Start at the back and work our way to the front.” He shrugged.  
“Suits me.” You replied. You removed your own jacket and placed it down with his, rolling up your shirt sleeves, you found two more pieces of white cloth with the cleaning equipment in the corner and proceeded to tie one around your head and the other over your nose and mouth. This mess would take all night to clean...

You piled up more of the discarded paperwork and started to look through it in case there was anything important that needed returning to anyone while Levi started putting some of the books back on the shelves.  
You were roughly halfway through the cleaning but it still felt like you were going to be there until dawn.  
“Why are none of these damned rookies capable of cleaning up after themselves?” You grunted as you threw the paperwork into the rubbish bucket and proceeded to wipe down the table.  
Levi finished his task and pulled the cloth from his face, raising an eyebrow at you.  
“Now do you see why I wonder how some of them graduated from the Cadet Corps?” He asked bluntly.  
You rolled your eyes and removed your own face cloth, smirking at him.  
“Well I’m pretty sure when I was in the Cadet Corps, hygiene wasn’t penciled into the training schedule.”  
“Tch, maybe not but running laps was when it came to you.”  
Your eyes widened, but you decided to have a little fun.  
“Yeah remind me, how many times did you need to punish me for not keeping my temper in check when I was on your squad?”  
Levi shrugged.   
“Too damned many, you were such an annoying brat back then I was tempted to have you locked up for a few days to calm you down.”   
You simply giggled and smiled at him, he really wasn’t that bad to be around if you knew how to talk to him without getting offended by how rude he could be.  
“So what about now?” You challenged.  
Levi stared at you, however the usual harshness in his cold grey eyes wasn’t there.  
“You’ve grown up since then.”  
“Still as foul tempered and stubborn as ever though.”  
“You can control it when you want to.”  
He wasn’t wrong, in some circumstances it was possible to control your temper, but in others...the pressure just got too much and it exploded before you could put a lid on it. The best way you described it was like shutting the stable door after the horse had already bolted.  
You pulled your face cloth back up over your nose and mouth and moved to clean the next table, oblivious to the fact that Levi was staring at you with what could only be described as a radiating warmth…

“Ugh finally.” You remarked as you and Levi finished sweeping the floor.  
You must’ve been cleaning up for at least three to four hours before finally getting the library looking back to normal. However Levi seemed to be glaring at something on the very top shelf of one of the bookcases.  
You pulled your face cloth down so it hung around your neck and followed his line of sight.  
“Oh you are kidding me?” You grunted, looking up and seeing a discarded ODM gas cannister just peeking out over the edge of the shelf.  
“The ladder also appears to have gone AWOL.” Deadpanned Levi.  
“I’ll climb up and grab it.” You remarked, walking up to the shelf.  
“Don’t be so stupid.”   
“I’ll be fine.  
“Tch, don’t come crying to me when you hurt yourself.”  
“Don’t worry I won’t!”  
You reached up and gripped the shelf just above your head, pulling yourself up and resting your foot on the shelf below you, climbing up as you would a ladder.  
Levi watched you with a raised eyebrow, you really did live up to his nickname for you.  
“Okay nearly got it.” You grunted, you had managed to reach up and make a grab for it, your fingertips just brushed the gas nozzle.  
“Damnit, almost there.”  
Levi waited with his arms folded across his chest and continued to watch you as you made another grab for it.  
“Got it.”   
You pulled it towards you and dangled it down for him to grab, which he did.  
“Good, now get your ass down from there.” He snapped.  
You rolled your eyes and started to climb down, however your foot slipped and you lost your grip.  
Levi’s eyes widened and he dropped the canister, rushing forward to catch you before you hit the solid stone floor below.  
You screwed your eyes shut and waited for the harsh impact of the floor to make contact with your body, however it never came. You cautiously opened your eyes, rapidly widening them when you realized Levi had caught you and was currently holding you bridal style with your arms locked firmly around his neck and your head resting against his shoulder.  
“Are you okay?” He asked, concern was evident in his voice.  
“Yeah, thanks to you.” You replied.  
You swallowed hard, noticing how close your faces were. You could feel Levi’s warm tea scented breath on your cheeks, your face heated up with an intense blush at the fact that if either of you were to move your faces any further forward you would be pretty much kissing. You were already close enough that the tips of your noses were touching, so it wouldn’t take much to close the gap between you and lock lips.  
You stared up at Levi nervously, not daring to move a muscle as you stared into his eyes. Levi was also frozen like a statue, his eyes locked onto yours. The pair of you remained this way for what felt like an eternity, both staring into each other’s eyes as if studying and memorizing every little fleck of colour that made up the others orbs.  
Levi swallowed hard and continued to stare at you, wondering if you were going to make a move on him while you stared back at him wondering the same, the awkward silence between you was so intense that you were sure the pair of you could hear your own hearts beating in your chests.  
“Erm Levi…” You asked, cautiously breaking the silence.  
“Hmm?”  
“Could you..put me down please.”  
“Oh...right.”  
Levi carefully set you down and you untangled your arms from around his neck, you stood up straight not noticing him staring at you as you removed the cloths from your neck and head.  
“Thanks for catching me.” You smiled nervously at him.  
Levi simply nodded and picked up the gas canister.  
“I think we’re done here.” He said walking back to the other end of the library to retrieve his jacket, removing the cloths from his neck and head as he did.  
You sighed and followed him, retrieving your own jacket, you then helped him put the cleaning equipment back into the cupboard and left the library.

Levi walked you back to your office, there was hardly anyone around now as it was after curfew, just a few stragglers.  
“Well I should try and catch up on my paperwork before tomorrow.” You remarked as the pair of you stopped outside your door.  
“Don’t spend too long on it.” Replied Levi. “You need to be fit to lead your squad tomorrow.”  
“I’ll try, I never sleep well before an expedition though.” You shrugged.  
Levi simply stared at you silently.  
“Well if I don’t see you tomorrow...good luck on the command squad.”   
“Yeah, good luck with that brat Dreyse.”   
You smiled and nodded, unlocking the door to your office.  
“Goodnight Levi.”  
“Goodnight f/n.”  
You entered the office and closed the door behind you, locking it as you did.

It didn’t take you long to finish your paperwork, maybe a couple of hours maximum. However your brain just wouldn’t switch off so you could retire for the night and try to get some sleep.  
With a sigh you stood from your seat and looked out of the window, most of the oil lamps that lit up the other scouts dormitories and offices were either extinguished or being extinguished one by one.   
You folded your arms and turned your head to the right, your gaze settling on a certain captain’s window and seeing that his oil lamp was still burning.  
Events from earlier that evening began to push themselves to the front of your mind What would you have done if he had have tried to kiss you? Should you have tried to kiss him? Did you even want him in that way?  
You shook your head and growled in frustration, maybe it was time to find out exactly how he really felt about you. After all it was the expedition tomorrow and you’d rather find out now in case one of you didn’t make it back alive.  
You left your office and made your way to Levi’s, knowing him like you did you figured he would more than likely still be awake and finishing his paperwork with a cup of tea.  
After a short walk you finally stood outside Levi’s door, you hesitantly raised your fist to knock and drew a deep breath as you waited for a response.  
Your brow furrowed when you received no reply, so you cautiously opened the door and poked your head round the gap.  
“Levi?” You called softly.  
You looked towards his desk and smiled warmly at the sight that greeted you.  
“You have a nerve telling me not to fall asleep at my desk and then doing it yourself!” You giggled quietly as you approached the sleeping captain and watched him for a moment.  
Levi was slumped over his desk with his arms folded and his head resting on them, his eyes were closed and his breathing was slow and steady. Your smile widened as you looked at the calm and peaceful expression on his face, such a stark contrast to the stoic frown he always presented to the rest of the world.  
You noticed his green scouting cloak draped neatly over the back of his chair and looked at it for a second before turning your gaze back to him.  
“Time to return the favour I guess, it has been four months in the making.”   
You carefully pulled the cloak from the back of the chair and gently draped it around Levi’s shoulders, tensing slightly as he groaned in his sleep and adjusted his position.  
You smiled affectionately and gently brushed his raven bangs from his eyes, cautiously resting your head against his for a moment.  
“Be careful out there tomorrow Levi.” You whispered. “You mean a lot to me and I’m not ready to say goodbye to my favourite short ass bastard just yet.”  
You then placed a gentle kiss on his cheek before leaning over him and extinguishing his oil lamp, leaving only the silver moonlight to illuminate the office.  
You walked back towards the door and looked back one last time, you sighed and shook your head, leaving the office and closing the door behind you.  
The moment the door closed Levi stirred and lazily opened one eye.  
“You better be careful out there tomorrow as well f/n.” He mumbled, still half asleep. “You mean a lot to me too you stubborn bitch.”


	33. The Expedition Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its been four months since the last expedition. Commander Erwin Smith once again leads the scouts into the titan infested lands of Wall Maria...

The sun rose over the Survey Corps HQ and bathed the cold grey stone castle in a warm golden light, chasing away the shadows of the cold dark night. Despite the warmth of the sun’s rays warming the world behind the walls, many of the scouts awoke with a feeling of dread and foreboding...for this may very well be the day they died.  
The sunlight streamed through the thin curtains and hit you square in the face, waking you up almost instantly as it warmed your cheeks.  
You grunted and slowly your eyes fluttered open to be greeted by the blinding warmth which had awoken you from your uneasy sleep. Pushing yourself upright you yawned and stretched, cracking your neck and blinking rapidly in the brightening bedroom.  
“Well, today’s the day.”You mused sleepily, untangling yourself from the sheets you climbed out of bed and padded over to the wardrobe to get your uniform.  
Opening the door your gaze instantly turned to Mike’s old jacket, you stared at it intensely for a few moments and sighed deeply. Reaching out to the garment you gently brushed your fingertips over the wings of freedom sigil on the left breast pocket and took it from the hanger, bringing the garment up to your chest and burying your face into it.  
Mike’s scent no longer lingered on it, but it was still part of him and you couldn’t bring yourself to let it go, it was the last part of him that you had left.  
Raising your head you sniffed and fought back your tears.  
“I’ll see you again Mike.” You muttered quietly. “Wait for me until my duty ends.”

The sound of footsteps caused by the scouts walking past his office door awoke Levi with a slow and steady sound that resembled a beating drum.  
He pushed himself upright in his seat, causing his scouting cloak to fall from his shoulders. He looked down at it with a slightly confused expression, he was sure he’d left it on the back of his chair...then he remembered.  
You. You had come into his office last night and put it around him while he was sleeping.  
You had no idea however that Levi was such a light sleeper, he’d heard every word you said to him and felt every movement you’d made. However you had already left by the time he confessed in his sleepy state that you meant something to him.  
Levi yawned and stretched his arms above his head, he always felt a bit rough after sleeping in his chair but half the time he didn’t even realized he’d done it until he woke up the next morning.  
He stood up and arched his back to try and work some of the stiffness out of it before heading over to his bedroom to change and get his equipment ready for the day’s expedition.   
However you were weighing heavily on his mind after what happened in the library last night, the tense atmosphere between you had caused him to question how you really felt about him. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and frowned, right now he had other things to worry about...like returning from the expedition alive. Of course he had earned his reputation as Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, but he wasn’t immortal and he knew deep down that every expedition he participated in may well be his last.

“Morning f/n, how are you feeling?”  
You looked up from stirring your porridge and smiled sadly as you were greeted by Hanji standing over you.  
“Same as I always do before an expedition.” You replied, watching her sit down to eat her breakfast.  
“Yeah but this time you have the extra pressure of knowing that you may have to utilize Eren’s titan shifting abilities if things get hairy.”  
“Yeah I know, it was easier when he didn’t have full control over it and had to remain in human form. Now he can fully control it he will make a great weapon in our fight, but I hate treating him as such, he’s still technically human in my eyes.”  
Hanji smiled warmly.  
“Eren trusts you, your entire squad does.”  
“Yeah and three of them got killed last time we beyond the walls.” You interrupted, sitting back in your chair and folding your arms  
“Hey that was not your fault!” Snapped Hanji waving her spoon at you. “You did everything you could to keep them alive, you didn’t ask that group of abnormals to come after you.”  
“I know.” You sighed and sat forward, looking into her eyes.  
“F/n, listen to me.” Began Hanji. “You have everyone in the regiment watching out for you and ten years of surviving expeditions to your name, trust me, you can do this.”  
You gave her a small smile and nodded.   
“Thanks Hanji.”

After breakfast you made your way back to your office to grab your cloak and ODM Gear.  
“Squad Leader!”  
You looked behind you and smiled seeing Eren, Mikasa and Reiner approaching you. They already had their cloaks and gear ready to depart.  
“Morning guys, how are you feeling?” You asked.  
“Ready to kick some titan ass!” Smiled Eren brightly.   
You laughed and shook your head as you unlocked the door to your office and gestured for the to wait inside while you got ready.  
“Did you manage to replace all the parts of your gear that Captain Levi and I told you to sort out yesterday?” You asked quizzically.   
“Yes we did.” Replied Reiner.  
“Good.”  
You disappeared into your bedroom for a moment before returning with your ODM gear and green scouting cloak.  
“Okay guys remember what I said yesterday.” You began putting your cloak on and starting to strap your gear to your harness. “We’re in the rear of the center rank behind the wagon defence squad so we need to be watching our backs constantly. Understand?”  
“Yes Squad Leader.” They replied in unison.  
“Good and Eren, remember you’re only allowed to assume titan form if I have authorisation from Captain Levi or Commander Erwin.The only time I will order you to do so on my own authority is if we end up in a life or death situation.”  
“I understand Squad Leader.” He replied evenly.  
You finished preparing yourself and looked around the office one more time, almost as if you were saying goodbye.  
“Okay guys, let’s get down to the stables.”  
“Wait, we’re missing Hitch.” Pointed out Mikasa.  
You rolled your eyes, to be honest you’d noticed she was missing but you didn’t really care.  
“We’ll find that slack ass on the way to the stables.” You replied emotionlessly.  
The others left the office, you followed and closed the door, locking it behind you.  
With a deep breath you led them towards the stables, knowing full well that despite your promise to Eren and Mikasa that you would do your best to keep them alive...you may well be leading them to their deaths that day.

Arriving at the stables you found Hitch leaning against Blaze’s stall sulking.  
“Ready for your first trip beyond the walls Dreyse?” You questioned with a mocking voice.  
Hitch glared at you, she was clearly still seething about last night’s little humiliation in front of the entire regiment, but you didn’t care. She had been begging for that low blow since the day she arrived at the Survey Corps five days ago.  
“The Squad Leader asked you a question Dreyse.” Growled Reiner dangerously.   
He had served with Mike in the command squad on many expeditions over his time there and he was not impressed to hear that Dreyse had been slagging off his deceased friend.  
“Leave it Reiner.” You smiled at him before turning your gaze to Hitch.  
“The poor thing is obviously terrified, but then again I guess being a little coward who only got into the Military Police because her mother was fucking the commander will get you places!”  
Hitch stood up straight and stepped towards you, however you stood your ground and smiled evilly at her.  
“You wanna punch me Hitch?” You challenged. “Go on do it...I dare you!”  
Eren, Mikasa and Reiner tensed up ready to pull the pair of you apart if the situation escalated.  
Hitch averted her gaze and folded her arms.  
“Nah I didn’t think so, you’re still a coward.” You remarked before addressing the rest of your squad.  
“Prepare your horses and get ready to join the rest of the regiment in the courtyard.”

Levi put on his scouting cloak and double checked his ODM Gear.  
His frown deepened as he left his office, locking the door behind him and started to make his way to the stables.  
This expedition would be his first time serving with the command squad, it was simple enough to understand though, all he had to do was cover Erwin and take responsibility for whichever side of the formation he was assigned to.  
“Morning Shorty!”   
Levi rolled his eyes at the familiar voice behind him, turning to see a certain titan loving Section Commander and her second in command  
“What a beautiful day for going out beyond the walls and seeing some titans!” Hanji squealed happily as she and Moblit followed him down the corridor.  
“Tch, you need your head examining Shitty Glasses.” Snorted Levi as he made his way to the stables.  
“Oh stop being so grumpy!” Giggled Hanji. “You’re as bad as f/n.”  
Levi’s eyes widened visibly at the mention of your name.  
“She’s under a lot of pressure now, at least she’s taking things seriously.” He retorted. “Unlike some I could mention.”  
Moblit nervously looked between the pair of them, not daring to speak as they continued down the corridor and out into the courtyard.  
“I thought you said she’d be able to handle it?” Questioned Hanji, her brows furrowing as she spoke.  
“She can handle it.” Said Levi. “She just needs to have a little more faith in herself.”  
Hanji hummed and nodded.  
“Well as long as Eren does as he’s told I can’t see there being a problem. F/n has the complete trust of her squad...well three of them at least.”  
“She’s more than capable of keeping that brat Dreyse in line without resorting to violence.” Came Levi’s reply. “She proved that last night.”  
Hanji giggled, while Moblit nodded and finally decided to speak up.  
“Well I certainly wouldn’t want to get on her bad side.”  
Hanji nodded in agreement, a smile crossing her face as they approached the stables and saw you and your squad finishing saddling up your horses ready to join the rest of the assembled scouts for the short ride to the Karanese district.   
“Well, well, well...speak of the devil.” She giggled.

“Everyone ready to leave?”  
“Yes Squad Leader.” Replied Eren.  
“Ready to go.” Said Mikasa.   
“All set Squad Leader.” Smiled Reiner.  
“Yes Squad Leader.” Mumbled Hitch.  
“Ready to go see some titans?”  
You all spun round and saw Hanji approaching you with Moblit and Levi in tow.  
“As ready as we’ll ever be.” You replied, looking back at your squad.  
“Well good luck out here today.”  
You smiled and nodded at your best friend.  
“Yeah you too.”  
She nodded and smiled, noticing Levi staring at you.   
“Come on Moblit.” She said gently nudging him. “Let’s go get saddled up.”  
Moblit nodded and followed her to the other end of the stables.  
“Go wait for me in the courtyard.” You instructed your squad, casting a glance at Levi as he got Midnight out of his stall to prepare him. “Reiner, you’re in charge until I get there.”  
“Yes Squad Leader.” He replied, mounting his horse and motioning for the others to follow him  
Eren and Mikasa nodded and mounted their horses.  
“Dreyse, move it.” Said Reiner lowly, glaring down at her from his mount.  
Hitch scowled and mounted her horse, following the others away from the stables.  
You watched them leave and turned your gaze back to Levi and smiled.  
“How are you feeling?”  
Levi turned to face you and raised an eyebrow.  
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” He replied. “You’re the one with the pressure of keeping Jaeger from going rogue on us”  
You shrugged and patted Blaze’s neck.   
“He’s promised to do as he’s told.”   
Levi nodded as he tightened the saddle straps underneath Midnight and picked up the bridle.  
“You’ll be fine out there.” He said softly, placing the bridle over his horse’s head.  
“Yeah I know.” You replied, watching him work. “Thanks for helping me over the past four months, it’s really brought back my confidence.”  
Levi finished preparing Midnight and nodded, regarding you with a soft look in his cold grey eyes.  
“I better go catch up with my squad.” You swallowed hard, you needed to get back to them before you lost your nerve. However there was something you had to do first, it may be your last opportunity to do so…  
You stepped forward and pulled Levi into a hug, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your head into the crook of his neck.  
“Be careful out there today.” You said softly.  
Levi’s eyes went wide and he tensed up at the sudden embrace, but found himself returning it. He wrapped his arms around your waist and held you tightly against him, he sighed and closed his eyes, letting your scent invade his senses and imprint itself in his mind.  
“Same goes for you.” He muttered, feeling your grip on him tighten.  
After what felt like an eternity you finally loosened your grip on him and pulled away, smiling at him one last time before untying Blaze and preparing to leave.  
Levi stared at you intensely as he watched you mount your horse and ride away to join your squad.   
His final promise to Mike invaded his thoughts and hung over him like a dark ominous cloud and he remembered your words from a previous conversation you’d had.  
“We don’t always come back alive.”  
Levi swallowed hard as he continued to stare at your retreating figure.  
‘F/n...don’t you dare come back dead.’

The ride to the Karanese district was silent and uneventful, you rode at the head of your squad with Mikasa and Eren on your right, with Reiner and Hitch on your left.  
As you entered the Karanese district, the citizens that lived there lined the streets that led to the gate that would take you beyond the safety of Wall Rose.  
Some of the citizens cheered and applauded, shouting words of encouragement. However others jeered and mocked you, your eyes narrowed but you ignored them, what your squad needed right now was encouragement and plenty of it.  
You looked to your left and met the gaze of a group of small children with their parents, their eyes were wide with wonder and smiles lit up their faces as they stared at the assembled soldiers.  
“They’re so cool!” Yelled one of the boys. “I wanna be a scout and fight titans when I grow up!”  
You smiled as his eyes met yours and gave him a salute, which he eagerly returned.  
“Mummy, that scout saluted me!” He yelled excitedly to the woman next to him.  
The boy’s mother smiled and pulled him close as he pointed at you, her eyes met yours and she nodded, mouthing a silent “good luck” to you.  
You smiled and nodded before returning your gaze to the scouts in front of you.  
The command squad halted a came to a few feet from the gate, bringing the entire procession to a complete stand still.  
Commander Erwin looked to his right and nodded to the Stationary Guard soldiers who were manning the gate.  
They nodded and prepared to raise it, signalling the start of the expedition.  
“Gate opening in thirty seconds!”  
You sat up straight in your saddle and gripped Blaze’s reins tighter, this was it. No going back now, the time had come to once again venture into the titan infested territories of Wall Maria in an effort to reclaim it for humanity.  
A loud rumbling sound filled the air and you knew exactly what was coming next, the sound of stone grinding against stone reverberated through the morning air as the gate was finally raised.   
Hanji pulled her battle goggle’s down over her eyes to protect them from the grit that rose with the breeze blowing through the tunnel and towards the assembled soldiers.  
Commander Erwin narrowed his eyes and raised his voice to address the regiment.  
“Today we take another step forward for humanity!” He bellowed, making his voice heard against the grinding of the gate rising and locking into place. “We stand as one for the glory of humanity! Let the wings of freedom carry us to victory! The fifty seventh exterior scouting expedition beyond the walls has officially begun! SCOUTS FORWARD!”  
The sound of whinnying horses filled the air as they were spurred into action, galloping towards the gate and entering the tunnel that would lead them out beyond the safety of Wall Rose.  
“Oh damn what’s that smell?” Asked Reiner.  
You frowned and looked around, your eyes widening as a mad grin crossed your face. Your eyes met the sight of someone’s yellow stained trousers...Hitch was so terrified she had actually ended up soiling herself just as you had predicted.  
“Concentrate on the expedition Reiner!” You yelled, making yourself heard over the sound of hooves pounding the cobbled street that led to the gate.  
You narrowed your eyes and spurred Blaze onwards the moment the wagons began to move off, making their way towards the darkness of the tunnel and riding towards the light beyond it. You gritted your teeth and lead your squad into the tunnel, your life flashing before your eyes as the cold blackness of it enveloped you...knowing full well this might be the last time you ever saw home again.


	34. Once More Into Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The expedition gets underway and things kick off almost instantly for Reader and her squad...

You raced through the darkness of the tunnel, the sound of hooves pounding the ground echoed off the stone walls around you as the light at the end increased in intensity until you finally emerged from it.  
“That’s it they’re through!”   
You barely heard the voice of one of the Stationary Guard soldiers on the wall above you giving the signal to close the gate before you heard the loud grinding noise of stone on stone as it was lowered again.  
“Here we go guys!” You yelled as you raced through the ruined remains of a once inhabited and bustling district. However it was now a shadow of its former self, virtually flattened to a pile of rubble by the titans. It made your heart ache to think how many corpses were still rotting underneath the piles of masonry that currently surrounded you.  
“Keep your eyes peeled for flare signals and titans, remember your training.”  
“We’re on it Squad Leader!” Yelled Mikasa.

At the front of the formation Erwin turned his gaze to Hanji and then Levi as they made it past the ruins and into the open.   
“Go to long range formation!” He ordered.  
Hanji nodded and turned to Moblit.  
“Pass it along, long range formation now!” She shouted.  
“Yes Section Commander!” Replied Moblit, he peeled off to relay the message down the left wing.  
“You heard the man!” Yelled Levi to the scout riding near him. “Go!”  
“Yes Sir!” Replied the scout as he turned and made his way down the right wing to relay the order.

“Squad Leader l/n! We’re going to long range formation!” Yelled the scout steering the wagon in front of you.  
“Order received, thanks!” You shouted back.  
“Alright guys, slow down and fall back!”   
You pulled on Blaze’s reins to slow him down, giving the wagon defence squad a chance to pull ahead of you. The squads on either side of you veered off and took their places in the formation, you drew a deep breath and looked around. So far all you could see was the bright sunlight breaking through the white fluffy clouds above you that marked the otherwise clear blue sky, mile after mile of lush green grass and trees that almost reached the sky surrounded you as you continued to ride further away from Wall Rose.  
You swallowed hard, you hoped Levi was doing okay up front with Erwin and Hanji, you quickly glanced to your left and saw Mikasa and Eren deep in concentration, scanning their surroundings. You then looked to your right, Reiner was checking behind you, however Hitch...well that little coward was frozen in her saddle staring straight ahead with a look of sheer unadulterated terror in her wide amber eyes.   
You rolled your eyes and shook your head as you continued to follow the rest of the formation, for now there were no flare signals being released and no titans in sight, however you knew that would not be the case for much longer…expeditions were never that straightforward.

At the front of the formation Levi’s eyes narrowed as he scanned his surroundings.  
There was nothing up ahead and no signal flares had been released yet, however every instinct he had was telling him that something bad was going to happen. His thoughts momentarily turned to you, you were right at the back of the formation so there was no way he would be able to keep an eye on you.  
“The rear squads should be clear of the ruins by now, we’ll start to head west towards Shiganshina.” Ordered Erwin as he loaded a green flare into his gun and fired it off to the left.  
Hanji risked a glance behind as several steady streams of bright green smoke began to ripple back through the formation signalling a change of direction.

You raised your head and lifted yourself up from your saddle.  
“Okay guys we’re heading west, turn with the center rank and try to stay in position.” You ordered.  
“Oh shit!” Yelled a voice to your right, attracting your immediate attention.  
You looked over at Hitch and then behind her, your eyes widening in horror.  
Three titans were coming running towards you from the rear and closing fast, another hundred meters or so and they would be right on top of you.  
“You fucking idiot! Why the hell didn’t you fire of a red flare?” You screamed, reaching for your own flare gun and rapidly loading it with a red cartridge. You held it above your head and released the safety catch, pulling the trigger and firing a stream of red smoke into the air.  
“I...I only just spotted them!” Cried Hitch, tears were running down her cheeks like rapidly flowing rivers. “I-I-I panicked!”  
“You stupid cunt don’t lie to me!” You yelled back.  
“Are you trying to get everyone killed?” Shouted Reiner.  
“Leave it Reiner, she’s not worth it.”  
Any other scout and you might have been more lenient, but because it was Hitch...your worst enemy who you hated more than the titans you were not so merciful.  
“You better pray to whatever god exists that the rest of the formation sees that signal in time to change course!” You growled angrily.

Further down the formation Squad Leader Dita Ness risked a glance behind him and saw your red flare signal.   
“Oh boy here we go, I knew it was too quiet.” He muttered to himself as he loaded a red smoke cartridge into his gun and raised it above his head, releasing the safety catch and pulling the trigger.  
“What do we do Squad Leader?”   
Ness turned to his right and regarded the frightened young scout riding at his side, he was one of the new recruits who had joined from the Cadet Corps, barely sixteen years old.  
“Don’t worry, that signal came from further back down the formation.” Ness smiled at him sympathetically. “We’re safe for now, just keep pushing forward and watch out for any more of those things.”  
“Yes Squad Leader.” He replied nervously.

Towards the front of the formation, a young blonde scout looked behind her and noticed the steady streams of red smoke appearing in the sky above.  
“Squad Leader Nanaba!” She shouted. “Look, red flare signals!”  
“Looks like the party’s finally getting started.” Mused Nanaba.   
She then turned her attention to the young scout.  
Okay Lenz, fire off a red flare!” She ordered.  
“Understood!”   
Krista Lenz loaded a red cartridge into her gun and raised it above her head, flicking the safety catch off she fired and a stream of red smoke shot up into the sky,  
“Good work Lenz.” Said Nanaba.  
“What now?” Asked the young recruit.  
“Now we wait for a signal from the commander.”

“Section Commander Hanji, red flare signals coming from the rear, looks like they originated from behind the wagon defense squad in the center rank!” Yelled Moblit.  
Levi’s eyes visibly widened, his heart hammering in his chest.  
‘Rear of the center rank? That’s where f/n is!’  
“What are your orders Commander?” Asked Hanji.   
Erwin’s bushy eyebrows furrowed for a moment as he thought about a suitable course of action to take.  
“The grounds too flat to engage ODM Gear.” Yelled Levi.  
“A valid point Levi.” Replied the Commander. “For now we change course direction to the east, we can always swing back around once we’re clear of the current threat.”  
“Understood Sir!” Yelled Hanji.  
Erwin loaded another green smoke cartridge into his flare gun, this time he raised it in his right hand and fired a stream of green smoke off to his right to signal the change of direction.

Several green smoke signals filled the air, all firing off the right to indicate a change of direction to the east.  
“Squad Leader, looks like we’re heading east!” Yelled Eren.  
“Yeah I see it Kiddo!” You called back. “Let’s move it.”  
You stared back at the approaching titans behind you, they were still coming up fast. You knew deep down from previous experience that you had no choice but to engage them. The ground was too flat to effectively engage your ODM Gear unless...  
“Mikasa, Reiner, come with me.” Your ordered. “They’re only fifteen meter standards we can take them easily enough. Go for the backs of the knees and then take out the napes.”  
“Yes Squad Leader!”

The three of you peeled off and charged towards the approaching titans. You looked up at the ugly beasts, your eyes narrowed and your lips peeled back to reveal your gritted teeth.  
“Reiner go left, Mikasa go right...the center one is mine!”  
Reiner veered off and jumped out of his saddle, he then deployed his grapple lines, the hooks finding their marks in the titan’s knees. Releasing a quick burst of gas he spun wide around the titan’s legs as it reached down to grab him and missed, as soon as he was behind it he retracted his grapple lines and drew his blades, slicing through the muscles supporting the enemies legs. It hit the ground with a loud thud, allowing Reiner to land on its back and run along its spine towards the nape. With one mighty swing the nape was severed in a cloud of steam and the titan was dead.  
Mikasa sped towards her target and guided her horse round the back of it while it’s attention was focused on trying to catch up with Eren.   
She jumped from her saddle and spun through the air, deploying her grapple lines so they embedded themselves in the titans calves. Her eyes narrowed as she retracted them and sliced through the backs of the titan’s knees, bringing it crashing down to earth. She then sprinted along it’s spine the same as Reiner and sliced through it’s nape as if it were nothing. Steam enveloped her for a moment before she emerged victorious.  
Now it was your turn, you jumped from the saddle and span towards your target, drawing your blades you brought them round in a sweeping arc slicing through both of its knees without the need to deploy your ODM Gear.   
You landed in a crouch and watched as the titan fell forward and hit the ground face first before sprinting towards it and jumping onto its nape. You screamed loudly and sliced through the nape in one fluid movement, blood spattered onto your face and uniform, marking you as a bloodthirsty killer.  
“That was for everyone who died on the last expedition you bastard!” You growled lowly, giving the back of it’s head a swift kick before wiping it’s foul smelling blood from your face and spitting in the deep groove where you had sliced it’s nape off.  
“They’re all down Squad Leader!” Yelled Mikasa.  
“Good work guys, call your horses and let’s get back to the formation.”

Further on in the formation Eren looked behind him for a moment, a relieved smile crossing his face as he saw you, Mikasa and Reiner quickly gaining ground and catching back up to him.  
“Squad Leader!” He yelled anxiously, struggling to make himself heard. “Should I send an oral message along the formation to let them know we’re out of danger for now?”  
“Yes off you go.” You called back as you came within range. ”Tell them the formation remains uncompromised and no casualties were incurred.”  
Eren nodded and galloped off towards the wagon defence squad.  
Hitch looked back at you with wide eyes, she was certain that you and the others would have been eaten by your pursuers. Somehow you had survived and even killed them without even breaking a sweat.  
“So what do you think of us now huh Dreyse?” You challenged with a smug grin, noticing her staring at you and your comrades. “Still think the scouts are nothing more than titan fodder?”  
Hitch averted her gaze and said nothing, much to your amusement.

“Captain Levi, I have an oral message from Eren Jaeger!”  
Levi’s head instantly snapped round to regard the scout riding at his right side, surely you weren’t requesting permission to use Eren’s titan abilities already?  
“What is it?” He asked quizzically.  
“The titan threat from the rear has been neutralized, Squad Leader l/n and scouts Reiner Braun and Mikasa Ackerman have dealt with it, the formation remains uncompromised and no casualties have been incurred at this time.”  
Levi nodded and looked over at Erwin.  
Erwin nodded and smiled while Hanji laughed manically.  
“Yes, that’s my f/n!” She screeched excitedly. “You were right Shorty, she can handle the pressure that’s being placed on her. We should put more faith in her.”  
“Don’t get too excited Hanji.” Warned Erwin. “We’re barely an hour into the expedition, there is still a lot that can go wrong.”  
“Tch, are you trying to jinx us?” Snorted Levi, narrowing his eyes.  
“Think about it Levi, we got lucky this time. The closer we get to Shiganshina the more abnormals we’ll encounter. I’m not discrediting f/n but the expedition isn’t a success yet.”  
Levi frowned and faced forward, he hated to admit it but Erwin was right.   
You had gotten lucky on this occasion, next time the odds may be against you…  
“We’ll head back towards the west.” Said Erwin as he loaded another green flare into his gun and held it in his left hand, preparing to fire. “There are forests that way that we can utilize in the event of another ambush.”  
The commander then raised his left arm and flicked the safety catch on his flare gun off, sending a stream of green smoke into the air.

Squad Leader Nanaba narrowed her eyes and looked ahead, seeing the green flares appearing in front of her.  
“Looks like we’re changing direction again.” She said bluntly. “Lenz, fire off a green flare to your left.  
“Yes Ma’am.” Replied Krista. She remembered the training you had given her well, but she also paid heed to your words of warning about the dangers all scouts on expeditions faced.   
“The best thing you can do on an expedition is trust your instincts as well as your comrades. Do not fight if you do not have to.”  
“So we’re basically avoiding all contact with the titans for now?” She asked curiously as she fired off a green flare to her left.  
“For now...Yes, but it won’t last. Squad Leader l/n managed to neutralize the threat from the rear for now...but we may not be so lucky next time."


	35. Abnromal Ambush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The left wing takes a hit and lives are lost...

The expedition was well underway by now, after a minor brush with anger involving you being chased by three titans from the rear things had once again quietened down...but you knew it would not last long.  
You pushed forward, trailing behind the wagon defense squads. Eren, Mikasa and Reiner all had their guard up, Hitch however was still acting like prey caught in the sights of a predator and in your honest opinion was proving to be a liability. She’d already failed to inform you of the three titans that had tried to ambush you from the rear, if it weren’t for you hearing her cry out in panic then you and your squad would probably be dead.   
You didn’t much care for her rookie mistake or her claim that she had panicked, but this was her first expedition after all and deep down you knew she was bound to do something like that, the thing you had to remember about Hitch was she had never seen a titan before.  
However that did nothing to quash your hatred towards her or fill you with any desire to offer her comfort, despite the fact that on your first expedition at the tender age of sixteen, mere days after joining the scouts you had never seen a titan either.  
The one major difference between you though was the fact that you openly wanted to risk your life fighting for humanity, so the idea of seeing a titan for the first time filled you with a sense of excitement as well as fear. When you killed your first titan the adrenaline rush had been indescribable, you felt like you had fire in your veins and the steely determination to take down another one and reach that high again had been overwhelming.  
Hitch on the other hand had wanted to hide away and cower behind the innermost wall to live out her life never seeing any of the terrifying beasts that threatened humanity and kept them trapped behind the walls like cattle in a pen.

At the front of the formation Levi gripped the reins of his horse tighter and looked forward at the sprawling grassland in front of him and dense forest to the right.   
Everything around him was clear and the only the sound of horses panting as they galloped, their hooves pounding the ground and echoing through the air could be heard.  
He narrowed his eyes, it was quiet...too quiet for his liking. Every instinct he had was crying out that trouble was lurking nearby and from past experience, his instincts were very rarely wrong.  
The expedition had already had one minor scare in the form of a titan attack from the rear, which you and your squad had successfully dealt with.  
He swallowed hard as his thoughts turn to you.   
Last night you’d found him asleep at his desk, kissed his cheek and told him that you cared about him. Could it be possible you’d developed feelings for him?   
Although he’d never admit it out loud to anyone there was no denying that Levi cared about you as well, he was just too stubborn to admit it, but the feelings were there. The past four months you’d been pushed together in an effort to rebuild your lost confidence after Mike’s death and mold you into a combat ready squad leader. He’d seen you go from being a naive rookie officer to a strong and commanding leader with the trust and respect of her comrades, your confidence was back and you were ready for whatever challenges Erwin decided to throw at you.  
He dragged his mind back to the here and now, looking around at his surroundings before turning to look at Erwin.   
“Anything on your side?” Yelled the commander, trying to make himself heard above the sound of the horses.  
“All clear on the right wing.” Replied Levi.  
Erwin nodded and turned to his left.   
“Hanji, any sign of trouble on your side.”  
“Not a thing!” She yelled back.   
Erwin frowned and face forward again, something felt off. It had been too long since the last flare signals were released, titans weren’t usually this quiet. The noise of the horses usually attracted their attention by now...what was going on?

Further down the left wing Squad Leader Nanaba looked around her.  
To her left there was nothing but open grassland and a smattering of trees here and there, none of them tall enough to effectively deploy ODM Gear though if they did run into trouble.  
Her pale blue eyes narrowed as she continued to scan the horizon.  
She tensed in her saddle, a rapid swaying movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention...a strong wind had picked up and she couldn’t be certain whether it was just blowing through the trees or not.  
She raised her hand to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight and squinted into the distance, the swaying objects began to come into better focus and she found that they had arms and legs…  
“I knew it was too quiet!” She gasped reached for her flare gun and firing off a red smoke signal, watching as the message was passed along the formation.

At the rear behind the wagon defense squads you narrowed your eyes and gritted your teeth upon seeing a steady flow or red signal flares being fired into the air.   
“More titans have finally appeared then?” Asked Reiner. “I always get a bad feeling when it’s too quiet.”  
“Yeah me too big guy.” You replied. “Looks like they’re further up the formation though so we don’t have to worry about them yet. Concentrate on our cover arcs, but keep your eyes open for more signal flares. We’ll need to be able to get a good read on the situation should the formation become compromised.”  
“Understood Squad Leader.”  
“Eren, Mikasa...how are you guys holding up?”  
“We’re okay Squad Leader!” Yelled Mikasa. “Still no sign of any titans behind us or to our right.”  
You nodded and faced forward again, your eyes narrowed as you thoughts turned to Levi. You had no idea which side of the formation he was responsible for, but you did know with you being in the center rank you were effectively under Erwin’s jurisdiction should the formation become compromised.  
‘Levi...please be careful!’

Squad Leader Nanaba’s eyes went wide with horror.  
“Shit!” She cursed, reaching for her flare gun again. This time however she fired off a black smoke signal, the titans she’d seen earlier were abnormals and there were seven of them heading straight for the left wing but in particular...they were heading straight for her squad!  
“Lenz, I need you to relay an oral message to the scouts in the center rank!” She yelled, turning to face the terrified blonde girl at her side. “Tell them we have seven abnormals approaching from the west and we may require their assistance! I then want you to relay the message to Commander Erwin, he needs to be made aware of the situation and signal flares aren’t going to cut it!”  
“Understood!” Replied Krista with a terrified nod before steering her horse away towards the center rank as a steady stream of black signal flares began to ripple through the formation.  
Nanaba then turned to the rest of her squad.   
“Listen carefully!” She Shouted. “We’re dealing with abnormals now, be mindful of your movements, the ground is still too flat to effectively engage your ODM Gear. Use extreme caution.”  
“Yes Squad Leader!” They replied in unison.  
Nanaba turned her gaze back towards the abnormals, they were coming in fast and still heading straight towards her squad.  
“Draw your blades now!” She ordered.

“Section Commander Hanji, we’ve got abnormals approaching the left wing!”   
Hanji turned around to look at Moblit and then further behind her to see the streams of black smoke filling the air from the other scouts flare guns.  
“I knew it was too quiet!” Snapped Levi. “Now what do we do?”  
Erwin looked back at the direction of the flare signals, his eyes narrowing at the sight of all the streams of black smoke. He then looked to his right and saw the forest, the trees were too thick to get the entire formation through effectively, the sharp angle they would be forced to use as they turned would cause more problems than it solved. Added to that they were also more likely to be ambushed in there, despite the fact it was the perfect environment for their ODM Gear to be used to full effect it was also a potential death trap…  
With a sigh he weighed up his options before making his decision.  
“We keep moving forward, if we get too close to the forest at this angle we risk compromising the formation and not only that...we’ll expose the entire left wing to the titans as we change direction.” He paused and swallowed hard, it couldn’t be helped, being the commander meant he was forced to make difficult decisions such as this: risk the few to save the many.  
“The left wing squads will have to deal with the situation as best they can.”  
Levi’s cold grey eyes narrowed and his frown deepened.   
He hated it when the scouts were forced to sacrifice themselves to keep the formation intact, but it was one of those situations that could not be avoided and he didn’t envy Erwin for having to make those tough choices…

“Here they come!” Yelled Nanaba. “Four ten meter class and three fifteen meter class abnormals.”  
The titans sprinted towards Nanaba and her squad completely ignoring them and making their way towards the center rank and trampling two of her squad members and their horses in the process, the sickening cracking of bones and blood spatter of their bodies being crushed filled her ears and made her feel sick.  
“Take them out now!” She screamed at her two remaining squad members. “Don’t let them reach the center rank!”  
“Yes Squad Leader.”  
The two remaining scouts jumped up from the saddles and deployed their ODM Gear as the last two titans sprinted past them, the hooks from their grapple lines shot out and anchored themselves into the shoulder blades of their targets. They retracted their lines and sped towards the napes slicing them open in one swift blow.  
“Two down!” Yelled the first scout.  
“Good work!” Called Nanaba steering her horse further into the formation and approaching one of the ten meter class abnormals, however as she approached it spun round and glared right at her.  
“Squad Leader get out of there!” Yelled the second surviving scout as the titan bent over and swept its massive arm around to try and swat her.  
Nanaba launched her grapple lines, her hooks embedding themselves into the titan’s shoulder. She managed to retract them just in the nick of time as the titan’s massive hand swept towards her and swatted her horse away like it was a bothersome fly, killing it instantly.  
Nanaba gritted her teeth and focused on the titan, flying up towards it she released a burst of gas and spun hard, shearing off it’s nape and landing next to it for a moment while she got her bearings, the other four titans were just within range of her grapple lines…

“Oh shit no!”   
Your eyes widened in horror at the sight of the black flare signals filling the clear blue sky.  
“W-What’s happening?” Questioned Hitch nervously.  
“Are you blind?” You growled. “Look at the fucking sky! What does black smoke mean?”  
Hitch swallowed hard and shook her head.  
“Did you not pay attention in any of my lessons?” You continued to yell at her, your temper rising quickly. “Black smoke means we’re dealing with abnormals!”  
Hitch’s amber eyes widened in terror and she averted her gaze.  
“What do we do?” Asked Eren worriedly.   
“For now we stay calm.” You replied. “The first signal came from further down the left wing towards the middle, although I haven’t see Commander Erwin or anyone else send up a green flare so we can’t be in any immediate danger.”  
Eren nodded.   
“Eren, remember what I told you.” You said in a warning tone. “You’re only allowed to transform into a titan if I have authorization to issue the order from Commander Erwin or Captain Levi...the only way I can allow you to transform without their permission is if it’s a life or death situation.”  
“I understand Squad Leader.” He nodded, he wasn’t happy with not knowing the extent of the current situation but he trusted your judgement and for now, that was enough.  
“We keep pushing forward as a squad.” You ordered, addressing all of them now. “Our main objective is still to cover the rear of the formation, but we will assist the other squads if needed. Am I making myself clear?”  
“Yes Squad Leader!”

“Sir I have an oral mesage from Krista Lenz on Nanaba’s squad!” Called Moblit, bypassing Hanji and addressing the commander directly. “The titan’s have breached the left wing, the formation is compromised!”  
Erwin’s eyes widened in horror.  
“How many?” He asked.   
“Seven Sir...All abnormals!”  
Hanji gasped in shock, her puppy brown eyes widened in shock behind her battle goggles.  
“Damnit, we can’t let them penetrate any further into the formation!” Shouted Levi. “If they split up they could take out the entire center rank!”  
“We have no choice now!” Said Erwin bitterly, he drew his gun and fired off a green flare to his right.  
“We will head towards the forest on the right, send an oral message down the right wing telling them stay close to the tree line but not to enter the forest.”  
“Yes Sir!” Replied the scout riding behind Levi as he peeled off and galloped away.  
“How far back is Nanaba’s squad from f/n?” Asked Levi, his concern for your safety was growing.  
“Nanaba’s squad is in the center of the left wing, she’s a long way off from f/n’s squad.” Erwin’s bushy brows furrowed as he regarded the raven haired captain. “Why do you ask?”  
Levi narrowed his eyes.  
“What if Jaeger starts acting up after seeing the signals that we’re dealing with abnormals?” He replied, trying to keep his voice neutral. “What if he disobeys her and goes titan on us? We all know how impulsive he can be...he’s a carbon copy of f/n when she was his age.”  
“Then as she has already informed us, she will handle the situation and keep him in line. You said yourself Levi that you believed in her...are you starting to doubt her?”  
Levi bit back a sneer.  
“I don’t doubt her.” He replied evenly. “I know she can handle that brat, but you saddled with a flight hazard in the form of that Military Police reject Dreyse.”  
Erwin raised his eyebrows.   
“Dreyse will do as she’s told if she wants to stand a chance of surviving this expedition, f/n may despise her but she will not intentionally endanger her squad.”  
“You’re using Dreyse to test her aren’t you?”   
Erwin nodded.   
“Yes, f/n’s loyalty to this regiment is unwavering, however she sees Dreyse as an enemy on par with the titans...This test is designed to make her see that Dreyse is a comrade and not her enemy, only then can she achieve her full potential as a squad leader.”  
Levi frowned and faced forward.  
‘She’ll past your stupid little test Erwin.’ He growled internally. ‘I believe in her.’

“Sir we’ve got four abnormal titans coming in from the west!”  
The squad leader looked to his left, his eyes went wide in panic.  
“Shit they must have penetrated the left wing and made straight for us!”  
“What do we do?”  
“We have no choice...ENGAGE!”  
The four scouts riding in the center rank squad picked a target each and deployed their ODM Gear.  
The first scout’s grapple lines anchored themselves into one of the titans arms, yanking him from the saddle of his horse and pulling him towards the towering monster. However the titan looked down at him with its bulbous brown eyes and caught him in it’s large hand, trapping him in it’s fist and tightening its grip until his bones cracked and the air was squeezed from his lungs, resulting in a quick but painful death before he was eaten.  
“Shit!” Yelled the squad leader, watching the scene unfurl before him with wide horrified eyes.   
He struggled to regain his composure and reached into his flare pouch, pulling out a purple cartridge and loading it into his gun before firing it off into the air…

“Squad Leader look!” Yelled Mikasa, pointing to a stream of purple smoke showing up against the clear blue sky.  
“Oh shit!” You screamed. “That came from further up in the center rank!”  
“Then that means…” Eren’s breath caught in his throat, his emerald eyes widened and he stared directly into your e/c eyes.  
“Yes…” You replied bluntly. “The formation has been compromised, those abnormals were able to penetrate the left wing spotters.  
“What do we do?” Asked Reiner.  
“There’s not a lot we can do.” You replied remorsefully. “We’re too far back in the formation, by the time we reach them...they’ll probably be dead!”


	36. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More scouts fall victim to the titan's wrath including one of Reader's closest friends...

“Sir we’ve got purple flares going up in the center rank!.” Yelled the scout who was riding with Levi.  
Levi’s head jerked around to look behind him, sure enough there was a purple stream of smoke visible in the distance.  
Erwin and Hanji looked back, Hanji’s eyes went wide behind her battle goggles while Erwin’s frown deepened.  
“Now what? The formation has been compromised!” Said Levi, turning to face Erwin.  
Erwin hummed, desperately trying to think of a suitable course of action.   
To the right was a thick forest and to the left was open grassland, they were too close to the trees to enter the forest without further compromising the formation and with the titans now in the center rank causing trouble any attempt to move away from the forest would compromise the right wing as well.  
He looked to the right and narrowed his eyes, he could see the edge of the forest up ahead.  
“We head for the edge of the forest and then head east, it will take us further away from where we need to be but it’s our only chance to get rid of those abnormals in the center rank without placing ourselves in further danger.”  
He loaded a green smoke cartridge into his flare gun and prepared to fire…

“Squad Leader what do we do?” Yelled Eren, he was starting to panic and it would only be a matter of time before he started asking questions about transforming into a titan.  
“Keep calm!” You yelled, trying to keep an authoritative tone. “We can’t help further up, I wish we could but we can’t.”  
Mikasa frowned and looked behind her, her smokey eyes widening.  
“Squad Leader, we’ve got titans behind us again!”  
You spun round in your saddle and looked behind you to see two five meter titans chasing after you.  
“Fire off a flare, they’re far enough behind that we don’t need to worry about them just yet”  
Mikasa nodded and did as ordered, firing off a stream of red smoke into the air.  
You gritted your teeth, your heart was racing in your chest as the adrenaline coursed through you.  
“Squad Leader look!” Yelled Reiner.  
You looked to your left and felt an uncontrollable urge to vomit at the sight that met your eyes.  
The bodies of two scouts and their horses lay mangled and bloodied on the grass, more than likely trampled by the titans that had breached the left wing.  
“Shit!” You gasped.  
“Squad Leader l/n!”  
You looked ahead and saw a scout heading straight for you, an oral message perhaps?  
“Squad Leader, please help I’ve lost my squad!”  
A young blonde girl with wide frightened blue eyes approached you, bringing her horse around to ride beside you as your squad caught up to her.  
“What’s your name?” You asked.  
“Krista Lenz.” She replied. “I was with Squad Leader Nanaba’s squad, I was sent to relay an oral message to the center rank but I got lost.”  
You raised your eyebrows, recognizing her as one of the rookies you and Levi had trained.  
“Alright stick with us rookie. We’ll find your squad”  
Krista nodded nervously and fell back to ride beside Hitch.  
“Wait a minute.” Your brows furrowed in thought. “Nanaba was in the left wing spotters further up the formation.”  
You looked back towards the corpses you had just passed.  
“Oh no!” 

Squad Leader Nanaba eyes widened seeing a purple flare being fired off.  
She started sprinting forward to try and catch up with the titans which were now attacking another squad. One of the brave scouts had already been grabbed and killed before being devoured, the other scouts managed to take down one of the abnormals which left only three of them now.  
She deployed her grapple lines, feeling them anchor themselves into the titan’s knee, she retracted them and sped towards it. Her boots scuffed across the grassland throwing up mud and dust in her wake.  
She squinted and jumped, releasing a burst of gas and aimed her blades for the back of the titans knees. Slicing through the left one in one smooth strike and bringing the towering beast crashing down to the ground.  
“Go around!” She yelled at an approaching wagon to her right  
The squad leader’s eyes widened in horror as the scout driving it veered to the right to avoid the fallen titan, however he was too slow and the fallen titan reached out and swatted him away, rolling the cart and horse, throwing the scout across the plain in the process.  
Nanaba gritted her teeth and sprinted up the titan’s spine, swinging her blade down as soon as she reached the nape and killing it.  
“Keep moving!” She yelled as wagon after wagon dashed past her, veering off to avoid crashing into the steaming titan corpse.

“Squad Leader those titans are gaining on us!” Yelled Eren.  
You looked back and narrowed your eyes.  
“Ackerman take them out!” You yelled.   
“On my way Squad Leader!” Mikasa replied, peeling off and heading back towards them.  
“Will she be okay?” Asked Krista worriedly.  
You smiled confidently and nodded.  
“Trust me, she’ll make short work of them.”  
“Yeah but what about that one?” Yelled Reiner suddenly.  
“Huh?”  
Your brow furrowed in confusion as you turned to look behind you, your eyes soon widened and your jaw dropped open.  
“Oh fuck!” You shrieked. “Where the hell did that thing come from?”   
A huge titan with its teeth bared and huge empty green eyes came charging towards you on all fours, knocking the other two smaller titans aside as if they were nothing.  
“What the hell is that?” Screeched Hitch, her amber eyes were so wide you half expected her eyeballs to pop out of her skull.  
“It’s a Crawler!” You yelled. “Ackerman retreat!”   
Mikasa skidded to a halt and turned her horse around galloping back towards you just in time to avoid the crawler’s jaws snapping shut around her.  
“Everyone move your asses!” You screamed, spurring your horse onward.

Nanaba continued to guide the scouts around the fallen titan corpse.  
She squinted through the steam and saw the other two abnormals were currently still distracted by the three scouts that were trying to take them out.  
“Shit!” She snarled through gritted teeth, there were still at least three more wagons and their defence squads to make it past followed by you before everyone was safely out of the current danger zone.  
One of the brave female scouts fighting the abnormals launched a full frontal attack, trying to take out the titan’s eyes. Her grapple lines were anchored to its chest as she sped upwards towards its face, however her efforts were in vain. The titan lowered its head and snapped its jaws shut around her, biting her in half at the waist.  
Two more wagons sped past her as Nanaba looked to her right, the final wagon was approaching fast, she then turned her attention back to the two remaining abnormals as the supply wagon sped past her.  
One of the surviving scouts had managed to sneak behind their target and was now speeding towards the nape with their blades drawn.  
“Come on, you can do it!” Yelled Nanaba encouragingly.  
“Shit too shallow!” Yelled the scout as he sheared off the nape in a stream of blood and steam.  
“I’ll get the bastard!” Yelled his comrades as he launched his own attack. “You distract it!”  
Nanaba watched with baited breath as the two scouts swung in close circles around the abnormal, narrowly avoiding being swatted out of their air.  
“Go now!” Yelled the first scout, swinging wide to the right.  
The second scout nodded and swung up the left, slicing deep into the titan’s nape and severing it in a cloud of steam.  
Nanaba gave a satisfied nod, however she soon tensed up as she felt the ground beneath her shaking, she looked to her right and gasped in horror…

“Squad Leader it’s gaining on us!” Screamed Krista, risking a glance behind her.  
“Eyes forward!” You yelled back at her, trying not to meet the crawlers gaze.  
Hitch screamed out as the sound of jaws snapping shut behind her echoed through the air, it had missed her by a few meters but that didn’t mean it was going to give up.  
“Draw your blades!” You ordered. “If we need to fight all of us can take it out together!”  
The rest of your comrades nodded and drew their blades.  
You risked a glance back, your brows furrowing at the crawlers movements.  
“Jaeger, Dreyse, on my mark veer left towards me!”   
“Understood Squad Leader!” Yelled Eren.  
“Wait for it…”  
Hitch gulped nervously and screwed her eyes shut.  
“NOW!”  
Hitch screamed and lunged left, following Eren back towards you.  
The crawler lunged forward for her again, but thanks to your telling them to move it scraped its face along the ground and stumbled slightly, giving you and the others a chance to pull ahead.  
“Good work Squad Leader!” Complimented Reiner with a grin.  
You nodded in return and spurred your horse onward, encouraging the others to do the same while the titan was slightly dazed.

At the front of the formation, Commander Erwin fired off a green flare to his right and started to lead the command squad east towards the edge of the forest.  
Levi looked back and saw a steady flow of green smoke signals rippling back through the formation. Once again things seemed to have quietened down, however they would not stay like that for long.   
He narrowed his eyes, his thoughts once again turning to you.  
He’d promised Mike he would take care of you, but how could he do that when he was at one end of the formation and you were at the other?   
‘No, f/n is strong, she knows what she’s doing.’ He thought. ‘There’s been no word on Jaeger going rogue on us so she must be doing okay.’  
“Erwin, now what?”   
Levi turned to his left as Hanji’s voice jerked him out of his thoughts.  
“We can’t keep heading east for long, we’re already a few miles off course as it is.”  
Yes I know.” Replied Erwin. “We’ll follow the tree line for a little longer and then head back towards the west, that should give the center rank time to deal with the abnormals that have managed to penetrate the formation.  
Hanji faced forward for a moment and nervously bit her lip.  
“Do you think f/n is okay at the rear?” She questioned. “We’ve not seen any flare signals from back there for a while.”  
Levi raised his eyebrows and looked at Erwin, noticing the commander frown slightly.  
“Unless we hear of any news about Jaeger transforming into a titan we assume everything is alright back there.” He paused for a moment. “I understand your concerns Hanji, but I happen to think that if there was trouble back there we’d have heard about it by now.”  
Hanji frowned and nodded, while Levi simply averted his gaze, silence fell over the command squad like an ominous shadow as they continued to push forward.

“Hurry up f/n!”  
You sat up straighter in your saddle and gripped your blades tighter at the sound of someone calling your name.  
“Nanaba!” You gasped, squinting at a woman with short blonde hair stood atop a titan corpse.  
“Where the hell’s your horse and squad?” You yelled as you approached her.  
“They’re dead, keep moving I’ll buy you some time!” She yelled back, drawing her blades ready to attack the crawler which was still chasing you.  
“Nanaba don’t, it’s too dangerous!” You screamed, veering to the right to avoid the now dissolving titan corpse she was stood on and spotting two other scouts taking down another titan.   
The first scout distracted it while their comrade sheared off it’s nape, bringing the towering creature crashing down to the ground with a loud thud.  
“Keep moving forward, that’s an order!” She shouted angrily, watching you pass her before launching her grapple lines and speeding towards the crawler once she felt them anchor themselves into its face.  
You swallowed hard and sheathed your blades, leading your squad onward.  
“Is she stupid?” Gasped Hitch. “That thing will tear her apart!”  
You gritted your teeth and turned back to look at her, your anger once again bubbling away in your gut.  
“She’s sacrificing herself so we can live, show some respect you piece of shit!”   
Hitch’s eyes widened, she looked back slack jawed and watched the scene unfold behind her…

The other two scouts joined Nanaba and together they launched an attack on the crawler.  
“You two distract it, I’ll take it out!” Ordered Nanaba, flying towards its face.   
She forced her body to spin through the air and veered off to the right, stabbing her blades into one of its eyes and blinding it.  
The titan sat back on its haunches and roared, raising its hands to its injured eye. Taking advantage of the situation Nanaba swiftly deployed her grapple lines again and swung back to attack it’s other eye, but was forced to swing wide as the titan spotted her and made an attempt to swat her away, missing her by mere inches.  
The other two scouts swung wide on opposite sides of the titan’s head and changed their blades, ready to strike at its nape.  
However the titan threw itself forward so it was once again on all fours, rendering their strikes useless as their blades simply slashed through the air.  
“Try again!” Ordered Nanaba. “It’s still blind in one eye.”  
The two scouts nodded and sped back towards the target, but this time the titan was ready.  
It reared up and roared, bringing one huge hand down and crushing the first scout with one mighty swipe, staining the grass red with his blood.  
“Shit!” Gasped Nanaba she turned towards the remaining scout to issue orders and spotted another titan coming running towards them.  
“Concentrate on the crawler!” She yelled. “We’ll worry about the other one after we’ve dealt with this one!”  
The scout nodded and fired off his grapple line, feeling it embed itself in the crawlers shoulder.   
He retracted it and sped towards it, ready to aim another strike at its nape while Nanaba tried to distract it by launching another attack on its face.  
This tactic seemed to work until the titan launched itself forward and caught Nanaba in it’s mouth, swallowing her in one gulp.  
“Squad Leader!” Yelled the scout.  
He retracted his lines faster and sped towards the nape, unfortunately the titan reared up on its haunches again and raised its arm, swatting him out of the air and sending him crashing to the ground.  
His ODM Gear came away from his body as he landed and rolled across the grass, finally stopping and groaning with a dizziness that overwhelmed him and left him unable to get to his feet.  
The loud thudding of heavy limbs filled the air as the crawler approached him and scooped him up in its right hand, raising him to its mouth and devouring him.

Hitch cringed and turned her gaze forward, gripping the reins of her horse tighter.  
“Nanaba!” You choked out a whispered sob, your heart ached at losing another comrade in the same way you lost Mike.  
“Are you okay Squad Leader?” Asked Krista cautiously.  
You swallowed hard and nodded.  
“Come on guys keep pushing forward, we can’t let their sacrifice be in vain.”  
The others nodded and you spurred your horses onward, thanks to Nanaba and the other two scouts bravery you and the others would survive this expedition for a little longer…


	37. Desperate Measures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Erwin makes the decision to break up the formation to try and shake off the abnormal threat, but will his ploy work?

After Nanaba’s brave sacrifice, you and your squad followed the rest of the formation east for a few miles before heading north towards Shiganshina.  
“Squad Leader l/n.” Questioned a voice to your right, you turned your head and frowned as you met the concerned gaze of Krista.  
“Are you alright? You’ve been very quiet for the past couple of miles.”  
You sighed and swallowed hard, averting your gaze as the image of Nanaba and the other two scouts whose names you did not know were killed and eaten by the crawler class titan.  
“I’m fine.” You lied, forcing a smile onto your face. You then turned to address the rest of your squad. “Let’s keep pushing forward, keep your eyes open for titans approaching from the rear.”  
They all nodded in agreement, even Hitch. Now that she had finally seen a titan for the first time and actually seen what they were capable of, you wondered if she was maybe going to change her cocky attitude and start acting more like a scout than a spoiled brat….only time would tell.

Commander Erwin squinted ahead in the bright daylight of the afternoon.  
The horizon was no longer just a flat grassy plain, another large forest stretched before them, he hummed in thought.  
“What are you thinking Erwin?” Asked a voice to his right.  
He looked over and saw Levi’s narrow grey eyes staring at him with a frown on his face, waiting for his response.  
“We avoid the forest unless we absolutely need to use it.” Replied Erwin “Smoke signals will be no use in there and we won’t know if there are any titans around until they’re right on top of us.”  
Levi nodded in agreement, while it was the perfect environment for ODM Gear their one disadvantage was that the titans would have the element of surprise.  
Erwin loaded another green cartridge into his flare gun and fired it off to his left before steering the command squad west away from the trees…

Squad Leader Dita Ness raised a hand to his face to shield his eyes from the blazing afternoon sun as he turned his gaze skyward to watch the steady stream of green smoke signals flowing back through the formation.  
“Okay guys and girls, we’re changing direction again.” He announced to his squad, nodding to his spotter.  
The young scout nodded and took out his flare gun loading a green smoke cartridge and firing it off to his left before the squad began to turn with the rest of the formation.  
“Squad Leader.” Asked one of the scouts nervously.  
Ness turned to face him and stared at him quizzically.  
“Wouldn’t we be better off heading into the trees instead of away from them?”  
“Remember your training rookie.” Said Ness evenly. “This expedition aren’t about killing every titan in sight, we’re trying to reach a specific goal. We need all the manpower we can get so the less enemies engaged the better. The name of the game for this expedition is evasion.”  
The young scout swallowed hard and nodded fearfully.  
“Understood Squad Leader”  
Ness smiled reassuringly and looked forward, his eyes narrowing as a frown crossed his features.   
They’d already had one close brush with death when a group of abnormals penetrated the left wing and made for the center rank and it was only going to get worse the closer they got to Shiganshina.

“Okay guys we’re heading west again.”   
You steered your squad west, still riding hard. You would soon need to stop and let the horses have something to eat and drink otherwise they would collapse from exhaustion.  
“Everyone holding up okay?” You asked looking to your left at Eren, Mikasa and Reiner.  
“Running on adrenaline Squad Leader.” Smirked Eren.  
“All good here.” Replied Reiner, while Mikasa simply nodded.  
You then turned to Hitch and Krista.  
“What about you?”  
“I’m okay thank you Squad Leader.” Smiled Krista.  
You nodded and raised an eyebrow at Hitch, who averted her gaze.  
“Pfft, like I care whether you’re alright or not anyway.” You snorted before turning to face forward again.  
Suddenly you felt a cold shiver run down your spine, you gripped the reins tighter and looked around. The forest to your right had shrank into the distance, the grassy plains to your left were broken up only by a few small trees here and there, while behind you...  
“Oh shit here we go again!” You yelled. “Move your asses guys we’ve got company!”  
Everyone turned around, their eyes widening in horror as the crawler class titan that had devoured Nanaba and the other two scouts came thundering towards your squad.  
“Damnit! This thing doesn’t know when to quit does it?” Shouted Reiner.  
“It must really love us!” You snorted sarcastically as you loaded a red cartridge into your flare gun and held it above your head, quickly flicking the safety off and pulling the trigger...however nothing happened.  
“What the?” You shook the flare gun a few times and twisted the muzzle.   
“Come on you piece of shit! What’s the matter with you?” You screamed, looking back at the crawler again, its teeth were bared and it’s gaze was intently focused on you.  
Finally the sound of a red smoke signal being released rang in your ears, you turned back and saw Krista holding a flare gun above her head, a steady stream of red smoke from it now trailing upwards into the air.  
“Good work Lenz!” You smiled and nodded approvingly.  
“Yeah well done rookie.” Called Reiner, while Mikasa and Eren nodded at her.  
“Thanks guys.” She smiled shyly, a slight blush rising on her cheeks. “So erm, now what?”  
“Now we ride for our lives!”

“Squad Leader Ness, red flares from the rear!”  
Ness looked back and saw several streams of red smoke streaking into the sky above.  
“Crap that’s a bit too close for comfort.” He muttered as the spotter fired off a red flare.  
“What do we do now Sir?” Asked another squad member,  
“We keep pushing forward, remember we don’t engage the enemy unless we absolutely have to.”  
“Understood Sir!” 

At the front of the formation Hanji risked a glance backwards and noticed the stream of fresh red flares.  
“Looks like f/n is in trouble again!” She gasped, those red flares appear to be originating from the rear of the center rank.”  
Levi’s eyes widened, he turned back to look behind him. Hanji was right, all of the red flares were near enough in the center of the formation.  
“Damnit they really want to take us out from the rear today.” He growled, turning to face forward again. However the sight that greeted him when he did caused his heart to almost stop beating.  
Erwin’s icy blue eyes widened in horror, while Hanji simply stared slack jawed.  
A large group of no less than ten titans, all of various size classes came running towards them.  
“Now what the hell do we do?” Yelled Levi.  
“We don’t have much of a choice.” Called Erwin. “We have to break up the formation.”  
“If we do that we don’t stand a chance of reaching Shiganshina in one piece!” Gasped Hanji.  
“Forget Shiganshina for now!” Replied the commander. “Hanji take the left wing and head west around them, Levi take the right wing east and head into the forest, I’ll lead the center rank straight ahead.”  
“What good will that do?” Asked Levi. “There’s no guarantee that they will split off evenly.”  
“I know but it’s our best chance, send an oral message down the left and right wings so everyone knows what’s happening. When we get past the titans we regroup.”  
“Alright, see you boys soon!” Called Hanji, firing off a green flare to her left. “Moblit send an oral message down the formation.”  
“On my way Section Commander!” Replied Moblit, peeling off from the command squad and making his way down the outside of the left wing.  
Levi loaded a green cartridge into his flare gun and fired it off to the right before turning to face the scout behind him.   
“Get going and inform everyone what’s happening.”  
“Yes Sir!”  
He then veered off to the right and headed towards the forest, disappearing into the trees.

“What the? The formation is breaking up?”   
Ness furrowed his brows in confusion at the sight of two green flares being launched from the tip of the formation, one shooting off to the left, while the other went right.  
“What does that mean?” Asked one of the other scouts.   
“It means big trouble!” Replied Ness. “We keep moving straight everyone, we’re in the center rank so we fall under Commander Erwin’s lead.”  
He looked around checking the area for titans, if the formation was breaking up temporarily then they would have no choice but to fight…

“Squad Leader look!”  
You raised yourself up in your saddle and turned your gaze to the sky.  
“What does that mean?” Asked Mikasa, confusion was evident in her voice.  
“It means the formation is breaking up.” You replied worriedly, you swallowed down a lump in your throat. A tactic like this could mean only one thing…  
“Why though? That doesn’t make any sense!” Called Eren, he risked a glance backwards to see the crawler titan still pursuing you all.  
“A maneuver like this can mean only one thing!” You yelled. “It means that the command squad has been faced with a full frontal ambush! Commander Erwin will break up the formation temporarily to get around it and then regroup when we’re out of danger.”  
“That’s all well and good but we’re still in danger!” Snapped Mikasa.   
“I haven’t forgotten about our determined friend back there!” You snapped back. “I’m still trying to think of a plan!”  
“Well no offense Squad Leader but think faster!” Advised Reiner.”  
You gritted your teeth and looked back again, the crawler was gaining ground quickly. Although you couldn’t help but notice it now seemed to be focusing its attention on one particular member of your squad…  
An evil grin formed on your lips as the cogs in you brain began to turn.   
“Oi Dreyse!” You called, gaining her immediate attention. Her already wide amber eyes seemed to widen even further when she saw the look on your face.  
“Looks like I might get to use you as titan bait after all!”

Levi steered his horse off into the trees and drew his blades, looking behind him he saw the scout he was riding with return to his side.  
“Well?” He asked as the scout caught up with him.  
“Sir the right wing is right behind us, I’ve told them to close up to make it easier to fight.”  
“Good, for now we keep moving forward.”  
“Yes…” However before the scout could finish his reply the sound of heavy footsteps filled the air.  
“Damnit.” Snapped Levi, he didn’t even bother reaching for his flare gun, it would be no use in the thick trees.  
He looked towards the source of the sound, which seemed to be coming from his left.   
Sure enough four twenty meter class titans came running towards him, however before they reached him they appeared to turn and head straight past him towards the rest of the right wing.  
“Wait they’re heading away from us?” Asked the scout in shock. “Then that means?”  
“Abnormals.” Growled Levi, narrowing his eyes.  
“Now what Sir?”  
“We take them out, we’re in a perfect location to use our ODM Gear, I suggest we take full advantage of it.”

“Wha-what do you me-mean by that?” Asked Hitch worriedly.  
“You are going to act as bait while Ackerman, Braun, Jaeger and myself take out that titan!”  
“Why do I have to be the bait?” Screeched Hitch, clearly not happy with her part in the plan.  
“Because I said so!” You snarled before turning your gaze to Krista.   
“Lenz, you have two choices. You can help Dreyse distract that thing or you can fight with me and the others.”  
Krista swallowed hard and looked at Hitch for a moment before turning back to you.  
“I’ll stay with Dreyse Squad Leader.” Came the timid reply.  
Your eyes widened but you accepted her decision, this young rookie was far too kind for her own good in your opinion.  
“Alright, you two keep that thing distracted.” You then turned to the others. “Jaeger, Ackerman, one of you go left, the other go right. I want you both to circle around it and stay behind it.”   
“Understood.” Replied Mikasa, she then turned to face Eren. “You go left and I’ll go right?”  
Eren nodded in agreement.  
“Okay good.” You then turned to Reiner.  
“I will try and blind the damned thing and then run underneath it, I want you to follow me and take out the muscles behind its left knee, I’ll take out the right one.” You then looked back to Eren and Mikasa. “Once it’s down, you two will get on it’s back and slice it’s nape off.”  
“Are you sure it’s even possible to kill that thing?” Asked Reiner cautiously. “Squad Leader Nanaba and two other scouts tried and failed.”  
You drew a deep breath.  
“Nanaba knew that the odds were against her, when it comes to a crawler of this size three scouts isn’t enough. She knew that but she was willing to sacrifice herself to save us…” You paused and sighed. “The least we can do is try, with four of us going up against it in an organized fashion I feel sure we can win.”  
“Alright Squad Leader, we trust you.” Said Reiner evenly.  
You nodded and looked back at your target.   
“Okay guys let’s do this!”

“Sir we’ve got three titans coming straight for us!”   
Squad Leader Ness looked on in horror as three titans barged their way through two of the wagons as if they were nothing, trampling the horses and crushing the supplies and scouts as if they were mere insects.  
“Remember what I said about needing to fight?” He called to his squad, drawing his blades and jumping up so he was squatting in his saddle.  
“Yes Sir!” Replied his squad in unison.  
Ness launched himself from the saddle and deployed his grapple lines, feeling them anchor themselves into the nearest titan’s lower back. He quickly retracted them and sped towards his target, struggling to keep his balance on the ground as dust and grass kicked up around him.   
He finally managed to land a strike on the backs of its knees, bringing it crashing down.  
“Take out it’s nape, I’ll bring down the next one!” He called to his squad.  
A young female scout came galloping towards him on horseback, drawing one of her blades she leaned down in her saddle and sliced through the titan’s nape, severing it in one blow.  
“One down two to go!” Smiled Ness.

“Oh look at these fine specimens!” Smiled Hanji as the final three titans from the main ambush came thundering towards her with their arms outstretched.  
“Erm, Section Commander you do know we’re supposed to be killing them?” Questioned Moblit worriedly.  
“Oh yes of course, such a shame but oh well!” Shrugged Hanji cheerfully.  
She jumped up from her saddle and deployed her grapple lines, feeling them tug at her waist as they found their mark on the first titans hip.   
“Woohoo!” She screamed as she was yanked forward and pulled towards her target, she released a burst of gas propelling her upwards and retracted one of her grapple lines.  
Drawing her blades she deployed her other grapple line, feeling it catch between the titans shoulder blades and pull her up towards the nape.  
“Sorry sweetie!” She cooed as she sliced through its nape in a cloud of steam.  
“Now who’s next?” 

Levi jumped from his saddle and launched his grapple lines, feeling them anchor themselves into a nearby tree and yank him up towards the canopy of leaves.  
His eyes narrowed and he flipped his blades around so he was holding them backwards.   
Focusing his attention on the two titans in front of him he forced his body to spin through the air, the blades tore through the first titan’s nape like it was paper. A split second later he released a burst of gas followed by one of his grapple lines and struck through the nape of the next titan before the scout following him could even blink.  
He stopped in a tree for a moment to get his bearings.  
“Sir I’ll distract them!”  
Levi looked down, the other scout was racing ahead of him now the titan’s seemed to be focusing their attention on him which would work to his advantage.  
Sprinting to the edge of the branch he was currently stood on, Levi jumped and raised his blades over his head, tucking his knees in he went into a tornado spin and sliced through the third titan’s nape, splattering blood on the trees as the monster crashed to the ground.   
Only one left now, he deployed his grapple lines and flew through the trees towards it.   
The scout below had nearly reached the first squad of the right wing, if he didn’t hurry up both the scout and the squad in front of him would be trampled.  
Levi switched the positions of his blades again so that they were pointing backwards, releasing his grapple line he threw himself forward. He flipped through the air with unbelievable speed and ease, striking the nape and bringing the beast tumbling down to the forest floor with an almighty thud.  
“Get everyone out of the forest and back to the main formation!” He yelled at the scout below as he landed on an overhanging branch.  
“Yes Sir!” Came the reply a second later.  
“Tch disgusting!” Snorted Levi, looking at the titan blood currently staining his blades. He pulled a white piece of cloth from his trouser pocket and proceeded to wipe down his blades as he watched the rest of the right wing move out of the forest.  
He then called for his horse and made his way back down to the forest floor, remounting the animal he started to make his way back to the front of the right wing, joining the scout he had been riding with.  
As they neared the edge of the forest to re-join the main formation an ambush of five fifteen meter class titans came running into the forest and made straight for them.  
“Shit!” Cursed Levi, gritting his teeth.  
“What do we do Sir?” Asked the scout nervously.  
“Get the right wing back to the rest of the formation, peel off back through the forest to the left. You can avoid being spotted that way, I’ll deal with these.”  
The scouts eyes went wide with horror, surely he wasn’t planning on taking on five titans by himself? Well he was “Humanity’s Strongest” after all.  
“But Sir…” Gasped the scout.  
“That was an order, now get going before they see you!” Snapped Levi.   
“Y-yes Sir!” Said the scout, he nervously veered off from Levi and turned back towards the rest of the scouts in the right wing to guide them out of the trees.  
However as Levi got closer to the group of titans he realized something that was a complete game changer...they were all abnormals!


	38. Search and Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Levi cut off from the main formation and also injured, he sends off his distress signal.  
> Will anyone manage to find him before its too late?

“Alright let’s move it!”  
You, Reiner, Eren and Mikasa broke away from Krista and Hitch who still held the crawler class titan’s attention.  
“Remember the plan.” You called out to them. “Ackerman stay left, Jaeger stay right, Braun follow me and take out the left knee muscles while I go right. Be careful as you go under it and don’t strike until the very last minute.”  
“Yes Squad Leader!” They replied, steering their horses into position.  
“Okay let’s go!”  
You spurred your horse onwards and charged towards the titan, lining yourself up with it’s line of sight.  
“Hey ugly!” You yelled bringing its attention to focus on you and drawing your blades. “Now you see me..”  
You brought your arms back so your blades were behind your head, the titan roared and charged forward, opening its mouth to try and devour you.  
“Now you don’t!”   
You flung your arms forward and released the locks on your blades, sending them spinning through the air and straight into the titan’s eyes.  
“Nice throw Squad Leader!” Yelled Eren with a grin.  
You smirked and drew a fresh pair of blades as you charged forward, closely followed by Reiner. He sped up and galloped alongside you on your left, drawing his blades ready to strike at the back of the titan’s legs.  
However just as you emerged from underneath it’s huge body to aim your blows the titan stopped and sat back on it’s haunches.  
“Shit now what?” You gasped to yourself.  
Fortunately the titan seemed distracted by the loss of its vision, it simply sat still covering its eyes with its hands and roaring in confusion and pain.  
“Change of plan. Ackerman, go straight for the nape, take that thing out now!”  
“Yes Squad Leader!”  
Mikasa deployed her grapple lines, feeling the hook embed itself in the titan’s shoulder, she raised her blades and sped towards her target.   
“Come on, you can do it!” Yelled Eren encouragingly.  
Mikasa let out an almighty scream of rage and sliced deeply into the titan’s nape, shearing it off in a flurry of blood and steam.  
“YES! THAT’S MY GIRL!” You screamed happily as the crawler class titan hit the grass in a dead heap.   
“That was for you Nanaba.” You added quietly, swallowing down the lump in your throat, turning away from the corpse of the slain beast and leading your squad back to the main formation. “Thank you and goodbye.”

“Commander!”   
Erwin looked to his left and saw Section Commander Hanji and her second in commander Moblit Berner approaching him.  
“The titan threat in the left wing has been dealt with.” She informed him.  
Erwin nodded.  
“Good, Squad Leader Ness has dealt with the center ranks problem…”  
“Commander Erwin!”  
All eyes turned right to the scout who had been accompanying Levi at the head of the right wing, however there was no sign of him..  
“Sir, Captain Levi is dealing with more titans in the forest, he said he will catch us up! The right wing is currently out of danger and re-joining the formation.”  
Erwin frowned but nodded, glancing over at Hanji and catching the worried look on her face  
“He’ll be fine Hanji.” Said Erwin evenly.  
“I know.” Replied Hanji, an edge of concern to her voice. “I’m worried about if f/n finds out he’s gone off on his own. Surely you’ve noticed how close the two of them are now?”  
Erwin frowned and nodded. He knew you and Levi had formed a close friendship over the past few months since Mike’s death, but he doubted you were looking at him as a potential love interest. If anything he believed you viewed Levi as a brother, someone who would keep an eye on you and you could turn to for advice when needed.  
“Yes I’ve noticed and I understand what you’re saying. However we need to concentrate on the mission, Levi knows what he’s doing and f/n has enough things on her mind without letting her personal feelings cloud her judgement.”  
Hanji nodded and faced forward again.   
She knew you better than anyone, having been your best friend since you joined the Survey Corps ten years ago she knew you better than you knew yourself...  
“Send a message down the formation, we need to group closer together.”   
Hanji immediately snapped out of her thoughts as she heard Erwin issuing orders.  
“Off you go Moblit!” She said, looking to her second in command.  
Moblit nodded and peeled away to relay the message as the scout riding to the right of Erwin did the same, for now it was the best option as the horses needed to rest and blades and gas also needed to be replenished when you reached more open ground where danger could be more easily spotted…

Levi lept from his saddle and deployed his ODM Gear as the five abnormals came thundering towards him.  
He took off into the trees and landed on a thick tree trunk to get his bearings and plan how best to deal with them.  
They ignored his horse and ran straight through the forest beneath him, completely oblivious to is presence above them. He nodded and flipped his blades around so he was holding them backwards, at least he had the element of surprise on his side.  
He deployed his ODM Gear and took off through the trees, forcing his body to spin through the air he sliced through the first two abnormals napes before they could even register what was happening, however when it came to the third one, it was ready for him.  
A mighty roar filled the air as it brought one large hand down and swatted him away. Levi smashed through an overhanging branch, snapping it upon impact and hitting the ground hard, grunting as a sharp pain stabbed through his left side...had he cracked a few ribs maybe?  
He staggered to his feet, it was a miracle he hadn’t been knocked out. He suddenly felt something wet and sticky clinging to his shirt...blood. More specifically his blood.  
“Shit!” He winced, untucking his shirt and lifting it up to inspect his left side. His eyes widened upon finding part of the branch embedded in his side.  
The next thing he knew the titan that had swatted him bent down and stared at him with its bulbous blue eyes, it opened it’s mouth and roared at him again, its foul breath assaulting Levi’s sense of smell and making him feel nauseous as the force of it caused him to screw his eyes shut. The foul stench from the breeze it created blew his raven hair back and almost took his breath away.  
Gripping his left side he dashed through its legs as it tried to lunge forward and devour him.   
He gritted his teeth and grunted in pain as he deployed his ODM Gear, the pull on his waist making the embedded shard of branch ache painfully in his side. He was in no fit state to fight and he damned well knew it to make matters worse...Midnight was gone, the animal had obviously gotten scared and bolted.  
He growled angrily and unholstered his flare gun, loading a purple cartridge into it and firing it off into the canopy above him, hopefully someone near the rear of the formation would see it.  
He didn’t hold out much hope though, he was basically trapped in this forest and if the formation had already passed him then his hopes for survival were slim to none.  
He gripped the large piece of wood and gave it a sharp pull, trying to dislodge it but to no avail. He yelled out in pain and fell back against the thick tree trunk, panting heavily his cold grey eyed gaze turned downwards towards the forest floor were the remaining three abnormals were staring up at him. Much to his horror, one of them was attempting to climb the tree to get to him...and succeeding!

“Wow Squad Leader, where did you learn to throw a set of blades like that?” Asked Eren in awe as you rode onwards.  
“Captain Levi taught me that little trick when I was your age.” You replied with a smile.   
“Squad Leader l/n!” You faced forward, a frown playing upon your features as a scout approached you.  
“What is it?” You asked quizzically.  
“An oral message from Commander Erwin, close up the ranks you need to be within sight of the rest of the formation now.”  
“Message received and understood.”  
The scout nodded and turned back to return to his original place in the formation.  
“Everyone speed up!” You ordered.  
“Squad Leader look!” Yelled Mikasa, pointing over to the forest on your right.  
You looked over to where she was pointing and turned your gaze towards the sky, your eyes widening as you saw a purple flare streaking high into the white clouded sky.  
“Someone’s in trouble.” You mused, wondering if you should break away to help them.  
“Hey there’s a horse approaching without a rider!” Yelled Hitch.  
“What?” Gasped Eren, unconvinced by her words.  
“No she’s right look!” Called Krista, pointing to a black shape galloping towards you.  
Your eyes widened in horror, you recognized the animal instantly.  
“Shit that’s Midnight!”   
“What?” Asked Hitch, her brow furrowing, however Eren soon interrupted her.  
“Midnight? You mean?”  
“Captain Levi’s horse!”   
Your heart lept into your throat, you once again turned your line of sight to the purple smoke signal.  
“Shit...Levi!” 

“Commander, message successfully delivered. All squads are pulling together!”  
“Good work soldier.” Replied Erwin.   
Hanji nervously looked behind her as wagons and other squads started to appear visible from the distance, fortunately there were no signs of any signal flares having been released...apart from one.  
“Erwin look!” She cried out, pointing towards a purple smoke stream from the direction of the forest.  
Erwin looked back and frowned, his bushy brows knitting together.  
“You don’t suppose?”Questioned Hanji worriedly.  
However Erwin looked away and faced forward, gritting his teeth in frustration and refusing to admit that his best soldier may just have run into trouble that even he couldn’t get out of…

You raised your right hand to your mouth and shoved your thumb and forefinger into your mouth, folding your tongue back and letting out a shrill whistle.  
You were answered a moment later with a loud whinny as Midnight galloped towards you.  
“Lenz grab him!” You yelled.  
Krista nodded nervously and reached out for the reins as soon as he came within range, she leaned further out and felt her slim fingers wrap around the soft leather and pulled the startled animal in close.  
“So that purple flare was?” Questioned Reiner.  
“Yeah that was Captain Levi.” You said, trying to keep the rising fear out of your voice.  
“Lenz hand me Midnight, Braun you’re in charge until I return!”  
“Wait you’re going in there alone?” Gasped Mikasa, her smokey eyes widened in horror.  
“Let us come with you!” Yelled Eren.  
“No! Keep your eyes open for a green flare from me indicating that I’m on my way back with the captain!” You snapped at him, steering your horse off to the right. You grabbed Midnight’s reins and hooked them over your arm. “Catch up with the rest of the formation and do as you’re told, that’s an order. I’ll be back soon...I promise!”  
“F/n please wait!” Yelled Eren,however his pleas fell on deaf ears as you galloped off in the direction of the forest.  
“You heard the squad leader!” Shouted Reiner. “Speed up, catch up with the rest of the formation and keep an eye out for that green flare!”  
Eren swallowed hard and watched fearfully as you disappeared into the distance.


	39. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin fears that Levi, Reader and her squad are already dead.  
> Reader desperately searches the forest for Levi.

You galloped into the forest and started to make your way towards what you believed to be the source of the purple flare you had seen.  
The sun filtered through the canopy of trees above you, illuminating the forest in an eerie golden glow.  
“Levi?” You called out, desperately listening for any sound that would give away his location...whether it be him or a titan.  
Titans.  
You gritted your teeth, those damned monsters had a lot to answer for, they had killed countless comrades over the years as well as your lover...you’d be damned if you were going to let them take Levi away from you as well!  
You shook your head to clear your thoughts and called out for him once again, hearing nothing but your own voice echoing back at you through the thick trees.  
“Levi...where are you?”

Levi desperately tried again to pull the lump of wood from his side, but to no avail. All he seemed to succeed in doing was making it more painful and causing more blood to slowly seep out of the wound, he gritted his teeth and grunted in pain as he made yet another failed attempt to remove it.  
His cold grey eyes widened at the sound of bark peeling and crunching from the tree he was currently stuck up, the abnormal that was attempting to climb up the trunk was getting closer and closer, a few more meters and it would be on the same level as him and possibly able to reach out and grab him.  
‘So this is how it ends?’ He mused internally, images of that fateful expedition four months ago forced their way into his mind. However one particular image stood out predominantly.  
Mike.  
Levi had come across his comrade by chance and despite his best efforts he was unable to save him from the titans. Now the tables had turned and Levi was the one in trouble, however there was no one to help him.  
He swallowed hard and drew his blades, he wasn’t going to go down without a fight…  
Suddenly he heard someone calling his name...or was he hearing things?  
“Levi...where are you?”  
His brow furrowed, it was a female voice...a very familiar female voice.  
“F/n?” He muttered.

“We have to go help her!” Yelled Eren angrily.  
“No!” Snapped Reiner. “You heard her, we have our orders!”  
“We can’t just leave her!”  
“Damnit Eren shut your mouth! We still need to catch up with the rest of the formation.”  
Eren growled and looked to Mikasa for support, but to no avail. She simply closed her eyes and looked away from him, infuriating him further.  
“Fine, if you won’t come with me I’ll go myself I’ll use my titan form!”  
“Don’t you dare!” Yelled Reiner, the harshness in his voice making Hitch and Krista flinch.  
“You heard what the squad leader said yesterday. You’re only allowed to go titan on us with authorization from the commander or Captain Levi or if f/n deems it a life or death situation.”  
“This is a life or death situation!” Snapped Eren. “F/n could die out there on her own!”  
Mikasa finally looked at him and spoke up.  
“Eren, f/n promised us she was coming back. We have to trust her on that.”  
“Mikasa how can you not want to go back for her?” He yelled angrily. “She’s like a mother to us!”  
“I know that Eren!” Snapped Mikasa. “I want to go back, I really do but we can’t.”  
“First and foremost f/n is a squad leader!” Interrupted Reiner. “Secondly she’s survived in the Survey Corps for ten years, I highly doubt she’s intentionally putting herself in danger. Now can it and keep moving forward!”  
Krista and Hitch nervously exchanged a glance, they had their doubts about you returning to the squad with Captain Levi in tow...in fact they had their doubts about you returning to the squad alive.

“We’re coming to the end of the forest!” Announced Erwin to Hanji, Moblit and the other scout. “Once we get past the tree line we will head over to that open area in the west for a couple of miles and then stop to get our bearings, replenish blades and fuel and give the horses a chance to rest.”  
Hanji and Moblit nodded, Erwin turned to look back and frowned. There was still no sign of Captain Levi re-joining the formation, however on a side note, there was still no sign of any more titans making an appearance if the lack of flare signals was anything to go by.  
“Commander!”   
Erwin turned around and was greeted by Squad Leader Dita Ness.  
“What is it?” He asked.  
“Sir everyone in the center rank is accounted for except Squad Leader l/n and her squad!”  
Hanji’s eyes widened behind her battle goggles.  
“What do you mean?” She shrieked before she could stop herself.  
“We managed to find them and relay the message about closing up the ranks but they’re too far behind us to catch up anytime soon unless we slow down.”  
Erwin’s frown deepened, he couldn’t afford to slow down the formation until they’d reached the assigned check point.   
“What do we do?” Asked Hanji, unable to keep the panic out of her voice.  
“F/n will be fine.” Said Erwin calmly, although in all honesty he wasn’t convinced. “When we stop her squad should have plenty of time to catch up with us.”  
Hanji swallowed hard and nodded.  
“I know she is your best friend and like a sister to you Hanji.” Said Erwin gently, trying to give her a reassuring smile. “But I must remind you not to let your personal feelings cloud your judgement, I need you focused on the task at hand.”  
“I understand Sir.”

“LEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIII!”  
You screamed at the top of your lungs, not caring if you attracted the attention of any nearby titans, you still had three sets of blades left so you could put up a decent fight if you needed to.  
“Shit where the hell are you? You short arsed bastard!” You muttered.  
Midnight snorted next to you and nudged your arm.  
You smiled weakly and patted his neck.  
“Don’t worry boy we’ll find him.”  
You set off again, doing your best to scan the trees for any sign that Levi may have been nearby, such as blade marks on trees, titan corpses that had not yet evaporated...  
“F/n!”  
You tensed in your saddle and brought the horses to a halt upon hearing a pained shout break through the air and shake you to the very core.  
“Levi?” You gasped. It took a moment for you to regain your composure but you soon found yourself spurring Blaze onward towards the source of the voice...or at least the general direction it was coming from.

Levi sprinted to the end of the branch to avoid the titan which was now reaching up for the branch directly below him.  
“LEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIII!”  
He tensed up, his cold grey eyes widening. He hadn’t imagined it after all, it was definitely you that was calling his name.  
“F/n!” He called out, wincing in agony as the large chunk of wood embedded in his side flared up in pain at him raising his voice.  
“Levi where are you?”   
He gripped his side again and gritted his teeth, you sounded a lot closer now. An idea struck him, he couldn’t keep calling out to you with the amount of pain he was in. He unholstered his flare gun and loaded a silver cartridge into, raising it above his head and covering his ears her flicked the safety off and pulled the trigger…

You carried on galloping through the forest, you were sure you’d heard Levi’s voice coming from this direction.  
Suddenly a loud high pitched noise filled the air, causing Blaze and Midnight to whinny and panic.  
“An acoustic round?” You gasped, desperately trying to calm down the two spooked horses.  
A moment later a loud roar filled the air...titans.  
“Hang on Levi I’m coming!” You yelled, spurring Blaze into a gallop and dragging Midnight along with you.  
After a few meters you pulled Blaze to a halt, your eyes widening in horror at the sight that met them.  
Two huge abnormal titans were stood beneath one tree, both desperately reaching up for something...or someone who was probably stuck up it. Your jaw dropped open when you saw a third titan successfully managing to climb up the thick trunk and reach for a figure stood at the far end of one of the branches...its large hand reaching out and closing the gap between it and its prey....

Levi narrowed his eyes and growled in the pit of his throat, tightening his grip on his blades.  
If he was to die here he would make sure he gave the bastard that ate him one hell of stomach ache before he met his maker.  
The titan’s large hand was slowly closing the gap between them, its fingertips less than two meters from him now.  
He brought his blades back, ready to strike...  
“Oi, keep your filthy fucking hands off of him!”  
Levi’s head jerked around as a blur of green and silver whipped past him and headed straight for the titan. The next thing he knew a blast of steam engulfed him and he heard an almighty crash as the slain abnormal fell to the ground.  
When the smoke cleared he stared straight ahead and saw you perched precariously against the trunk of the tree opposite him. Your e/c eyes were shining with blood lust and your lips were peeled back to reveal your clenched teeth as you stared down at the remaining two abnormals on the ground.  
Before he could call out to you, pushed off from the tree and raised your blades above your head, tucking your knees up under your body and going into a tornado spin. You effortlessly sliced through the second abnormals nape spraying its steaming blood across the forest floor and landing behind it in a crouch. However this wasn’t to your advantage as the remaining abnormal had watched you slay its companion and was now reaching down for you through the steam.  
“F/n behind you!” Yelled Levi.  
You looked back and yelped, quickly deploying your gear...however not quick enough it would seem.  
The final abnormal managed to grab hold your your lower body, fortunately your arms were still free but its grip on you was tightening painfully squeezing the air out of your body. If it continued to squeeze you in this manner it would soon crack all of your ribs and eventually crush you.  
“F/n!” Yelled Levi again, he sprinted to where the branch met the tree trunk and jumped. Ignoring the pain in his side as his ODM Gear pulled at his waist when he deployed his grapple lines.  
You growled in pain, struggling to breathe in the titan’s grip and brought your right blade down, slicking through the titan’s hand which caused you to fall from its grasp as its fingers fell away.  
Levi took advantage of its distracted state and brought his blades up over his head, tucking his knees under his body and going into a tornado spin, he sliced through the titan’s nape as he passed it and landed roughly on the ground. His legs gave way under him and he ended up rolling across the forest floor.  
“Levi!” You screamed, something was definitely wrong with him. His landings were never that clumsy.  
You landed hard and sprinted to where he was currently pulling himself to his feet and grunting in agony and gripping his left side.  
His head jerked up and his cold grey eyes widened at the sight of you coming towards him an of you calling his name.  
“F/n!” He gasped as you threw yourself into his arms.  
He was forced to take a step back to keep his balance, but this time he didn’t hesitate to return your embrace when you locked your arms around his shoulders and buried your head into the crook of his neck.  
You entire body was trembling as he held you against him, clinging on for his life.  
His stoic mask slipped once more and sighed deeply with relief, tightening his grip on you and burying his face into your shoulder, temporarily forgetting about his injury and just being glad that someone had seen his flare signal and come to his aid.

“Where the hell is she? What’s taking so long?”  
“Damnit EREN...SHUT UP!”   
“You shut up!” Snapped Eren, fighting back tears.  
Reiner growled in the pit of his throat and rolled his eyes, turning his attention to Mikasa.  
Any sign of a green flare going up yet?”   
“Nothing.” Replied Mikasa bluntly, her brow furrowing with worry.  
“I hope she’s okay.” Said Krista meekly.  
Reiner looked back at her and grinned knowingly.  
“Squad Leader l/n is the stubbornest bitch I know. She’ll be alright.”  
Eren growled angrily.   
“You don’t know that, she could’ve been eaten for all we know! I’m going back to look for her!”  
“You’ll do no such thing Jaeger!” Snarled Reiner. “You stay with the squad. Do you really want to let f/n down?”  
Eren’s emerald eyes widened at those words, he gritted his teeth and choked back a sob, remembering your words about what would happen to him if he went rogue.  
“Reiner’s right Eren.” Said Mikasa gently but sternly.  
“If you can’t control yourself then the commander will have you removed from this squad and they’ll treat you worse than a rabid animal.”  
Eren screwed his eyes shut and squeezed out a few tears of frustration.  
“I...I don’t want her to die like my mother did, like our old squad mates did.”  
“She won’t die.” Said Reiner forcing a sympathetic smile onto his lips, although even he had his doubts about your chances of survival.

Erwin and the rest of the formation finally reached the open space that he had allocated as a safe spot to temporarily stop and rest before carrying on with the mission.  
He stopped and raised his flare gun over his head, firing off a green smoke signal straight up to indicate that the formation was to stop.  
When the rest of the formation caught up the sound of horses whinnying as they were pulled to a halt filled the air.  
Erwin turned to the scout who had been riding with Levi.   
“You’re on lookout duty.” He ordered.  
“Yes Sir!” The scout saluted and rushed off to find a suitable point to station himself at, eventually finding a small rock a few meters away. He climbed up onto it and took out a telescope, proceeding to scan the area.  
“So what’s the plan Erwin?” Asked Hanji nervously, approaching the commander.  
“We leave as soon as the horses are tended to, any corpses that can be recovered are dealt with and everyone has replenished their blades and fuel.”  
“What about Levi, f/n and her squad?”  
Erwin closed his eyes and sighed lowering his head.  
“I’m sorry Hanji.” He muttered lowly, refusing to meet her gaze.  
“Sorry? What do you mean you’re sorry?” She questioned, her voice shook with panic.  
“We cannot afford to stay here too long.” Erwin slowly raised his head and turned to look her in the eyes. “If Levi, f/n and her squad haven’t returned by the time we’re ready to depart...then we must assume that they are dead.”


	40. Mission Failed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Erwin aborts the mission and orders the scouts to return to Karanese...

You trembled as you held onto Levi like your life depended on it, you couldn’t describe the immense relief you felt knowing he was still alive.  
Levi finally pulled away from you much to your dismay and gripped his left side.  
You furrowed your brows, a gasp escaping your lips when you saw the blood stains on his shirt.  
“What the hell happened to you?” You asked, finally managing to break the silence.  
“Damned titan swatted me out of the air.” He grunted through his gritted teeth.  
“Let me see.” You said, gently lifting his shirt, your eyes widened in horror at the sight of the thick piece of wood sticking out of his flesh.  
“Fuck! Have you tried pulling it out?” You leaned in closer to see if the wood had splintered.  
“It won’t budge.”  
“I’ll try.” You replied. “It’s gonna hurt like hell but if I don’t get it out soon it will more than likely get infected.”  
“Tch, since when did you become a field medic?” Asked Levi with a raised eyebrow.  
You smirked and brushed a stray lock of hair back behind your ear.  
“I’m no field medic but I do have a basic understanding of simple medical procedures and battlefield first aid.”  
Levi rolled his eyes and nodded, giving you his permission to try and sort it out for him.  
“You’ll need something to bite down on.” You said patting yourself down to see if you had anything you could use. However you found nothing and decided to use the hood off your cloak.  
“Tch!” Remarked Levi, watching your rip the hood from the garment  
“Sorry needs must.” You smiled weakly. “Plus if that starts bleeding again like I suspect it will, I don’t wanna be wasting time ripping something up to cover it with.”  
Levi sighed and held out his hand as you finished ripping the hood off your cloak and scrunched it up into a ball before handing it to him.  
“Let me know when you’re ready.” You said cautiously, watching him stuff the material into his mouth and bite down on it.  
Levi nodded and swallowed hard looking away.  
“Okay I need you to put your left arm on my shoulder, as I pull I want you to push against me.”  
Levi grunted in response,placing his left arm on your right shoulder.  
“Alright, brace yourself Levi, this is really going to hurt!” You warned, making sure you had a firm grip on the wood with your right hand while placing your left hand on his ribs above the wound. “Three...two...one…”  
Levi’s eyes went wide momentarily before he screwed them shut and bit down harder on the material wedged into his mouth.   
You winced as he roughly squeezed your shoulder, however you could feel the wood coming loose. A small amount of blood started to seep from the wound as you continued to pull.  
“Nearly done Levi, just hang in there for me okay?”   
Levi nodded and gripped your shoulder harder, his breathing became ragged and his muffled protests became harsher and louder.   
“It’s nearly out.” You tried to reassure the raven haired captain, you winced seeing more blood start to seep out of the wound. You’d need to give it a rinse before you dressed it in case there were any splinters.  
With one final tug you pulled the wood free, throwing it aside.  
“Okay it’s out, give me the hood quick!”  
Levi spat the hood out and handed it to you.  
“Fuck!” He groaned, watching you press the balled up material to his wound and apply pressure.  
“Can you ride?” You asked.  
“Midnight ran off, I don’t know where he is.” Remarked Levi.  
You smiled knowingly.  
“Oh don’t worry I found him, come on. Oh and keep the pressure on that wound.”  
Levi’s eyes widened in shock, placing his left hand to his side he held the hood in place and kept the pressure on it.  
‘Fuck f/n...when the hell did you grow up?’

Erwin paced back and forth in front of the look out scout.  
“Any sign of f/n’s squad or Captain Levi?” He asked quizzically.  
“Sorry Sir, no sign of anyone or anything.” Replied the scout solemnly.  
Erwin nodded and sighed, turning his attention to Hanji.  
She looked completely downhearted, her battle goggles were pushed up onto her hairline. She stood with her horse and gently stroked its muzzle while it ate.  
“Well?” She asked hopefully, looking up as she felt Erwin staring at her.  
Erwin simply shook his head.  
Hanji sighed and looked away, her lower lip trembling slightly. She didn’t really have many friends within the Survey Corps...well not proper friends that she could openly talk to and get personal with.  
You were the one person save for Moblit that she could genuinely say were her friends, so to think that you were missing in action and most likely dead really upset her.   
She’d been one of the first people you met when you joined the Survey Corps and the two of you had hit it off right away. When you were promoted to Squad Leader after ten years service she’d been one of the first people to congratulate you on your promotion...the first being Erwin of course.  
“She’ll be alright Section Commander.” Said a voice to her left.  
She turned towards it and found Moblit stood next to her, smiling sympathetically and placing his left hand on her right shoulder.  
“I hope you’re right Moblit.” Muttered Hanji sadly. “I really hope you’re right.”

“There’s still no sign of her!”  
“Eren just let it go!” Snapped Reiner, turning back to face him.  
“We should’ve gone after her!” He yelled angrily. “We still can!”  
“Eren shut your mouth damnit!” Yelled Reiner, his eyes narrowing at the young scout. “I am sick to death of your bullshit whining over Squad Leader l/n!”  
Mikasa’s eyes widened at Reiner’s choice of words, as did Hitch and Krista’s.  
“Guys please don’t fight!” Begged Krista. “It’s only natural for Eren to be worried about his friend.”  
Reiner rolled his eyes and looked forward again.  
“Eren, just calm down and keep watching for that green smoke signal.” Advised Mikasa, however her words fell on deaf ears as Eren now decided to vent at Hitch.  
“This is all your fault!” He snarled, directing his anger at her confused features.  
“What the hell did I do?” Gasped Hitch.  
“Eren!” Snapped Mikasa, earning his immediate attention, his emerald eyes were wide as he saw the anger in her smokey eyes.  
“Calm down! Do you want to get kicked off of this squad? Do you think f/n wants to see you locked up until your ability needs to be used?”  
Eren gritted his teeth and shook his head.  
“Right then, do as Reiner says and calm down.”  
No sooner had the words left her mouth she happened to glance back and see a green smoke signal being fired into the air behind them.  
“Reiner look!” She yelled, a smile gracing her features.  
Reiner furrowed his brows and looked behind him, however a smirk soon found its way onto his face.  
“Well I’ll be damned!” He laughed. “Eren, quit your bitching and fire off a green flare now!”  
Eren looked behind him, a laugh escaping him when he saw the green signal flare streaking across the bright blue sky.  
“She did it!” He yelled happily, loading a green smoke cartridge into his flare gun and raising it above his head and pulling the trigger.  
“Told you she’d be alright.” Said Reiner with a smug smile.

Levi followed you back through the forest for a few meters, keeping his left arm pinned firmly to his side and clutching the scrunched up hood of your scouting cloak hood pressed against the wound on his side.  
Sure enough he found his horse hitched up with yours at a nearby tree stump.  
You smiled as Levi approached the horse and patted its neck, Midnight was clearly glad to see him as he whinnied with delight and lowered his head, affectionately nuzzling Levi’s cheek.  
“Tch, might’ve known you’d run straight to her.” Remarked Levi.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You snorted, giving Blaze a quick rub on the neck.  
“You think I don’t know you always sneak him extra food when you’re dealing with Blaze?”  
Your jaw dropped open, but you laughed a moment later. You retrieved your water flask from the left saddle bag and approached Levi and Midnight, giving the black stallion a rub on the neck as he turned his attention to you and nuzzled you.  
“Oi Midnight that was supposed to be our little secret!”   
You smirked at Levi as Midnight gave you a cheeky nudge on the shoulder, earning you an amused eye roll from the injured captain.  
“Anyway, I better rinse that wound off. I can’t dress it properly but I can improvise, I’ll need a new cloak anyway so…”  
Levi nodded and pulled the hood away from the wound, it had stopped bleeding as badly now which was a good thing. He carefully lifted his shirt and winced as you poured some cold water on the wound and gently rubbed it to get rid of the dried blood.  
“Damn that’s quite deep, you’ll need stitches.” You said, meeting Levi’s gaze for a moment.  
Levi stared at you silently for a few moments before nodding.  
You then proceeded to tear the bottom of your scouting cloak the hole width across and wrapped it around Levi’s lower torso, making sure to tie it tightly over the scrunched up material of your hood to keep it in place.  
“Sorry but that’s the best I can do until we get you to the medical wagon.” You said.  
“It will do for now.” Remarked Levi.  
You nodded and went to mount Blaze.  
“Okay let’s get out of here.”  
Levi carefully mounted Midnight and the pair of you quickly galloped off towards the edge of the forest, emerging out into the bright sunlight of the late afternoon.  
“Wait a minute.” You said quickly fishing around for your flare gun.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Alerting my squad that I’ve found you so they can tell me their location.”  
Levi raised his eyebrow, watching you fire off the green smoke signal.  
“Hopefully they haven’t run into any trouble while I was away.” You muttered, however Levi managed to pick up on the concern in your tone of voice.  
“Well going by the lack of red smoke signals I’d say they’re alright.”  
You nodded but didn’t look at him.  
“Alright here we go!” You smiled, turning your gaze east and seeing a green smoke signal streaking across the sky.

“Commander?”   
Erwin looked behind him.   
“I have a list of all the missing scouts Sir.”  
“Were you able to recover any of the corpses?” He asked, finally turning to face the scout and taking a clipboard from him which held a list of the dead and missing.  
“Yes Sir, around seven of them were…” He swallowed hard, unable to meet the commander’s gaze. “There wasn’t anything worth recovering Sir...I believe it would be best for the families if we simply informed them they are MIA.”  
Erwin sighed and scanned through the list, frowning when he saw the names of Nanaba and her squad, then directly below that the names of yourself, Levi and your squad.”  
“Are we nearly ready to depart and continue the mission?”  
“Nearly Sir.”  
“Alright, inform me immediately when all squads are ready to leave.”  
The scout nodded and saluted before turning to walk away.  
“Still no news on f/n?” Asked Hanji worriedly.  
Erwin turned to face her and shook his head.  
“No, I’m afraid I’ve had no choice but to list her and her squad as missing...along with Levi.”  
“Is there no way we can go back and look for them?” She pleaded.  
“I’m sorry Hanji but we can’t do that.” He turned his gaze skyward, they didn’t have much daylight left and they were nowhere near the halfway point like he’d hoped they would be. At this rate they would never make it before sunset.   
“As soon as everyone’s blades and fuel is replenished we head back to the Karanese District...I’m aborting the mission.”

“Hey guys did you miss me?”  
“F/N!” Yelled Eren, his emerald eyes went wide with excitement as you and Levi finally caught up to your squad.  
“Welcome back Squad Leader!” Smiled Reiner.  
“Well done for not going rogue on me Eren.” You smiled, raising your right fist to him. “I’m proud of you Kiddo.”  
Eren laughed and raised his left fist, bumping it to yours.  
“Thanks f/n.”  
“Oi, that’s Squad Leader l/n brat!” Snapped Levi, narrowing his eyes. “Don’t forget your place.”  
Eren gulped and blushed.   
“Yes Sir, sorry Sir.”  
You shook your head and smirked.  
“Everyone okay?” You asked, looking back towards your squad members.  
“All the better for seeing you Squad Leader.” Smiled Mikasa. “I knew you’d be alright.”  
You smiled and nodded, raising your eyebrows as you noticed Levi move to ride at your right side.  
“So no trouble while I was away?” You continued.  
“Eren threatened to off and look for you, but we managed to prevent him from going titan as you can see.” Said Reiner bluntly.   
You frowned and looked at Levi, expecting him to question your capability to keep Eren in line. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t relieved when he never even mentioned it.  
“Squad Leader behind us!” Yelled Krista.  
You looked back, your eyes narrowing as you noticed two fifteen meter titans running towards you...


	41. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and her squad are once again pursued by abnormals, however when Hitch is grabbed it prompts her to make a very difficult decision...to save her or let her die...

“Lenz fire off a black flare!” You ordered, your eyes widening when you noticed that the two titans currently approaching you were abnormals.  
“Damnit they just won’t give us a fucking break today.” You cursed, spurring Blaze onward.   
Krista fired off a black flare and looked behind her, desperately fighting back her fear as the two abnormals began to close the distance between you and them.  
“Eyes forward Lenz!” You yelled, before turning your attention to Hitch. “Dreyse move your ass unless you want to get eaten!”  
Hitch whimpered and spurred her horse to make it go faster.  
“What’s the plan Squad Leader?” Asked Mikasa.  
You looked back again to see the abnormals were coming closer still.There was no way you were going to be able to outrun them, you were going to have no choice but to fight…  
Levi gritted his teeth and gripped his left side.  
The harsh pace with which you were all riding was loosening your makeshift bandage and the wound had started bleeding again.  
“Hey Captain are you okay?”  
Levi looked to his left and was met with a familiar pair of e/c eyes. His frown deepened, he’d gotten so used to you calling him by his name, that to hear you use his rank almost sounded strange to him.  
“I’m fine concentrate on what to do about those titans.”  
You nodded and looked behind you again, your eyes widening in horror as you realized they were now dangerously close and running straight for Hitch and Krista.  
“Oh shit...Lenz, Dreyse move your damn asses they’re right on top of you!”  
Hitch tensed in her saddle upon hearing you scream at her and quickly looked behind her.  
“Duck Dreyse!” Yelled Mikasa.  
Hitch however was frozen in panic, the first abnormal leered down at her with it’s empty grey eyes and reached out a large arm, it’s hand spread wide to grab her.  
“Dreyse get out of the way!” Screamed Mikasa again, but to no avail.  
The titan grabbed Hitch’s entire body and pulled her from her saddle.  
“Help!” Screamed Hitch, desperately struggling in her captor’s grip.  
“Squad Leader it’s got Dreyse!” Yelled Eren.  
You looked back with raised eyebrows, but said nothing. Simply watching as the towering monster stopped in its tracks and raised Hitch to its mouth preparing to devour her…

“Sir we’re nearly finished loading the corpses into the wagons and only three squads are left to replenish their blades and fuel...shall I tell everyone to prepare to depart?”  
Erwin looked up from the map he and Hanji were studying and nodded, his frown deepening.  
“Very well, inform them that the mission is aborted...we’re returning to the Karanese District before we lose the light.”  
Squad Leader Dita Ness’s jaw dropped open at his commanding officer’s decision.   
“I understand Sir.” He replied quietly, clenching his fist before speaking again.  
“Sir, permission to speak openly?”   
“Granted.”  
“Is there any news on Captain Levi and Squad Leader l/n?”  
Erwin sighed deeply and closed his eyes for a moment, swallowing down a lump in his throat.  
“No, there’s no sign of them. We’ve listed them as missing...presumed dead.”  
Ness lowered his head and exhaled deeply.   
“I understand Sir...I’ll inform the squads of your decision and report back when we’re all ready for departure.”  
Hanji sniffed and raised her gaze to the sky, biting her lower lip.  
“F/n is extremely popular with the regiment isn’t she?” Asked Erwin, noticing her reaction.  
“Yeah she was.” Said Hanji shakily. “At least she went out fighting, I can’t imagine she would give the titans an easy time.”  
Erwin’s bushy brows furrowed at Hanji’s use of the word was.  
“You’re talking like she’s already dead.”  
Hanji refused to meet his gaze.   
“You’re the one who’s already added her list to the names of the dead.”  
“Only because I have no choice, there’s every chance we may run into them on the way back to the wall.”  
Now Hanji did meet his gaze, tears shone in her eyes behind her battle goggles.  
“I hope you’re right...but if you aren’t.” She paused and sighed. “Well...then at least she’ll be reunited with Mike.”

“Squad Leader we need your orders!” Screamed Krista, her gaze turned behind her to see the first abnormal still holding Hitch above its mouth.  
“Why hasn’t it devoured her yet?” Asked Reiner.  
“It’s an abnormal, nothing they do is predictable.” Replied Eren.  
You simply continued to watch as the abnormal began to tighten its grip on Hitch, however it didn’t eat her...it simply stared at her with its bulbous empty grey eyes.  
“What’s it doing?” You frowned.  
“Oi Squad Leader snap out of it!”   
Your jaw dropped open and your turned to face a very angry looking Levi.  
“Your squad needs your orders, get your head back in the current situation where it’s needed and take control!”  
Your eyes widened at the harshness of his words, but you knew deep down he was right.  
“Shit.” You muttered, gritting your teeth. What should you do? Hitch was your enemy and now she was in danger of being killed and eaten...this was what you wanted more than anything since the day she was forced to join the Survey Corps.  
“Squad Leader please we need your orders!” Yelled Eren from somewhere to your left.  
You ignored him and furrowed your brows.   
Should you keep moving the squad forward or should you turn back and help Hitch? No of course you shouldn’t, she deserved this! All the disgusting things she said about you, your comrades and Mike...this was your revenge!  
“Squad Leader please, what do we do?” This time it was Mikasa desperate for your attention.  
“What the hell is it doing?”   
You looked back and cocked your head to one side in confusion, the second abnormal had given up chasing you and was now running off in the direction of the forest to your right, however the one holding Hitch was also behaving strangely...it behaved strangely anyway because it was an abnormal but this was weird even for its type.  
You continued to watch as it loosened its grip on Hitch and picked her up by her right arm with its other hand. It then grabbed her left leg and proceeded to stretch her body like some sort of elastic band.  
Hitch cried out in pain but the titan continued to twist and turn her body until finally her right arm went limp with a wet snap.  
“Squad Leader l/n!”   
You once again turned to face Levi, almost flinching at the anger in his cold grey eyes.  
“Are you going to help that brat and take command of your squad or not? Make up your damned mind!”  
You swallowed hard and looked back at Hitch again.  
“F/n.”  
You looked back at Levi, noticing the harsh gaze in his eyes had softened.  
“Your squad needs orders to follow, you have to make a decision now. Do as your conscience dictates.”  
Your eyes widened, that was the same advice he gave to your four months ago on your first expedition as a squad leader. You trusted him then, but you trusted him even more now because of the bond of friendship between you.  
“Bloody hell!” You cursed,gritting your teeth as you finally made up your mind…

“Sir we’re ready to leave.”  
Hanji’s breath caught in her throat at Squad Leader Ness’s words.  
Erwin nodded and looked over to the scout on lookout duty.  
“Anything?” He asked.  
“There are several titan gathering in the northwest, but none of them seem to be heading this way.”  
“I see.” He replied calmly. “Any sign of Captain Levi or Squad Leader l/n?”  
“Afraid not Sir.”  
Moblit rested his hand on Hanji’s shoulder.  
“I’m sorry Section Commander.” He muttered softly.  
“Alright.” Replied Erwin quietly. “Start to organize the formation ready to depart.”

“Lenz come with me! The rest of you keep moving forward with Captain Levi!” You ordered, turning your horse around and heading back towards the abnormal titan that was still pulling and twisting Hitch.  
“Yes Squad Leader!” They all shouted in unison.  
Levi watched you ride off, it seemed his little pep talk had worked in bringing you to your senses.  
“Someone please help me!” Screamed Hitch, the titan held her up by her now broken right arm and stared at her for a moment before it started to curl its fingers around her body, once more grabbing her in its fist and bringing her up to its mouth...  
“Time to slay your first titan Lenz!” You called to her.  
Krista gulped nervously and obediently followed.  
“Here’s the plan, I’ll slice its hand off to free Dreyse and you go for the nape.”  
“Y-yes Squad Leader.” Replied Krista, fear shone in her bright blue eyes but you simply smiled reassuringly at her.  
“Hey, look at me.”  
She did as she was told.   
“You can do this...I believe in you.”  
Krista smiled nervously and nodded.  
“Alright as soon as I’ve sliced its hand off, cut deep into the nape.”  
“Yes Squad Leader!” She sounded more confident in her reply this time.  
You galloped towards the titan and launched your grapple lines, feeling them embed themselves in the titan’s right wrist.   
As you hoped the titan turned its attention towards you.   
“Go Lenz!” You yelled, drawing a fresh set of blades and retracting your grapple lines so you were yanked from the saddle and pulled up towards your target.  
Krista swallowed hard and rode behind the titan, launching her own grapple lines and feeling them find their mark in the back of the titan’s shoulder blades.She retracted them and sped towards the titan’s nape, holding her blades up above her head the way Nanaba taught her.  
You let out a frustrated growl and sliced deep into the titan’s wrist, squinting and gritting your teeth as its steaming blood splattered your face.  
Hitch screamed in terror as she fell to the ground, still held in the now decapitated wrist.  
You turned your gaze to Krista, a satisfied smile crossing your face as you saw her slice deep into the nape, shearing it off in a cloud of steam and causing the now dead titan to fall into a heap on the grass.  
“Well done Lenz, that was brilliant!” You called as she landed and went to retrieve your horses.  
You made your way over to where Hitch was still trapped in the titan’s decapitated wrist and started to pry its fingers loose.  
“Oi Dreyse can you stand?” You asked neutrally.   
Hitch looked up with wide eyes.   
“S-Squad Leader?” She asked shakily, blinking up at you with tears in her eyes.  
“I said can you stand?”  
“Y-yes, but I think my...my arm is broken.”  
You nodded and looked over at Krista who was now approaching with your horses.  
“You’ll ride with Lenz.” You replied before walking away to meet with Krista before Hitch could utter a word.  
“Lenz, help me get Dreyse onto your horse, you’ll then take charge of her horse and we’ll make our way back to the squad.  
“Yes Squad Leader.”  
You turned your gaze towards the sky and narrowed your eyes, the light would soon fade and if you wanted to stand any chance of survival you needed to try and find the rest of the formation.

“Hey guys, do you think f/n…” Eren paused as Levi turned back to him and raised an eyebrow. “I mean, Squad Leader l/n will be able to save Hitch?”  
“She’ll be fine.” Said Reiner in a much calmer tone than he had previously used when addressing Eren. “Not that Hitch deserves to be rescued.”   
Eren narrowed his eyes and nodded.   
In a way I’m glad she decided to try and rescue her, it might teach her some respect.”  
“Quit the chatter back there and concentrate on where you’re going!”  
All eyes faced forward to meet the narrow eyed glare of Levi.  
“Yes Sir!” Replied Eren nervously. However his brow furrowed as he noticed Levi wince and clutch his head after issuing his order.  
“Captain Levi, are you alright?”  
“Keep your eyes on where you’re going!” Snapped Levi, he grunted and screwed his eyes shut as a dizzy spell swept over him. He cursed and looked down at his left side, the blood stain on his shirt was growing larger.  
“Shit!”

“There they are!” You yelled as you, Krista and Hitch galloped towards your squad.  
“”Are you okay?” Asked Krista, looking back to Hitch who was sat behind her in the saddle, gripping her tightly with her left arm while her right arm hung limply at her side.  
“I’m fine.” Muttered Hitch.   
“Reiner, Mikasa, Eren!” You yelled out as you came within range.  
“Squad Leader!” Gasped Reiner with a grin. “Welcome back!”  
You smiled and nodded, rushing past them to rejoin Levi at the front.  
“They didn’t give you too much trouble did they?” You asked with a smirk which soon disappeared when you saw the rapidly growing patch of red on his shirt  
“Levi?” You asked worriedly.  
Levi turned to face you, he looked terrible. His skin was deathly pale and he was shaking as he struggled to keep hold of Midnight’s reins.  
“Oh shit!” You gasped in horror, watching helplessly as his cold grey eyes rolled into the back of his skull.“Eren get your ass over here now, Levi’s going to pass out!”  
You reached over and grabbed Midnight’s reins, Eren quickly galloped over to Levi’s right and grabbed him by the shoulders as his head fell forward onto his chest and he lost consciousness.  
“What’s happening?” Asked Mikasa.  
“Everyone halt!” You yelled, harshly pulling on Blaze’s reins and bringing him to a halt.  
“Levi? Levi can you hear me?” You gently shook the unconscious Captain to try and get him to wake up but to no avail.  
“Fuck!” You screamed out, your heart was racing and panic was starting to build within you.  
“Reiner get him off his horse and lay him on the ground, I we need to sort out his wound again.”  
“He’s wounded?” Gasped Reiner as he and the rest of the squad halted. He quickly dismounted his horse and carefully pulled Levi down from Midnight, laying him on the grass.  
You quickly dismounted Blaze and rushed to Levi’s side, pulling his shirt up and checking his injury.   
“Damnit it started bleeding again!” You cursed, pulling away the now soaked material of your scouting cloak hood. You then proceeded to rip another piece of your cloak off and scrunched it up, pressing it to the wound.   
“Mikasa, hold that in place and keep the pressure on it.”  
Mikasa nodded and did as she was asked, her gaze turning to Levi’s pale face.   
“Is he going to live?” She asked neutrally.  
“He bloody better do!” You replied grabbing the piece of dark green material you had previously used as a makeshift bandage and retying it around the fresh material which now covered the wound.  
“What happened to him?” Asked Eren.  
“He got swatted by a titan, must’ve fell through a branch cos when I found him he had a shard of wood impaled in his side.”  
“Yikes!” Winced Eren, watching you work.  
“Okay that’s all we can do for now.” You said pulling Levi’s shirt back down and turning your attention to your squad as you removed what remained of your cloak.   
“Reiner, put Levi on my horse, I’ll use what’s left of my cloak to tie our waists together and then bind his hands around my neck. Eren you take charge of Midnight.”  
Reiner carefully picked Levi up and sat him on your horse behind you once you had mounted it.   
You then tore another strip off your cloak and pulled Levi forward so that his head was resting on your shoulder and he had his arms draped over your neck, although you figured this was a bad idea after Blaze got a little nervous and you found yourself near enough being strangled as you tried to tie Levi’s wrists together.   
Instead you opted to tie them around your waist. You carefully tightened the material making sure you didn’t cut the off the blood supply to his hands, before tying the remained of the cloak around your waists and double knotting it.  
“Everyone ready to go?” You asked once you were sure Levi was secure.  
“I should certainly bloody hope so!” Replied Reiner, indicating behind him.  
“Oh for fucks sake not again!” You snapped, seeing a group of six titans running towards you for what felt like the hundredth time that day...


	42. Retreat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin re-deploys the formation and leads them back to the safety of Wall Rose

“Braun send up a red flare now!” You ordered, leaning forward in your saddle and spurring Blaze onward, you felt Levi’s lifeless body press against you, his head resting on your shoulder so that you could feel his short shallow breaths against your ear. At least it reassured you that he was indeed still alive.  
“What good will it do?” Asked Reiner with a frown. “We don’t even know where the rest of the formation is.”  
“Don’t question me just do it!” You yelled. “That’s an order!”  
Reiner raised an eyebrow at you but obeyed all the same.  
You looked up at the sky and watched the red smoke signal streak across it.   
“Please be nearby.” You muttered nervously.

“Commander Erwin!”  
Erwin mounted his horse and looked towards the scout who was still waiting to be dismissed from lookout duty. The rest of the formation was reassembled and ready to head back to the Karanese District, all they needed was Erwin’s orders.  
“What is it?” He asked.  
“Sir, a red smoke signal has just been fired from the southeast.”  
“What?” Asked Erwin in surprise, he steered his horse around to the rock where the scout was and held out his right hand, indicating he wanted to look through the telescope.  
“What’s happening?” Asked Hanji bringing her own horse up beside him.  
“That’s one of our smoke signals alright.” Confirmed Erwin, handing the scout back the telescope.. “Hanji send up a green signal flare immediately!”   
Hanji nodded rapidly and loaded a green cartridge into her flare gun, raising it above her head and firing it off, she couldn’t stop the feeling of hope that was currently swelling in her chest.  
“Do you think it could be?”  
“Sir they’ve just sent up a green flare, but they’re too far away for me to be able to see who they are.”  
Erwin nodded and turned to Hanji.  
“Inform the squads that we’re not leaving yet, we’re going to wait for the survivors to rejoin us.”  
Hanji nodded and turned to Moblit, giving him a nod.  
Moblit returned the gesture and steered his horse off down the formation to deliver the commander’s orders.

“What do we do Squad Leader?” Asked Krista.  
You looked back and furrowed your brows in thought, there wasn’t a lot you could do in all honesty. You had Levi unconscious against your back, Krista had Hitch on her horse as well as looking after Hitch’s horse and Eren was dealing with Levi’s horse. You only had Mikasa and Reiner to spare, but there was no way you expected them to take on six titan’s on their own.  
“There’s not much we can do except try and outrun them!” You called back.  
“We may not have to run very far.” Said Eren, pointing to your left. “Look over there!”  
All eyes turned to your left, a short distance from you was a green smoke signal.  
“Is that?” Asked Reiner, hope building inside him.  
“The formation!” You laughed, your heart was beating so hard you thought it might break out of your chest. “Guys head over towards that smoke signal, we’re going to be alright!”   
“They must have seen our red flare!” Said Reiner, he frowned for a moment before addressing you. “Sorry I doubted you Squad Leader.”  
You looked back and gave him a warm smile.   
“Apology accepted big guy...I’m sorry I snapped at you. Now fire off a green flare signal to let them know we’ve confirmed their location!”   
“My pleasure Squad Leader!”   
You smiled widely and looked towards the sky as Reiner carried out your orders, steering your comrades towards the rest of the formation.  
“Keep the fast pace up guys!” You shouted. “Once we get within range of the formation we can call for backup from the others.”  
“Yes Squad Leader!” They all replied in unison.   
You swallowed hard and looked over your right shoulder to the head of raven hair that was resting against it.   
“Levi, just hang in there a little longer.” You muttered softly. “I promise I’m not going to leave you until we get back to the wall.”

“The order to stay put has been given Section Commander.”   
Hanji turned back and looked over at Moblit, giving him a small nod.   
“Is there any way of knowing who it is yet?” She asked turning her attention back to Erwin.  
Erwin raised a bushy eyebrow towards the lookout, who simply nodded and once again raised the telescope to his eye, adjusting the focus slightly to try and get a better view.  
“Sir it’s Squad Leader l/n!” He gasped.   
“F/n?” Gasped Hanji in shock, her puppy brown eyes went wide behind her battle goggles. “She’s alive?”  
“Yes it’s definitely Squad Leader l/n!” Confirmed the look out with a smile.  
“Any sign of Captain Levi?” Asked Erwin.  
“No Sir I don’t…” He paused a moment and leaned forward slightly. “Wait I can see the captain’s horse but…” He adjusted the focus again. “No wait he’s there, Captain Levi is with them! He’s riding with Squad Leader l/n, I think he may be injured! There are also six titan’s chasing them.”  
“Send Squad Leader Ness and his squad to help them.” Ordered Erwin.  
“On my way commander!” Replied Moblit.  
Erwin nodded and raised a hand to his face to shield his eyes from the glaring sun which had now reached the western sky, it would start to set soon and they still had the return journey to survive before then...time was most definitely not on their side.

You forced yourself upright in your saddle, pushing Levi’s body up with you and feeling his weight lay heavily against your back.  
Something in the distance caught your attention, you squinted to try and get a better view and found several figures coming running towards you. You swallowed hard, at first they looked like crawler class titans, however as they came closer your heart swelled with hope and a smile found its way onto your features. They were not crawler class titans all, but scouts on horseback coming to your aid.  
“Hey f/n you took your sweet time getting here!” Yelled Ness, a grin gracing his features as he rode towards you.  
“Well excuse me for being late!” You shouted back.  
“Shit is that...Captain Levi!” He gasped, motioning to the unconscious figure behind you.  
“I’m afraid so.” You replied.   
“Get him and any other casualties to the medical wagon, Commander Erwin will meet you there. We’ll deal with the titans.”  
“Got it, take Ackerman and Braun with you while dealing with our tag alongs.”  
Ness nodded and turned to issue orders to his squad who were following behind him, while you turned to issue your own squad with orders.  
“Lenz, Jaeger come with me! Ackerman, Braun stay and assist Squad Leader Ness!”  
“Will do Squad Leader!” Replied Reiner.   
“Understood Squad Leader!” Nodded Mikasa.

Erwin and Hanji made their way to the medical supply wagon.  
“Well you were right about her not making it easy for the titans to take her down.” Mused Erwin as they rode through the formation.  
Hanji smiled.  
“She always has been a stubborn one, today certainly proves that.”  
Erwin nodded.   
The main reason he’d promoted you was because of your stubbornness and that you refused to give up without a fight until you’d exhausted all possible courses of action.  
“Commander!”  
Erwin furrowed his brow and turned to his right, hearing the sound of hooves galloping across the grass towards him. His eyes soon widened and a proud smile spread across his face when he realized who the voice belonged to.   
“F/n!” Screamed Hanji, galloping towards you. She was about to reach out and hug you but her face dropped when she saw the unconscious Levi seated behind you.  
“Whoa what the hell happened to Shorty?” She gasped, her hands went to her mouth in shock.  
“His luck finally ran out.” You replied, carefully adjusting the position of his head on your shoulder. “He’s lost a lot of blood and he needs urgent medical attention. Dreyse also needs looking at, I think she’s broken her arm.”  
“Colton!” Called Erwin, looking over at the medical wagon a few feet to his left.  
Nickolas Colton, a young scout with blue eyes and raven hair styled similar to Levi’s but without the undercut approached you.  
“Yes Sir.” He said, saluting and awaiting further instruction.  
“Get Captain Levi and Dreyse dealt with, we don’t have long before the sun starts to set.”  
“Yes Sir, Squad Leader would you mind giving me a hand?”  
You nodded and turned to your squad.   
“Jaeger, Lenz, take the horses, get them fed and watered and then replenish your blades and fuel. Dreyse, come with me to the medical wagon.”  
Hitch nodded and with some help from Krista dismounted her horse and followed you to the medical wagon.

“Alright guys and girls let’s deal with these quickly so we can get back to the formation.”   
Squad Leader Ness led his squad towards the six titans that had pursued you and your squad.  
“Due to the flatness of the terrain ODM Gear maneuvers are going to be hard, so here’s the plan. Ackerman you’re highly skilled with your gear. I want you to lure them into a tight group and try to trip them up with your grapple lines.”  
Mikasa’s eyes widened, she’d never heard of such a maneuver being used before, not even by Captain Levi.   
“I’ll try Sir.” She replied. She looked at Reiner who shrugged and shook his head, even he had never heard of such a maneuver.  
“Alright good girl.” Replied Ness. “After you’ve done that,the rest of us will go straight for the napes as soon as they’re on the ground.  
Mikasa faced the horde running towards her and drew her blades, they were all grouped closely together so maybe she could round them all up in one go?  
She rode off to the right and launched her left grapple line so it fired upwards and embedded itself into the nearest titan’s right thigh.  
She retracted the line and released a burst of gas, propelling her from the saddle and angling her body so she looped around the first two titans. As she continued to circle them she released a little more slack on her line for a couple of laps before retracting it again to bring the titans in closer together.  
“That’s it Ackerman!” Yelled Ness in approval.  
Mikasa continued to swing around the titans and once again retracted her grapple line, the titans were forced closer together until finally they crashed together and fell to the ground.  
“Go for the napes now!” She called, squeezing the trigger to release the hook and retract her line.  
Two of the scouts on Ness’s squad came galloping towards the titans, drawing their blades they leaned down in their saddle s and struck the napes as they passed, slicing through them and slaying the titans with one stroke.  
“Two down four to go!” Called Mikasa.

You followed Nickolas back to the medical wagon, halting beside it and starting to untie the material that was binding Levi’s body against yours.  
“You two, get Captain Levi onto the wagon!” Ordered Nickolas, pointing at two scouts currently getting out the medical supplies.  
“I tried to patch him up as best I could when I found him.” You explained, helping the other two scouts transfer him to the wagon and lay him down on the hard wooden surface.  
“Alright, loosen his cravat so his airway is clear and tell me what happened.” Said Nickolas, he started patting down Levi’s body checking for any broken bones.  
You dismounted your horse and jumped into the wagon, kneeling beside Levi and carefully starting to untie his cravat from around his neck.  
“Well he was conscious when I found him, he said he got swatted out of the air by an abnormal. He had a shard of wood stuck in his left side just below his ribs, I manage to remove it and washed the wound out before ripping up my cloak to use it as a bandage.”  
Nickolas frowned and checked Levi’s pulse, nodding and clicking his tongue he then lifted the left side of his shirt up to reveal your makeshift bandage, he removed it and nodded, inspecting the wound.  
“Well you did the right thing Squad Leader.” He smiled and looked up at you for a moment. “The longer that wood was left in there the higher the chance of infection. Now roll up what’s left of your cloak and put it under his head, I also need to remove his cloak.”   
You nodded and did as asked, gently lifting Levi’s head and slipping your cloak under it before fiddling with the clasp of his cloak and carefully removing it.  
“F/N!”   
You looked around at the sound of someone calling your name, a smile crossed your face when you saw Hanji rushing towards you with a two wooden buckets.  
“I brought some food and water for your horse...how’s Shorty doing?”  
“Thanks Hanji.” You smiled gratefully, turning back to look at Nickolas while she fed Blaze for you.  
“He’s lost a lot of blood, thankfully the wound isn’t deep enough to have hit any major organs. The wound is clean so there’s not much risk of infection.”   
“How long before he wakes up?” You asked cautiously.  
Nickolas curled his lip in thought.  
“I don’t know, how long has he been unconscious for?”   
“Not long.” You replied nervously. “An hour maybe.”  
Nickolas nodded and picked up a needle and medical thread to start stitching up Levi’s wound.  
“Well the blood loss is what’s caused him to pass out, but he is still breathing and his pulse seems normal so I would say the odds are in his favour.”  
You sighed and buried your head in your hands, struggling to fight back the relieved tears that threatened to overwhelm you.

Squad Leader Ness led his squad back towards the formation.  
The remaining four titans had been swiftly dealt with thanks to a change in tactics, Mikasa and Reiner had distracted them by leading them away from the formation while Ness and his squad had gone up behind them and easily taken them out.  
“Commander Erwin!” Called Ness as the formation came into view.  
Erwin looked around from where he sat astride his horse going over over a map of the surrounding area, a frown adorning his features.  
“The titan threat has been dealt with Sir, we’re ready to move out on your orders.”  
Erwin nodded and turned back to the map.  
“Very good, assume your positions in the formation. We leave immediately.”

Nickolas and his squad finished dealing with Hitch and helped her into the wagon you and Levi were currently in.  
You raised an eyebrow at her as she sat down in the rear left corner, she looked downtrodden and exhausted in all honesty. Her arm was currently in a sling to keep it steady so that it could set it in a cast when you returned to the wall.  
She cast a glance over at you and Levi, noticing he was still unconscious but now covered by his scouting cloak to keep him warm.  
“Squad Leader!”  
You looked back and saw Eren, Krista, Mikasa and Reiner approaching you.  
“Are you alright?” Asked Eren, concern was evident in his voice.  
“I’m fine.” You smiled weakly.  
“Lenz, take charge of Blaze and Midnight, I’m staying with Captain Levi to keep an eye on him.”  
“What about your squad?” Asked Hanji.   
“I can still issue orders from the wagon. I’m not leaving him Hanji! He’d do the same for me.” You replied. “Nickolas has already informed me that the mission has been aborted and we’re to group closer together on the way back.”  
“Everyone fall in!” Interrupted a voice from further up the formation, gaining everyone’s attention.  
“We’re heading back to the Karanese District!”  
“I better go.” Said Hanji, she turned away and remounted her horse. “We’ll talk properly back at HQ.”  
“Yeah sure.” You replied, watching her ride away, you then turned to your squad.   
“Alright guys listen up. You stay close to the wagon at all times, don’t fall behind. If I give you an order you obey me without question. I may not be riding with you but I am still in charge.”  
“We understand Squad Leader.” Replied Eren with a nod.  
“My promise to try and keep you safe still stands.” You added. “However I also promised Levi I would stay with him until we got back to HQ.”  
Eren smiled softly as he and the others assumed their positions in the formation ready to depart.  
“SCOUTS MOVE OUT!”  
Commander Erwin’s voice echoed back through the formation much louder than usual thanks to how close together you all were  
“You ready back there?” Asked Nickolas, settling himself in the driving seat of the wagon as the rest of the formation started to move off.  
“Yeah all set.” You replied, turning back to your squad you raised your eyebrow hopefully.  
“You guys ready?”  
“Yes Squad Leader.” They replied.  
You nodded and looked back to Levi, nervously biting your lip as you regarded his unconscious form.  
“Levi...we’ll be back at HQ soon, please don’t die on me.”


	43. Fight or Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abnormals once again try to attack the scouts, Reader desperately tries to revive Levi so he can help her make a tough decision...

The ride back to the Karanese District was proving uneventful so far.  
You kept a close eye on your squad and Levi from your seat in the wagon at the rear of the formation.   
Hitch wasn’t providing much in the way of conversation...not that you were making a particular effort to talk to her. You may have saved her from being ripped apart and eaten but that didn’t mean you suddenly wanted to be friends with her. As far as you were concerned she was still your enemy but she had already pissed herself before the gate even opened and then had her arm broken by a titan, in your mind that was punishment enough for the disrespect she had shown you and your comrades.  
You sat up straight and leaned over the edge of the wagon, swallowing hard as you saw the wagon in front loaded up with shrouded corpses of your fallen comrades.  
You swallowed hard and leaned back, once again focusing your gaze on Levi who was still unconscious.   
Your heart ached to see him in this state.  
He was Captain Levi Ackerman, Humanity’s Strongest. Yet now...now he was fighting for his life after being injured on an expedition, you dreaded to think of the reception that awaited you when you returned to the Karanese District...if you returned.

“It’s quiet...too quiet. Mused Hanji.  
“Didn’t we deduce that titans are less active around sunset and through the night?” Asked Moblit.  
“Sometimes.” Replied Hanji with a frown looking at the sky and seeing the sun disappear behind the clouds. Another hour maximum and it would start to set, they needed to hurry if they wanted to get back to the wall in one piece.  
“Erwin, how far away from the wall are we?” She asked, turning her attention to the commander.  
Erwin turned to face her and frowned.   
“Quite far yet, although if we keep up this pace and don’t run into any titans we can easily make it back before sunset.”  
Hanji sighed and nodded.  
“What is it?” Asked Erwin.  
“I’m a little worried about f/n.” She replied. “She’s refused to leave Shorty until we get back to the wall, she says it won’t affect her ability to command her squad but…”  
“You beg to differ.” Interrupted Erwin.  
Hanji swallowed hard and nodded.   
“Yes, I understand that they’ve become close over the past few months.” Said Erwin. “I do not see it as a concern though, if anything it has helped bring back her confidence and in some ways strengthened it.”  
“Yes I know this, but I believe f/n may have…” Hanji swallowed hard before continuing. “I think she may have developed feelings for him.”  
Erwin raised an eyebrow at her.  
“What proof do you have?”   
“Well I don’t really, it’s just a gut feeling.”  
Erwin nodded, but said nothing.   
In all honesty though deep down he could relate to Hanji’s suspicions and her gut feelings usually held some merit. He’d started to wonder just how close you and Levi really were after the time he caught you in a rather compromising position during a sparring session, beyond this though he had no proof that there was anything but a close friendship between you.   
“If f/n and Levi have developed feelings for one another then that is no ones business but theirs.” He said evenly. “I will only intervene if I have proof that this closeness is affecting their ability to make judgements that concern the lives of others in the line of duty.”

“How are you guys holding up?” You called to your squad.  
“We’re okay Squad Leader.” Mikasa called back.  
“Remember to watch your cover arcs.”  
“We know Squad Leader.” Smiled Reiner.  
You gave them a satisfied nod and looked at Hitch for a moment, she met your gaze and blinked rapidly, a little unsure what to say or do.  
You rolled your eyes and decided to continue ignoring her, turning your attention back to Levi.  
You crawled over to him and gently brushed his hair away from his eyes before checking his pulse and breathing, from what you could tell they were both still normal.  
Swallowing hard you reached under his cloak and held his hand tightly in yours, resting your forehead against his you closed your eyes.  
“Come on Levi.” You muttered. “Please wake up.”  
“TITANS!”   
Your head jerked up and you let go of Levi’s hand.  
“What’s going on?” You yelled, crawling rapidly to the rear of the wagon and looking back at your squad.  
“We’ve got two abnormals approaching from the rear!” Yelled Eren.  
“Okay, keep riding, I’ll fire off a black flare!”  
“Yes Squad Leader!”  
You reached over to where yours, Hitch’s and Levi’s ODM Gear was at the other end of the wagon and grabbed your flare gun, you then fished around in the ammo bag for a black flare.  
“Squad Leader we’ve got more abnormals incoming!”   
You looked up, your eyes widening in panic.   
“How many?”   
“We count at least ten including the two we’ve just spotted.” Replied Krista.  
“What the? Where the hell did that many at one time come from?” You gasped, loading the cartridge into your gun and raising it above your head.  
“What do we do?”   
“We keep calm, I’m firing off the signal now!”

Squad Leader Dita Ness risked a glance behind him and to his right, his eyes widening at the sight of a black smoke signal streaking across the sky.  
“Shit I had a bad feeling it was too quiet!” He muttered under his breath before addressing the scout to his left.  
“Fire off a black flare!”  
“Yes Sir!” Came the reply a moment later followed by a black flare being launched into the sky.

“Commander we’ve got abnormals approaching from the rear!”  
Erwin looked behind him at the lines of black smoke now filling the air, each streak seemed to be coming from the center rank.  
“Now what?” Asked Hanji quickly scanning the terrain.   
Erwin frowned and gritted his teeth, this mission was just going from bad to worse and the light was finally starting to fade as the sun began to skim closer to the horizon.  
“We have to keep pushing forward to the wall, send an oral message down the formation. I need to know how many abnormals we’re dealing with.”  
“On my way Sir!” Yelled Moblit.  
“Squad Leader, should I assume titan form and take them out?”   
“What? No keep pushing forward!”   
Levi had warned you this might happen, now your worst fears were coming true.  
“Squad Leader there’s too many of them!” Eren yelled back. “Please give me the order, I can take them!”   
“I thought you trusted me?” You snapped angrily, holding on tight to the rear of the wagon as it sped up.  
“I do trust you Squad Leader!” Shouted Eren.   
“Then do as you’re told, keep pushing ahead, if they get any closer then I’ll get authorization to allow your transformation from Commander Erwin.”  
“Squad Leader! Dreyse!”  
You looked towards the front of the wagon and saw Nickolas leaning back from his seat to address you .  
“Hold on tight the terrain ahead is going to get a little bumpy!”  
“Thanks for the warning.” You yelled.  
“Keep an eye on the captain, I’ll try not to jerk the wagon around too much.”  
“Dreyse grab onto the side unless you want to fall out.” You ordered, kneeling next to Levi and holding on to the side as the wagon went over a particularly large bump in the ground.  
Hitch whimpered and slid down the side of the wagon, clinging on for her life.  
You looked back at your squad to see them still trailing closely behind you, but so were the titans and worst of all they were gaining on you…

“Commander we’ve got ten abnormals following the squads in the center rank!”  
“Ten?” Gasped Hanji, looking back towards Moblit as he rejoined the command squad. “Why? How? Even for abnormals that’s a ridiculously large group!”  
“How far away from the formation are they?” Asked Erwin.   
“Roughly a hundred meters Sir, but they were closing in fast.”  
Hanji looked at Erwin, feeling extremely unnerved by the deep set frown on his features.  
“What’s the plan Erwin? Do we have enough time to send an oral message to f/n authorizing her to give the order to make Eren transform?”  
“No, by the time the message gets to her those abnormals could storm straight through the formation. Unless Levi regains consciousness and is capable of giving her authorisation...then I’m afraid she’s on her own.”

“Squad Leader how are we looking back there?”   
You looked back at your squad who were roughly five feet from the rear of the wagon.  
“Everyone okay back there?”  
“We’re okay Squad Leader!” Called Krista.  
“What are we doing? they’re gaining on us.” Yelled Reiner.  
“Keep me informed of how close they are.” You shouted, turning your attention to Nickolas.  
“Nickolas, any chance we can get an oral message to Commander Erwin?”  
“Ninety meters and closing!” Yelled Reiner before the scout could reply.  
“Sorry, no can do. We’re too far away.” Came Nickolas’s reply. “You’re going to have to take matters into your own hands!”  
“Eighty meters and closing!”  
You desperately looked at Levi, he was still unconscious beside you.  
“Damnit!” You cursed.  
Hitch looked back nervously and swallowed hard, gripping her injured arm as the wagon went over another large bump in the terrain.  
“Seventy meters and closing!” Yelled Reiner. “I don’t mean to rush you Squad Leader but we need your orders!”  
“Shit! What the hell do I do? They’re getting closer!” You gripped your head in your hands, your entire body was trembling. You told everyone you could handle this, you convinced them you were capable of taking on this responsibility.   
‘For crying out loud Levi stood up for you when the others doubted you, how the hell can you let him down like this?’ You mentally slapped yourself.  
You looked over to your left and bit your lip nervously.   
“Levi...I’m sorry, I’ve failed everyone.” You muttered.  
A moment later your brow furrowed, you could’ve sworn you saw Levi’s eyes twitch.  
“Levi?” You asked, crawling over to him.  
Your breath hitched in your throat, his eyes twitched again and his brows furrowed slightly.  
“Sixty meters and closing!”  
“Levi? Levi can you hear me?” You yelled, leaning over him.  
“What’s happening back there?” Asked Nickolas.  
“It’s Levi, I think he’s regaining consciousness!”  
“Keep talking to him!”   
“Levi come on, open your eyes!” You begged. “It’s me f/n!”  
Levi’s eyes slowly began to flutter open revealing his cold grey irises, his lips parted slightly.  
“Yes that’s it, come on!” You brushed his hair from his eyes and rested your hand on his shoulder.   
Levi’s eyes opened and he slowly turned his head to face you, blinking rapidly up at you.  
“Fifty meters and closing!”  
“Levi?” You asked hopefully as he looked directly into your eyes.  
“F/n?” He managed to croak out.  
You were so relieved to hear him say your name you nearly cried.  
“Levi you fucking beautiful short arsed bastard!” You screamed, grabbing his cheeks and pressing a kiss to his forehead.  
“I need authorization to allow Eren to transform.”  
Levi opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, his body shook for a moment and he started to lose consciousness again.  
“NO!” You screamed. “NO, NO, NO!”  
“What’s going on?” Asked Hitch nervously.  
“No! Levi keep your eyes open!” You pleaded, tears forming in your eyes. “Levi please look at me!”  
“Forty meters and closing!”  
Too late.  
Levi’s eyes rolled back into his skull and he once again lost consciousness.  
“No, don’t you dare pass out on me you short arsed bastard! Levi!”  
You reached under his cloak and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly in yours hoping for a response, but receiving nothing.  
“Levi please, wake up!” You sobbed, tears now streaming down your cheeks as you checked his breathing and pulse.  
“What’s happened?” Yelled Nickolas, looking back over his shoulder.  
“He’s passed out again!”  
“Damnit, did you get authorization for the order to make Eren transform?”  
“Thirty meters and closing!”  
“F/n please let me transform, I can take them!” Yelled Eren.  
“Levi come on please wake up, I need you!”   
Levi remained unconscious and completely oblivious to your pleading.  
You choked out a sob and rested your head under his chin, gripping his shoulder with your free hand.  
“Levi please don’t do this to me. I can’t lose you the way I lost Mike.”  
“Twenty meters and closing!”  
“Squad Leader please!”  
You screwed your eyes shut and swallowed hard, thinking back to your first expedition as a squad leader and the advice Levi had given you that morning by the stables…

“Trust your instincts and do as your conscience dictates.”

“Fifteen meters and closing!”  
“Squad Leader we need a decision on what to do!” Yelled Mikasa.  
“Squad Leader please!”  
You looked up and gasped in horror as the abnormals came thundering towards you, they were almost right on top of you all and showing no signs of slowing down...they were going to storm right through the formation and crush everyone in their path.  
“Eren Jaeger!” You yelled, pushing back your fear and forcing a strong and authoritative tone into your voice.  
“TEN METERS AND CLOSING!”  
“This is a life or death situation. I order you to assume your titan form and take out those abnormals!”   
Eren smiled widely and nodded.  
“Yes Squad Leader!” He replied enthusiastically.  
“Mikasa grab his horse!”   
Mikasa nodded and did as ordered.  
“FIVE METERS AND CLOSING!”  
“DO IT NOW EREN!” You screamed at the top of your lungs.  
Eren jumped off his horse and raised his right hand to his face, preparing to bite down into his flesh and trigger his transformation...


	44. Clash of the Titans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren transforms into a titan and valiantly fights to defend the retreating scouts.

FIVE METERS AND CLOSING!”  
“DO IT NOW EREN!” You screamed at the top of your lungs.  
Eren jumped off his horse and raised his right hand to his face, preparing to bite down into his flesh and trigger his transformation.  
“Everyone shield your eyes!” You yelled, ducking behind the rear of the wagon and covering your eyes with your left arm.  
Eren bit down hard into his hand, drawing blood.  
A blinding blast of golden lightning illuminated the area, followed by a howling wind whipping the abnormals back a few meters and giving the formation a chance to put some distance between it and them.   
A booming blood curdling roar filled the air and echoed across the plains as Eren’s titan form materialized...his transformation had been successful.

Commander Erwin looked behind him, his breath hitching in his throat as he felt a strong breeze whip through the formation and a loud roar fill the air.  
“Was that Eren?” Gasped Hanji.  
“Yes I believe it was.” Replied Erwin, furrowing his bushy brows.  
“You don’t think he’s gone rogue do you?” The fear in Hanji’s voice was evident.  
“We have to trust that f/n was able to get authorization from Levi...failing that things must’ve gotten to the point where she had to use her own judgement, either way we won’t know until we return to the wall.”  
Hanji looked back and bit her lip nervously, there was no way to get an idea of what was happening at the rear of the formation without possibly sustaining further casualties.

The abnormal titans stopped and stared as Eren’s titan form materialized before them.  
He stood a fourteen meters high with ripped muscles, glowing emerald eyes, teeth bared and a mop of chocolate brown hair.  
“Th-that’s Eren...w-w-wrapped in a t-titan body?” Choked Hitch, her entire body was shaking, you were half expecting her to pass out.   
“Yes that’s Eren in his titan form” You replied in a bored tone, not taking your eyes off the scene in front of you.  
“Everyone alright?” You asked.  
“All fine Squad Leader.” Replied Reiner.  
You gave a satisfied nod.  
“Good, I’m sorry I took so long to make a decision...it was a lot harder than I thought it would be.”   
“It’s okay Squad Leader.” Smiled Krista. “I’d have panicked if I was in your boots too, it can’t have been easy.”  
“You’re right Lenz, it wasn’t easy.”  
“You made the right decision Squad Leader.” Reassured Mikasa with a nod.  
“I hope you’re right Mikasa.” You muttered looking back at the unconscious Levi.   
“I really hope you’re right…”

Eren stood tall and roared deafeningly, challenging the abnormals to try and take him on, his emerald eyes glowed with bloodlust.  
At first the abnormals weren’t sure what to do, they simply stood there, but this was to all intents and purposes a good thing as it meant putting more distance between them and the formation.  
Finally three of them began to run towards him.   
Eren’s eyes narrowed, a low growl emitted from his throat and he crouched, putting one leg back preparing to charge.  
The abnormals got closer and Eren pushed off with his back leg, raising his right fist as they came within range. He delivered a strong punch to the first abnormal, sending it flying backwards through the air and crashing into the two behind it, causing them all to fall into a tangled heap.  
He threw his head back and roared, clenching his fists and daring the other abnormals to try their luck...

“What the hell is going on back there?” Gasped Hanji hearing Eren’s roar echoing across the grassland and through the formation.  
“Try not to worry about it.” Advised Erwin. “We need to keep pushing forward, we don’t have much time to get back to the wall.  
“There’s one good thing.” Piped up Moblit. “Eren going titan seems to be keeping all of the other titan’s away from us.”  
Hanji frowned a moment before her eyes widened in realization.  
“He’s not wrong, we haven’t seen any other titans around since he transformed.”  
Erwin nodded but remained focused on his task of leading the formation back to the wall without sustaining further fatalities.  
“That doesn’t mean they’re not out there though, keep your eyes open and be prepared to fight if needed.”

“I won’t let my comrades down” Growled Eren from inside his titan body. “I won’t fail to defeat these monsters!”  
He roared again and ran towards the tangled heap of abnormals, grabbing the first one and ripping its head clean off at the nape in one tug. Steam billowed out of the bloody stump where it’s head used to be...one down nine to go.  
However the other abnormals were not being idle, two of them managed to run past Eren unnoticed and pursue the formation, clearly more interested in gaining a meal for themselves rather than fighting.  
As Eren lunged in to take out the second and third titans, the fourth and fifth ones came storming in and latched their razor sharp teeth into his arms, sinking them into his flesh and drawing blood.  
Eren roared angrily and began to wildly swing his body and arms trying to shake them loose, but all he succeeded in doing was deepening the wounds they were causing. Steam started to appear and his movements became more erratic as he struggled to escape.  
Finally he managed to swing the fourth titan around his body so that its nape was with range of his mouth, he wasted no time in digging his teeth into it and biting straight through the weak spot that would effectively end the titan’s life. Blood gushed up from the wound and steam enveloped him, clouding his vision.  
This failed to stop him though, Eren was in full control of the situation.  
He swung the titan corpse in his mouth around his body and slammed it into the titan that was still latched onto his arm, the impact of the blow caused it to fly backwards, rolling across the grassland.  
However it took a large chunk of his arm with it, spraying the ground with blood and releasing thick white steam into the air. The arm hung limply at his side, it would take a few minutes to regenerate but that wouldn’t stop him from continuing to fight...

“Squad Leader we’ve got two abnormals approaching the formation!”  
You looked up from checking Levi’s wound and crawled to the rear of the wagon.  
“How far away are they?”  
“Fifty meters and closing!” Replied Reiner.  
“Alright, when they get to ten meters let me know, I have an idea.”  
Reiner’s eyes widened.  
“Ten meters? Are you insane?”  
“Trust me, I know what I’m doing!” You called back, grabbing your ODM Gear, you still had two sets of blades left but it was enough for what you had in mind.  
“Forty meters and closing!”  
“What the hell are you doing back there?” Yelled Nickolas, he didn’t sound convinced that you were thinking straight.  
“Trust me!” You shouted. “I’m in complete control of the situation.”  
Nickolas shook his head and turned his eyes back to where he was going.  
“You better be!”   
“Thirty meters and closing!”  
You inhaled deeply and rose to your knees, drawing a set of blades and positioning your thumbs on the blade locks.  
“Okay f/n concentrate, you can do this!” You muttered to yourself.  
“Twenty meters and closing!”  
You shakily stood up and set your legs apart to try and keep your balance as the wagon rocked slightly.  
“FIFTEEN METERS AND CLOSING!” Yelled Reiner.  
“Reiner, when I give the order I want you to take out the titan on your left!”  
Reiner nodded and looked back again, the first abnormal was right on top of him.  
“TEN METERS AND CLOSING!”  
You narrowed your eyes and brought your arms back behind your head, flinging them forward and releasing the blade locks so that they were sent spinning towards the titan’s face.  
“NOW!”   
Reiner steered his horse left, hearing the titan roar in pain as your blades found their mark in its eyeballs, it stopped in its tracks and raised its hands to its eyes.  
“Great throw Squad Leader!” Yelled Krista.  
You turned and smiled at her, however it didn’t last long when you saw the second abnormal reaching down for her.  
“Lenz watch out!” You screamed, drawing your final set of blades.   
However before you could throw them the wagon rocked violently as it hit a large bump in the terrain and you were thrown over the edge…

Eren charged forward again towards the second and third titans, they were currently struggling to their feet while the fifth titan was immobilized.  
Stopping by the second and third titan which were still in a daze, he kicked the second titan in the face, sending it rolling away before proceeding to stamp on the third titan’s neck, smashing through the nape on the first stomp.  
Thick sticky blood coated the bottom of his feet as he continued to stamp on it until its head lay in front of its body and it’s entire neck was a bloody steaming pile of mush   
“I’ll Kill you all!” Eren snarled from inside his titan form, a sinister grin forming on his lips. “I’ll destroy every last one of you!”  
Once he was satisfied the third titan was dead, he turned his attention to the sixth and seventh titans who were now charging towards him with the intent of trying to tackle him.  
Eren raised his fists again, his arm having now fully healed and stood his ground waiting for them to come within range…

“Squad Leader!” Yelled Mikasa, panic rising in her voice.  
Krista screamed and dodged to the right, missing being grabbed by the titan behind her by mere inches.   
You gritted your teeth and tried to swing your legs up to prevent them from getting caught on the bumpy ground rushing by you below.  
“Dreyse help her damn you!” Snapped Nickolas, looking back over his shoulder.  
Hitch stared in shock at the abnormals, she was frozen in fear and hadn’t heard Nickolas yelling at her.  
“I don’t need her help!” You grunted, clinging on to the side of the wagon for dear life.  
You managed to swing your right leg up and hook it over the side, allowing you to pull yourself back up and roll back in.  
“Where’s Reiner?” You yelled, crawling back to the rear.  
“He’s just about to kill the titan you blinded a couple of minutes ago.” Mikasa called back.  
You looked up in time to see Reiner swinging out to the right as he approached the titan’s nape, his blades were drawn and he was closing in on his target.   
“Reiner, once you’re done with that one take out the other one!”   
“Got it Squad Leader!” Came the reply a moment later when he sliced through the nape and brought the towering monster crashing down. Moments later he deployed his grapple lines again, making sure they anchored themselves into the shoulder of the other abnormal.  
You shakily stood up again and drew your final set of blades.   
“Lenz get out of the way!” You screamed, bringing your arms back behind your head again and preparing to launch your blades.  
Krista nodded and dodged to the right as you brought your arms forward and released the blade locks, sending them flying towards your target in a rapidly spinning burst of silver.  
“Gotcha you bastard!” You smiled as they pierced the titans eyes.  
The titan, confused by the loss of its sight stopped and got down on all fours, roaring in pain and rubbing its face along the ground to try and dislodge the objects that had stolen its sight and providing Reiner with a perfect chance to take it out.  
You watched anxiously as he retracted his grapple lines and sped towards the now blind abnormal.  
Reiner narrowed his eyes and swung his blades around his body, slicing through the titan’s nape and landing next to its steaming corpse.  
“Well done Braun!” You yelled. “Now get back on you horse and re-join the formation!”  
Reiner waved at you to signal he had heard you before putting his finger and thumb in his mouth and letting out a shrill whistle to summon his horse.

Eren stood his ground as the sixth titan rushed towards him and roared, trying to tackle him, however he was ready for it. When it came close he dodged to the left and the titan ran straight past him, unfortunately what he didn’t notice was the second titan was now back on its feet and running towards him from behind while the fifth titan charged him from the front.  
Eren crouched ready to charge headlong into the fifth titan, but before he could move the second titan grabbed him from behind and sank its teeth into the flesh between his shoulder blades.  
The fifth titan then caught up to him and sank its teeth into his chest, trapping him between them.  
Eren however was not prepared to give in without a fight, he grabbed the fifty titan and drove his thumbs into its eyes, making it roar in pain which in turn caused it to loosen its grip on him. He then ripped it’s head off the way he had the first titan and bit through its nape for good measure.   
Steam rose from his chest as blood seeped from his wound, he couldn’t lose focus though.   
The sixth titan was now clawing at the gaping wound in his chest to try and make him admit defeat, its sharp claw like nails raked through the broken flesh, pulling it apart until bare bone was revealed.  
While he was distracted it gave the second titan an ideal opportunity to resume pursuing the formation, but it was not alone as seventh and eighth titans followed it…

“The ruins are just ahead, keep close we’re nearly back to the Karanese District!”   
“Looks like we made good time.” Mused Hanji ,the sky was now turning orange as the sun finally began to drop below the horizon.  
“Another two to three hundred meters and we’ll be at the gate.” Said Erwin, loading a green cartridge into his flare gun and raising it above his head.  
He fired it high into the air and waited for a few moments before he was rewarded with a green flare streaking across the sky from the Garrison soldiers on the wall.  
“Do you think Eren will manage to take out those abnormals before we reach the gate?”  
“He better do.” Replied Erwin sternly. “They won’t let us back through the gate if he doesn’t!”  
Hanji nodded and narrowed her eyes.  
“We won’t even be able to request help from the garrison soldiers because the cannon fire could take out our soldiers.”  
“Exactly. Furthermore Eren still hasn’t mastered the ability to return to human form after transforming into a titan, that will cause a delay in getting back through the gate in itself.”  
“So either way the odds are still against us.” Remarked Hanji, earning her a simple nod from the commander.  
“Abnormals at the rear!”  
Yelled a voice from further back down the formation.  
“Damn f/n is really getting the raw end of the deal today isn’t she?” Gasped Moblit, looking up towards the sky and seeing a steady stream of black flares fill the sky.

“Oh shit! Squad Leader I hope you have plenty of blades left, we’ve got three more abnormals coming in, around a hundred and fifty meters and closing!”  
“What the fuck, again?” You screeched checking the ODM Gear in the corner of the wagon. “What the hell is going on today? I thought Eren was dealing with them?”  
Hitch had all four sets of blades still unused while Levi had two sets of blades left  
“I’ll fire off another black flare!” You shouted, unfortunately though you were out of flares.  
“Fuck! Nickolas, I need you to fire off a black flare, I’m completely spent. All I have left is red, blue, yellow and purple!”  
“No problem!” Yelled Nickolas, pulling out his flare gun and loading a black cartridge into it, he raised it high over his head and fired. “By the way you may want to think of something fast, we’re nearly back at the wall!”  
Your eyes widened, if you were nearly home then you didn’t have long to get these abnormals off your backs and get Eren out of his titan form.  
“Braun how are we looking back there?” You yelled, tightly gripping the rear of the wagon as it went over a particularly large bump in the ground.  
“Still only three abnormals behind us, around a hundred and thirty meters and closing!” Reiner called back.  
“Damnit!” You snarled, punching the side of the wagon and looking at levi.  
“Any time you wanna wake up you short ass bastard, feel free to do so!”  
However you received no response.”  
“Typical!” You snorted, yet for all your bitching and sarcasm towards the unconscious captain, your fear that you may well lose him was very real…

Eren finally managed to reach back and grab the sixth titan by its hair, he roared and bent over flinging the titan over his shoulders and slamming its huge body onto the ground in front of him. Before it had a chance to react Eren stamped on its head and neck until it came clean off in a sticky mess of blood and steam, he threw his head back and roared in victory then turned to look for the remaining three titans...but they were nowhere to be seen.  
Eren froze for a moment and scanned his surroundings with his glowing emerald eyes, his line of sight finally falling on the three retreating figures in the distance, with a low growl he sprinted off towards them.

“Guys get as close to the wagon as you can, Ackerman, Lenz, give me the horses I’ll hitch them up to the wagon!”  
Krista and Mikasa spurred their horses to try and catch up with the wagon.  
“A hundred meters and closing on those titans!” Yelled Reiner.  
“Shit!” You snapped. “Where the hell is Eren?”  
As if on cue a familiar roar split the air, making you all look behind you.  
“Was that?” You asked, not wanting to believe your own ears incase you were proven wrong  
“Yeah that was Eren.” Replied Mikasa.  
“Eighty meters and closing!” Yelled Reiner. “He better hurry up and move his giant ass!”  
“Can you actually see Eren at all?” You asked as Krista finally came level with you and tossed you Blaze’s reins.  
“He’s about a hundred meters behind us.” Replied Reiner.  
“Okay let me finish tying up the horses and I’ll make with the blade throwing.”  
You rapidly fiddled with Blaze’s reins, threading them around the seat Nickolas was on before reaching out to indicate to Krista that you were ready for her to hand over Midnight.  
“Seventy meters and closing on those abnormals, Eren is about eighty meters and closing.”  
“Okay good.”  
You caught Midnights reins and tied them to Blaze’s freeing Krista up to fight, thankfully a member of Nickolas’s squad already had Hitch’s horse, so all you needed to do now was relieve Mikasa of Eren’s horse and then you would have three extra soldiers to fight the incoming abnormals.  
Suddenly a bloodcurdling roar filled the air followed by a loud thud.  
All eyes turned to the rear of the formation, Eren had finally caught up to the three titans that were pursuing you.  
He’d managed to pounce on one of them and drag it to the ground, rolling both of them across the grass before sinking his teeth into it’s nape and ripping it from the monster’s body, sending up a large white cloud of steam.  
“Good work kiddo!” You yelled, a hopeful smile gracing your lips. “Hurry up and kill those bastards! We’re nearly home!”  
“Fifty meters and closing!”   
You gritted your teeth and retrieved Hitch’s ODM Gear.   
“Lenz, how many blades you got?”   
Krista did a quick check.  
“Three sets Squad Leader.”  
You nodded and pulled a set out, leaning over the side of the wagon to hand them over.  
“Forty meters and closing!”   
“Where’s Eren?” You yelled, making sure Krista had her fresh blades safely stored in case she needed them.  
“He’s closing in on the titan to the right!” Replied Mikasa.  
You looked over and saw Eren running up behind it.  
“Nickolas how far away from the ruins are we?”  
“Fifty meters roughly, you might want to hurry!” Shouted Nickolas over his shoulder.  
You nodded and looked back at Eren who had now caught up to the next abnormal and grabbed it by its shoulders. You watched for a moment as he bent it over and ripped its head off at the nape, killing it instantly.  
“Come on Eren one more to go, you can do it!” You screamed.

The command squad started to enter the ruins and head towards the gate.  
“The gate is still closed!” Yelled Hanji.  
“I know!” Said Erwin bluntly. “F/n must still be struggling with the abnormals at the rear.”  
“Is there no way we can help her?” Asked Moblit.   
Erwin shook his head.  
“I’m afraid not...she’s on her own.”

“Ackerman how many blades do you have?”  
“One set left Squad Leader!” Called Mikasa.  
“Alright, I’ll give you two more sets but I doubt you’ll need to use them.”  
Mikasa nodded and pulled level with you so you could hand over the blades.  
“Hurry up back there we’re about to enter the ruins!” Yelled Nickolas.  
You finished handing Mikasa the first set of blades and turned your attention to Reiner.  
“How are we doing over there?”   
“Twenty meters and closing, this last one is fast!”   
“Fuck and we’re just about to enter the ruins!” You looked around as the world around you changed from neverending grassy fields to run down stone buildings, a cobbled road and shadowy piles of rubble...things were looking bleak.

Eren charged towards the final abnormal as it followed the formation into the ruins.  
He put his head down and urged his body to move faster, just a few more meters and he would be able to catch up with it and kill it.  
He felt the ground beneath his feet change from soft grass to hard cobble stone.  
“Come on Eren hurry up!”  
He heard you yelling from the rear of the formation, the gate was less that twenty meters headed of him now, he had to get this abnormal out of the way so the garrison soldiers would allow the Survey Corps to return home.  
He jumped and grabbed the remaining titan by the back of its head, skidding to a halt he threw it into a nearby building with the hope of stunning it.  
The abnormal crashed through a ruined building to the right with an almighty crash, sending rubble flying everywhere.   
With a roar of victory he dashed over to it and pinned it down on its stomach, bringing his teeth down to its nape and biting right through it and tasting the foul creatures blood on his tongue.

“That’s it he’s done it!” You yelled, practically bouncing on your knees in the back of the wagon.  
“Jaeger come back to the wagon now!”   
“The formation is slowing down.” Said Nickolas looking back at you. “You need to hurry up and get Eren out of that titan body or they won’t open the gate!”  
“Alright but we need to stop the wagon first.” You replied. “He still hasn’t managed to come out unscathed yet.”  
Nickolas sighed but reluctantly agreed and brought the wagon to a halt.  
“Hurry it up.”  
Eren finally caught up with you and dropped to his hands and knees, bowing his head so he could be retrieved from his titan body.  
“Ackerman, go get him out of there!” You ordered.  
“Yes Squad Leader!”   
“Braun, Lenz, keep an eye out for titans!”  
“Yes Squad Leader.”  
Mikasa quickly climbed up onto Eren’s nape and drew a deep breath, plunging her blade into it and cutting away the flesh.  
You swallowed hard and looked around, the ruins were eerily quiet.  
“Got him Squad Leader!”  
You looked behind you and saw Mikasa pulling a half conscious Eren from his titan body in a large cloud of steam.  
“Good work, get him on the wagon and then get back to your horse.”  
You looked towards the front of the formation as the sound of stone grinding against stone reached your ears. The gate was opening to allow the regiment to return, as Mikasa lowered the gate of the wagon and helped a half conscious Eren get settled before returning to her horse.  
“Okay everyone comfortable?” Asked Nickolas.  
“Yeah, let’s get caught up with the others.” You nodded.  
You drew a deep breath and looked at Levi, swallowing down the lump in your throat when you felt the cold darkness of the tunnel envelope you.  
“We made it Levi.” You muttered, blinking rapidly when you emerged back into the Karanese District to be greeted by the waiting crowds. “We’re home.”


	45. After The Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle weary scouts finally return to HQ...

The ride back through the Karanese District had been predictable, a large number of the citizens that turned out to see you all return home had mainly sneered at the fact your mission had failed.   
Vile remarks about “taxes going to waste on keeping those bastards fat and happy” had made your anger reach boiling point. If it weren’t for the fact that you were keeping an eye on Eren and Levi you’d have jumped out of the wagon and started banging heads together.  
‘How dare they speak about us like that!’ You growled internally. ‘We’re not feasting in the HQ every night on the finest food money can buy! We have to get by on the bare minimum just like everyone else this side of Wall Sina!’’  
It didn’t help much when people noticed Levi laying unconscious in the wagon at the rear of the formation and started getting hysterical, saying things such as they should just tear the walls down now and let the titan’s in.   
Although it was Erwin who seemed to bear the brunt of everyone’s anger.  
Countless citizens berated him for being reckless and sacrificing so many lives, others screamed abuse at him asking if it was really worth the deaths of their loved ones. You admired and respected how he managed to keep his composure under such circumstances, you honestly didn’t know how he coped with it all...had you been in his position you would probably have gone mad and done something you would later regret.  
You were glad to get away from the district in the end, however as you were leaving you saw the young boy whom you had saluted earlier that day stood watching with his mother again. You met his gaze once again for a brief moment before looking away, you could feel your heart breaking as he questioned his mother about why you couldn’t bare to look at him after you’d “sat so proudly on your horse that morning.”   
Tears stung your eyes when you heard his mother explain that you looked so downtrodden because your mission had failed and you’d probably lost someone dear to you.  
The hard truth was, she wasn’t wrong…

It was dark by the time you arrived back at the Survey Corps HQ.  
The wagon stopped in the courtyard with the rest of the regiment and you looked up at Nickolas.  
“Need a hand?” You asked quietly.  
Nickolas nodded and ordered his squad to prepare a couple of canvas stretchers to take Levi and Eren to the infirmary.  
“Reiner, can you help them out please?” You asked.  
“Sure thing Squad Leader, I’ll just take Striker back to the stables first.”   
You reverted back to first name terms now you were no longer on the battlefield, many of the officers you spoke to said it was easier to refer to your squad members by their surnames out there in an effort to try and soften the blow if they were to die in action. It was a lie though, nothing could ease the pain of it at all, at the end of the day they were still your friends and comrades and each new loss hurt the same as the previous one.  
You nodded and looked over to Krista.  
“Krista, you and Mikasa take your horses back to the stable and then go with Reiner.”  
“Yes Squad Leader.” They replied.   
“Oh and Krista.” You called, stopping her in her tracks.   
“Well done out there today, Nanaba would be proud of you.”  
Krista smiled and blushed, lowering her head shyly. It was no secret that Nanaba had been regarded as the regimental mother figure because of her caring attitude towards the new recruits. Krista had taken quite the shine to her and had been keen to earn her trust and respect.  
“T-thank you Squad Leader.”  
You nodded and smiled, yet another young waif to take under your wing. You felt it was the least you owed Nanaba after she sacrificed herself to try and save you from the crawler titan.  
“I’m going to put in a request with Commander Erwin to have you made a permanent member of my squad.”  
Krista’s head jerked up her bright blue eyes went wide.  
“R-really?”She stammered.  
“Yes, I think with a little bit of confidence building you’ll make a fine edition to my squad. Now go take your horse to the stable, then come back here and report to Nickolas.”  
“Yes Squad Leader.” She replied, leading her horseaway.  
“Are you trying to out number me Squad Leader?” Asked a groggy voice from beside you.  
“Hey kiddo, welcome back!” You grinned, crawling over to Eren and pulling him upright. “How are you feeling?”  
Eren smiled and nodded.   
“I feel like I’ve been beaten to within an inch of my life!”  
“Been there done that!” You laughed. “Can you stand?”   
“I think so.” He turned his gaze towards the figure next to him and frowned. “He still hasn’t come round then?”   
You shook your head sadly and looked at Levi.  
“Nickolas and his squad are going to take you to the infirmary and get you checked over, hopefully they’ll also be able to wake up sleeping beauty there.”  
Eren laughed, but he could tell you were trying to hide your concern behind a mask of sarcasm.  
“Alright let’s get Captain Levi to the infirmary!” Yelled Nickolas.  
The back gate of the wagon was pulled down and several scouts jumped in, carefully lifting up the unconscious captain and sliding the stretcher under him.  
“I’ll leave you guys to it.” You said quietly. “After I deal with Blaze and Midnight I need to find Commander Erwin and speak to him about what happened out there today.”  
Nickolas nodded and rested a hand on your shoulder, giving you a warm smile.   
“You did great out there today...Mike would be so proud of you.”  
You smiled and fought back tears at the mention of your former lover’s name.  
“Thanks Nickolas. Do me a favour, let me know what happens to him.” You nodded to Levi who was now being carried away by four scouts in the direction of the infirmary.  
Nickolas nodded and looked over at Hitch who was still sat in the wagon gripping her broken arm.  
“Alright Dreyse out you get, we’ll take you to the infirmary.”  
Hitch swallowed hard and crawled out of the wagon, looking back at you with wide amber eyes. You stared back at her with an intense frown before untying Blaze and Midnight from the wagon and leading them off towards the stables.

Upon reaching the stables you tied Blaze up and dealt with Midnight first.  
“I’ll see to you in a minute boy.” You smiled, patting your horse’s neck. Blaze simply snorted and nodded before giving your arm a subtle nudge.  
You carefully reached under Midnight and undid the saddle straps before removing it. With a sigh you put it on the shelf near the stall and returned to unbridle him, however the black horse had other ideas. He threw his large head over your shoulder and rested it against your back, snorting softly.  
You felt tears fill your eyes and run down your cheeks before you could stop them, you slowly reached up and wrapped your arms around the animal’s neck, stroking his mane.  
“You’re worried about Levi too aren’t you?” You mumbled, earning you another soft snort in response.   
You pulled away and gently stroked Midnight’s muzzle, smiling as he moved closer to you again and licked the salty tears from your right cheek.  
“Come on mister, let me sort you out and you can have some extra oats.”  
Midnight lowered his head, allowing you to remove his bridle and put him in his stall. He turned and looked at you expectantly as you poured some oats into a bucket and hooked it over the door for him, adding an extra couple of scoops as promised.  
“Come on the Blaze let’s sort you out.” You sniffed and dried your eyes as your horse turned to face you and gently nuzzled your left cheek.  
The chill of the night air sent an unpleasant shiver down your spine as you unbridled Blaze and reached under him to undo the saddle straps and finally remove it. A few scouts walked by you muttering about losing their comrades and how they were sick and tired of always failing to make any headway against the titans.   
You sighed and shook your head, watching them for a moment until Blaze demanded your attention again by pulling on your jacket collar.  
“I know boy, it never seems to get any easier does it?” You mused patting his neck.   
Blaze snorted and rested his head on your shoulder.   
You failed to stop your tears once again, simply giving in and letting them fall. You reached up to hug your horse as the days events finally took their toll on you, leaving you a sobbing and shaking wreck.

After dealing with Midnight and Blaze you returned to your office.  
You walked in to your own personal little sanctuary and headed for the bedroom, opening the wardrobe and retrieving a fresh uniform before heading for the shower room.   
A strong sense of deja-vu came over you and you found yourself fighting back memories of four months ago when Levi had followed you into your office and told you that Mike was dead…  
This time however no one followed you and you already knew which of your comrades were dead having personally witnessed many of them with your own eyes.  
Upon reaching the shower room you stored your fresh uniform in one of the lockers and stripped off, running the hot water and standing under the spray. You leaned on the cold stone wall, gritting your teeth and clenching your fists, letting the hot water run down your back and soak your h/l h/c hair.  
Your head was a wreck, all you could think about was how badly the expedition had gone wrong.  
“All that extra training, all that hard work and what have we got to show for it?” You snarled, raking your fingers back through your now wet hair. “More dead comrades and yet another failure to retake Wall Maria!”  
You turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around your body, walking over to the sink area and wiping the condensation from the mirror. You sniffed and stared at yourself in the mirror, swallowing hard you narrowed your eyes and gripped the sink to steady your shaking body.  
“Come on f/n get it together you’re a squad leader now damnit!” You growled angrily at your reflection.  
“Just because you’re a squad leader doesn’t mean you’re not still human.”  
You spun round upon hearing a voice behind you.  
“Hanji!” You gasped.  
Hanji smiled and stepped towards you, pulling you into her arms and hugging you tightly.  
“I went to your office and you weren’t there so I figured you’d be here. You look like you need a cup of tea and a chat.” She said, pulling away and brushing your wet hair back behind your ears.  
You smiled and rolled your eyes.   
“I could do with something a lot stronger than tea!” You paused a moment and bit your lip nervously. “Have you heard anything about Levi?”  
Hanji’s smile disappeared and she shook her head.  
“Sorry sweetie, I haven’t heard a thing about him. I did want to ask though...is it true about Nanaba?”  
You averted your gaze and nodded.  
“Yeah I saw her get eaten by a crawler class titan. She saved me and my squad and that was her reward.”   
Hanji nodded sadly and rested a hand on your shoulder.  
“I’m sorry. Listen come meet me in the mess hall in about an hour, we’ll have a chat and a drink okay?”  
“Yeah sure, I just need to get changed and go see Erwin first. I want to discuss having one of Nanaba’s old squad members transferred to my squad on a permanent basis. I feel it’s the least I owe her.”  
Hanji’s smile returned and she nodded.  
“Alright, I’ll see you soon then.”  
You nodded and went to the locker to retrieve your uniform, pausing a moment and looking back at your best friend.  
“Hanji.”  
“Yes?”  
“I’m glad I still have you here to help me through this.”  
Hanji smiled warmly and left the shower room.  
You smirked and shook your head, you should’ve known she’d not come in there to get a wash...well not without Levi first knocking her out and then forcefully bathing her himself!

After you got changed you made your way to Erwin’s office.  
During your walk you passed Mike’s old office...the office which had then been assigned to Nanaba after his death and would now be assigned to someone else since she too was never coming back.  
You sighed and stopped outside the office for a moment, raising your hand and gently tracing the woodgrain of the door with your fingertips. You finally pulled yourself away when you felt tears threaten to sting your eyes once more as your memories of them began to fight for your attention.  
A short while later you finally stopped outside Erwin’s office.  
You drew a deep breath and straightened your uniform before knocking.  
“Yes?” Came the deep voiced reply.  
“It’s Squad Leader l/n Sir.”You replied nervously.  
“Come in.”  
You nervously bit your lip and opened the door, stepping into the large office and closing it behind you and walking towards the desk, offering a salute  
Erwin was stood looking out of the window with his back to you, Nickolas Colton and Dita Ness were stood next to the large oak desk holding several pieces of paper.  
“My apologies Commander I didn’t realize you were busy, I can come back later.” You quickly stuttered.  
“No need Squad Leader, this particular meeting is concluded. I was actually going to send someone to fetch you but you seem to have saved me the trouble.”  
You gulped nervously at the commander’s stoic business like tone.  
“We’ll be leaving now then Sir.” Said Ness.  
Erwin nodded but remained facing away from you all.  
Ness and Nickolas both looked at you and smiled as they left, quietly closing the door behind them.  
After a few moments Erwin sighed and turned back to face you.  
“Have a seat f/n.”   
You swallowed hard and did as instructed, seating yourself in the chair in front of Erwin’s desk.  
“Now, what brings you to my office of your own choosing?” He asked, taking his seat behind his desk, resting his elbows on the hard wooden surface and arching his fingertips together under his chin.  
“I wanted to make a request regarding my squad Sir.” You said evenly.  
“What kind of request?”  
“I would like to request that Krista Lenz and Reiner Braun, both be placed in my squad as permanent members.”  
Erwin raised his bushy eyebrows.  
“I see. Any particular reason?”  
“Yes Sir. Reiner is a good scout and I trust him implicitly, he was instrumental in keeping Eren Jaeger from going rogue while I went to search for Captain Levi.” You paused a moment. “As for Krista, she was formerly a member of Nanaba’s squad...Nanaba died saving my squad and I from a crawler class titan today, I feel it’s the least I owe her.”  
Erwin folded his arms and sat back in his seat, his icy blue eyed gaze bore into you, making you feel uneasy.  
A moments silence passed before Erwin spoke.  
“Request approved.” He said evenly, making your eyes widen at how quickly he had made his mind up.  
“Th-thank you Sir.” You gasped, your heart racing in your chest.  
He leaned forward and smiled.   
“You’ve proven yourself a strong and capable squad leader today f/n, you should be proud of yourself.”  
You smiled and raised your head at the evident pride in the commander’s voice.  
“You prevented Eren Jaeger from going rogue and not only that, but you managed to reduce the risk of further casualties on the return journey by using your head and not utilizing his titan ability until absolutely necessary.”  
“Wait how did you know about that Sir?” You asked, your brows furrowing.  
“That little meeting I just had with Ness and Nickolas was about what happened when the abnormals ambushed us, Nickolas spoke quite highly of you...although,” He paused and narrowed his eyes at you. “I was a little concerned when he told me how you panicked at first and couldn’t make your mind up about what to do.”  
“I don’t blame you Sir.” You replied, turning your gaze to the floor. “I should’ve kept my composure and made a decision sooner, it won’t happen again.”  
Erwin simply continued to stare at you, but his gaze softened.  
“It was a lot of responsibility to place on you, but you managed to fight through your fear and take control. So because of that I will not be taking any further action and Eren Jaeger will remain with your squad.”  
“Thank you Sir.”   
Erwin nodded and raised his head slightly.  
“One more thing f/n before I dismiss you.”  
“Yes Sir?” You raised your head to face him again.  
“Dreyse.”  
“What about her Sir?”  
“Do you still see her as an enemy?”  
Your eyes widened at his question, you drew a breath, your jaw twitching slightly.  
“Permission to speak freely Sir?”  
“Granted.”  
“She pissed herself before we even left the Karanese District this morning, she has proven herself to be a liability to my squad and her lack of being able to follow orders almost got her killed.” You paused a moment before continuing. “However I would not call her an enemy as such anymore, but I still do not see her as a comrade either.”  
Erwin nodded and kept his eyes firmly fixed on yours.  
“If you don’t see her as a comrade, then why did you save her life? Why not let the titans eat her?”  
Your eyes widened in shock.  
“How did you know about that?”   
“Captain Levi told me when I went to see him in the infirmary earlier.”  
“Le...Captain Levi? “ Your heart almost stopped beating at the very mention of that name.  
“He’s...is he alright?”  
“You haven’t answered my question f/n.”  
You shrank back slightly at his demanding tone...well he was the commander after all.  
You inhaled deeply and stared straight into his icy blue eyes.  
“I saved her life because she was still a member of my squad and I have a duty to try and keep them safe regardless of my personal feelings about them.”  
“Spoken like a true officer.” Smiled Erwin.  
He sat back in his seat again and rested his hands on his lap.  
“To answer your question about Captain Levi, he’s going to be alright.”  
You slumped forward in your seat and buried your head in your hands, relief washed over you like as you drew several shaky breaths.  
“He’s a little groggy and sore, but the physicians say he will be back on his feet in no time. He’s been allowed back to his office on the condition that he takes it easy.” Erwin paused momentarily. “He’s been asking after you.”  
“He has?” You gasped, your hands dropping from your face.  
“Yes, maybe go drop in on him for five minutes before you retire to your office for the night. Just to let him know you’re alright.”  
“I will.” You smiled.  
Erwin nodded and sat forward again.  
“Alright, you’re dismissed.”  
You nodded and stood up, saluting before leaving the office and heading down to the mess hall to meet Hanji.

“F/n over here!”  
You looked around the mess hall and found Hanji sat at one of the center tables with a cup of coffee.  
You smiled and made your way over to her, noticing that there was hardly anyone around despite it not being that late. In all honesty though you couldn’t blame the other scouts for wanting to just hide away in their dormitories for the night, there was a time when you had once felt the same.  
“Hey Hanji.” You smiled approaching the table but not sitting down.   
“I’m just gonna grab a cup of tea then I’ll join you.”  
“No problem.”  
You nodded and headed over to a table in the corner where a few freshly brewed pots of tea and coffee were sat by a stack of cups and saucers.   
After making yourself a drink you returned to Hanji and sat down, noting the tired look on her features.  
“You okay?” You asked worriedly.  
“Yes I am now I know you’re okay.” She replied brightly.  
“You know me Hanji, I’m a stubborn bitch!”  
Hanji giggled and sipped her coffee, she soon grew serious however.  
“You know f/n I was really worried about you today, when they said you were unaccounted for after the left wing got ambushed I feared the worst.”  
“Yeah same here when I heard about those abnormals that went straight for the command squad.” You admitted, sipping your tea and resting your arms on the table. “Today was almost as bad as four months ago.”  
“I know, I can’t believe we lost Nanaba.”  
“Me either, the worst part is I saw her die and there was nothing I could do to save her.”  
You ran a hand over your eyes and gritted your teeth, if there was one thing you hated more than the titan’s it was feeling completely powerless to help those in need.  
“So how did it go with Erwin?” Asked Hanji, rapidly changing the subject.  
“It went okay, he’s granted my request to have Krista and Reiner made permanent members of my squad.”  
“Fantastic.” Smiled Hanji, having another sip of her coffee. “What about Hitch though?”  
“She wasn’t really mentioned.” You shrugged indifferently.  
A sly grin crossed Hanji’s face and she leaned forward.  
“What about a certain...Shorty?”  
You rolled your eyes and smirked, failing to notice the mess hall doors open behind you.  
“He’s fine according to Erwin, a little groggy and sore but apart from that he should be back on his feet soon.”  
“Sooner than you think actually.”   
You frowned in confusion when Hanji nodded to the doors behind you, turning around your e/c eyes widened at the sight of a familiar raven haired captain.


	46. Just Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is glad to see Levi alive and well, but when she drops by his office events take an unexpected turn which could ultimately spell disaster for their blossoming friendship...

Levi grunted as the pain in his left side stung during the short walk from his office to the mess hall.  
He’d refused flat out to spend the night in the infirmary, insisting he was fine and they should concentrate on looking after the more seriously injured soldiers rather than keeping him under observation.  
As soon as he’d seen Erwin for a quick debriefing and had his side stitched up he’d been told he would be able to return to his office for the night as long as he didn’t do anything too strenuous. His side had had given him a bit of pain when he was changing his uniform after having a shower, but apart from that and feeling a little groggy from being unconscious for so long he felt fine.  
He’d gotten annoyed with being stuck in his office for the night with nothing to do and decided that a cup of tea would help rid him of his grogginess. Maybe he’d even bump into you along the way so he could make sure you were alright and maybe get some answers about what happened while he was out of action.  
He pushed open the door to the mess hall and looked around, his cold grey eyes instantly falling on a table in the center row where two female scouts sat talking.   
The bespectacled brunette sat facing him looked up and nodded, a moment later this was followed by her companion, a h/c haired scout turning around a moment later with wide e/c eyes.  
He gripped his left side again and slowly walked over to them, his heartbeat speeding up slightly as the h/l h/c haired female stood up and walked towards him with a relieved smile on her face.

“I’ll give you guys a minute alone.” Smiled Hanji warmly, standing up to go and get herself another coffee.  
You didn’t hear her however as you had already stood from your seat and started to make your way over to Levi, unable to keep the relieved smile from your face as seeing him alive.  
Levi stopped just short of you and stared at you when you finally came to him and gently wrapped your arms around his shoulders, burying your head into the crook of his neck.  
He winced slightly and loosely wrapped his left arm around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. There was no denying that he was relieved to see you were alive and in one piece.  
“Tch, you look like shit f/n.” He snorted, pulling away from you and making his way over to where you and Hanji had been sat.  
You laughed and followed him, rolling your eyes in amusement.  
“Good evening to you too Levi.” You replied somewhat sarcastically.  
He sat down and rubbed his left side, the stitches in it were irritating him. He was fairly convinced they’d done a botch job on him as revenge for him complaining that they should be dealing with more seriously wounded scouts.  
“So how are you feeling?” You asked, returning to your seat and sipping your tea.  
Levi shrugged and sat back, folding his arms.  
“Dizzy and sore.” He replied bluntly.  
“Yeah well you look like shit!” You smirked, earning you an eyeroll from the raven haired male.  
A moment later Hanji returned with another cup of coffee for herself and two cups of tea, one for you and one for Levi.  
“So how are you after your little adventure in the woods Shorty?” Questioned Hanji with a smile.  
Levi glared at her silently before replying.  
“It was quieter than being around you.”  
“Ooh you want some cold water for that burn Hanji?” You giggled.  
“Oh yeah he’s fine.” Laughed Hanji rather loudly.  
“Ugh shut up Shitty Glasses.” Snorted Levi, sipping his tea and wrinkling his nose as he put the cup down. “Your tea making skills are lamentable.”  
You looked away and hid your smile behind your hands...Levi was definitely going to be alright.

A few other scouts decided to come to the mess hall for a quick drink and chat with their comrades before turning in for the night.  
No one approached you Levi and Hanji until a certain shaggy haired amber eyed reluctant scout decided to put in an appearance.  
At first you didn’t notice them, you were far too busy making jokes about Hanji’s naming methods for her test subjects.   
“Erm, Squad Leader l/n?”  
You stopped giggling about Hanji freaking out the Stationary Guard soldiers with tales of cannibalism and turned to the source of the voice, the smile instantly disappearing from your face when you saw who the voice belonged to.  
“What do you want Dreyse?” You questioned in a bored tone.  
Hanji and Levi also turned their gaze towards her, making her feel all the more uncomfortable.  
“Can I talk to you for a moment?”  
“Whatever you have to say you can say in front of Captain Levi and Section Commander Hanji.” You replied bluntly.  
Hitch sighed deeply and rubbed her broken right arm, it was now set in a cast and sling which mean she was unable to wear her uniform properly. The right side of her jacket hung loosely around her shoulders as she pulled it further up.  
“I erm…” She lowered her head and gritted her teeth, she couldn’t believe she was being forced to swallow her pride in such a manner.  
“Get on with it brat.” Grunted Levi, rubbing his left side again.  
Hitch winced and raised her head slightly, her amber eyes meeting your e/c eyes.  
“I...I just wanted to...I just wanted to say, thank you for saving my life today.” She said lowly. “If it hadn’t have been for you, that titan would’ve eaten me.”  
Your raised your eyebrows and bit back the urge to order her to repeat herself.  
Hanji’s jaw dropped open while Levi simply stared at her with a penetrating glare.  
“You’re welcome.” You replied evenly.  
Hitch swallowed hard and nodded, exhaling deeply.  
“Was that everything?” You questioned, taking a sip of your tea.  
“I erm...also wanted to apologize for all the things I said...about this regiment and Squad Leader Zacharius.”  
Your eyes visibly widened and your jaw twitched, Hanji nearly choked on her coffee while Levi simply turned his gaze towards you.  
“Apology accepted.” You replied harshly, turning your back on her and facing Hanji again.  
Hitch trembled slightly but nodded and slowly turned to walk away.  
“Tch, looks like that little brush with death has taught that brat some respect.” Remarked Levi.  
“F/n?” Asked Hanji worriedly.   
Your eyes narrowed and a look that could kill found its way onto your face, an inner conflict was raging inside you like a swirling storm...on the one hand Hitch was someone you despised, but on the other hand you had saved her life and she was now offering you an apology for her recent behaviour and treatment of you and your comrades...what should you do?  
“Oi f/n, you okay or what?” Asked Levi, nudging you with his elbow.  
“For fucks sake!” You growled, pushing yourself up from your seat.  
“Hitch wait a moment.” You called in a frustrated tone of voice.  
Hitch spun round, her eyes wide in shock at your use of her first name.  
You sighed and folded your arms, averting your gaze as she slowly made her way back to you.  
“Y-yes Squad Leader?” She asked cautiously.   
You clenched your fists and met her gaze.  
“I’m not going to apologize for dislocating your jaw four months, you deserved that!” You began, trying to keep your voice steady. “Nor will I apologize for threatening to use you as titan bait or treating you like shit since you arrived here.”  
“Oh no f/n what are you doing?” Groaned Hanji.  
“Shut up Shitty Glasses!” Snapped Levi.  
Hitch nervously bit her lip and waited for you to continue.  
“I am however prepared to leave the past in the past...I’m offering you a fresh start.”  
“Seriously?” Gasped Hitch, unable to believe what she was hearing.  
“Yes.” You replied bluntly. “Clean slate, I’m not saying we’ll ever be friends...but we are soldiers serving in the same regiment, so that technically makes us comrades.”  
You almost choked on the word “comrades”   
“I don’t believe it!” Gasped Hanji, she turned her attention to Levi. “Shorty you’re seeing this too right? I don’t need new glasses?”  
“You will need new glasses if you don’t shut your mouth!” Retorted Levi, wincing slightly as his left side started to sting slightly.  
“So what are you saying?” Asked Hitch.  
“I’m saying you be civil with me and I’ll be civil with you.” You replied, placing your hands on your hips and raising an eyebrow at her.  
Hitch nodded and met your gaze.  
“Alright...thank you Squad Leader.” She gave you a smirk. “I would salute but…” She gestured to her broken arm.  
Hanji nervously bit her lip expecting you to throw a punch.  
You looked at Hitch’s broken arm and smirked.  
“So can I leave now?” Asked Hitch nervously.  
You nodded in response and waited until she turned her back on you before speaking again.  
“By the way Hitch.”   
Hitch turned around and gulped nervously, her jaw dropping open when you extended your right hand to her.  
“Welcome to the Survey Corps!”  
Hanji’s jaw dropped open so fast it nearly hit the table, Levi on the other hand simply blinked in disbelief.  
Hitch stepped back towards you and extended her left hand, grasping your right hand and engaging you in a firm handshake.  
“Get back to your dormitory and rest, it’s going to be a long day tomorrow.” You advised.  
Hitch nodded and silently let go of your hand before walking away and leaving the mess hall.  
You sighed and returned to your seat, furrowing your brows at the dumbfounded look Hanji was giving you.  
“F/n!” She gasped.  
“What?” You asked incredulously.  
“Are you ill?” Laughed Hanji leaning over the table and placing her left palm on your forehead.  
“Get off!” You protested, batting her away.  
“That took some balls f/n.” Said Levi softly. “Well done.”  
You simply smiled and nodded at him.  
“I’m proud of you Sweetie.” Said Hanji, once again reaching across the table. This time however she patted your arm and smiled at you.  
You nodded at her and sighed, that had been one of the hardest things you’d ever done in your life.   
“Yeah well, I already spend most of my time fighting titans...I don’t need to be fighting humans as well.”

After finishing your tea you bid Levi and Hanji goodnight and went to check on Eren in the boys dormitory before you headed back to your office for the night.  
You decided not to disturb Krista and Mikasa since they were uninjured and probably fast asleep by now anyway, you could always tell Krista about Erwin’s decision to allow her to join your squad permanently when you saw her tomorrow.  
You soon came upon the boys dormitory and quietly knocked on the door.  
It opened a moment later and you were greeted by a half naked Eren.  
“Oh Squad Leader!” He gasped, jumping back behind the door to cover his exposed upper body.  
“Take it easy Kiddo!” You laughed, noticing the faint blush that now dusted his cheeks. “I’m not gonna pounce on you, you’re too young for me!”  
Eren laughed nervously and stepped out from behind the door frame.  
“I just came to see how you were and you can call me f/n when we’re not on duty remember?” You smiled.  
“Oh I’m fine thanks f/n.” Smiled Eren. “Still a little woozy but I think I’ll be alright by morning.”  
“Good.” You replied evenly.  
“How are you?”   
“I’m alright...exhausted but alright.”  
Eren nodded and drummed his fingers on the wooden surface of the door.  
“Is there any news on Captain Levi?”  
“Oh he’s absolutely fine!” You laughed.”I just had tea with him and Hanji in the mess hall.”  
“That’s good then.” Yawned Eren.  
“Oh sorry I didn’t wake you did I?”   
Eren shook his head and rubbed his eyes.   
“Oh no it’s okay I was actually only just about to get into bed when you knocked.”  
“Ah, well I’ll let you get some sleep then. Goodnight Kiddo.”  
“Goodnight f/n.” Smile Eren sleepily.   
You waited until he closed the door before starting the long walk back to your office on the other side of the HQ, hopefully the walk might make you feel a little drowsy and make getting to sleep that little bit easier.

“OUCH! DAMNIT SHITTY GLASSES GET THE FUCK OFF ME!”  
You turned your head and raised an eyebrow in the direction of Levi’s office as you walked past on the way back to your office.  
You couldn’t help but wonder what Hanji was doing in Levi’s office this late at night, although if you had to guess you would say annoying him.   
Another pained shout reached your ears through the thick wooden door.  
“Is she murdering him in there or something?” You giggled to yourself, making your way back to the door and pressing your ear against the wood.  
“Look I can’t sort you out if you don’t hold still!”  
“ARGH! Quit poking it!”  
“Do I have to pin you down Shorty?”  
“Get the hell out, I’ll do it myself!”  
Another giggle escaped you and you found yourself knocking on Levi’s office door.  
“OUCH!”  
You were full on laughing by this point and desperate to know why Levi was yelling like a banshee. He almost never raised his voice unless he was on the battlefield.  
“Who is it and what do you want?” He yelled angrily, causing you to slam your hands over your mouth to try and stifle your laughter.  
“Levi, it’s f/n. Are you okay in there? You sound like you’re being murdered!”   
You were struggling not to laugh again.  
“F/n?” Hanji’s voice reached your ears.  
You heard running footsteps and then before you could register what was happening the door flew open.  
“F/n!” Squealed Hanji excitedly, she grabbed your arm and yanked you into the office, kicking the door closed behind her.  
“Shorty look, f/n came to see you!”   
Before you could open your mouth to speak, Hanji proceeded to drag you through to Levi’s bedroom where he sat cross legged and topless on the bed with a look of thunder on his face.  
Your eyes widened at his half naked state, a furious blush dusting your cheeks.  
Levi had no shirt, jacket or cravat on and his ODM harness was bunched up at his waist. You blinked rapidly as you took in his chiseled chest and firm abs.  
“I could use your help f/n.” Smiled Hanji slyly, noticing that you were blushing and unable to stop yourself from staring at Levi’s impressive upper body. “Shorty won’t let me sort his wound properly so could you do it for me? It turns out the physician stitched it up too tight which would explain why he was constantly rubbing it in the mess hall.”  
“I...erm…” Your head jerked up and you were cut off by Hanji shoving you towards Levi before dashing out of the room.  
“Thanks, I owe you one!”  
“Hanji, wait!” You yelled, turning round but she had already left.  
“Tch, idiot!” Snapped Levi.  
“Who me?” You asked a bit harsher than intended turning back to face him, folding your arms and raising an eyebrow.  
“No, I meant Shitty Glasses.” Remarked Levi, however he didn’t meet your gaze.  
“Looks pretty nasty, I didn’t realize it was that bad.” You grimaced, looking at the blood covered gash to his left side.  
“Well having Shitty Glasses poking and prodding me hasn’t helped.” He muttered.  
“I guess I could sort it for you.” You offered cautiously, swallowing hard as he finally met your gaze.  
“Fine.” He said bluntly.  
You exhaled deeply and removed your jacket, placing it on the bed you rolled up your shirt sleeves. You spotted a bowl of warm salt water and a pile of rags Hanji had been using to clean Levi’s wound on the bedside table.   
“How far did she get?” You asked cautiously.  
“Well she managed to loosen the stitches and redo them properly. So at least she’s capable of doing something right!”  
You laughed and shook your head.  
“As charming as ever Levi.”  
Levi simply rolled his eyes and looked down at his wound, it was still caked in dried blood from where Hanji had sorted out his stitches.  
“Okay hold still, this will sting a little.” You said softly as you took a clean rag and dipped it into the water, wringing it out thoroughly. Levi adjusted his position, turning so he was sat with his left side closest to you so you could see the wound better. You sat next to him on the bed facing towards him and gently pressed the now damp rag to the wound, causing him to tense up and hiss in pain.  
“Sorry.” You said, quickly recoiling from him.  
“It’s fine.” Muttered Levi, he turned his head to face you and your eyes locked for a moment.  
You swallowed hard and averted your gaze as you resumed tending to his wound, forcing yourself to concentrate on the task at hand, which was rather hard considering Levi was staring at you the whole time.  
You frowned, pulling away the rag and looking at the gash to his side.  
Sighing you regarded the injury for another moment, tensing up when Levi gently moved a lock of stray hair back behind your right ear, his fingertips gently brushing against your temple and sending a warm feeling through you.  
He remained silent and continued to watch you, but you didn’t meet his gaze.  
Reaching back to the bedside table you picked up a gauze patch and a bandage roll before turning back to him, your eyes met his and once again you noticed that there was a resonating softness in them.  
You stared at him for a moment, your e/c orbs locked onto his steel grey ones, swallowing hard as Levi slowly moved his head closer to yours, your noses were almost touching and you could feel his warm tea scented breath on your cheeks. You had a feeling you knew what was coming next...yet you found yourself unable to pull away from him.  
‘Would it be so bad if he did kiss me?’ You questioned yourself in your mind, remembering the dream you kept having and how close the two of you had started to become over the last couple of months, there was no denying that there was a spark between you.  
You raised your head a fraction so your lips were level with Levi’s, feeling your heart thudding in your chest as your breath hitched in your throat when he cautiously closed the gap between you, his lips gently brushing against yours.   
Levi was surprisingly gentle, something you hadn’t expected, although if you were being honest he did seem to be less abrasive around you since you got to know him better.  
Your right hand slowly moved up to rest on his left cheek, earning you a barely audible sigh from him at your affectionate gesture.   
He leaned into your warm touch and gently bit your bottom lip, silently asking for permission to deepen the kiss, which you allowed. Your lips moved in sync with his as you leaned into him, your hand moved further back from his cheek and settled on his neck, the tips of your fingers gently brushing through his undercut.  
However as soon as his right hand came up and he gently ran the backs of his fingers over your left cheek, you harshly recoiled from him and averted your gaze.  
“I’m sorry.” Muttered Levi, turning away from you. His raven hair fell over his eyes so you couldn’t see his face properly.  
Guilt hit you like a punch to the stomach, tears stung your eyes and your lower lip rapidly trembled.  
“Levi I…” You gritted your teeth and squeezed your eyes shut. “I can’t...I’m sorry.”   
Levi nodded but didn’t look at you, just adding to your guilt.  
“I understand.” He replied bluntly.  
You exhaled deeply and bandaged his wound in silence, desperately holding back your tears and trying to fight off the raging inner conflict of feeling like you had betrayed Mike.  
You finished your task and stood up, picking up your jacket and moving towards the door.  
Levi slowly raised his head and watched you, desperately fighting back the urge to call your name as you left the room and closed the door behind you without even a backwards glance.  
He shook his head and angrily growled as he punched the hard mattress.  
“You fucking idiot!” He cursed himself, gripping his head in his hands.

You quietly closed Levi’s office door, put your jacket back on and leaned against the wall.  
Your hands went to your head and you shook violently as tears streamed down your cheeks.  
You sank down to your knees, your breath escaping your lungs in short sharp rasps as sobs wracked your entire body.  
“What have I done?”


	47. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Levi confide in Hanji and Erwin about how they feel, Reader finally confesses that she has fallen in love with Levi while Levi has a startling revelation of his own...

You ran down the corridor towards the courtyard, blinded by your tears and suffocated by your guilt.  
You sprinted past Erwin almost knocking him off his feet as you rounded the corner.  
“F/n? What’s going on?” Yelled Erwin, a look on confusion and worry on his face.  
“F/n stop!”  
“Erwin?” Shouted a voice from behind him. “Was that f/n?”   
Erwin turned round and saw Hanji running up to him.  
“Damnit that girl is fast!” She bent double in an effort to catch her breath.  
“Yes it was, what the hell is going on with her?” He looked back in the direction you had just run off in.  
Hanji regarded him with a concerned look on her face.  
“I have no idea, I left her in Shorty’s office to sort out his wound after the physicians botched it up. I’ve just come from there, he practically bit my head off as soon as I mentioned her.”  
“Alright, I’ll deal with Levi, you go after f/n.”  
Hanji nodded and ran off down the corridor.  
Erwin frowned and headed off towards Levi’s office.

You finally stopped as you reached the courtyard, you bent over out of breath and collapsed to your knees, choking out your sobs.  
“F/n!”   
Your entire body shook and convulsed as you gripped your head in your hands, a cry of anguish ripped through your throat when you felt someone pulling you against them.  
“F/n talk to me!” Begged Hanji, squatting beside you she held your shaking body against her.  
“I’ve fucked up Hanji!” You screamed, tears streaming down your face.  
“I’ve fucked up big time, I’m such a fucking idiot!”  
“Hey, hey, hey. Calm down and talk to me!” Gasped Hanji as she held you tighter against her, gently rocking you to try and soothe you.  
“I should just throw myself to the fucking titans and be done with it!”   
“What? F/n why would you say such a thing?” Hanji was mortified by your words.  
“He loved me...he loved me and I betrayed him!” You gripped your head harder in your hands, pulling on your h/l h/c hair.  
“F/n you’re not making any sense!” Said Hanji, her brow furrowed as she pulled your hands away from your head and pinning them to your sides.  
“Mike!” You screamed, balling your hands into fists. “Mike loved me...and I just fucking betrayed him by kissing Levi!”

Erwin approached Levi’s office with a stern look on his face.  
He stopped and knocked on the door.   
“Levi, it’s Erwin are you in there?”  
No answer.  
“Levi? I’m coming in!”  
Erwin opened the door and looked around the dimly lit office, he soon found Levi at his desk. He was fully clothed now and sat with his head in his hands.  
“Levi...are you alright?” Asked Erwin, his bushy brows furrowing in concern as he approached the usually unshakable captain.  
Levi raised his head slightly and glared at the taller man, his cold grey eyes were tinged red, clearly he’d been fighting an internal battle with his emotions.  
“What the hell is going on?” Asked Erwin, he sat on the edge of the desk and looked down at his subordinate. “Hanji says you practically bit her head off when she came in here a few minutes ago and f/n just ran past me in the corridor as if she was being chased by a group of titans!”   
Levi gritted his teeth and screwed his eyes shut, turning his head away as he heard your name.  
“I want to know what’s going on, right now Levi!” Said Erwin sternly.  
Levi sighed but didn’t look up.  
“I tried to kiss f/n and she rejected me.” He muttered, there was a strong underlying tone of defeat in his voice when he spoke. He opened his eyes but still refused to look at the commander.  
Erwin’s eyes widened in surprise, Hanji’s gut instinct about feelings developing between you and Levi had been bang on after all.  
“Did you say or do something to upset her apart from that? She looked like she could run halfway to Wall Sina when I saw her.”  
Levi shook his head and lowered his hands.  
“I thought she felt the same, she didn’t reject me until I…” His eyes widened in realization and a frustrated growl escaped him as hand curled his right hand into a fist and punched the drawers under his desk.  
“What?” Asked Erwin.  
“I’m such a fucking idiot!” Yelled Levi, he screwed his eyes shut again and grasped his head in his hands again. “Mike used to do that when he kissed her.”  
“Do what? What do you mean felt the same? Levi you’re not making any sense!” Snapped Erwin.  
“I ran the backs of my fingers over her cheek and she recoiled from me like I was something disgusting.” Replied Levi, he was struggling to keep his voice steady as he finally looked up at the other man, tears were forming in his cold grey eyes as he spoke again.  
“Erwin...I love her.”

“Wait...you kissed...Shorty?” Gasped Hanji, for once she didn’t laugh or wind you up about it.  
“Well he kissed me actually.” You said having finally calmed down a bit, you were still shaking but that could’ve been from the old night air as much as anything else.  
You and Hanji now sat on one of the stone benches in the courtyard, discussing what had happened in Levi’s office.  
“Either way. I still let him, I...I shouldn’t have.”  
Hanji was growing more concerned by your words, she’d never seen you so confused and terrified before, not even on your first expedition beyond the walls.  
“F/n...Mike’s dead” She ventured .cautiously. “You’ve not betrayed him, you’re moving on with your life, it’s what he’d want...there’s no shame in that”  
You looked at her and sniffed, your lower lip trembled as your eyes met hers.  
“I still love him Hanji!” You felt tears sting your eyes again, you hadn’t cried this much since Mike’s untimely death four months ago. You never thought you would feel that much grief, anger and pain ever again...oh how wrong you were, this was so much more raw compared to the pain you felt back then.  
“I know you do Sweetie, but you can’t stay stuck in the past forever, you’ll drive yourself insane! None of us want that,everyone here cares about you and we don’t want to see you get hurt.”  
You turned away from her and closed your eyes.  
“I can’t help how I feel.” You muttered. “I know Mike’s gone and he’s never coming back, I’m not an idiot!”  
“No one is saying you are.” Reasoned Hanji.   
“I don’t think I can move on from this, I can’t…” You gritted your teeth.  
“Can’t what?” Probed Hanji, resting her hand on your shoulder.  
“I...I can’t do it...” You choked out a sob as more tears ran down your face and dripped onto the cold cobblestones of the courtyard. “Levi deserves better.”  
Hanji’s eyes widened in realization.  
“Oh f/n, you’re in love with him aren’t you?”  
You nodded and buried your head in your hands as another series of choked sobs shook your body.  
Hanji shook her head sympathetically and pulled you into her arms, she rested her chin on your head and stroked a hand through your hair to try and calm you down as your breathing became more erratic.  
“How long?”   
“A month before the expedition I started to feel differently about him. I shrugged it off at first, thinking it was nothing. Then last night we kind of had a moment in the library and I could’ve sworn he was going to kiss me then, but he didn’t.” You paused and sighed. “When I thought he was going to die on the expedition, that’s when I finally realized I couldn’t fight what was happening...I guess the fact we’ve been working so closely together for the past four months had something to do with it.” You paused again, fighting back more tears. “I can’t love two people at once. It’s not right...how can I love Levi when I still love Mike?”  
Hanji listened sympathetically, she remained silent and let you continue.   
This was something you needed to get off your chest and as your best friend she felt it only decent that she simply sat and listened as you finally unloaded the burden that had been weighing so heavily on your mind for the past month.   
“It’s not fair.” You murmured. “I can’t expect him to compete with a dead man, I don’t want him to be second best.”  
“Wow, you’ve fallen hard and fast haven’t you?” Gasped Hanji, thinking back to when she was winding you up in your office saying you had a crush on the stoic captain. The furious blush on your face and the way you denied it with such anger, if she’d have known then that you were feeling so conflicted about it she would never have continued to wind you up about it.  
“I know it hurts but, you’ll never stop loving Mike. Everyone knows that and I think deep down Shorty knows that too.” She paused and drew breath. “He’s only going to be competing with Mike if you let him though, you have to let go of the past if you ever want to move on with your life.”  
“I can’t!” You sobbed, unable to fight back the tears any longer.  
Hanji pushed you away from her and held you at arm’s length.  
“Okay f/n, I’m going to be brutally honest with you now and I’m sorry if this hurts but you need to hear it.”  
You roughly wiped away your tears and stared at her.  
“Shorty wasn’t completely truthful with you the day Mike died...He also had to promise to make sure that you moved on with your life and found someone else to make you happy.” She paused and sighed before continuing.”Shorty left out that little detail because he knew it would be the last thing you wanted to hear so soon after being told Mike was dead.”  
You looked away, your eyes nervously darting from left to right.  
“How...how do you know this?” You asked cautiously.  
“Shorty came to me for advice on how best to tell you Mike was dead when we returned from the expedition. As we all know he’s not exactly the best person to comfort someone when he has to be the bearer of bad news.”  
You furrowed your brows at her, but she simply continued.  
“F/n, you haven’t betrayed Mike at all, he’d be happy that you’re trying to move forward with your life...Mike made Shorty promise to look after you because he knew that he had feelings for you, he knew he would keep his promise for that reason alone.”  
“What are you talking about?” You sniffed, confusion swept across your tear stained face.  
Hanji smiled knowingly.  
“Shorty’s had feelings for you for years, he’s just too stubborn to admit it. He was devastated when you fell in love with Mike, but he let it go because he cared enough to just want you to be happy.”  
You buried your head in your hands again and screamed in frustration, fresh tears filled your eyes and flowed down your face...so that was why he kissed you.  
“I am such a bitch!” You raised your head and ran your hands back through your hair. “How could I be so damned blind? I completely misjudged him!”  
Hanji sighed and rubbed your back.  
“It’s easily done, he’s cold, rude and completely unapproachable. I did tell you though that he wasn’t so bad once you got used to him though.”  
“What should I do?”   
Hanji looked down at you, a knowing smile still playing on her lips.  
“Answer me honestly f/n...do you love Shorty?”  
You swallowed hard, there was no use fighting it anymore.   
You’d all but confessed your love for him while he was unconscious in the back of the wagon heading back to HQ earlier that day, when he woke up for that brief moment and said your name before passing out again, you’d felt like your heart was being ripped out and stamped on the same way it had when Mike died.   
You nodded.  
“Yes, I do.”  
“Then take some time to calm down first, make sure that giving him a chance to be with you is definitely what you want and if it is...then go for it.”  
“Thanks Hanji.” You smiled, pulling her into a hug.   
“Hey what happened to your no hugging rule?” She teased, wrapping her arms around you.  
“Shut up!” You laughed, burying your head into her shoulder.

“How long?” Asked Erwin raising a bushy eyebrow.  
Levi ran his hands back through his raven hair, his bangs falling neatly back into place as his fingers passed through them.  
“How long have I loved her?” He asked, his eyes narrowing. “Long before Mike ever took an interest in her...since I first set eyes on her.”  
Erwin blinked in surprise. “Ten years? For crying out loud Levi, why the hell did you never tell her?”   
“Why do you think?” Snapped Levi, tears were still forming in his cold grey eyes despite his best efforts to stop them. “Everyone I’ve ever cared about has died at the hands of the titans...Isabel, Farlan, my comrades...”  
Erwin shook his head and placed a large hand on Levi’s left shoulder in an effort to comfort him. It was so strange seeing him like this, usually his emotions never showed themselves, in fact Erwin would’ve gone as far as to say it was almost unnerving to see the usually stoic captain in such a state.  
“You thought you’d lose her the way you lost everyone else?” He asked softly. “What if she’d have felt the same back then? You could’ve saved yourself a lot of pain and you wouldn’t have needed to suffer in silence all these years.”  
“Tch, what’s your point? She doesn’t feel the same...she never will.” He folded his arms across his chest and looked away as a single tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. “She never even noticed my existence until recently, I was nothing more than just another soldier in her eyes...I thought I could push my feelings for her aside, I almost succeeded when Mike took an interest in her and she fell in love with him.” He paused and sighed. “Then he died and made me promise to look after her, the bastard did it on purpose I know he did! He knew how I felt about her...He knew damn well I never did manage to rid myself of my feelings for her. Tch, not that it matters, she probably hates me now.”  
“Oh I doubt that very much.” Smiled Erwin knowingly. “She was extremely concerned for your welfare on the expedition. She even rode in the wagon with you to keep an eye on you while you were unconscious..”  
He paused for a moment before continuing, his smile fading slightly at the look of confusion on Levi’s face, the shorter man had no memory of what happened after you had rescued Hitch from being eaten...he didn’t even remember passing out.  
“Levi, she risked her own life to bring you back alive. She had her squad help her haul your unconscious body onto her horse and then outrun an ambush! Furthermore if she hadn’t have ordered young Eren Jaeger to assume his titan form when a group of abnormals threatened to storm through the formation on the return journey you wouldn’t be alive and neither would she...or anyone else for that matter. Also according to Hanji she refused to leave your side until we were back behind the safety of the wall.”  
Levi raised an eyebrow but said nothing.  
“I think you should let her calm down and then try talking to her about how you feel.” Advised Erwin. “From the sounds of it, the poor girls obviously confused and needs time to get things straight in her mind. She’s already had her heart broken once, If you want my honest opinion I think you just freaked her out because you reminded her of Mike and that’s led her to believe that she’s betrayed him.”  
Levi sighed and rolled his eyes.   
“What’s to be confused about?” He asked curiously, he had a very evident lack of knowledge when it came to love and relationships. He’d never even been in a relationship before, it was just something he never bothered with because of all the death and destruction that was life with the Survey Corps.  
“It’s been four months since Mike died, she’s had time to grieve and accept his death. However I think the reason she’s confused by her feelings is because this is the first time she’s tried to move forward from what’s happened.” Explained Erwin. “She obviously cares about you and I would actually say there is a possibility she returns your feelings for her, otherwise she wouldn’t have reacted the way she did when you were injured and she definitely wouldn’t have let you kiss her...I think the only reason she rejected you is because you just did something to remind her of Mike and it freaked her out.”  
Levi’s frown deepened.  
“Give her time, I’m sure things will work themselves out.” Smiled Erwin.  
He pushed himself up from the desk and turned to leave.  
“Get some sleep Levi, you look like you need it. That’s an order by the way.”  
Erwin then turned and walked out of the office, closing the door behind him.  
Levi shook his head and stood from his seat, turning to look out of the window. His eyes scanned the courtyard for any signs of life, eventually spotting you and Hanji making your way across to the other side in the pale moonlight.   
His breath hitched in his throat as you suddenly stopped and turned back. He wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it or not, but you seemed to look directly up at his window for a brief moment before walking away…


	48. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an accusation is made against Levi by Erwin, Reader's confusion over her feelings leads her to go off on a violent rampage which leads to a confrontation with Levi...

You tossed and turned all through the night, every time you closed your eyes all you could see was Levi staring at you like you’d plunged a knife into his heart.  
You pushed yourself up and untangled your limbs from the thin sheets as the sun started to rise, making your way to the wardrobe. You pulled out your dress uniform and laid it on your bed, you were just about to close the door when your gaze was caught by Mike’s jacket hung up next to one of yours.  
Sighing deeply you stared at it long and hard, raising your hand to it you gently stroked one of the wings of freedom emblems.  
“Did you make Levi promise to take care of me on purpose?” You asked softly. “You knew he had feelings for me...didn’t you? Was this your plan all along? If something happened to you…” You trailed off and closed your eyes as you felt the familiar burning of tears trying to release themselves.  
You shook your head and closed the door.  
After you got dressed and sorted your hair you picked up your peaked cap and went to sit at your desk, you fiddled with your quill and looked over at some paperwork that needed finishing.  
“No time like the present.” You shrugged, breakfast wasn’t for another hour at least and you needed to do something to take your mind off the events of last night.

Levi slowly raised his head from his desk and blinked in the dim morning light that streamed into his office.  
He groaned and ran a hand through his hair, pushing himself upright.   
He winced as he felt his left side ache, sleeping at his desk sure as hell hadn’t done him any favours.  
His thoughts slowly turned to you, part of him wanted to see you and make sure you were okay after last night while the other part of him wanted to avoid you like you were some plague ridden beast.  
You’d not been able to look at him after the kiss, had he really hurt you that much with that one careless gesture of affection?   
He regretted doing it, he wished he could go back and try again. He’d come so close to having his feelings for you reciprocated, but then he went and messed it all up.  
“Erwin’s wrong, she doesn’t have feelings for me at all. It’s always been one sided, she’ll never feel the same way.” He muttered, rubbing his hands over his face to try and wake himself up.  
He shook his head and gripped his side as he stood up, heading over to his bedroom to change into his dress uniform. There was no way he’d be able to avoid you today, he would just have to try and keep his composure and hope for the best. 

A knock on the door broke your concentration on your paperwork.  
“Who is it?”  
‘Please don’t be Levi!’ You thought nervously.  
“It’s okay f/n it’s me.”  
You sighed with relief.  
“Come in Hanji.” You called as you finished signing the last document.  
The door opened and Hanji slowly appeared, closing the door behind her.  
“Hey how you feeling today?” She asked, slowly approaching you.  
“Like I’ve been trying to single handedly take on fifty titans at once.” You yawned, stretching your arms above your head.  
“Did you manage to get any sleep?”   
You shook your head and rubbed your eyes.  
“No, every time I closed my eyes all I could see was Levi staring at me like I’d tried to kill him. What am I going to do Hanji? He must hate me so much right now.”  
“You’re not going to be able to avoid him you know.” Said Hanji gently, she picked up your peaked cap and held it out to you.  
“I know.” You replied, taking it from her and putting it on.  
“At least this stupid thing means I can avoid eye contact with him though.”  
“You really need to talk to him f/n, I’d imagine he’s feeling as bad as you do...maybe worse. You did reject him after all.”  
“I will talk to him at some point today I promise, but in my own time okay? I need time to think first.”  
Hanji smiled sadly and nodded.  
You stood from your seat and left the office, heading down to the mess hall.

The quiet atmosphere of the mess hall did nothing to improve how you were feeling after the events of last night.  
Hanji sighed and stared at you sympathetically as you stared down at your cup of tea.  
“You should really try and eat something Sweetie.” She tried, noting the lack of food in front of you.  
“I’m not hungry.” You muttered, sipping your tea and sniffing as you stared down into your cup.  
“Ah f/n, how are you today?”   
You flinched nervously and looked to see Commander Erwin standing over you.  
“I’ve been better Sir.” You replied as you turned your gaze back to your cup of tea, running a finger around the rim of the cup.  
“I require a word in my office when you’re ready.” He said neutrally.  
“Is this about last night Sir?” You asked cautiously, but you already knew the answer.   
“It is.”  
You swallowed hard and looked up at him again.  
“Do I have to?”   
Erwin looked you straight in the eye, his face was set in a frown.  
“I’m afraid I must insist.”  
You nodded and bit your lip nervously.  
“Can we get this over with then now please?”  
“We can.”  
You looked over at Hanji who had remained silent throughout the conversation. She nodded at you but said nothing.  
You finished your cup of tea and picked up your peaked cap, putting it on as you followed Erwin out of the mess hall, passing Levi on the way out.  
You looked at him with wide worried eyes, he looked like he’d barely slept. He met your gaze for a split second with the usual emotionless look in his cold grey eyes before turning away, causing a dull ache to grasp at your chest.  
‘Wow I really hurt him last night didn’t I?’ You thought, your lower lip trembling as guilt once again threatened to overwhelm you.  
“Shorty over here!”   
You glanced back and saw Hanji calling Levi over to sit with her before Erwin noticed you were no longer following him.  
“F/n, if you don’t mind.” He said clearing his throat to get your attention.  
“Sorry Sir.” You replied quietly, following him back through the castle to his office.

“What do you want Shitty Glasses?”  
“You look as rough as f/n does, what actually happened last night?”  
“I’m not discussing it with you.” Sneered Levi, narrowing his eyes at her as he sat down and placed his cup of tea on the table.  
Hanji decided to change tactics.  
“If you care about f/n as much as I think you do, you’d want to know why she freaked out like she did.”  
Levi rolled his eyes, he regretted sitting with Hanji in an instant. He already knew why you freakout out the way you did and he knew it was his fault.  
“Come on Levi!” Pleaded Hanji, using his name instead of her annoying nickname for him to convey how worried she was.   
“F/n had a meltdown last night, she was on the brink of doing something stupid.”  
“Nice try Shitty Glasses, but I’m not discussing her or anything else with you.”  
“What the hell is wrong with you?” She whisper shouted, leaning across the table. “F/n was in a terrible state last night, don’t you care?”  
“Tch, f/n has probably already filled you in on what happened last night, so why do you feel the need to interrogate me about it?”  
Hanji sighed and shook her head, this was going to be like getting blood from a stone.

You reached Erwin’s office and followed him in.  
“Take a seat f/n.”  
You obeyed and kept your gaze on the floor as Erwin moved to stand in front of you and leaned back against his desk.   
“Now, I’ve already heard Levi’s side of the story about what happened last night, so what’s yours?” He asked, his tone softened slightly.  
You swallowed hard, remembering what happened.  
“I was helping Levi sort out his injury from the expedition...and he kissed me, I freaked out and rejected him...as soon as I’d sorted his injury I ran off.”  
“Is that all?” Asked Erwin raising his eyebrows and folding his arms across his chest.  
“Yes Sir.” You replied.  
“F/n look at me.”  
You cautiously looked up and swallowed hard upon seeing the seriousness in his icy blue eyes.  
“He didn’t...force himself on you did he?”  
Your eyes widened in horror and you nearly fell backwards off the chair.  
“WHAT? NO!” You screamed, making Erwin jump. “No he wouldn’t do something like that! Why the hell would you think that?”   
“Okay, okay calm down.” Said Erwin hurriedly, he squatted in front of you and rested his large hands on your shoulders.  
“I didn’t mean to upset you...I had to ask, I’m sorry. I’m not saying he would knowingly do anything like that, he might just have been messed up from all the painkillers the physicians had to no doubt force down him.”  
You stared at him in shock. Your whole body was trembling, your chest was heaving and you felt like you wanted to vomit.  
‘How the hell could he think Levi would do anything like that? He’d never intentionally hurt another person unless he was provoked.’  
“F/n you bolted past me like a titan was chasing you last night, I had to make sure nothing like that took place.”  
“No, he didn’t do anything I didn’t consent to. As soon as I pulled away from him he apologised and that was the end of it.”  
‘That wasn’t the end of it though was it?’ You thought bitterly, remembering the brief glare he gave you in the mess hall. ‘He kissed me and I rejected him without an explanation as to why.’  
“I see.” Said Erwin as he released his grip on you and stood up.  
“You can leave now.”   
You nodded and stood up, walking towards the door.  
“F/n one more thing.” Said Erwin.  
You turned round and looked at him.  
“I do apologise for upsetting you, but you do understand why I had to ask don’t you? I mean the state you were in last night when you bolted past me...you can’t blame me for being suspicious. As the commander it’s my responsibility to make sure nothing untoward happens between the soldiers that I have under my jurisdiction.”  
You nodded.  
I understand Sir.”  
“Alright, off you go.”  
As you left the office and closed the door behind you, Erwin leaned back on his desk and folded his arms with a sigh, shaking his head.

You got back to your office and kicked the door shut behind you, slamming your back against it and burying your head in your hands as a frustrated growl tore through your throat  
The past four months had been hard enough with all the extra training and then the expedition, then just as you were finally starting to see a way forward without Mike by your side all hell broke loose.  
“Fucking sick bastard!” You yelled.   
You stormed up to your desk and picked up a glass, launching it at the wall shattering it on impact.  
“How dare he!”   
You kicked the desk.  
“You stupid fucking bitch!” You screamed at yourself.   
“This is all your fault! You did this!”

Outside in the corridor Hanji was hurrying towards Erwin’s office.  
Despite her best efforts, Levi had refused to talk about what happened last night.  
She had to pass by your office on the way to Erwin’s and decided she should probably drop in on you first to make sure you were okay.  
Suddenly a loud shout made her jump.  
“Fucking sick bastard!”  
“That sounds like f/n!” She gasped, hearing the sound of glass shattering.  
“What the hell is that racket?” Snapped a voice behind her.  
“Shorty!” She yelled, turning around and seeing a certain short raven haired captain walking towards her. “Just the man I need.”  
Levi eyed her suspiciously, but another shout interrupted him before he could speak.  
“How dare he!”  
Levi’s eyes widened a fraction.  
“Is that f/n?” He asked raising an eyebrow as more thuds sounded from your office.  
“Oh boy, Erwin must’ve said something really bad to rile her up like this.”  
Muttered Hanji worriedly.  
“You stupid fucking bitch! You did this!”  
Levi and Hanji looked at each other before dashing further down the corridor to the door that led to your office.  
“F/n? What’s happened?” Yelled Hanji, banging on the door but not daring to enter.  
“Piss off Shitty Glasses!” You snarled from inside the office, a loud bang reverberated through the door causing Hanji to recoil from it.   
“You know if she wasn’t raging like a rabid beast in there, I’d have actually found that funny.” Remarked Hanji.  
“F/n what the fuck are you doing in there?” Yelled Levi through the door.  
“Leave me alone!” You shouted back.  
Levi narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth.  
“Don’t make me come in there f/n!” He snarled. “I can quite easily have you restrained in the cells for the day.”  
“Oh really? Bring it on you short ass bastard!”   
“Now do you believe me about her having a meltdown?” Questioned Hanji, folding her arms. “Maybe I should go find Erwin.”  
“No don’t.” Muttered Levi. “I’ll deal with her.”  
“You really want to go in there while she’s like this?” Asked Hanji raising an eyebrow. “Shorty...she’ll eat you alive!”  
“You forget I’m the only person in the entire regiment who can beat her in hand to hand combat.” Remarked Levi.  
“Good luck, you’re probably not going to come out in one piece.”  
“Tch, I think I can handle her.”  
“Just try not to lose the plot and end up strangling her again.”  
Levi ignored Hanji’s remark and didn’t even bother knocking on the door, he just walked straight in and closed it behind him.  
Upon entering your office he raised an eyebrow, seeing you stood with your back to him.  
You were leaning on the desk, your breaths were coming out in short sharp bursts, your shoulders were shaking through your rage as you struggled to calm down.  
“If that’s you Hanji, I suggest you leave now before I do something I regret!”  
Your voice shook as you spoke, you really didn’t know if you could control yourself at the moment.  
This was the worst fit of rage you’d ever experienced, you were actually worried that you were going to hurt someone this time, hence the reason you had told Hanji and Levi to leave you alone.  
Levi cautiously approached you and reached out to you, placing a hand on your shoulder.  
“What the fuck did I just say Four Eyes?”   
You instantly spun round and grabbed his shirt collar, preparing to lose your temper again. Your eyes widened as you faced a pair of cold grey eyes and realized he wasn’t Hanji.  
“Oh it’s you...What do you want?” You muttered, immediately letting him go and stepping away from him.  
Levi looked around the office, there was shattered glass by the right wall and the chair that was usually reserved for guests was on its side near the main door.  
“What’s rattled your cage this time?” He remarked, folding his arms.  
“Well that’s more like the Levi I know.” You snorted angrily.  
Levi’s brow furrowed.  
“Tch, what’s that supposed to mean?”   
“Don’t give me that bullshit you know exactly what I mean!”  
Levi rubbed his hand over his eyes, pushing his peaked cap up slightly.   
“Damnit f/n, what the hell is going on inside that head of yours?” He groaned, he hated having to deal with you when you were like this.  
“Don’t pretend you give a shit Levi!” You sneered. “You could barely look me in the eye this morning!”  
“As opposed to you couldn’t look at me last night!” He snarled back. Screw the calm approach now, you were really starting to try what little patience he had.  
“I’m looking at you now aren’t I?” You challenged, changing the subject.   
“So do you mind explaining what the hell last night was about? Or were you too fucked up on all the pain meds the physicans no doubt forced down you to even realize what the hell you were doing? You fucking kissed me Levi!”  
Levi’s eyes narrowed at you.  
“What the? Fucked on on pain meds? Where the hell did you get that idea from?”  
Then suddenly it hit him, when he saw you earlier as you were leaving the mess hall you’d been following Erwin.  
‘So that’s why Shitty Glasses said Erwin must’ve said something bad to rile her up like this!’  
“What’s Erwin said to you?” He asked cautiously, determined not to set off your violent temper again.  
You started trembling as you cast your mind back to what happened in Erwin’s office.  
“He asked me what happened last night between us.” You tried to keep your voice steady, but it was no good.   
“He...He asked me if you…He asked me if you forced yourself on me last night!” You screamed, violently kicking the desk again out of sheer frustration.  
The usually stoic man’s eyes went wide with horror.  
“He did what?” Yelled Levi, his arms dropping to his sides.  
“I can’t believe he had the nerve to even think it, I told him that you’d never do anything like that.”  
“That kind of explains why you’ve trashed your office.” Mused Levi, looking around at the small mess you had made.  
You sighed and rubbed your hands over your face to try and rid your eyes of the tears that were threatening to spill from them.  
“Look Levi, I...I’m really sorry about last night…”   
You lowered your hands and stared at him, wishing you could go back and change what happened. “Believe me the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. You have no fucking idea how guilty I feel over it.”  
Levi stared at you silently, making you feel uneasy. However you needed to get this off your chest, you felt like you’d go insane if you didn’t.  
“It wasn’t you kissing me that made me uncomfortable...it was that...I felt like I was betraying Mike in some way.”  
Levi’s expression softened slightly.   
“So what are you trying to say exactly?” He asked, his brow furrowed as he slowly walked towards you.  
You gritted your teeth and choked back a sob, lowering your head and hiding your gaze beneath your peaked cap.  
“F/n?” Asked Levi.  
Your shoulders shook, as you fought to stay calm.  
“I’ve already lost Mike...I thought I’d lose you as well yesterday…” Your voice pitch increased in frustration. “Oh for fucks sake what am I even saying? You’re not even mine to lose!” You turned your back on him, burying you face in your hands. Why couldn’t things just be simpler? Why did everything that came out of your mouth at the moment have to sound so...wrong?  
Levi’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, he was slowly starting to believe what Erwin had said about you last night.  
He reached out and gently took hold of your right arm, turning you back to face him.  
“F/n, look at me.”  
You cautiously raised your head and stared into his cold grey eyes, you could see the softness in them once more that had become so familiar to you over the past few months.   
However before you could say anything he completely caught you off guard with his next question.  
“Do you have feelings for me?”  
Your eyes widened and swallowed hard, holding his gaze and feeling yourself tremble.  
‘Shit what do I do?’ You thought, he could always tell when you were lying.   
Levi stared at you expectantly, not sure if he was really ready to hear the answer but he knew deep down there was no turning back now for either of you. Not after last night...  
You nervously held his gaze and gave him your answer...


	49. The Truth Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader finally admits how she feels about Levi, but where do they go from here?

“Yes.”  
Levi’s eyes widened as he continued to stare at you.  
You swallowed hard, not sure what to expect.   
“How long?” He asked cautiously, still unable to believe your answer.  
“A month before the expedition.” You replied, folding your arms and averting your gaze.  
He raised his left hand to your face and gently pulled your head back to face him, running his thumb over your right cheek.  
“F/n why didn’t you just tell me? I thought we’d gotten past you being awkward around me.”   
“What did you want me to do? Just walk up to you one day and say “Hey Levi I think I have feelings for you!” The truth is...it feels like moving on means I’m betraying Mike in some way and...” You swallowed hard and bit your lip nervously. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re playing second best to someone who’s dead.”   
Levi’s brows furrowed as he tried to get his head around the current situation  
You sighed deeply and spoke again, there was no point in holding back anymore.  
“Levi...you deserve so much better than some fucked up head case like me.”  
Levi frowned at your words, unable to believe what he was hearing.   
“Grieving the loss of someone who meant something to you doesn’t make you a fucked up head case.”He said softly, maybe it was time to finally tell you the truth...  
“F/n...You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you to return my feelings for you.” He rested his forehead against yours and closed his eyes.   
“What...what are you talking about?” You asked nervously, your eyes fluttered closed as you tried to calm your now racing heart.  
“Ten years is a long time to care about someone and know they don’t feel the same.” He muttered, causing your eyes to snap open.  
“What?” Your jaw dropped open in disbelief.  
“I understand your head’s a mess at the moment...but that doesn’t change the way I feel about you. When I kissed you last night, it was because I wanted to and...I thought it was what you wanted as well after what happened in the library the night before.”  
He pulled back from you and looked into your eyes again, studying every fleck of colour that made up your irises.  
“Look, I wasn’t completely honest with you the day Mike died…” He paused for a moment remembering Mike’s words.   
“He didn’t just tell me to look after you, he told me to make sure you-”  
You cut him off, already knowing what he would say.  
“Moved on and found someone else to make me happy.” You sighed. “Hanji already told me last night.”  
“Tch, typical Shitty Glasses.”  
A small smile crossed your face for a moment, but it soon disappeared as Levi brought his other hand up and rested on your other cheek, he gently held your head so you couldn’t turn away from him.  
“I understand that you need time to work things out in your head after last night f/n.” He said softly, still staring into your e/c eyes. “If you’re willing to give me a chance, then I’m yours...if not…” He paused and swallowed hard. “Well...that’s your choice to make. Either way I still have a promise to keep, I just want you to be happy...even if it’s not with me.”  
Your eyes widened, you opened your mouth to speak but Levi silenced you by gently placing a single kiss on your forehead, looking into your eyes one last time and then leaving the office.  
Your entire body trembled as you heard the door close.   
How could you have misjudged him so badly? All the harsh stares, all the distance he put between himself and the world by wearing that stoic mask...and yet he was still capable of forging emotional connections with people.   
All this time he’d had feelings for you and you’d never even noticed, you had just gone through life concentrating on serving humanity while Levi was trying to hide his true feelings towards you. How could he bare it? How hard must he have fought to keep them hidden?  
Just when you thought you couldn’t feel any worse, something else clicked in your brain.  
“Mike!” You gasped.  
How must Levi have felt when Mike took an interest in you? When you feel in love with him and the pair of you started a relationship?  
A shuddering breath escaped you, remembering Hanji’s words…  
“He was devastated when you fell in love with Mike.”  
You screwed your eyes shut and shook your head rapidly, desperately trying not to cry.  
‘All those times I got close to him recently, the fact I started to trust him as more than just a comrade...what the hell must’ve been going through his mind last night when I rejected him?’   
You couldn’t stop the tears as you crumpled to your knees and buried your face in your hands.

Levi returned to his office and leaned back against the door, closing his eyes he exhaled deeply.  
“Damnit.” He muttered.   
Pushing himself off the door he walked back towards his desk and sat down, removing his cap and placing it on the desk. He leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his raven hair.   
Now he knew you had feelings for him, he couldn’t help but feel like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. More than anything he was relieved to finally know the truth of why you rejected him last night.   
‘So Erwin wasn’t lying after all.’ He mused internally.  
He sighed deeply knowing he shouldn’t get his hopes up, but he desperately wanted to believe you would be willing to give him a chance. It was obvious you were still in a fragile state of mind and he refused to put any pressure on your for a decision, he cared about you too much to do that to you.   
However he couldn’t help but wonder what it would mean for the pair of you if you decided you couldn’t be with him, how would it affect your friendship? He couldn’t bare the idea of having that close bond you now shared ripped away from him.  
One thing was crystal clear in his mind though, he was furious with Erwin for asking you if he had forced himself on you. He could never do such a vile thing to any woman, especially one he loved. It made him feel physically sick to think that the thought had even crossed Erwin’s mind.  
‘That bushy browed bastard, I thought he knew me better than that!’  
A knock on the door soon jarred him from his thoughts.  
“Levi it’s Erwin, are you in there?”  
‘Well what a coincidence.’  
“Yes I am.” Growled Levi, he hadn’t meant sounds so harsh but he couldn’t help himself.  
The door opened and Erwin entered the office.  
“I came to check on you after last night...are you okay?”  
“What? You think I’m going to force myself on f/n again?”  
He’d spat the words out before he even had time to engage his brain and stop himself.  
Erwin froze to the spot and lowered his head.  
“Ah...I take it you’ve spoken to her then?”  
Levi’s lips curled up into a sneer.  
“Shitty Glasses and I found her trashing her office because of you!”  
“I see…” Said Erwin bluntly, keeping his gaze on the floor.  
“Has she calmed down now?”  
“Just about.” Remarked Levi folding his arms.   
Erwin drew a breath and looked up to face the shorter man.  
“Levi, I need you to understand…”  
“Understand what Erwin?” Snarled Levi, somehow he kept his voice low and steady, which unnerved the taller blonde man. “How long have we known each other? Do you honestly think I would do something so disgusting? I wouldn’t do that to a stranger let alone someone I love!”  
Erwin stepped forward and raised his head.  
“Levi...I’m sorry, but for all I knew you might not have been thinking clearly.” He paused for a moment. “You didn’t see the look in f/n’s eyes when she sprinted past me last night.”  
Levi glared at him, raising one eyebrow.  
“Maybe not, but she trusts me and she knows I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her.”  
Erwin sighed and leaned on the desk, looking down at his subordinate.  
“So what else did she tell you?”  
Levi swallowed hard.  
“You were right.” He muttered. “She does have feelings for me.”  
Erwin smiled knowingly.   
“Don’t you dare say I told you so!” Growled the raven haired captain.  
The taller man chuckled.   
“Hanji and I had our suspicions, so where do you two go from here?”  
Levi sighed and looked away.  
“I’m not going to pressure her to make a decision as to whether or not she wants to be with me if that’s what you’re asking. I’m still going to honor my promise to Mike whatever she decides.”  
Erwin nodded.   
“People can say what they want about you Levi, but you have a good heart beneath that angry glare.”  
“Tch, you wanna remove your tongue from my ass? It’s clean enough up there that I can feel it tickling my prostate!”   
Erwin laughed and shook his head patting Levi on the shoulder.  
“I’m sure things will work themselves out for you and f/n, she does care a lot about you and the last thing she will want to do is hurt you.”  
Levi didn’t respond.  
“As I said, just give her some time. By the way, there’s an expedition debrief in the main meeting room in an hour, your attendance is expected of course.”  
“I’ll be there.” Replied Levi bluntly.  
With that Erwin left the office, closing the door quietly behind him and leaving the shorter man alone with his thoughts.

“F/n? Are you okay in there?” Asked Hanji worriedly knocking on your office door.  
You raised your head and looked in the direction of the door, had she not left when Levi came in?  
You stood up and dusted your trousers down, straightening your uniform and cap.  
“Come in Hanji.” You called, hastily wiping away your tears and trying to regain your composure.  
“Hey, what happened?” She asked, closing the door behind her and rushing towards you.  
“Levi...he…” You were so shocked and upset you couldn’t even form words properly. “Hanji, you said last night that he’s had feelings for me for years...why did you never tell me?”  
Hanji swallowed hard and shook her head.  
“I knew how uncomfortable you were around him so I thought it best not to.”  
“Ten years Hanji.” You replied with a harsh sob. “Ten fucking years he’s had feelings for me!”  
Hanji’s eyes widened, her jaw dropping open at the same time.  
“F/n I...I had no idea it was that long, I thought it was only around three or four years...not ten!”  
“I can’t...I just can’t.” You buried your face in your hands again for a brief moment to try and regain your composure. “I can’t get my head around it.”  
“It is a lot to take in considering everything you’ve been through recently…”  
Before you could reply a knock on the door interrupted you.  
“Enter.” You called.  
The door opened and Erwin walked in.  
“Ah Hanji you’re here too, good that saves me a trip.”  
The pair of you stood up straight and looked at the commander.  
“There’s an expedition debrief in one hour, I’ll be holding it in the main meeting room.  
“We’ll be there.” Replied Hanji.  
Erwin nodded and turned his full attention to you.  
“Are you alright f/n?” He asked, his bushy brows furrowing slightly.  
“Fine Sir.” You replied evenly.   
Erwin nodded but he wasn’t convinced.   
“Then I shall see you both in an hour.”  
With that Erwin turned and left the office, quietly closing the door behind him.  
“So what are you going to do about Shorty?” Asked Hanji.  
You sighed and leaned back on your desk.  
“I’m going to take your advice and think things through, make my mind up about where we go from here and then once I’ve decided...he’ll be the first person to know.”  
Hanji smiled warmly and nodded.  
“Alright, well I’ll leave you to it then, see you at the meeting.”  
“Yeah see you later.” You replied with a sigh, staring at the door after she left with a mournful look in your e/c eyes.  
“Damnit.” 

After cleaning up the mess you made throwing things around your office, you made your way to the meeting room.  
You passed Levi’s office on the way and sighed deeply.  
Recently if there was a meeting taking place one of you would’ve come and gotten the other and you would’ve gone together. You stopped outside his door for a moment and raised your fist to knock but hesitated and lowered it. Shaking your head sadly, you continued your journey to the main meeting room.  
You happened to glance out of one of the lead lined windows to your left a while you walked and noticed that several of the scouts were building funeral pyres, a regular activity the day after an expedition but not one that anyone ever wanted to do.  
Your brows furrowed in thought as you stood and watched for a few moments, if things had been different yesterday you might’ve ended up adding Levi’s body to one of the pyres ready for cremation later on that evening.  
Your eyes widened at your dark thoughts and violent chill ran down your spine.   
No that wasn’t the case thankfully, Levi was still alive and set to make a full recovery, something which you were truly thankful for. However it did nothing to ease the pain of losing Nanaba and the other scouts you had served with...

Upon reaching the meeting room you found Hanji and Erwin already in there.  
“Hey f/n how are you?” Asked Hanji in her typical happy tone of voice.  
“I’m fine.” You shrugged, stifling a yawn and taking a seat next to her.  
“Did you manage to speak to Reiner and Krista about their permanent assignment to your squad yet?” Asked Erwin, shuffling a few papers around the table in front of him.  
“Not yet Sir, I’m hoping to do that after this meeting.”  
Erwin nodded, regarding you with an icy stare.  
“How are things between you and Levi?”  
“We’re still on speaking terms Sir.” You replied neutrally. “Although we believe we need a small break from each other for now though to evaluate where we go after last night.”  
“I see.” Said Erwin, his gaze softened slightly. “Well whatever you choose to do, make sure you are confident in your decision. Do you remember what I told you four months ago?”  
“Yes Sir, I must make the choice between what is best for me or what is best for others.”  
“That’s correct.” Said Erwin, clearly pleased that his advice had been taken on board. “I have some more advice for you regarding that f/n.”  
You raised your eyebrows and waited for him to continue.  
“Whatever choice you make...do not regret making it. Nobody can predict the outcome, but each decision you make holds meaning only by affecting your next decision.” He paused and stared straight into your e/c eyes. “Do you understand what i’m telling you f/n?”  
“I understand Sir.” You swallowed hard and nodded.   
Erwin nodded and returned to sorting out his paperwork ready for the meeting to commence, only looking up when the door to the main meeting room opened and Levi walked in.  
Levi paused after closing the door and furrowed his brows as everyone’s attention fell on him.  
“Hiya Shorty!” Smiled Hanji, breaking the awkward silence that had descended over the room.  
“How’s your side?” You asked cautiously. Since you rejected him after he kissed you last night you’d unfortunately found yourself feeling awkward around him again.   
Levi’s gaze softened beneath his peaked cap when he turned his full attention to you.  
“Still sore.” He replied evenly, taking the seat opposite you.  
You nodded and leaned back in your seat, unsure of what else to say. You still had a lot to consider about how you and Levi moved forward from the events of last night and Erwin’s advice was heavily influencing that train of thought…

Once all the other officers arrived Erwin stood from his seat and prepared to begin the debrief of yesterday’s expedition.  
You sighed and looked round the room at the serious looks on all the other officers faces, your heart aching slightly at the sight of the empty seats that should have been occupied by a few other officers that were seriously injured and unable to attend or worse...killed like Nanaba.  
“I’ll try and keep this brief!” Said Erwin, looking over the paperwork in his right hand.  
“As you’re all aware, yesterday’s expedition ended in yet another failure.” He paused for a moment and looked around the room at the faces of every officer in the meeting, noting the varying expressions on their faces. “We didn’t even manage to make it to the halfway point of the Klorva District.”  
Squad Leader Dita Ness spoke up at this point.  
“Sir, I have a question.”  
All eyes turned to him and Erwin raised his bushy eyebrows.  
“Is there no way we can launch an expedition from a location closer to Shiganshina?”  
You and Hanji exchanged a glance before looking back to the commander.  
“I wish that were possible.” Said Erwin evenly. “Had the outer gate in Trost still been operational we would’ve continued to launch or missions from there, as it stands that option is no longer available to us.”  
“So how bad was the final death toll for this expedition?” Asked one of the other officers.  
You nervously bit you lip and waited for the answer, folding your arms and leaning forward.  
Erwin shuffled his papers around again and looked at his subordinates.  
“The final death toll for this mission was a thirty percent fatality rate with five percent of the bodies unrecoverable.”  
“So a big reduction on our last expedition then?” Noted one of the other female squad leaders.  
“Yeah but we have Squad Leader l/n to thank for that.” Smiled Ness, nodding towards you from his seat next to Levi.  
Your e/c eyes widened as everyone’s attention fell on you.  
“You did us proud.” Stated Ness. “We all doubted you and like the hot headed stubborn little madam you are you proved us wrong.”  
You laughed and shook your head, fighting the blush that was rising on your cheeks.  
“I just went with my instincts and made a choice which I thought would benefit the regiment. I also happen to believe that the intense training with the new recruits over the past three months played a major part in it as well. Some of them really proved themselves assets to our cause out there yesterday”  
Erwin nodded while Hanji smiled and gave you a pat on the back.  
“The intense new training regime has indeed improved our prospects for future expeditions, so it is something I intend to continue with.” Said Erwin, pulling everyone’s attention back to himself.  
“I also intend to start allowing the capture of more titans for research purposes, I believe that by making more use of Eren Jaeger’s titan abilities this will make studying them and finding more ways to bring about their demise a lot easier.”  
Hanji nearly jumped out of her seat with excitement at the idea of having more titans to mess around with.   
“Now are there any questions?”  
You looked around the room but no one spoke up.  
“Very well, then this meeting is at its conclusion. You’re all dismissed.”  
You all stood from your seats and left the meeting room, once outside the meeting room you removed your peaked cap and ran a hand back through your h/l h/c hair, exhaling deeply.  
“You okay f/n?” Asked Hanji, resting a hand on your shoulder.  
“Yeah I’ll be fine, I just have a lot to think about.”  
“You mean you and Shorty?” She smiled knowingly.  
You nodded and and frowned.  
“I’ll give you some space then. I can’t wait to tell Moblit that we’re going to be getting more test subjects!”  
You laughed and waved her away, watching her bounce off down the corridor singing excitedly about experiment ideas and nearly knocking Levi off his feet as she ran past him.  
“Watch where you’re going Shitty Glasses!” He snapped, rubbing his injured side.   
You laughed and stared at him, feeling your heart race as your gaze locked with his for a few moments before you turned and walked away.  
Levi frowned and watched you leave, it was painful for him not to be around you after all the time you’d spent together recently. However he knew he needed to give you time to think and he would wait as long as it took for you to finally make a decision about whether the pair of you had a future together or not...no matter how short it might be.


	50. Decision Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the bodies of the comrades are cremated, Reader makes a huge decision about her future with Levi

You made your way out to the courtyard where the other scouts were still building three funeral pyres for the cremation of the deceased soldier at sunset.  
Looking around you finally found your squad members working on building the third pyre. You watched them sympathetically as you approached them.  
“Morning guys.”   
Krista was the first to turn around, her eyes widened and she instantly saluted.  
“Ma’am…” She faltered, furrowing her brows as she tried to work out your identity.  
You laughed and removed your cap allowing her to see your face properly.  
“Oh it’s you Squad Leader.” She blushed. “I...I didn’t recognize you in that uniform.”  
“A lot of people didn’t when they first saw me in it, this is only my second time wearing it.” You smiled, putting your cap back on.  
“Well you look very smart.”  
“Thank you, so how are you all feeling?”  
“I’m fine thank you Squad Leader.” Said Krista.  
“Ready to get back out there.” Smirked Reiner as he, Eren and Mikasa now turned to face you.  
“Still a little groggy.” Admitted Eren. “It’s been a while since I transformed and I took quite a pasting yesterday.”  
“I’m okay.” Said Mikasa evenly.  
You nodded and folded your arms.  
“I’m glad I’ve got you all together, I have something to tell you.”  
“Oh?” Asked Eren curiously.  
“Yeah.” You replied. “Krista, Reiner, this first part concerns you two.”  
Krista and Reiner looked at each other and then back at you with curiosity.  
“I had a word with Commander Erwin last night and he’s agreed that I can take you both on as permanent members of my squad...well as permanent as it gets unless you’re promoted.”  
“Really?” Asked Krista, her bright blue eyes were wide, you’d already informed her of your decision to have her put in your squad last night.  
“So what brought this on?” Asked Reiner, placing his hands on his hips and raising an eyebrow at you.  
“Well big guy, you were instrumental in keeping Eren in line yesterday and Krista as I said yesterday, you follow orders well and you’re keen to learn.” You paused a moment, thinking about the three squad members you had lost on the expedition four months ago, it was inevitable that you would have to replace them at some point...but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a painful reminder that nothing was set in stone when it came to who you took on to serve in your squad. “I need scouts like you riding with me when we go beyond the walls.”  
“Well I’ll gladly accept a place on your squad.” Nodded Reiner.  
“Me too.” Smiled Krista.  
“What about that Military Police transfer?” Questioned Mikasa bitterly.  
“I’ve told the commander she was a liability, although I was only forced to have her on my squad for this expedition. I’m assuming I can use my own discretion and remove her now.”  
Mikasa nodded, seemingly satisfied with your answer.  
“Also my next order of business concerns you Eren.” You said sternly.  
Eren gulped while Mikasa narrowed her smoky eyes at you.  
“Nicholas had to report to Commander Erwin about my...inability to make a decision regarding letting you transform yesterday.” You paused and sighed, putting your hands on your hips. “He voiced his concerns about it, but he has admitted that I was under a lot of pressure and because I did eventually manage to bite the bullet and take control he won’t be taking the matter any further.”  
“So is he still a member of this squad?” Asked Mikasa.   
“Yes he is.”   
Eren exhaled deeply, clearly relieved at this news.  
“Although…” You spoke again, making him shift uneasily under your gaze. “We will more than likely be using your titan abilities for capture missions now. Hanji has been given the go ahead to continue running more extensive research on the titans, so they want to utilize you for that.”  
“I’ll do what I can to help.” Replied Eren sincerely, giving you a salute.  
“Alright then, that’s everything for now, I’ll see you guys later.”  
The group nodded and watched you walk away before getting back to work building the funeral pyre, unaware of the conflict that was raging inside your mind...

Levi had retreated back to his office after the post expedition meeting.  
He currently stood looking out of the window, watching what was happening in the courtyard. His gaze falling on you talking to your squad, you were probably filling them in what Erwin had decided about using Eren’s abilities to help capture more test subjects for Hanji.  
He continued to watch as you turned and walked away to the other end of the courtyard, heading over to one of the stone benches and flopping down on it. You rested your arms on your knees and looked at the floor, you were clearly bothered by something if your posture was anything to go by.  
He narrowed his eyes and continued to stare at you, he wasn’t an idiot he knew full well what you were thinking about.  
‘I should’ve just told her how I felt about her instead of making a move on her.” He mused internally, his brows furrowing when he saw you bury your head in your hands. He was certain he’d blown any chance he might have had with you...if he ever had a chance to begin with.  
A knock at the door soon distracted him.  
“Name and business.” He called in a bored tone.  
“You okay in there Shorty?”  
Levi growled and rolled his eyes.   
“Go away Shitty Glasses!” He snapped, she was the last person her wanted to see.  
Much to his annoyance she walked in regardless and approached him.  
“Have you spoken f/n since the meeting?” Asked Hanji, standing beside him.  
“You know damned well I haven’t!” Snarled Levi, keeping his gaze on you. You were still sat on the bench in the courtyard with your head buried in your hands.  
Hanji sighed and giggled.   
“Patience never was your strong point was it?” She questioned.  
“Get out!”   
“Oh calm down, I’m joking!”  
“Do you see me laughing?”  
“I’ve never seen you laugh!” Smirked Hanji. “It would be a fun experiment to see if I could make it happen though...are you ticklish at all?”  
Levi clenched his fists.  
“If you dare lay one filthy finger on me…”  
Hanji giggle again and folded her arms before composing herself in a more serious manner.  
“She won’t drag it out any longer than she has to.”   
Levi didn’t respond.  
“The last thing she wants to do is hurt you.” Continued Hanji. “She won’t drag this out longer than she has to.”  
“I thought I told you to get out?” Remarked Levi, his steel eyed gaze remained locked on you. His brow furrowed as he saw someone approach you, although they had their back to him so he couldn’t tell who it was.  
The bespectacled brunette sighed and shook her head, slowly turning and walking away.   
Only when Levi heard the door open and then close behind her did he finally look round for a moment before turning his attention back to you, however when he did it was to find that you had disappeared.

“Squad Leader l/n.”  
You looked up and sighed upon hearing your name to be greeted by Hitch, she looked tired as she pulled her jacket back around her right shoulder to try and cover her sling.  
“What is it Hitch?” You asked neutrally, meeting her amber eyed gaze.  
“Some scout named Nicholas...well I think he said Nicholas is looking for you.  
“Where is he?”  
“At the stables.”   
“Alright thanks.”   
You stood up and straightened your uniform and adjusted your cap before silently walking away, leaving Hitch to stare at your retreating figure with a frown.  
Upon reaching the stables you found Nicholas stood in front of Sherrett’s stall with Ness.  
“Hey Nicholas, Hitch said you were looking for me.”  
Nicholas spun round and stared at you slack jawed.   
“Damn f/n look at you all done up like the bees knees!”  
You smirked and stopped folding your arms.  
“What are you on about? You saw me wearing this uniform four months ago!”  
“No I’m pretty sure I didn’t.” He replied, smirking as Sherrett leaned her large head over you and snatched your peaked cap.  
“Oi give that back!” You laughed, reaching up to her and pulling it away before she had a chance to chew it.  
Nicholas and Ness laughed and folded their arms, no sooner had you put your cap back on then Midnight decided to get in on the action. He snorted against the nape of your neck to get your attention and then grabbed your hat before flinging it across the stable front.  
“Oh you are so not getting any oats from me before I leave!” You waggled an accusing finger at the black stallion, running to retrieve your cap. You returned to Nicholas and Ness, stopping to look at Blaze and patting his neck.  
“Here you go boy, you can have some oats.” You raised your eyebrows at Midnight as you gave Blaze a large handful from the bag next to his stall, Midnight was not amused...he scuffed his hooves against the floor and shook his head.  
“Oh dear!” Laughed Ness, Nicholas just shook his head.  
“Apologize for stealing my hat and I’ll think about giving you some!”   
Midnight leaned over the edge of the stall and licked your face.  
“Oh go on then.” You remarked, grabbing another handful of oats and offering them to him. You smirked when he greedily took them from you.  
“Pushover!” Muttered Ness, giving Sherrett’s neck a pat.  
“Anyway what did you want to talk to me about?” You asked, turning your attention to Nicholas.  
“About last night.” Said Nicholas, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “I erm...I hope I didn’t land you in too much trouble with Commander Erwin...you know about Eren.”  
“Ah you mean when I lost my nerve about letting him assume titan form?”  
“Yeah...that.” He averted his gaze for a moment. “You understand I couldn’t lie about it right? I am sorry, I didn’t want to land you in the brown stuff like that.”  
“It’s fine you didn’t.” You replied. “Admittedly he was a little concerned by it, which I don’t blame him for. He’s not going to take any further action on the matter though.”  
“So nothing to worry about then?” Asked Ness.  
“Nope, it’s all good.” You smiled.  
“Well I’m glad I didn’t get you into trouble.” Said Nicholas. “Have you heard anything about Captain Levi?”  
Your smile visibly shrank at the sound of that name.  
“Yeah I saw him last night, he’ll be back to his normal self in no time.”  
Nicholas nodded.   
“Okay that’s good.”   
“Anyway I gotta go.” You said, trying to keep your voice steady. “I’ll see you guys tonight.”  
“See ya f/n.” Said Ness, waving you away.  
“Okay bye.” Said Nicholas.  
You nodded and walked away, your brows furrowing in thought, you were still nowhere near deciding whether you and Levi had a future together or not...why did everything have to be so damned hard at the moment?

“Hey f/n how are you?”  
You looked up from prodding your lunch and were met by the concerned gaze of your best friend.  
“Take a wild guess.” You grunted, putting your spoon down and sitting back in your seat, folding your arms.  
“So in other words…”Shut up Hanji?” or are you going to call me Shitty Glasses again?”  
You laughed and shook your head.   
“I cannot believe I called you that!”  
Hanji giggled and sat down opposite you.   
“It’s good to see you smile again f/n.”   
You rolled your eyes before responding.  
“Yeah don’t get too used to it.”  
“Still not made your mind up huh?”  
You shook your head and sighed.  
“No. I...I don’t know what to do.”  
Hanji stared at you for a moment or two before speaking again, someone entering the mess hall had caught her attention…  
Unbeknownst to you, Levi raised an eyebrow at her before walking away to sit at the other end of the hall.  
“This is the whole reason I didn’t want to get involved with Mike.” You said suddenly, regaining Hanji’s attention.  
“What do you mean?”   
“Life if so uncertain here, one minute you’re alive and then the next you could be dead. I always told myself I would never get involved with anyone from here because of that reason.”  
“Didn’t work though did it?” Replied Hanji, stirring her soup.  
“No, that’s part of the reason I gave Mike the run around. At first it was because I was hoping my feelings for him would disappear...but they never did.”  
“Well my dear unfortunately combating human emotions isn’t solvable with science or they would’ve made it so no one falls in love.”  
You rolled your eyes and shook your head.  
“If I’d have known then what I know now, I would never have made him chase me like I did.”  
Hanji smiled sympathetically.   
“Oh f/n you know he loved the fact that he had to chase you, it provided him with some amusement in this cruel existence.”  
“I know. “You sighed, lowering your head. “I nearly lost Levi yesterday, you have no idea how much that scared me. I wish I didn’t have feelings for him, but I do.”  
“F/n, it’s okay to have feelings for someone. You’re not some emotionless machine.”  
“I know, but...I just don’t know if I can put myself through that again.” You ran a hand over your eyes to try and stop the tears that were forming in them. “It’s too painful when something happens to them, I never thought I would recover from losing Mike, let alone fall in love with Levi.”  
Hanji smiled sadly and looked at you with sincerity on her puppy brown eyes.  
“But you did, now only you can decide what happens next...Shorty already knows what he wants. He just needs to know what you want.”  
You sighed and rested your head on your left hand, drumming the fingers of your right hand on the table as Erwin’s words about not regretting the decisions you made echoed through your mind. Unfortunately instead of helping your decision they were only making it harder…

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully.  
You retreated to your office after lunch and stayed there until sunset, taking time to try and have a quick nap and write up your report on the expedition ready to hand it in to Erwin first thing tomorrow.  
Your mind was still conflicted about whether you wanted to be with Levi or not, on the one hand you wanted to give him a chance. You’d become close over the past three months and you were genuinely in love with him, but coming so close to seeing him die yesterday reminded you of all the pain and heartache you felt when you lost Mike...could you really put yourself through that again if something were to happen to Levi?  
On the other hand you were wondering if you should just keep things as they were and remain friends...but would that even be possible knowing that he had feelings for you that ran deeper than just friendship?  
You sighed and picked up your peaked cap, placing it on your head and standing from your seat you moved to the window and looked down at the courtyard. The regiment was starting to gather in three ranks behind the funeral pyres to honor the dead, you could also see a few officers stood nearby waiting for Commander Erwin to arrive.  
“Well, I guess I should get down there.” You muttered.  
Turning away from the window you walked back to your desk and placed your report in the top drawer before leaving the office and making your way to the courtyard.

Upon reaching the courtyard you saw the bodies all piled onto the three pyres ready to be cremated.  
Your eyes narrowed beneath your peaked cap at the thought that many scouts would never receive a proper send off...Mike, Nanaba, Connie and Marco being just a couple of them. So many more bodies were either unrecoverable, eaten or there just wasn’t enough worth bringing back so they were just left behind.  
You approached the side of the courtyard where the officers were starting to form up, spotting your squad on the way. A small smile found its way onto your face, you were proud of them. They had all shown exceptional courage and earned your respect and you were proud to call them your comrades.  
Looking over towards the officers you saw Squad Leader Dita Ness and Hanji deep in conversation, a few of the others were also stood talking...however one particular officer was stood by himself.   
You nervously bit your lip, should you approach him and see if he was okay?  
“F/n!”  
You span round at the sound of your name being called and were greeted by Hanji.  
“Hey you okay?” She asked, the light of the torches lining the courtyard reflected off her glasses hiding her eyes.  
“I’ll be fine...still no closer to making my mind up though.”  
“Don’t rush yourself this is a big decision, you need to be a hundred percent certain of what you want. This isn’t just about you, this is about Shorty as well. You’re either going to make him the happiest man in the entire world or you’re going to break his heart.”  
“Oh yeah thanks that really helps me!” You retorted. “Way to make me feel good about myself...no pressure to make a decision there!”  
Hanji sighed and shook her head.  
“Okay that did come out a little...wrong.”  
“Really? You think?”  
Before Hanji could reply you noticed Commander Erwin walking across the courtyard towards you.  
The officers formed up into three ranks behind him while the other scouts did the same behind the pyres, silence fell across the courtyard as Erwin turned to address the regiment.  
“I will keep this brief.” He began, his icy blue eyes scanning the assembled scouts. “Another expedition has ended in failure as you all know. However we have had one small victory in the fact that we now know we can use Eren Jaeger’s titan shifting abilities to our advantage when the odds are stacked against us.”  
A series of mutters echoed through the crowd and all eyes turned to Eren, making him shrink back nervously.  
“With this in mind we will push forward for the glory of humanity. Your comrades have not died in vain, their sacrifices have saved the lives of others and have helped us make great strides towards winning this war.”  
You raised your head and swallowed hard, your thoughts turning to Nanaba and how she bravely sacrificed herself to save you and your squad from the crawler titan you had encountered.  
“Each and everyone of you has offered up your hearts for humanity, this is a genuine salute to your bravery. I am honored to be your commander, whether you are an officer or a scout each and every one of you has my respect!”  
Erwin snapped to attention and saluted, looking over the assembled scouts as they returned the gesture, he didn’t need to look behind him to know that the officers were following suit.  
He then turned to the three officers on the right of the assembly and nodded, gesturing for them to light the pyres.  
“You may join your squads.” He said evenly, dismissing the remaining officers.

You walked towards the second pyre and stood with your newly formed squad.  
“Are you alright Squad Leader?” Asked Mikasa.  
“Yeah I’m fine.” You answered, watching the flames of the pyres take hold and make the night sky glow with a pale orange glow.  
“So does this happen after every expedition?” Asked Krista, nervously turning to face you.  
“I’m afraid this is something you will have to get used to.” You replied gently.  
Krista nodded and looked away, focusing her gaze on the pyre in front of her.  
You were about to speak to Eren when an anguished cry distracted you.  
Looking to your right you saw a young female scout collapse to her knees, sobbing into her hands.  
“He wasn’t supposed to die!” She screamed. “My brother wasn’t supposed to die!”  
Your heart ached for her as you watched her scream out her pain while he comrades tried to comfort her.  
“He...we...we joined the Survey Corps together!” She cried as a comrade embraced her. “We were supposed to come home alive! This was our first expedition!”  
“Damn that’s harsh.” Muttered Reiner, his brows furrowing.   
“Just a little bit.” You replied sympathetically. “They were made aware of the risks before joining though, I was there when Erwin went on a recruitment drive at the Cadet Corps. They were made aware in no uncertain terms of what awaited them if they joined us.”  
“Maybe someone should say something to her.” Suggested Krista.  
You too that as a hint and approached the young scout.  
“Squad Leader!” Gasped one of the young males, snapping to attention and saluting.  
The young female scout looked up and saluted, fighting back her tears.  
“I know the pain you’re going through.” You replied gently. “Just remember what Commander Erwin said...your brother hasn’t died in vain. His sacrifice has helped further our cause, be proud of him for that.”  
“Thank you Squad Leader.” She sniffed, saluting you.  
You nodded and turned to walk away, but were stopped when the scout addressed you again.  
“Squad Leader wait!”   
“Yes?”  
“There erm...was a song about the Survey Corps my brother and I used to hear in our mother’s tavern when we were young.” She paused a moment, feeling a little unsure of herself. “Would it be alright if I…”  
You smiled and nodded.   
“Whatever helps you to remember your brother, I’m sure no one would object.”  
The young scout nodded and drew a deep breath as you walked away to rejoin your squad.

(A.N: inspired by this www.youtube.com/watch?v=aubQ63…)

“No soul can say they’ve died in vain...not until the end. When the final arrow meets the battlefield.”  
All eyes turned to the singing girl, tears streamed down her cheeks as saluted and continued to recite the lyrics.  
“How can we win? Our foe is gigantic, but deep within we’re just as barbaric.”  
You looked over at her and smiled sadly, it was an old song you had heard many times before. Your smile widened as several of the other scouts slowly began to join in.  
“Wielding the blades of Gloria, we’re made for victory. Only we dare to bear these wings on our backs.”  
You raised your head and stood tall, proudly saluting your fallen comrades.  
“We’ve all carved an oath into our hearts, beating in unity as our voices form the battlecry of the free.”  
More scouts gathered closely together and saluted, showing a united front as the corpses of the fallen soldiers of humanity burned before them.  
“We were born for the skies, with these Wings of Freedom.”  
By now the entire regiment had crowded together as one and were now saluting and singing together as one.  
“They are the prey and we are the hunters. Finally we march in victory, this is our first Gloria. Oh my friend let’s toast to victory, when we meet again.”

Stood on the other side of the pyres watching the touching scene unfold before her and listening to the voices of the soldiers filling the air around her, Hanji removed her glasses and wiped away a few tears.  
“What a beautiful sight.” She sniffed.  
“It certainly is.” Nodded Erwin.

As the song ended you stared at the still strongly burning fire of the pyres illuminating the night sky and sighed deeply, you glanced over to the right slightly, through the dancing flames you saw Levi stood alone...the same way you had seen him four months ago after the last expedition.  
Your eyes narrowed for a moment and you swallowed hard before turning to Eren.  
“Eren, do me a favour.”  
“Sure what is it?”  
“I have something I need to do. Will you tell Captain Levi I need to speak to him in my office please?”  
“Erm okay, what shall I tell him?”  
You exhaled deeply and clenched your fists.  
“Just tell him it’s important...he’ll know what you mean.”  
“Alright.” He replied, he was a little confused but he would willingly carry out your orders.  
“Thank you.” You turned to the rest of your squad. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”  
“Goodnight Squad Leader.” They replied, watching you walk away with your head bowed low.  
Seeing the strong camaraderie between your comrades had moved you and finally helped you make your final decision about how you and Levi moved forward from the events of last night.


	51. Take Care of Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi finally gets an answer to the question of whether Reader is wiling to give him a chance to be with her or whether they should leave things as they are...

You made it back to your office and lit your oil lamp, leaning back against the desk you folded your arms, a frown spreading across your face. Your mind was racing...would he come? Was this truly what you wanted?  
You closed your eyes and sighed.  
“Mike…” You said to the air, fighting back tears. “You will always have a place in my heart no matter what...I love you and no one will ever replace you or what we had.”

“Captain Levi?”  
Levi turned his head to the left and looked at the source of the voice, meeting the emerald eyed gaze of Eren Jaeger.  
“What do you want Jaeger?”  
“Squad Leader l/n would like to know if you could go speak to her.”  
“Where is she?”  
Levi’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, making Eren feel nervous.  
"In her office Sir." Replied Eren.  
“So why couldn’t she ask me herself?”  
Eren swallowed hard but held the raven haired captain’s steel eyed gaze.  
“I don’t know Sir, she just said it was important and that you’d know what it was about.”  
Levi looked away and regarded the burning pyre in front of him for a moment before nodding.  
“You can leave.”  
Eren nodded and saluted before hurrying away.  
Levi’s frown deepened, he turned away from the pyre and walked across the courtyard towards the castle.  
“Hey Shorty! Where are you going?” Called Hanji.  
However she received no response. Looking towards the direction he was heading in she turned her gaze upward and saw an orange glow from the window she knew belonged to your office.  
“Looks like f/n finally made her mind up.” She mused to herself.  
“What’s going on?” Asked Erwin, appearing next to her.  
“I think f/n has finally decided what she wants.”  
“I see.” Erwin nodded. “Well as long as she doesn’t regret her choice.”  
“I really hope she doesn’t.” Muttered Hanji.

Levi walked through the door leading back into the castle and made his way to your office.  
Whatever you wanted to see him about, it was clearly something you didn’t want to discuss in front of everyone else.  
His eyes widened slightly, had you finally decided whether the two of you had a future together or not? Surely this couldn’t be the case already? Was it a good or bad thing that you’d made such a quick decision?  
He shook his head to try and continued to your office, trying not to get his hopes up.  
He’d already made his mind up that if you wanted to be with him, he would be yours until the day he died. However if you decided there was no chance of you being together...well he didn’t want to think about that, it was just too painful. However it was your choice to make, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle seeing you fall in love with someone else again. It was hard enough the first time, seeing it happen a second time would probably break him.  
Finally he stopped outside your office, swallowing hard he stared at the door for what felt like an eternity before he raised his fist and knocked...

You nervously bit your lip.  
‘He isn’t going to come is he?’ You mused internally, feeling a dull ache in your chest.  
You sighed and shook your head, running your right hand over your eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose between your index finger and thumb to try and keep your composure.  
‘Five more minutes.’ You thought, if after that levi didn’t show up...then you’d just bite the bullet and go back to the courtyard to see if you could find him.  
Suddenly a knock at the door made you tense up, your heart lept into your throat.  
“Who is it?” You called, hope building up inside you.  
“F/n...it’s Levi.” He sounded hesitant, almost afraid which was very unlike him.  
“Come in.”   
You swallowed hard as the door opened and Levi stepped into your office, closing the door behind him. You heart hammered against your rib cage as he walked towards you, stopping a few feet from you and folding his arms.  
“So what do you want that couldn’t wait until morning?” He asked quizzically.  
You drew a deep breath and lowered your gaze, nervously biting your lower lip.  
Levi’s brow furrowed as he regarded you.  
“F/n?”  
You raised your head and looked at him, your e/c eyes locked with his.  
“Levi I...You said if I wanted to give you a chance…” You sighed and averted your gaze again.  
“Damnit this is hard.”  
Levi moved closer to you, his frown deepened.  
“What is it?” He asked softly.   
You turned back to face him.  
“This was so much easier in my mind.” You smirked, shaking your head.  
“Levi, when you said you had feelings for me...what did you mean by that?”  
“What?” His brow furrowed further in confusion.  
“I mean how strong are your feelings for me?” You blurted out.  
Levi simply stared at you, taken back by your words.  
“Oh fuck it! Just be blunt with me, you can do that. Being blunt comes naturally to you.” You remarked.  
“Okay then, you want me to cut straight to it?” He asked folding his arms. “I meant that I love you f/n. I always have since the first time I saw you.”  
Your eyes widened in shock, he loved you? You never thought he was capable of love, clearly you’d misjudged him very badly. You swallowed hard and summoned up all your courage before starting to speak.  
“Everything that’s happened over the past few months really made me reevaluate my life. Everything I’ve gained...everything and everyone I’ve lost. I...I can’t keep fighting the way I feel and trying to run away from everything like it’s not happening, I’ve tried and I just end up driving myself mad.” You sighed and ran a hand over your eyes, trying to keep your composure. “If there’s one thing the past four months have taught me, it’s that life is too short. Anyone in this damned regiment could die the next time we step beyond the walls, I don’t want to die wondering about what could have been and doubting the choices I’ve made.” You considered your next words carefully as you felt Levi’s intense steel eyed gaze upon you.  
“I’m not going to make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past, I won’t let that happen. I can’t keep letting everything drag me down. Basically what I’m saying is I’ve thought about nothing else all damned day but us and what we’ve been through together and...well...I’ve made my choice.”  
Levi continued to stare at you, you swore you could see him tremble slightly. Although it could just be a trick of the light, your oil lamp had started to burn low.   
You pushed yourself up from your desk and moved closer to him, staring directly into his eyes. You could feel yourself tremble, but you knew for certain that this what what you wanted...you just needed to know that it was still what he wanted as well.  
“Levi...I love you and I’m willing to give you a chance...if it’s still what you want.”  
Levi’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped open in disbelief.  
Your brow furrowed with worry at his reaction, had he changed his mind? Did he no longer want to be with you?  
“Seriously?” He finally managed to speak. His throat went dry and he could feel his heart pounding out of control in his chest.  
“Yes.” You replied, your eyes still locked with his.  
Levi’s gaze towards you softened, he slowly raised his left hand to your face. Gently cupping your chin, he ran his thumb over your right cheek, staring into your e/c eyes.  
After ten years of hiding his true feelings, now here he was with the woman he loved being told that you loved him too. It felt like a dream, he kept thinking he was going to wake up at any moment and you would be gone.  
You swallowed hard, not entirely sure of what to expect...however nothing could’ve prepared you for what happened next.  
Your eyebrows almost shot up to your hairline as a smile spread across Levi’s face.  
“Wow!” You gasped without thinking. “Hanji was right, I really did break you!”  
Levi shook his head, but his smile remained.   
“Tch, shut up!”  
You couldn’t help but smile back at him, all the years you’d known him and not once had you ever seen him look happy, you’d never even seen so much as a smirk on his lips. Yet now here he was giving you a genuine smile. Were you dreaming?  
‘Damn he’s handsome when he smiles.’ You mused internally.  
Your heart pounded against your ribcage as he moved his head closer to yours, once again you could feel his tea scented breath on your cheeks.  
He hesitated for a moment before closing the gap between you, his lips met yours and you thought your heart was going to stop.  
You instantly melted into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck as he encircled his arms round your waist and pulled you against him.  
Levi tightened his grip on you, his left arm stayed firmly locked around your waist while his right hand trailed up your spine and rested on the back of your neck as he deepened the kiss.  
He gently bit your bottom lip, asking your permission to explore his new territory. You willingly obliged him and initiated a tongue war with him. You battled valiantly but Levi emerged as the winner, not that you particularly cared.  
You parted from him after the need for air got the better of you and stared into his eyes.  
“For someone who looks like they could kill you just by blinking hard enough, you’re a surprisingly good kisser.” You grinned.  
Levi raised an eyebrow at you.  
“I thought you telling me I wasn’t as big an asshole as you first thought was the closest thing I was ever going to get to a compliment from you?” He remarked bluntly.  
You shook your head and laughed, playfully shoving his right shoulder.  
“Trust you to remember that!”   
Levi shrugged and moved his right hand from your neck, bringing it back he gently cupped your chin and ran his thumb over your cheek.  
“Well I also remember the way you blushed when you saw me half naked last night...Did you like what you saw?”   
Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped open for a split second, however you soon regained your composure and shrugged.  
‘Oh wow who the hell is this guy and what the hell has he done with Levi?’ You wondered.  
“Dunno...might’ve done.” You loosened your grip on him slightly, resting your right hand on the back of his neck, your fingertips gently brushing over his undercut.  
“Then again, I rather like how you look in your dress uniform, it suits you.”  
“Two compliments in a row? Who the hell are you and what have you done with f/n?” He remarked.  
You laughed and tried to push him away but his grip on you was like an iron vice.  
Levi’s eyes narrowed lustfully and he moved his lips to your right ear.  
“You think I look good in my uniform...how about I show you what I look like without it?”  
Your eyes widened once again, several dirty thoughts forced their way into your mind.  
“Wow Levi, considering you’re a clean freak you have a mind like a latrine! I never had you down as a complete pervert!” You smirked.  
“Tch! This is all new to me f/n, cut me some slack!” He frowned.  
You giggled and moved your lips closer to his, teasingly moving your head back from him as he leaned in to kiss you again and gIggling when he narrowed his eyes and almost seemed to pout at you.  
“I think I rather like this side of you.” You said lustfully.  
Levi raised his eyebrows again.  
“Well in that case…”  
Before you could even blink, he bent over, grabbed you round your waist and threw you over his shoulder.  
“Levi, put me down!” You half screamed, half laughed as you saw the stone floor rushing up to meet you. You grabbed the back of his jacket then at least if he dropped you you could flip yourself back onto your feet.  
“Why? So you can walk out on me again?” He retorted, carrying you across the office to your bedroom.  
“You are never going to forgive me for that are you?” You grumbled trying to look back at him.  
“That depends.” He shrugged, kicking the bedroom door open he stepped inside and locked it behind him before dropping you onto your bed.  
“On what?” You asked incredulously. You tried to sit up but Levi moved over you, forcing you onto your back. He pinned your wrists above your head as he positioned himself between your legs, pressing his crotch against yours to prevent you from escaping.  
However he grew serious for a moment and looked into your eyes.  
“Just answer me this...if I hadn’t made that one stupid mistake last night...would you have still rejected me?”  
You remained silent for a moment, staring up into his grey eyes as he released your wrists and intertwined his fingers with yours.  
“In all honesty? I would probably have told you the truth there and then.”  
“I’m sorry.” He muttered, losing himself in the softness of your e/c eyes.  
“Oh shut up getting all apologetic on me, it really doesn’t suit you!” You remarked, untangling your fingers from his, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him down to you, crashing your lips with his.  
Levi's eyes widened, but he soon melted into the kiss a moment later, releasing your hands he slipped his right arm under your neck and pulled you up to him.   
He tensed up when he felt your hands move to his chest and start unbuttoning his jacket, pulling away and staring at you.  
"What's wrong?" You asked, brows furrowing in concern.   
"Nothing." He muttered. "I guess I just wasn't expecting to be jumped on straight away."  
"Hey excuse me Ackerman, but you started it by picking me up and bringing me in here like some sort of horny animal!" You grinned and reached down between you, grabbing his crotch and making him groan lowly. "Also care to explain this?"  
Levi rolled his eyes and snorted.  
"Tch, I wasn't planning on doing anything. I just wanted to keep you from escaping and I can't control how you make me feel!"  
"Well, we don't have to if you don't want to."  
Blinking rapidly Levi stared down at you, he wanted to claim you more than anything but he didn't want to force you and furthermore he sure as hell wasn't going to tell you he'd never had sex before. He wasn't so naive that he didn't know what to do, he just wasn't sure he would be any good at it due to his lack of experience.  
"I want you." He replied, lowering his head to yours he gently nuzzled your neck, kissing it lightly every so often. "I want you to be mine."  
"I'm yours." You muttered, pulling his head back and briefly kissing him.  
Levi stared into your eyes for a moment before lowering his head to yours again and capturing your lips in another gentle embrace, his tongue finding its way into your mouth and initiating another battle with yours as he started to unbutton your jacket.   
You reached up again and removed his jacket, loosening his tie and throwing it onto the floor somewhere before your hands started on his shirt. It soon followed a few moments later, once it had gone you ran your fingers feather touch lightly over his chest and abs, being careful not to touch his injured side.  
Levi groaned into your mouth and pulled you upright to sit in your lap, removing your shirt and peaked cap.  
Your uniforms were steadily beginning to pile up on the bedroom floor, but neither of you cared.  
"Fuck, you're beautiful." Muttered Levi as he pulled your bra away to reveal your breasts.   
You smirked and slipped your hand down between the two of you, unzipping his trousers and sliding your hand into his boxers, earning you a growl when your fingers wrapped around his hard manhood.  
"Getting a little excited there Levi."   
The raven haired captain lowered his head to your neck and started kissing your soft skin again, one hand slowly reached up and gripped your right breast.   
He gently squeezed it and ran his thumb over your nipple, enticing a hushed moan out of you. He repeated the action and then dipped his hand lower, starting to fumble with the belt of your trousers, only faltering slightly when he felt a twinge in his left side.  
"Hey, are you okay?" You asked, a frown gracing your features as you removed your hand from his trousers.   
"Yeah, I'm fine." He replied with a grunt, adjusting his hold on you and looking at his injured side.   
"Levi, if you..." You couldn't finish your sentence since Levi had pushed you onto your back and was now on top of you again, before you could react further his hand slid into your trousers, past your pants and his fingers made contact with your clit.   
Your eyes widened and a harsh gasp escaped your lips before you could stop it, you tightened your grip around Levi's neck and tangled your fingers in his hair.  
Sensing that he was doing something right, he started rubbing slow circles on the sensitive bud, enticing more moans from you.  
"Aah Levi!"   
Levi buried his head into the crook of your neck and nuzzled you again, the way his name rolled off your tongue in such pleasure sent a chill down his spine.  
You pulled him closer and pressed your lips to his once more, biting his lower lip and gently tugging on it.   
He pulled back from you for a moment to remove the rest of your clothes, as well as his own, giving you a good look at him in all his naked glory..  
"Wow, you got a pretty impressive body for a midget." You smirked approvingly and eyed up his large erection, making him glare at you angrily.   
"Tch, sarcastic bitch." He growled. Crawling up over you again and pushing two fingers inside you, he felt you back arch off the bed and heard a slight whimper leave your lips as he started gently thrusting them in and out of you.  
Claiming your lips, he removed his hand and lined his erection up against your womanhood before gently pushing himself into you and feeling you moan into the kiss as he filled you.  
Your grip on him tightened, your hands stroking down his back and digging into his skin as he started a steady rhythm inside you.  
Levi adjusted his position slightly to try and relieve the pain in his left side, unintentionally thrusting a little deeper into you in the process and making you yelp. He grunted when he felt your nails scratch across his back, was that a good thing or had he hurt you?  
"Sorry." He muttered, halting all movement.  
"Don't be." You smirked, making his brows furrow in confusion. "I like it rough."  
"Really?" He questioned, pushing himself upright so he was propped up above you.  
"Yeah I'm a bit of a masochist." You admitted with a giggle.  
"Well if that's the case..." Levi bucked harder into you, causing you to jolt beneath him.  
You threw your head back and moaned loudly as Levi increased his pace, ignoring the dull ache in his injured side and concentrating on pleasuring you. He groaned and tugged on your hair, pulling your head back and roughly kissed you when you tightened around him.   
"A-ah Levi!" You mewled against his lips when he finally pulled away after the need for air became unbearable.   
"F-fuck...f/n." He buried his head into the crook of your neck, pushing heavy breaths onto your skin as you dug your nails into his back and scraped your nails down his spine hard enough to leave marks, climax was rapidly building inside him with every harsh thrust of his hips.   
Everything about you was forcing him closer to his end.  
The way you moaned his name, the sharp scratch of your nails in his flesh and the way you tightened around him when he hit that sensitive place deep inside you.   
You threw your head back and swallowed hard, tightly gripping Levi’s raven hair as harsh moans and whimpers fell from your lips. You were so close it wouldn’t take much more to push you over the edge, your legs shook and all you could feel was your own orgasm building inside you. Pulling Levi’s head back you stared into his half lidded grey eyes before before forcefully kissing him and thrusting your hips up to meet his.  
“f-f/n!” Grunted Levi, gritting his teeth.  
His movements were starting to become erratic and harsher, until moments later he finally met his end.  
He buried his head into the crook of your neck and growled as he released inside you, gripping you harder when your own orgasm crashed down over you and you raked your nails hard enough down his spine to break the skin.  
As your bodies finally started to relax and you gently nuzzled his neck and kissed his cheek, staring into his eyes when he pulled back to look at you.   
“Are you okay?” You asked cautiously, reaching up and carefully brushing his sweat drenched bangs from his face.  
“Yeah...are you?” He panted, his brows furrowing in concern.  
You nodded and smirked, rolling the two of you over so you were now on top.   
“Think you can handle round two Ackerman?”   
Levi blinked rapidly, he was on a rush of pure adrenaline at the moment, barely registering the dull ache in his injured side and concentrating only on you.  
“I can handle anything you can throw at me!” He retorted, grabbing your hips and jerking you forward, raising a moan from you.  
“Oh you want me to start throwing things at you do you?” You grinned evilly. “Well let’s see if I can’t get you to change your mind!”

The pale moonlight streamed in through the half closed curtains, casting eerie silver shadows across the bedroom. Two usually smart dress uniforms lay scattered haphazardly across the cold stone floor, a stark contrast to the usually immaculately kept room, however the current occupants were more interested in each other rather than the mess they had left in the wake of their passion fueled lovemaking. The thin sheet on the bed covered their naked bodies as they lay entwined in one another...

Levi had you pinned firmly in place on your back, his right hand rested on the back of your neck while he kissed you, his left hand settled under the small of your back, pulling you further into him.  
You sighed into kiss, allowing his tongue to penetrate your mouth and engage yours in a battle for dominance. Your left hand gently stroked up his spine, your fingertips tracing along the fresh red marks you had scratched into his back and shoulder blades, while your right hand rested on the back of his head, your slender fingers gently tangling in his raven hair.  
Finally the need for air caused the two of you to part, your e/c eyes locked with his grey eyes. It was almost hypnotizing to you the way the pale moonlight caught them and made them shine.  
“No regrets?” Asked Levi softly, he ran his fingers through your h/l h/c hair.  
“None whatsoever” You replied.  
Levi smiled, resting his forehead against yours.   
You were finally his, all the pain and heartbreak he felt at seeing you fall in love with someone else was but a distant memory, you were now together and he would do everything in his power to make you happy.  
He moved his head back and stared into your eyes.  
“I love you...you stubborn bitch.”  
You let your head fall back against the pillows and laughed at his nickname for you, bringing your left hand back and gently resting on his right cheek.  
“I love you too, you short ass bastard!”  
You stared up at him for a moment before pulling him back down to you and engaging him in another passionate kiss.  
You’d never imagined yourself falling for Levi, he had always been so cold and indifferent towards other people, yet he seemed to make an exception for you. The stoic mask slipped and only you were allowed to see the man behind it, the man who healed your broken heart.  
You knew you’d made the right decision by not only choosing to give him a chance, but also by giving yourself a chance to move on with your life with a man who, like Mike before him...would love you until only death parted you.

 

*BONUS ENDING!*

The moon shone down from the dark blue sky above, bathing the world in an eerie silver glow.  
A lone figure wearing the uniform of the scouts walked the abandoned corridors of the Survey Corps HQ while the other soldiers slept.   
His silent footsteps guided him towards his destination, until finally he was standing outside your office, knowing this would be the last time he ever did so.   
Even though you would never see his face or hear his final words, he couldn’t leave you behind without one last goodbye. Nor could he leave his loyal friend without thanking him for fulfilling his last promise.   
You would never know he had been there, you would never hear his voice or feel his presence leave this cruel world after his final duty was carried out.  
Stepping into the familiar office he looked around as the moonlight illuminated the room, casting long dark shadows across the desk and stone floor. A smile graced his lips as the ghosts of the past echoed around him, soon he would join them.   
Even though you were no longer his, you would keep him locked in your heart for the rest of your days, the memories you made together would never be forgotten.  
He stopped at the door which led to your bedroom, he could not escape the inevitable and he knew that.  
You had found the strength to move on, learned to open your heart to another that you deemed worthy of the love he once enjoyed.  
Squad Leader Mike Zacharius smiled warmly at the sight before him as he entered the room.  
You lay in your bed, you looked so peaceful as you slept in the arms of your lover.   
His head rested against your shoulder while his arms wrapped around your waist, protectively pulling your body into him so your back was against his chest.  
Mike focused his attention on the raven haired male beside you first, a proud grin spread across his face as he saluted his former comrade.  
“Thank you Levi...Thank you for being there for her and keeping your promise. I know you will make her happy, all the best for the long hard road ahead.”  
His grin melted into a sad smile as he approached the bed and sat down next to you, gently tracing the way your h/l h/c hair fell around your face as you slept.  
“My darling f/n. I made a promise that I would always find a way back to you and well...here I am. I know I never made it back alive, but I will always be with you in your heart...Goodbye my love.”  
He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours one last time, remembering how warm and soft they once felt against his.  
He stood up and walked towards the door, looking back for the final time.   
He watched as you rolled over and snuggled further into Levi’s arms, burying your head into the crook of his neck. Levi groaned in his sleep feeling you adjust your position and kissed the bridge of your nose. He then rested his chin on top of your head and tightened his grip like you would disappear at any moment if he didn’t hold onto you like his life depended on it.  
“Take care of her for me Levi.” Muttered Mike with a smile as he exited the room.  
He made his way through the office and into the corridor. He paused and closed his eyes for a moment knowing his duty had ended, holding his head high he smiled as he walked away and left the world behind.


End file.
